Wednesday

Gee, I said I'd be back on Wednesday and here it is 8:43P and I'm finally back at my desk. 

My visit yesterday with Tammie was great. But it wore me out.

I push and pushed and it was worth it!

We had a great visit of doing nothing more than laughing, and talking and she and Rick had some wine and I made them lunch.

When I knew she got home I fell asleep...for 10 hours.

Funny eh? 

Today was a bit of a lazy day. Rick worked outside alone. I took it easy. 

Did a couple things then did nothing. I needed it.

When this is all over with - the drugs - I wonder how long it will take me to get my stamina back? How long before I look like me again? 

Rick got his new lathe and that means he only wants to be in the garage working with wood and epoxy. We were almost done with the fireplace dang it. I asked if we could set aside some time to finish and he laughed. Of course, he tells me. Hmm...I know that he got so much done inside because that damn lathe broke down. Now I am in competition with an inanimate object of his desire. tee hee

While I am whining I hate missing all these baseball games. Sucks to have to choose medical bills over baseball. (game on Apple TV this Friday though!) 

Betty's gonna die but she's also going to leave me broke. This is not cheap. I have medicare A B and supplements on top of that. But that is not enough. You have to be rich if you are seriously ill in America. 

I am not rich. 

I recall in 1969 when my mom died my father was buried under medical bills. I remember his stress. I remember him having to finally go into bankruptcy and he was so humiliated, ashamed and all those fun words that one feels after that. 

My father was a small business owner with 2 daughters under 13 and a dead wife. I know it was tough on him. He was only 40 yrs old.

I remember a visit from his brother sitting at our kitchen table. I heard some of the adult conversation and my father was broken. I will never forget it. 

My father who I thought was the strongest, biggest, baddest man in the land was a small broken man sitting at that table. That was the first time I saw him as a person and not my invincible dad. I have never forgotten that. I heard my uncle offer him a lot of money to help but my father wouldn't take it. He was proud and stubborn and I would probably do the same. But I find it sad that almost 60 years later nothing has changed in America regarding the cost of health care and how it can hurt as much as the damn disease. 

Thankfully after several years of hard work my father was able to dig himself out of that and build up his future again. But it shouldn't need to be that difficult. It shouldn't have had to be that difficult. It still makes me angry as you can see. I see my bills piling up and being paid as I can. A big one from Duke was sent with the words that they will help me by allowing me to make payments. Lay-a-way medicine. I prefer lay-a-way clothing 😁

The power ball is huge right now and I told Rick if we won and paid my medical bills as they come in will we have any left? He laughed and said maybe enough to go out to dinner. 

And speaking of dinner. When I started this journey I told you I was taking 12 steroid pills a day. My God they made me ravenous and I refused to eat.I refused to eat because I knew it wasn't real hunger just steroid munchies. Sometimes when I gave in it was with pineapple, berries, and the like. Sometimes ice cream that I so did not need. But as they have tapered off I no longer ever feel like eating. I feel so huge and bloated that food does not appeal to me. I can be so hungry and then just eat something small like tonight I had a 1/2 piece of a grilled chicken breast and I couldn't even finish half of it and I'm fine. But the weight keeps coming. Besides, it's difficult to eat when your underwear is tight. Yes, my underwear is tight. See why I refuse to eat? 

The weather today was perfect. We got a cool spell and it was 65 with a great cool breeze. It was lovely. I did sit on the patio for a while to feel the sun on my face. I could take today's weather for another month or so. 

I will leave you with a funny that I saw happen to Rick today. Well, it was funny to me. I walked out onto the front porch and sat a spell on the sofa. 

I saw Rick come around the corner with a wheel barrel full of mulch taking it to the corner mound with the development sign. I watched him dump it and then spread it. His butt was facing the busy side street and his ass was in the air as he is doing this. A car drove by and honked, then another. 

I had to laugh. They were only honking because his ass was in the air. 

He would stand up and look and when he saw me he shouted, what are they honking for? I yelled, "Your Ass"

That made him laugh and he didn't believe me. He was doing more work and then he bent over again for a bit and another car honked. He stopped working after that. I just laughed.

I said it was probably the same guy, he just kept driving around the block to watch you, big boy. I told him tomorrow will be a better day for me so I will be back to help. He dumps it I spread it, but I don't bend. I squat or kneel. My ass is not going to be honked at by this busy side street. 

No, no kids are going to yell, "hey fat ass" as they drive by me. 

I don't understand why he feels the need to bend as he does to do this. 

I remind him how he told me he was no longer bending but I made the mistake of telling him this when he took a sip of his water. 

He did a spit take. 

Oh, yea he says, Maybe they were honking to remind me. 

Yes, that's it Richard, whatever makes you feel better.