Last night I told Rick that I had to list 7 things the other day that readers did not know about me. I shared with him that there was nothing that I could write that I hadn’t written about before.
He began to fire off questions to me.
He asked me if I told you all about how I despise Christmas.
How I have thought of putting a menorah in my windows so people would leave me the hell alone about Christmas.
I said, “Yes of course it's my very essence– every damn holiday season I write about this.
Like right now, I hate that Coscto was all Christmas shit already.
I so hate this pressure holiday.”
He asked if I wrote about how cranky I am in the morning and told you that I am a completely different human standing before him in the a.m. who is scary,
“I am not scary Mr. Smart Ass and yes I have shared that I don’t like mornings.
Besides normal people don’t wake up singing like the damn annoying fool you are!”
At least they don't and live to speak about it. People would hurt them"
He laughs and says, "See there's that scary person again."
He asked if I told you all about my OCD tendencies.
"Why of course," I said as I aligned the pattern on my napkins in their holder sitting in front of me.
Okay then do they know that you are a bad driver?
“What? Hell NO because I am not a bad driver?”
"Your driving record tells everyone that, who the hell you kidding?”
“No it doesn’t!” I say laughing.
“There is nothing wrong with my driving Richard!”
“Oh Margaret there is so a big a problem with your driving, your parking and obviously your clarity on this topic. You shouldn't even get in a car.
You can’t even parallel park! You have tickets, accidents and near death experiences.”
Laughing I state, “I have never had a near death experience while driving you numbnut.”
“No, but I have! Should I call our insurance company to prove my point?”
He’s full of shit just so you know.
“And while my driving skills may not be as good as you think they should be mister I can at least get myself out of the parking lot without a GPS! You know you can’t do that.”
He laughed so hard he began to choke. He knows that I am speaking the truth.
I continue, “I know you want to walk away right now but fear you won’t find your way back to this room right?”
He just shook his head and laughed his way out of the room.
I get the last word too. Did I ever tell you that?
19 comments:
I'm a TERRIBLE driver, but only when people are with me. When I'm alone in the car, I drive like a pro and there are NO problems. The minute someone else gets in my car, I can't remember which lever is the turn signal and which pedal is the brake. It's really annoying.
Lindsay - I get that! I have told him that his comments even make me nervous and then I am over thinking everything. THX I am showing him this.
Too funny!!! I'm more of a morning person for sure. I am that annoying person that wakes up and is ready for the day!
Carolyn, I think I am a morning person because I prefer to get up and start my day. Even if I woke up at 1pm I'd be the same way. Don't talk to me until my 2nd cup of coffee!
Ok, this conversation had to happen in the early AM. I'm just sayin.
I'm the devil incarnate in the mornings and I HATE when my hubs wakes up and says, "Good Morning!" all chipper and full of life. I want to hurt him. Bad.
We've come to a middle ground and he gets up and shoves a cup of coffee at me with at stick. Well, not really but you get the idea...
Lizbeth - of course I get the idea. It's my life. :-)
And Rick says "Good morning" all sing songy and boy you can tell I have self control because he is still alive.
I believe you're a fantastic driver - I have faith!
A 'good morning' starts around 11am.
My husband is so like your husband. He sure can point out my faults but in his eyes, he has none or just minor ones that don't count!
We MUST be related!!! The only part that's different is the "finding my way" part. My Son teased me when I got my GPS. He said, Mom, you don't need a GPS to get to the corner store and that's as far a you ever drive! I told him that's exactly why I need a GPS! Kids! pffffft.
Mike - ah, to be retired!!
Mamma - :-)they're just mad because we're perfect.
Ms. A - that's funny!
Megan - you are correct! You win!! See you on the beltway!
You just made my day complete with an overpowering laugh fest. Thanks much. I'm not going to ruin it by staying up any longer in case anyone does anything to piss me off. I'll be going to bed and dreaming about my man Gerard now. Nighty night.
A girl should not be accosted by anybody til after a pot of coffee.
If he keeps it up, get duct tape. :)
A girl should not be accosted by anybody til after a pot of coffee.
If he keeps it up, get duct tape. :)
I drive great. Just don't ask anyone about it :)
Cottage....Sweet dreams...glad I could give you a chuckle
Gene Pool-now you get it....what a great use of duct tape!
Julie-no need to ask anyone....you're great!
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