Man's Manuel

My husband has declared that he is going to write a Man's Manual.
He said that it is well known what happens to women as they age but no one talks about what happens to a man.

A few years ago my husband went to bed fine. In the morning he couldn't walk.
I hear a THUD on the floor and realize he has just fallen. I, being the ever thoughtful wife, do not want to get out of this warm bed at 5:30am so I ask, "are you okay?" Knowing full well if one has just fallen to the floor chances are slight that you are alright.

He had ripped something behind his knee cap that only staying off of it would repair.
So as he likes to say he has entered, "I go to bed fine and wake up with a sports injury" phase of my life.

Then the dreaded grey hair - oh no, not on his little noggin but DOWN there on the twins.
I laughed but man he was taken this badly. Then pluck it out I say. OH NO, it would hurt the fella's. Jeez. This is why women have the babies!

Then the fella's fell. Now for some reason that made me laugh. But as he explained to me he knew my breasts would fall - everyone knows a woman's breasts will fall. How come no one told him about his nuts falling? I didn't have a good retort for that one.
Then he says - out of nowhere I might add - "You know how it takes your Uncle Bob so long to sit down? This is why damn it. He doesn't want to sit on his balls!"
I know, I should be more sympathetic but c'mon that's funny.

Then all of a sudden this year everything is happening to him. He gets up in the middle of the night to pee. He is very tired. Full body fatigue. He tells me a few weeks ago over a glass of wine that he feels like he is getting weaker. Ok to be honest with you I am thinking he is having some ego issues about getting older. But I listen. He tells me how poorly he is sleeping, which of course I knew because I am the same way. He is really concerned as he talks about all this stuff. And I admit that is what is frightening me a bit. He is truly feeling like shit. So I think that this may be a good time to bring up his crankiness. Which I might add he isn't adding cranky onto his list of symptoms he is now sharing.

You see my husband is always happy, smiling, warm and non judgemental. He is kind and always going that extra to help everyone. Suddenly I have noticed that he is perpetually pissed off. He is cranky as all hell. He is yelling at people driving. He is literally yelling at them, honking his horn. This is so out of character. He is snapping at me, which he never does. Snapping for everything and anything. He is even losing patience with the dog.

One day I asked if it felt like every nerve was at the surface and he turned and looked at me with wide eyes like I knew! I was thinking PMS. He seemed to be in it all the time now. I didn't like this new man.....and he didn't either.
So I mentioned that his mood has been difficult for me and I am sure it was even more difficult for him. (whew, he didn't get angry) I asked if he would go to see a doctor. He said, "oh we don't have the money right now and I'm sure it's just the stress of the business....yada yada yada."

I didn't press it but I listened to all the symptoms. Then on Monday morning I called a doctor for him. I thought sending him to a doctor was cheaper than a divorce from the ole Mr. Cranky Pants. I made the appointment, did not tell him, filled out a work order like it was job.
The following week he had a doctors appointment.

He picked up his work orders from my desk for that day and looked at the 2nd one.
He shows it to me and says, "What is this?"
I state that it is a doctors appointment instead of a 2nd job.
"Why I'm fine?"
"No you are not fine. Please do this for me as a Xmas present if for no other reason."
He didn’t really argue, just a little fussing I think for show. So I knew he knew deep down something was truly amiss. And I knew I did the right thing.

Well the verdict was Male Menopause.
I thought that was a joke where my husband bought a sportscar and traded me in for a 25 yr old blonde. But apparently no joke. This is just like a woman's.
Funny thing was the very day he came home from the doctors with all this information and hormones we saw it on our local ABC 7 evening news.

Truth be told I was quite ignorant to this whole male menopause thinking it was a sexual thing.
You know all those viagra and cialis commercials.
I knew he didn't need help there so then what exactly is male menopause?
I really thought something else was wrong and I was frightened. But hell I can handle menopause as long as he isn't getting a new young blonde.

So he rubs his testosterone gel on his belly every morning and he is so much better!!
It took about 3-4 weeks.
He’s back to normal and that makes the old man happy! And his wife.
He no longer feels week, he has more stamina and he is sleeping just a bit better.
Sleeping is still a bit of an issue that they say will continue to get better.

So why don't they tell us this? I take bio-identical hormones for this crap it's not a big deal.
Why don't men know they are not crazy but that they deplete their hormones just like us and need a little help to feel better.

I was telling my step mom how much better he feels, looks and behaves. She said that my Dad had all of those symptoms years ago but the doctor just told my father he was getting older.
So maybe doctors are just now realizing that men need to check their hormone levels too?

Look it's not very often I feel badly for (white) men. But I actually do here.
I knew this was in my future. He had no idea to the extent it would be for himself.
His father didn't know. His friends don't know. So it's amazing how just a little tube of testosterone gel rubbed on your abdomen can make your life so much better.

So my Big Guy is all better and it was nothing terminal or scary after all.
He's big and strong like bull.....and so is his bruised ego.
He is right though, this is one area that we women get a little more attention and information.
But I don't think we need to hold a telethon for the guys just yet.