4:03 AM

The dog comes over to my side of the bed panting, touching my hand softly with her nose.
Oh, how I don't want to get up. I open one eye and see that the clock on my nightstand says 4:03.
She is now pacing and panting so I know the poor thing has to go.

I grab something that resembles clothing and head downstairs as fast as my little feet can get me there. I grab my coat and inside the pocket is a doggy poop bag. We head out the door.
She is going at a mean clip. I am really not even fully awake. But Miss Izzy is in a hurry and that is a real concern. We had gone out at 10:45pm before bed so the first thing that went through my mind was that she needed to go again because it was diarrhea.  So I am hurrying as best I can.

As Izzy is prone to do, we must go to the place she likes to poop in the early morning hours - 7 1/2 blocks away.  Oh, brother.

She begins to circle and I see a man or a woman on their stoop. I make it a point that she see me pick up her poo (yes, my diagnosis was correct) . I assume the person is staring at us for fear I am one of those people who don't pick up after their dog.  But no, she is certifiable and wants a confrontation at the wee hours of the morning.

I snap my fingers and Izzy is at my side and we are headed down the sidewalk with our hot steaming bag of poo when she yells at me. Then I realize it's a woman.
She yells, "Hey is your dog on a leash? "
I tell her no, I just ran out of the house so quickly and didn't grab it, we're not far from home, though.

Then she runs down her townhouse steps and proceeds to walk on the sidewalk on her side of the street across from me yelling at me the entire time.  Yelling so loudly, it was quite startling at that hour. She was yelling things rapid fire like she really didn't want me to answer.  All the while, she is running down the sidewalk across from Izzy and me and I must admit I was a bit frightened of her. She appeared to be certifiable. I wanted to get home quickly. Izzy and I speed up.

"Do you know it's illegal to have your dog off leash?"
"Do you know that I was bitten by a Great Dane?"
"What kind of dog is that?"
"Hey, can you hear me? I was bitten by a Great Dane!"

I stop.  "Yes, I hear you as I am sure most of the block can ma'am. Yes, I know it's illegal, it's 4 am and I ran out of the house without it. It's also illegal for me to not be dressed in public. Turn me in. The dog is a pit bull mix (yes I know it was a lie so she doesn't call the HOA)
She continues to follow me all the while telling me about being bitten by a damn Great Dane over and over again.

I stopped.  Izzy instantly sits at my feet. This shocks the woman so she stopped.
I yelled back, "The only thing you have to worry about biting you is me! Back off woman, it's 4 am - go home"

She did. I was actually shocked that worked.

Not proud that I did that but for the love of God what is with people? What was she even doing on her steps at that hour?  And in a bathrobe to boot.
I'm glad she turned and ran because I really didn't want to have to bite her.