Her funeral was yesterday in Parma Ohio (Cleveland)
I did not go but sent my flowers and spoke to my cousins.
My parents did go and thankfully another cousin (Steve) drove my parents to Cleveland because heaven knows my parents should not be driving that far. Hell, my father should not be allowed to drive out of the drive way but he still has his license and we can't seem to take it away from him. But that's another story.
Here is a photo taken yesterday of my Dad (86/on left) who is sitting next to his older brother Tony (95). Tony's wife is the woman who died. You can see a bit of resemblance beyond being 2 old guys. Uncle Tony has Parkinsons and has a difficult time talking and walking now. But otherwise believe it or not, he is sharp. This 2nd photo is of them in what I believe to be 1970-1971.
Can you find them in that 2nd photo? (only 8 of the 9 siblings)
(The 2 Aunts hair in back is so Marge Simpson like it cracks me up)
You see I look at this differently than most. I don't wish to live to be 100 if my health is as awful as some or if my mind is gone. That is not living to me.
On my mom's side of the family they die very young. Heart disease and cancer are the two diseases that have hit them all. All of my mom's family is gone. Her youngest sister literally dropped dead at 57 from a heart attack while in the hospital visiting a dying sister of cancer.
My father has a sister who is still alive and kicking at age 92 - she still worries about her hair. That makes me smile. And of course Uncle Tony at 95 in this photo.
This side of the family has had Alzheimer's and Parkinson's as the prevalent diseases.
Me? I personally fear ALS and Alzheimer's most of all. Those 2 scare me beyond belief and I tell Rick all the time that I don't want to live with those two. ALS most of all.
How dreadful to be yourself but your body is frozen. I can't fathom much worse.
Rick doesn't know his history because he is adopted.
I sometimes think that is a good thing in a lot of ways.
When I lived past 44 I had a big sigh of relief. My mom only lived to 44 so for some crazy reason I kept thinking I would die early too. That was a mile marker for me.
It has also made me diligent with mammograms and female check ups due to her dying of this. Logically I know science has come a long way since she died in the 60's but for some reason passing 44 was a big deal to me. Crazy the shit we carry isn't it?
While my father still has a love of life and my goodness can he laugh. But he is losing it.
He actually was driving to the garage to drop off his car and my mom was following him to drive him home. He pulled over because the road had changed and he was confused. She pulled up beside him and just said, "Follow me" She doesn't comment on the fact that he was confused and lost because he gets angry and frustrated which only makes it all worse. He followed her and nothing was said of it. See why he shouldn't drive? One of many reasons.
Changes really affect him now. Yes, the road was closed for a long time and then reopened and it did look entirely different and the buildings around it were gone so I understand it all. But to someone like my father it must have been such a fearful thing.
As I have mentioned in the past when I call now I say, "Hi Daddy it's Peg" so he knows it's me. He has said at times, "Hi Peg, it's your father" and then he laughs his big bellow of a laugh. Sometimes when I call and don't say my name and ask to speak to Mom he will say, "which one is this?" That makes me laugh, "which one"
When he asks that I always say number 1 and then he laughs and I hear him tell mom that Peg is on the phone. Recently I said when asked, "Your favorite" and to bust my balls he will say all my sisters names but not mine. So he still has his humor and he is still busting my chops but he isn't the same man in most ways that he was. I like to just remember the funny guy so full of life with the loud laugh that was contagious.
So while my cousin posted this and said that we all have longevity in our genes. I hope I do but only with all my faculties. When I said that to Rick he said, "you don't have them all now"
Funny mister, remember you are older than me and I may have to be your caregiver, be nice to me.
13 comments:
Your Dad looks AMAZING to be 86!!!
Ms.A, when I was home a few weeks ago I asked why he had fewer wrinkles than me. He just said, "I'm lucky to be so handsome aren't I?"
He's actually 86 1/2 :-)
I so get EVERYTHING you said.
1) Parents too old to be driving-dealing with that with both my dad and in-laws. All three say that as long as they can afford the insurance they're driving. Never mind that they could kill someone out there.
2). Dying at the same age as your mother-mine died at the age of 62. That means I have 9 years left to be her age. My rational mind says this doesn't mean a thing, but it's still there in the back of my mind.
3) My hubby is adopted too! He has a twin sister but health wise, they are totally opposite. Of course hubby is the one with all the health problems thanks to his diabetes and heart.
4) Living to be 100- hubby's grandmother lived to be 100 and let me tell you the last 10 years of her life were awful! In a nursing home because she needed assistance. Last 5 years were spent hunched over in a wheel chair. Sad. FIL is 90 and has to use a cane to get around. His mind isn't as sharp as it was and he looks so frail. Nope I hope I go before I get like that too.
Now I'm done writing my book ;o)
Bonnie - number 2 is a funny thing isn't it?
AMEN. And I want to be active. I don't want to just sit there and watch TV with no friends and bitch at my husband all day.
My aunt's 2nd husband had ALS. Miserable disease. She said the cat knew something was wrong with him before anyone else. Would lay next to him and lick his head.
Julie - funny you say that. My dog who adores my husband and only loves me when he isn't around has been all over me of late. Licking me, affectionate like she is to him and I told Rick I think I'm dying.
You can still blink out posts from your ALS state. Tell Rick he's going to have to learn morse code.
How blessed you are to still have your dad and have him doing so well.
Jayne-i think the same most days..:-)
I'm with you on the Alzheimer's fear: I watched it destroy my mother's once razor-sharp mind during the long years before she passed away, and I'm scared to death of going the same way. My father was crippled by a stroke some years ago, and his mind is wandering a lot now, although his overall health is generally good. I enjoy catching him on a good day, when he can tell all his war stories and old jokes with the roaring good humor we all remember. This getting old thing is a bitch, isn't it?
"This getting old thing is a bitch, isn't it?"
Oh Bill it sure as hell is! I don't love it that's for sure.
Your dad is looking great for 86 (and a half) My father in law went through the Alzheimer's thing. Makes me glad there isn't a lot of it in my family tree. It's so difficult for the people that have to live with the person who has it - I can't imaging how frustrating it is for the poor folks who have it.
My dad passed away at 58. His dad was gone at 59. I'm 55 and scared as hell. At least my Mom's side is long lived. Maybe I got me some of that!
And - Getting old is NOT for the faint of heart!
Brian
Brian, Wow your parents were young too. But you exercise and eat right (most)of the time like the rest of us, you'll be fine. And when you're 86 1/2 you can post your photo.
I don't know what 86 is supposed to look like but he doesn't look too bad.
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