I have lamented for years here how much I dislike this whole aging thing when I turned 50.
Because at 50 really fun shit began to happen. You go to bed fine, you wake up with a sports injury. I call them reverse miracles.
I bitched here about my body looking more like a Picasso painting than what I remember my body being. Really that goes there now?
I bitched about looking in the mirror when I put on my makeup and I don't recognize myself.
But in reality ya'll know I would rather be a wrinkled old croon than dead.
But recently something hit me in the face that I wasn't prepared for.
I haven't said anything out loud. I've just been mulling it in my head...until now.
One of my nieces is graduating from grad school in a few weeks. She called to chat and we discussed her new job that she already has secured. She has so much ahead of her.
Her new career, the travel, the new places to live, getting married etc. I remember all of that and it came flooding back to me as I listened to her excitement.
It hit me after that call that all the exciting things are behind me now.
What is in front of me is not all that exciting. That made me a bit sad.
There must be was my thought, think about it Margaret.
So I have done nothing but. Hmm.....
That is not to say that I don't love my little world that we have carved out for ourselves.
But as you all know doing what we do for a living is only because we lost our jobs, not because this was our choice. It was our only choice. I am not exactly fulfilled in that regard. I do have the perfect husband and dog for me. So I won the lottery there.
But ahead of me? I don't know, nothing to get excited about like my niece is going to live through. Been there done that.
Of course then I beat myself up because I have had a truly wonderful life filled with love, family and a career where I was wildly successful and I loved it. I traveled for free and had tons of fun. Not many people get all that. So I should just be thankful. Count my blessings.
But it hit me in the face.
So is this normal? Any old folks out there who can shed light on this? I suppose you just go into the sunset quietly but hell, I've never done anything quietly why start now?
4 comments:
Getting old is a drag for sure but, as you said, it beats the alternative. There are things to look forward to if you seek them out. My bucket list is still growing, and Agnes and I still have lots of things to do together while we're still able to move. And I like Picasso paintings! You and Rick and Agnes and I need to get together so we can give you a pep talk!
Bilbo - well let's do it. Just can't do it on week days. Friday's with enough notice. :-)
You and I are going through what soundslike the same thing - but you make it sound a lot funnier. I'm supposing it is a mid-life crisis? I look in the mirror and see the wrinkles, the sags, the blotchy skin. I see my kids and even my friends who have careers living fulfilling, exciting lives. My kids have all gone, and my grandchildren mostly far away. Sad to say, I even told my husband the other day that I'd had an amazing life but I'm afraid it's over. I can't see over the horizon. With a little wisdom, I know things will get better again but, I also am in a bad spot. I'll think of you and hope that it all comes together. You have your humor and as far as I'm concerned, that's one of the most important things. Blessings, Tia
Oh Tia, thank you. Knowing I'm not the only one makes me feel better as odd as that sounds. It bothers me because I don't want to be someone who isn't appreciative of what I have. I am. Truly I am. But I also long a bit for what was. I imagine if this is a mid-life crisis a big red sports car is in my future right? :-)
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