Rain

It's raining it's pouring the old man is snoring.
Remember that song?

Well, it has been doing that for 24 hrs and I Love It!!!
I think it was supposed to continue through Sunday.
This means finishing my book, making soup and drinking wine.
Wine goes with everything you see, sun, snow, rain, hail, hurricane warnings etc.
Don't believe me? Would you drink a long island iced tea during a snowstorm?
Why of course not. But a nice glass of Malbec or Cabernet would work nicely.
See I know of what I speak.....Wine all the time.

I am halfway through a book that I have to read for book club and this one is the first one I have liked. Not love, but it's not boring the shit out of me either.
It's about a family dealing with mom's cancer. 
It is a true story written by a book editor, her son.
Guess it was easy for him to get this book made huh?

During a chapter that discusses him going to chemo with his mom, I had a flashback of going to chemo with my Aunt. (my mom's sister. My mom who died not my mom who I refer to as visiting last week)

My Aunt had breast cancer as did her sister that died (mom) Then she got melanoma.
Which is odd from a woman who never spent any amount of time in the sun.

Because my Aunt lives in my hometown I would call her regularly to check up on her.
She was "single" She is the Aunt who never came out but we all knew that her friend Mary was more than just her friend over the 49 years I knew her.

My Aunt was telling me on the phone one day that she had a bus the city provided to pick her up to go to chemo. But next week it wasn't available at the right time. She called Madeline and Elaine (cousins) and neither could pick her up. She was so matter of fact and just said, "I think I'll be just fine driving myself if I have to. I have never felt like I couldn't drive there. They just make such a fuss these people."  "these people" was a phrase she used a lot about everyone and everything.

I called her back the next day after talking to Rick.  
I told her I was coming up to Erie that week to see my folks so I could take her to chemo if she wanted me to. She was thrilled. Yes, I lied. 
I didn't have an intention of driving 7 hrs up there the next week but I couldn't let her drive herself. I had just lost my job and figured I had the time. This Aunt did so much for me over my lifetime and especially after my mom died that I had to go up there and help her.

As we enter the cancer center everyone says hello to her by name. 
Now I must admit that over the years this Aunt has embarrassed me as well as spoiled me rotten. She is loud and rough around the edges and when I was young that was embarrassing to me. As I got older I realized that no one embarrasses you, they embarrass themselves and if you love 'em just let 'em do their thing. It doesn't affect you.

My Aunt is in pure form this day. She is loud, she is telling everyone who is in any room we enter that her niece from Virginia is here with her. 
I smile/nod and or shake hands with them. 

I mean everyone including the person who came into empty the wastebaskets she had to tell, "My niece from VA is here with me today."
They then ask me questions which of course my Aunt Dee answers. All very amusing to me.  I realized by her behavior at the Cancer Center how happy it made her for me to drive up there to take her and I often wondered if she knew I really wasn't visiting my parents, that I just came up to do this for her. Neither of us ever spoke about it. I was happy to do it and thrilled it made her so happy.

We saw doctors, we had blood drawn, we sat in waiting rooms waiting for what seemed like hours.  Then before we had to enter the chemo room she decides she must have a cigarette. She announces this to the waiting room.  No one gasps like I think would happen.
They all laugh instead. I don't find this funny. She goes on to tell all who will listen that I wouldn't let her smoke in my car. She's correct. She tells them I had a convertible and she told me to put the top down so she could smoke. She is now got everyone laughing....it was fall and chilly and she wanted me to put the top down just so she could smoke. 
I wouldn't have it. She is keeping all these sick people in stitches. 
I just watch her with amusement.
But then she grabs her cigarette and goes outside in front of the building to smoke.

A nurse followers her and I realize I better get off my ass and see how this plays out.
My Aunt stood out there and inhaled deeply then put her cigarette hand in the air.
The nurse jumped to try to grab it from her. 

That was when I walked outside.
I heard the nurse say that there is no smoking at the cancer center for God's sake.
I laughed and shook my head. My Aunt's response to this comment is, "Well I am helping because everyone who drives by will see why the hell I am here then. It's all good for you."

The nurse continues to jump up to reach and grab my Aunt's cigarette and somehow she continues to get puffs in. I am appalled and amused at this whole damn thing I am seeing.  

I go to my Aunt and say, "c'mon that's enough tormenting her, let's put it out and I'll let you smoke on the way home."
She listened. And she didn't smoke in my car on the way home either. She didn't even try.

We were then escorted into the chemo room reeking of cigarettes. Honestly, my Aunt was nuts. The room was lined with little cubicles with curtains along the perimeter. 
The rest of the room was big overstuffed recliner chairs.
The nurse's station was circular in the middle.

When we walked in we saw a variety of people in these chairs all saying hello to Aunt Dee Dee.
She took her seat and suddenly she looked sick to me. Her arms and back of her hands were so thin and scared up from being poked and prodded. 
A young woman came over to inject the needle into her and she put her arms behind her back and said, "NO"  
Dee continued with, "I'm sorry you hurt me last time could someone else please do it today?" 

My Aunt said this so softly it took me by surprise. 
I had never heard her speak like this in my whole life. It was as if she were a child.
The young woman didn't seem offended but instead tapped my Aunt's hand in understanding and walked away. 
Another big woman came over. She had the kindest face. 

She and my Aunt chatted and in the needle went.  They gave her a blanket and she put her head back. 
My Aunt whispered to me, "That is the fattest person I have ever seen but she is so fucking nice to everyone. God gave her a burden and that makes her nice to everyone because she understands having to deal with shit."

I heard it and thought, What the hell are you talking about?  But I didn't say anything I let it lay there. She was in her own way being nice, in a way only my Aunt could do.

I asked my Aunt if she read while here or preferred to sleep. 
She said I like to sleep if I can. Do you mind?
I told her it was fine that I brought a book to read. 
She grabbed my hand and held it and fell to sleep.  
She looked so frail & sick and I felt good that I could be here for her. 

When she was done she was hungry. I thought that was odd but who the hell am I to tell her she can't eat. We went across the street and had a little lunch.  She wanted to go to Mary's house next. So we went to see Mary who was having her own health issues and wasn't leaving the house much anymore. Dee Dee went to lay down in Mary's room and Mary and I sat at the table and chatted over coffee. I loved Mary as much as my Aunt.

It was a nice day and I know it meant a lot to my Aunt. 
It meant a lot to me too.
I found the chemo room so beige and depressing and just can't imagine having to deal with that.  You would think they would make it a happier brighter place at the Cancer Center.
I would have liked to see reading material and not the kind you get in your doctor's office from 1962. I mean real books and up to date variety of magazines, maybe even a TV or music to entertain them at each chair. 
The walls could be a pleasant color and the draperies would be homey. 
This room shouted sick and dying. 

There was a very young woman who was knitting while getting her chemo. She was 27 my Aunt informed me. She was pretty and she talked to me about her knitting. I so wanted to ask what she was in for but didn't think that was cancer etiquette.  Later my Aunt shared with me. My Aunt has talked to them all and whether they liked it or not if she wanted to talk you were going to hear her. 

My Aunt lived a year after that. 
My visit to the chemo room has stuck with me.
Then reading this book last night it all came back to me. 
The room described in the book was as awful as the one I was in. 
You'd think someone would change that.
A brighter color on the walls would go a long way.
And you could have a book and music swap for all ages. 
It would make a much happier place during a very sad & difficult time.