True to You.

I have been seeing Jenny McCathy peddling her next best seller all over the place. I am not her biggest fan but she's been hard to miss of late.

She is talking about her truth and other Oprah buzz words.
The women in the audience nod and ooh and aah like great big followers.
But what she is saying is very true.
The thing that interests me is that she didn’t know this a few decades ago and that sadly this is a new revelation for her. I suppose better late than never.

I’m talking today about her discussion on faking it.
Faking who you are to please your man or to get a man.
For the love of chocolate, a God, or whatever you hold dear, I do not and will never really grasp that concept.

You see I have been straight up no chaser my whole life.
And when I slipped and wasn't true to me I sure as hell paid for it.
Only takes one time to learn. Thankfully I was very very young. (teens)
So I excuse that misstep because I was 16 and stupid. But boy was the lesson learned and heard loud and clear.

When I was a wee little thing my neighbor Mark and I would play checkers at my house a lot. My mom always told me to let him win.
I refused. She told me that boys would like me if I let them win.
I thought that was dumb. Why should this boy win and I pretend I’m stupid?
I can truly say that is the worst piece of advice I have ever received from my mom in my short life with her. 
(but wearing clean underwear if in an accident was a good one Mom.)
She would tell me I was stubborn when I would say I didn’t want to lose on purpose.
But honestly, it had nothing to do with stubborn.
I just didn’t see why I should lose if I knew how to win.

Rick and I are both competitive. We have so much fun playing backgammon and scrabble in the winter months in the dining room. I suck at scrabble as all my readers can well imagine because I can not spell. So guess who wins?  Although I won a game with the word 'ID'
Rick yelled no abbreviations! I said it's a word you fool. He looked it up. He told me I got lucky. No, you lost fair and square Mr. Vocabulary and Speller. 
Now, I can kick his ass at backgammon. 
But it doesn’t matter what games we play we both play to win.
Neither of us are bad losers we just don’t want to lose. 
Right now the Big Guy owes me like 33 million dollars. 
Yes, we play for pretend money. It’s all in fun.

Back to the flake known as Jenny, she was talking about how she and other women pretend they like football as an example to keep their boyfriends happy. Then 2 years into the relationship when she says I am not going to another stupid game the guy is like, where did this come from? And the fights begin.
It's bait and switch.

Or women who hide what they like, don’t like, right on down to eating.
I have a friend who didn’t eat in front of a man she was dating for a year. A YEAR!
She would go home and stuff her face because she didn’t want him to see that she liked to eat. If she spent the night she would go home that morning and on the way home to make breakfast she’d stop at Mickey D’s and get breakfast to eat before she got home. How exhausting to me. When I would ask her about this she said she didn’t want him to think she was a pig. Ah, hello you have to eat sometime. How long can he think you only eat a few sprigs of broccoli? She wouldn’t go to the bathroom at his house either.  Oh, she would make me laugh. Gee wonder why that relationship never worked out.

I have another friend who told the man she was dating that she liked kids.
She not only didn’t want to have children she didn’t like other peoples children even more! So she pretended. She babysat his sister’s kids with him and then she would call me and bitch for an hour.
Gee, you think he may bring this up after the wedding?
I know she liked him but this will so bite her in the ass later and worse end in divorce. 
She would say to me that she could change him. No, you can't. 
She really thought she could make him see her way because he loved her.
She is no longer married to him. He remarried and has kids. Surprise!

Jenny said she decided to stop pretending and just be herself.
She can keep up with being herself because it’s not so exhausting.
Is that why her marriage and relationships didn’t last?
The real person was never present? She doesn't go into that but I am certain that has to play a small part of it all. 

As women why do we have so little self-esteem that we feel we need to hide who we really are?  Because we are really great! 
Whatever our quirks, insecurities, strengths, and weaknesses we are great just like that. And if the guy doesn’t see that then we should find one who does. Because the one that does is the keeper.

I happen to think that if we were just honestly who we are then it would save years of pain, arguments, and divorces.
Look I am a big compromiser but I will never comprise who I am for others.
I have been known to give up things I want to do or just want for my loved ones but I chose to do that. I was still true to myself. If I didn’t want to I wouldn’t.

I remember the first time I went out to dinner with Rick he asked if I wanted to share a dessert. 
I laughed and said, “No I would like my own dessert if that's okay?”
This place was known for its awesome crème brule which I really really like.
There was no way I was sharing my dessert. 
I ate something lighter just so I could devour a crème brule. 
A year later he told me he found that so refreshing because every woman he had taken out always wanted to share their dessert and he would rather have his own.
I told him that most didn't want to share with their dates but felt they had to so they appeared ladylike. Trust me they stop and get dessert or go home and have something. I heard it all the time from my women friends. 

I just don't give a shit if you think it is unladylike because if you do I will see that in time and you and I won't be eating desserts together anytime. He brings this up every once in a while. He told me he knew I was not going to take any shit from him and he'd have his work cut out yet I thought I'm up for the challenge. He was intrigued because I was so straight up no chaser. 

Can you see a guy doing any of this to get us ladies?
“Oh I love shopping, I’ll go with you. And I’ll hold your purse while you endlessly try on clothes”

“C’mon please let me watch a lifetime movie with you, I’ll bring the kleenex”

“Let’s talk about our feelings all night long and just cuddle. I’d much rather do that than have sex!”

Something tells me that a guy wouldn’t pretend to be something they aren’t just to “get” you.
It all just got me thinking….
So why is this a big revelation for Jenny at 40 yrs old?
Is this from our mothers telling us to lose at checkers to get the boy?
Do fathers have a role in this?
Are you raising your daughters differently?