In the Wood Chipper

The other day I had a friend tell me that marriage is hard, or so very hard to be exact.
She felt that sometimes it’s so much work that she would rather give her two weeks notice. That made me laugh.

I’ve been married twice. The first time way too young at 23. I married my high school sweetheart and as my parents tried to tell me I was too damn young. At age 27 we didn’t want the same things in life in any given department. I didn’t want to be friends with my girlfriend any longer and he sure as hell did! (wink, wink).

By the time I married the 2nd time my career was going somewhere. I knew what I wanted, what I didn’t want. I didn’t need someone in my life for monetary reasons or any other reason for that matter but wanted someone in my life to share my life.
Big difference and it’s too bad most of us don’t get that sooner than later.

But I have never found marriage hard. Ever….even the first time believe it or not.
If it’s that hard then maybe the wrong decision was made.

Hard to me is going to work.
Working with people who don’t share the same anything as you.
Having to be politically correct for 8 hours a day when your head could explode.
Having to pretend you give a shit for your co-workers 5th baby and having to endure all those pictures.
Playing the political work games.
Listening to your boss pontificate pure and utter bullshit while you have to nod your head as though you agree and smile.
Pretending can be so tiresome and stressful.
That is hard and difficult and makes life a pain in the ass.
But you do what has to be done because you need that job/money and human resources frown on you when you bitch slap your co-workers.

You don’t have to do that in marriage. If this is a true partner you can say what you want, feel, and you don’t have to pretend. Marriage is that soft place you fall.
So if marriage is that hard for you that you can’t make it work then maybe you should think about what you can make work for you and what would make you happy.

Besides everyone thinks a good marriage is always going to be a lusty romance novel.
Please. It’s about love, respect and friendship but saying that isn’t as romantic to most women. But there is something to be said for your partner rocking the baby to sleep or staying up with your child when they are sick. Why isn’t that romantic in it’s way as well?
This man/woman is in the trenches with you. To me that is romantic however unglamorous it is. They are choosing to be there and build this life with you.

The friend above who started me thinking on this is correct in some way.
I have always felt that the she and her husband are nice people- separately, but together they don’t work. I am sure that makes it hard. They are fundamentally 2 complete opposite people. And I don’t mean in the little things like he’s a camper / outdoorsy guy and she likes hotels and inside.
Nope I mean morally they are polar opposites.
I mean red state, blue state.
I mean Wal-Mart and Nordstrom.
I mean kids and no kids.
I mean women’s rights and women should shut up and stay in the kitchen or blow me.

I know she married because she didn’t want to have to work outside the home and she thought having kids she could avoid that. And she really really wanted kids. He did not.
She had no qualms in telling me that 22 years ago. There was heat with the 2 of them.
A lot of physical heat but we all know that will die and then what are you left with? Exactly!

He told me a week before their wedding that he felt like he was being trapped.
Now what the hell was I to do with that information? I remember that moment as clear as day. I even remember what I was wearing. (black shorts and salmon color Newport Beach T-shirt)

Honestly, my first thought about his comment was, Okay buddy where the hell are your balls if you feel trapped? Say something to the woman you are about to marry that you really don’t want to get married, don’t tell me about it you big pansy ass.

I always felt he told me so that I would say something to her.
I guess looking back I should have.....I don't know.
I do know that today I would say something but back then I was conflicted.

So now they are both in this “difficult” marriage and have children.
They are both miserable and will tell everyone that they are.
(It’s so much fun to be at their home while they berate each other and say mean things to one another.)

This guy won’t go to counseling either. To me that is a big red flag. To me that states that you don’t think enough of this union or your wife to try to save this any way you can when she asked to go to counseling. To me it says I don’t give a shit enough to try to make this work. That speaks volumes don’t you think? So I guess they are both at fault here. She needs to stay for the money and for what she thinks it does for the children and he stays so he doesn’t lose stuff.

So this holiday season I am thankful I have a wonderful partner.
That I am not married to this man or Tiger Woods.

I don’t find being married to my Big Guy difficult. Oh sure he can make me angrier than any human on the face of the earth – it isn’t all baby’s breath and rainbows all the time. But I love him. I respect him. I am still smitten. I can tell him anything and we can fight it out and go the distance. I know he always has my best interest at heart. He shows me he loves me every day.

Besides, if not I have Italian relatives who know what to do with the body.