Fathers Day

This Sunday is Fathers Day and I am not going to visit my father this year because he lives 7 hrs away and I will be going to visit him in July.  He understands.

I wanted to send him a lemon Meringue Pie. 
Do you know of all the foods you can have shipped that is not one of them.
That is his favorite.  My father loves his sweets. 
He loves nothing more for breakfast than some great danish or cake or pie. 
That is his favorite breakfast of choice.
But there are cookies and other assorted sweets you can send so those will have to do until I get to his house in July. 

My father has never been an easy man to live with.
Oh he's jovial and warm.  He loves his girls to pieces.
But he also demanded a lot from us.
He was especially difficult on me being the oldest. 
After my mother died he was pretty tough on me. 
His expectations at that time were so high for me and difficult for a kid of 13 to do.
But that didn't stop him from expecting and getting it.  He was the "man"
He was from the old country that believe women had a "place"
I am from a new country where that is utter bull shit.
We butt heads a lot while growing up on this one.

My father taught me more with how he behaved than his pontificating.
He was a very hard worker.  He had a strong work ethic.
His family was very important if not the most important to him.
He was warm, kind and generous to all he met.
He believed in good grooming and manners and dressing for the "occasion".
He loves kids and will always give his last dollar to help a child.

For the whole time I've known this man he has given anonymously to a poor family every year at Christmas whatever he can.  He found them through different churches he would approach and ask about a family from the church or parish.  The clergy were always happy to oblige.
It may have only been a turkey dinner with trimmings on a slower year for him.
But most years he bought the family gifts for the kids and clothing and family staples.
Every year.  Anonymously. 
As a kid I saw that and learned.

But the other side was undying love of his church.
If the Pope told my father to put on the Nike's and drink the Kool-Aid he would.
My mother died and he got an annulment to remarry.
So my sister and I didn't exist apparently so that his church could get money for an annulment.  We butt heads on this topic a lot! As I got older I learned to never discuss this type of thing and will leave the room when he starts his pontificating and judgements.

He is a bigot which is mind blowing when you know the other side of him isn't it?
Archie Bunker without the protestant thing happenin'.
My friends were never by their names it was their ethnicity....Polish, German etc.
Only he didn't use those terms. Drove me MAD! The more I protested the more he did it.
My step mom said to let it go you will never be able to tell him he is wrong.  Aargh!

He uses terms that are wrong and to me hurtful.
And Yes sir, he has done a 180 degree turn in most and it's wonderful!
I believe that you are given lessons in life to learn.
He was given a son in law who is black. 
He and my sister have been together for 19 yrs.
He has learned a lot of difficult lessons...difficult for him is what I mean here. 
He adores his bi-racial grandchildren more than words can say.
I don't believe that was an accident - he was given that lesson to learn and while he would never ever admit at 82 yrs old he learned it, we all see it. 
He no longer uses any words that would ever harm his grandchildren or their family. 
That's how he sees it but we see it as finally learning the things he said in the past were wrong and hurtful. 
It has been nice to see my father grow and change so positively too.

Oh my Dad is stubborn and narrow in his thinking.
There is never ever any grey areas for him.
But I always knew I was loved and always felt secure..... even when he wouldn't let me watch The Monkee's because Gun Smoke was on.
Or wear mini skirts to school, or date until I was 17, play my rock 'n roll loudly, date boys with long hair, grounded me once for 3 months in the summer and made all the guys who came to our house scared shit less.
Even then I knew I was loved to pieces.

I really believe because of where he came and what he was taught and his terrible childhood he did the best he could.  When you know better you do better.  He has shown that as well.

Happy Fathers Day Dad!