Chainsaws, Forearms and Penis

A man had a tree cut in his yard. An enormous tree. It was a sweet gum tree.  

He wants it out of his yard. His ad stated If someone would come by they could have it for free. So in other words, haul my junk for free.  Apparently, the company who cut it said they'd be back to pick up the tree but never came back.they also are not returning his calls.  

Rick loves free wood! 

Rick went up to nw raleigh in his big van and hauled his chainsaw. As you know when he does this Craig's list thing I worry about the guy using the chainsaw on him. 
So he text me when he arrived and said, "I really got myself into something here" 

I asked him to explain. He realized when he read my text I went to the dark side, he meant, my God this is a lot of work for an old guy. Whew.

Rick cut and loaded them into his vehicle. When I saw the size of these I couldn't believe he picked them up and carried them to the truck.

When he got home he said I only got about 1/3 of the tree. I couldn't do more. My arms were giving out. He and I were outside as he unloaded and I said, "you lifted these?"  Yes he said, "trust me I couldn't do anymore, besides I have to unload now" 

I couldn't have lifted one of them, not even the small one.  I tried. 

Nope, I'm a weak one.

As the day went on his arms/forearms began to be pretty sore. I suggested some Tylenol. By dinner, he could barely lift his arms without making a noise. He was laughing about it though. "Remember when I cut that tree down at my mom's and we hauled all those logs he asked? We then went out to the bar for beer and pizza and played pool? Ah, to be young again." 

After dinner, he went down the hall into the bathroom. I hear him laughing in the bathroom. 

I yell, "dare I ask what the hell you're doing in there?"

He yells, "moving my arms is painful." 

I say, "lifting your penis too much for ya fella? too heavy? HA HA HA"  

I hear him laughing.  He comes out of the bathroom and tells me he may need help. I told him I'd hire him a pee-pee nurse, lifting his penis was not in my vows.  Oh, he begged to differ. We fools went on and on like that and made ourselves laugh.

Later in the evening, I walked by him and he grabbed me and swung me around to hug him.  Then he winced. I laughed and said you can't squeeze your arms easily, can you? Yes, I can he says. I can lift them but my forearms are an issue. I am laughing and told him that I knew he was lying. 

He said I'm not lying, I'm convincing myself like you do all the time saying, "I'm fine."

Oh no. We can't have two of those types in the house.

I'm sure he'll be fine tomorrow. But today his forearms are so very sore. 

I may have to lift his coffee cup to his mouth by morning.