2013 I Can't Wait Until You Get Here!

2012 has sucked big time for me.
So I am not completely a scrooge I will say, I am thankful to be alive.
The rest of the year can all go to hell.

My husband's body is falling apart all in a matter of 2 months.
Let's recap shall we?

He had a heart issue that thankfully was benign and seems to be righting the course with medication. That was a fun scary trip though.
Then he walked into the corner of a planter that tore the tendon over his knee cap and had him down for the count for 3 1/2 weeks.
Then he began complaining about his back, A LOT.

Now I have shared with you right here on this page that my husband is the nicer version of me. But when he is in pain everyone must suffer along with him. I am not like that. I just go away quietly and want to sleep or be left alone.  Oh no, if he suffers everyone must suffer. 
If this is my future with this old coot I am in a shit load of trouble...or maybe he is.
He gets mean and cranky and truthfully I would just as soon kill him than live with him.
I always say there is a reason I do not believe in owning guns, because I would use them. This past week would have been one of those occasions!

Headlines: Wife shoots husband because he was a cranky ass bastard to her and everyone around him. She was exhausted and tired of being kind, nice, patient and waiting on him hand and foot all the while taking his abuse of barking, whining, and screaming at the dog or his wife. Jury lets her off the hook because of the video showing Satan had possessed her former sweet man's body.

Rick, who will now be referred to as CAB (cranky ass bastard) came home from work and would lay on a heating pad and bark at me. He would eat Ibuprofen like pez.  He would drink alcohol. He wouldn't go to the doctor. Then finally he went to the see the chiropractor.  He went 3 times. It didn't help a great deal. The pain shooting down his ass and thigh was a bit better but not enough to turn him back into the man I love. I wanted to run away.

I suggested going to see my back doctor. I reminded him of my back surgeries and how this man helped me. How he was just voted the top 1% in the whole US of A. He is that good. Nope he wouldn't go. Well I got sick of his whining and yet doing nothing about it so I did it myself.

I called the doctor because if I didn't get him help I would be rotting in jail over Christmas. The lovely office manager told me there was a cancellation if I could bring him in the very next day. I told her I'd carry him if necessary.  I changed Rick's work schedule and made this happen. Believe it or not the customers were understanding and worked with me. That in of itself is a Christmas miracle and I am thankful (again) for that.

Yesterday morning CAB went to the doctors office at 8AM.
It was a 2 hour visit and $710.00 later (they don't take insurance at the spinal institute) we find that he has a hairline fracture in his lower back, L5 is slipping causing it to hit the SI joint (hip) and he has a herniated disc on L4/L5 causing the nerve to be pressed on causing the pain down the ass and thigh.  

CAB is falling apart people.
His warranty on his parts appears to be null and void.

He began a steroid pack this a.m. and after that he then begins a prescription anti-inflammatory. They can't be taken at the same time apparently. I called and got him started on Physical Therapy for next week. If this does not relieve him they will then go to a shot, no not just tequila but of cortisone I presume.  Eventually he will need surgery.

Boy we got him insurance in the nick of time didn't we?
(Thank you President Obama again!)

They also told him he MUST lose weight.
Great, talk about bringing back CAB!
The doctor told him that he must remove all white things from his diet.
There is an acid in the white carbs that increases the inflammation they are trying to remove. Rick is in pain and on a diet. The doctor apparently hates me. 

I don't eat white foods due to my gluten issue. So basically he'll be eating like me which means not two different meals but one. Sounds nice but I know how Rick can't wrap his head around dieting. This should be a boat load of fun.  Depriving him of his beloved pizza should help the CAB meter.

The  best thing of all you ask? DRUGS. Yes, drugs!
Oh the glorious invention of narcotics!! 
They gave him some percocets because he has issues with vicodin.
The doctor wasn't certain that percocets would be strong enough to relieve the pain.
But thankfully Cranky Ass Bastard turned into Rick last night after the medication took effect.

The wonderful world of drugs allowed him to sleep last night, apologize over and over again for being a shit head ....and I did not say, Oh stop it, it's okay.
Oh no, he should have apologized. He was a shit.
And I accepted those apologies graciously all night.
CAB turned into Rick and he even smiled and laugh.
Oh I now get why people get addicted to drugs.

I am thinking of baking his pain medication in some cookies, dropping them in his water and food supply. It may be the only way to do an exorcism on Cranky Ass Bastard! 
Is that wrong?