But I don't want to go!
Yes, I said this like a whiny child on Saturday.
I gave him a ton of hints and he just was ignoring them.
Then I said it outright and he continued to ignore me.
Since having a dog I have met an abundance of people with dogs in the neighborhood.
My husband is the social butterfly of this relationship and he will talk to anyone and everyone. I will smile and say hello and on I go. Oh no, this man will pet their dogs, chat with them, make them laugh and next thing you know they are pals. I see them later when walking the dog and they know me now from my dog and they tell me, "Oh your husband is so nice and my goodness he is funny." It generally will make me have to smile and chat. This is not what a misanthropic person wants to do. But seriously I should have been an actress because I fool 'em every time. Now my husband comes home and tells me how people tell him how "charming" and "friendly" I am.
"I want to accept this award on behalf of all you little people haters out there" will be my academy award acceptance speech.
My husband comes home one evening and tells me that we are going to get an invitation to a Christmas party. (Oh great, can I get seriously ill by then?)
Who Rick is inviting us to a Christmas party?
Dave and Krista
Who the hell are they?
Their dog is Hope.
Well our dog is lucky...that doesn't tell me squat.
Margaret, you know who they are.
No, Rick I don't know all these people you bond with.
The guy who lives on blankity blank Square.(street omitted to protect the innocent)
Honestly I don't know who the hell this is.
His wife is drop dead gorgeous with black hair and ice blue eyes and carries a gun.
She carries a gun? Like a purse that looks like a gun?
He is laughing at me now.
Margaret they have the black lab, they are cops. He is an undercover cop & he now has long hair remember?
Ah kinda. I think I remember you pointing him out to me. I don't think I have ever met his drop dead gorgeous gun toting wife though. And why the hell did she have a gun you could see?
I saw her when she was coming home as I walked by her house and she was in uniform, she is not undercover.
Did you walk by her home with our dog Izzy or were you stalking drop dead gorgeous woman with gun?
Funny woman.
I knew I did not want to go but I honestly thought, "he may be full of shit and we'll never get this invitation and I won't have to think about it."
But lo and behold we got an invitation on our door. Yipee.
Rick saw it first. DAMN IT.
Oh he couldn't wait to go. He heard it was a fun affair, 80+ people and Dave just finished his man cave. (oh yipee)
I whined, I moaned, I promised sexual favors.
It didn't work. He said the sexual favors would be great but I was going and I wasn't going to be anti-social. He promised we didn't have to stay long.
I began licking door knobs, going outside with wet hair, not washing my hands, really doing anything I could to get sick.
Great. Fine time for my immune system to start working well.
Come Saturday I tried on outfit after outfit.
I had just gotten a pair of black slacks taken in and settled on them.
It said casual but you never know what the hell that means.
I had a major meltdown while trying to style my hair. (still growing out)
I screamed out of frustration and Rick came running into the bathroom and took one look at me and went, "eeww" and left.
I ran after him and said, "please don't make me go I would so rather stay home and drink wine and watch a movie"
"I knew you'd say that, he laughed, but we're going even if you have to wear a hat on this"....as he circled his finger around my head.
I stuck my head under the faucet and started over again. It was better but bad hair should be an out to not have to go to any damn party!
The party was lovely as party's go. I knew NO ONE.
I am great at acting like I am loving this and I am super friendly and outgoing.
I went to the bar and poured myself a Tanqueray - straight up no chaser of course.
Everyone was young. Most were in jeans and/or clothes too tight and trying too hard.
Ample bosoms falling out everywhere.
Oh to be young and stupid.
Rick was right - the hostess was drop dead gorgeous and nice as could be.
She was warm, gracious and a great hostess getting everyone to talk etc.
Her hubby had made his garage into a man cave complete with heat and huge screen TV.
All the beer was out there along with all the sports memorabilia and the TV with sports playing. (the bar was set up inside with the food)
The majority of the men found their way out there pretty quickly.
These men came in from time to time to get food (which looked fabulous) and or liquor.
I made my rounds and knew as soon as I saw my hubby I wanted to go home.
Everyone was nice but this was not my thing and the majority were so damn young.
(did i say that already?)
Rick came up behind me and put his arm around me and whispered in my ear, "ready to go home?"
"I was ready before we got here."
So we found our host and hostess and thanked them for a lovely evening and walked home.
I was just about to say, "See how awful that was, why do you make me do this Rick?"
When he says, "See Margaret that wasn't so bad now was it?"
9 comments:
I can talk to anyone. And for some reason people always seem to find me and tell me their life stories. I'm one of the those people. But 90 percent of the time I would rather be home in PJs, watching tv with my dogs. I like going out, but I like staying in just as much. Plus talking to people you don't know at all can be so awkward and uncomfortable.
Carolyn, I too can talk with anyone. I spent my life in sales and negotiations. but just because I can do it well doesn't mean I want to. :-)
I'm with you in the PJ's and movies.
This was so funny.
Ah, marriage!...compromises....;)
Besides I thought you were a social person.
I appear that way but I so prefer being at home with wine and hubby.
And when I was young I really was very social and at parties all the time and traveled all the time (for free) but not anymore.
Wow! You could have been me in that post, and Rick would have been, well — just exactly like my husband. We have had that same scenario. At least three times this month. How about "glitter boobs?" Was she at the party you went to? There's one at every event; you know who I mean. And in our neighborhood, everybody knows everybody by their dogs' name first. I kinda like that. I just talk to the dog instead of the person. Works for me.
i love this. it sounds so much like me and jay.
(strangely, i was just thinking about your hair the other day and wondering how the growing out process was going.)
Tammie - my hair - Aargh!
The hair that was cut above my ears? it is now below my ears a smidge. They brought the back up so it wasn't so much like a mullet. It is layered but long ones now. I had a good hair day yesterday. I should have captured it on film. Today I am wearing a hat.....that and it snowed 4 inches and I have been shoveling. Good excuse for a hat. Come July I may have a problem. :-)
You are such a funny writer, Girl!! I have the same problem with holiday parties! My problem is that I usually plant myself at the food (and drink!) table and ignore everyone else. NOT cool!!
I'm so glad you went, though. Now your husband OWES you, right? Ha! Merry Christmas!
(BTW: on a side note, my clock radio in my Girl Cave also works as an Ipod player, so I DO have music. But you're right, I DEFINITELY need a big screen TV down there!!)
over at ripley they're trying to have a christmas party of sorts. they'll share whatever they have in between going to the alcothon, which is the round-the clock AA meeting going on down the block and bless their hearts, the drunks and junkies are going to go bowling and to a movie and order in chinese and they're going to go volunteer to serve dinner for the less fortunate because even though they don't have homes to go to, they still have SOMEPLACE to stay and a set of temporary friends and enough money among them to bowl a game so that counts as a party, i guess. God bless 'em.
and God bless you too.
when i go back there on sunday afternoon, i'm bringing presents.
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