Neighbors

Welcome to my home!

If you were to walk into my home right now you would see decapitated stuff animals all around.  It's a bit creepy.

Rick found this store that sells slighty used stuff animals for change one day when he was in Alexandria. He brought home a big garbage bag of them.
Izzy you see loves stuffed animals.
The first thing she will do is take off the face. One by one. Eyes, nose, etc.
Or else she will just decapitate them.
After they have no face she will play with them forever.
Here she is with her faceless seal this morning. 
I wonder what that is all about? Why does the face bother her so?

Here is her headless dog. Poor thing was left outside on the patio last night.
Creepy isn't it?

Now we are hoping this works like garlic on vampires.
This creeps out our icky neighbors they have told us.(Dough Boy & Ugly Carrie)
If that is all it takes to keep them away then Izzy can have all the treats she wants.

We do not like them and we have tried. The woman is a snarky bitch.
The husband is a spineless wimpy man who looks like the Pillsbury Dough Boy who gets pushed around by snarky bitch. (I will share later what she said to me about my weight loss)

Over the last 24 years of living with Rick he has taken to naming neighbors.
Oh not the ones he likes the other neighbors.
Most are self explanatory.  Yes we are horrible horrible people.
And once he has a name for them we find we can never use their normal names.
Example:

• Humpers Parents   (ok the dog's name is not humper but it humps everything man)
• The Dirt Bags  (they could be a Jerry Springer show)
• Dough Boy & Ugly Carrie(not to be confused w/ pretty Carrie who we like very much) 
• The Perfect Family (ok he likes them a lot! but before we knew them he thought they looked like Barbie and Ken with 3 perfectly polite children and their yard was groomed perfectly. As a joke when Rick walked by one day with Izzy he told "Ken" that he had an issue with his yard....there was a blade of grass going the wrong direction.  "Barbie was on their deck and burst out laughing because she knows that her hubby is a bit OCD about their lawn. They have been friends ever since. He told him we called them the perfect family and that made them laugh.)
• Hillbilly Boy
• Psycho Woman
• The Cat People
• Underwear Lady
• Masturbating Girl

These are just a few. I am used to this so when he tells me that Underwear Lady was out on her stoop again I know who & what he is talking about and it doesn't sound odd to me. (she sits on the steps of her porch in a skirt with her legs not so close together and sometimes she has underwear on and sometimes she does not) I think he likes to walk the dog by her house.

Psycho Woman's neighbor was out for the evening. But her neighbor left her sprinkler on so her lawn could get some much needed water. Apparently some of water went over the fence into her yard. We came upon her while she was pounding on doors yelling, "HELP, HELP, MY NEIGHBOR IS TRYING TO FLOOD ME. HELP!" Psycho woman got a ladder from another neighbor and climbed the fence to turn off her sprinkler. That is only 1 of many things this poor woman has done.  I think she needs serious help. My guess is she is only about 31-34.  It's sad really. She appears to be certifiable. I know she is married but I have never seen her husband. She is outside her home talking to imaginery friends so I see her a lot.   I have walked by her house when walking Izzy and she'll yell - "Your dog won't eat me will she?"  I always smile and say something different each time. Last time I told her she had just had breakfast so she wouldn't be eating anything else until tonight. She sighed loudly and said, "Okay good!"  I just keep walking.  She is friendly though. She just doesn't like dogs.

The Dirt Bags - oh that is a whole blog post in and of itself.
Too many things that make them qualify over the 11 years of living here. But this one just happened....Their 14-15 year old daughter was out front last week. She was wearing what looked like a sexy silky nightgown. (black and white) It stopped just under her ass.
When she moved you could see her butt cheeks.  She had on thigh high fish nets.
The garters were seen. She had on pumps in black with 4-5inch heels.
Rick was cleaning the front windows and yelled for me to come see this. (they live across the street) I looked at Rick and said, "is this a costume or what?" I kept saying it must be for a costume party or something. She can't just be going out there dressed like a hooker/slut/pole dancer could she? Sunday night at our party the people who live next to us asked if we've seen her in this get up? Carrie asked, "Where do you let your little girl go dressed like that?" My response was, "working the pole?" We have seen her now in this 2 times. Rick is convinced it is her work uniform. OMG.

Masturbating Girl.  This one was a young gal who lived next door to us when we lived in the center of a city in another state. Our homes were on top of one another as they are in a city. One evening (dark outside) we were sitting in our sun room having some wine and talking when I said to Rick - "what is she doing over there?"  Rick turned around and I went OMG close your drapes!!  She was talking on the phone and it was in the late 80's early 90's and she was on a cord phone in her room. She was using that cord and going to town on herself with it. 
I made Rick leave the sunroom.  I said, "c'mon let's give the kid her privacy." 
Of course he says, "hey, she's got her drapes in her room open for heaven's sake!" 
We left the sunroom.
It got to the point that if we were in our sunroom, which we were all the time, she was going to town on herself.  So we only sat in there during the day at some point she has to stop abusing herself you'd think but....
I saw her one day and suggested she close her drapes because we live so close to one another and we can see her in her room. She did not.

So you get the idea.
Don't you wonder what our neighbors call us?