After being in my hometown with family it got Rick and I talking about nature vs. nurture.
I believe nature is the reason people are the way they are.
He thinks it is both.
I see his point but....
He talks about how his parents formed a lot of who he is. He talks about how his father, his idol, really shaped his work ethic and his love of gardening and working with his hands.
He is adopted so I see his point. We met his birth mother. She is an awful woman who was cold hearted, a liar, and lazy. She is from the school of "I want a hand out"
So I see his point. But he has never met his birth father so maybe he has a lot of his traits.
He didn't inherit anything from his birth mother except his looks and music.
If two children are raised the same way at the same time how else can you explain that they are so opposite of one another than nature? To quote Popeye, I yam what I yam.
That is so true if you look at the 5 daughters in my family.
Sure one can make changes to ones behavior but fundamentally they are the same person.
At least I think so.
We both know a narcissistic person. OH my, a poster child for narcissism.
Raised to be that way? No!
So how else can you explain the bad behavior and self importance and the inability to see others and only themselves? I mean to tell you this person has no concept of others or will even ask about your life or what you are doing. Doesn't care. Only about them 24/7.
They are who they are is my theory. It drives my husband crazy and he gets angry about them and I just say, " They are who they are why do you expect something else? You are just getting yourself upset needlessly" But I do understand why he feels that way.
They are frustrating at times. I'm just over it and don't expect anything different.
He still holds out hope. That is where the problem lies to me. I still think it's nature.
Rick continues to bring up valid points so now I'm on the fence.
Your thoughts? Nature or Nurture? Or a combo of both?
5 comments:
I have 4 kids, all raised by the same 2 parents and all vastly different. Even their memories of their childhoods are different, so I don't have a clue!
I think it's a combo of both with a lot of learned behavior in between. I've had many a students who, after meeting their parents, have an aha! moment. I've also have had students tell me that they do something (usually a bad behavior)because they've seen their parent do it and like the results the parent got (i.e. a child threw a chair and asked why he did that he stated that he saw his mom do it over the week-end and she got her way after that).
I have a good friend that is always complaining about an ailment. I know she does it because in the large family that she came from, this was her only way to get attention.
So even though you are not narcissistic, I think there might have been something in her past that made her feel good in order to subconsciously learn this behavior.
There are billions of versions of normal.
Think I've heard that somewhere before Mike.
Bonnie - so what you're saying is Rick's theory - both.
thank you.
I vote for 75% nature. My sister and I are polar opposites in many respects yet were raised together.
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