Good To Be Home

I was in Altoona this Saturday/Sunday. I am most thankful I live here where I live.
My goodness, I would rather have root canal surgery without drugs than live there.
Oh my goodness. The whole place is like Wal-Mart land. Take that however you wish.

As I mentioned in a previous post we had to go there to meet a high school friend of Rick's.
Both are from a smaller town west or east of where we were. This was the big city.
The gentleman's wife asked Rick to surprise him for his birthday. 

I knew what this was and wasn't going to be, so I was prepared as much as I could be.

We arrived at our hotel. HUGE hotel and no elevator. It was like a maze. We laughed so hard at one point because we couldn't find our way back to our room.  We were on the 2nd floor and we went up and down the stairs a few times. We got the giggles big time. At one point I told Rick that we may want to leave a trail of  crumbs to find our way back. 
It was 3:30 in the afternoon, no alcohol was even involved yet.  We had to ask the 2 women cleaning a room how to get back to our room. They laughed and told us everyone gets lost there.  We didn't figure it out the whole time we were there. Pathetic aren't we?

We were to meet them at 5:30p in the bar of the hotel. We were then going to dinner.
Because Fred didn't know we were coming we made a plan.
Rick was going to text him and say Happy Birthday. Then tell him to turn around and he'd be standing behind him. But my husband can't text or use the phone for shit. He totally screwed it up. I am sitting at the bar and I see these people walk in and assume it is them. I've seen photos of Fred before. Rick saw them and turned to the wall. He texts him - but his home phone, not his cell. See what I mean about Rick and his phone?  
Finally, Rick just walked behind his chair and said, "Hey I hear it's your birthday."  He turned around and looked at Rick and it took a minute to recognize him.  They had their hugs and then I was introduced.

Fred was 60. His wife is 53. No matter what I tell you about how she was dressed I am going to sound mean. So I'm a bitch. Deal with it.

If she had pubic hair we would have seen it, her acid washed jean skirt with a frayed hem was that short.  No exaggeration. Rick said that evening when back in our room, What the hell was she wearing?  If Rick noticed it was a hot mess.
She continued the 1980 theme by wearing pantyhose with this outfit of barely a skirt and sandals. Why no pictures you ask? Because I left my phone/purse in my room damn it.

She was neither attractive or had the ability to wear this. (told you I was a bitch)
She had a low cut tight nylon shirt that showed her tattoos on her boobs.
Lovely, classy looking woman. 
This was not a hot 30-year-old. This was a damn 53-year-old who as Rick likes to say looked ridden hard and put away wet.  Think Jerry Springer show. I was so hoping my first impression was wrong and she was going to be a nice woman.

She talked all night and the next day. Not once was I asked what I did, where I'm from, no small talk or interest of any kind. Didn't even ask the dreaded question, do you have kids?
When she went to the bathroom Rick leaned over and said, "You okay. You're so quiet"  There was no time to talk, she never shut up. I heard about her mentally challenged sister, her son who no longer talks to her due to another sister so she doesn't see her grandson. I heard about her job (waitress) her first marriage. Her hysterectomy and more, oh much, much more intimate details.  I know more than I ever wanted to know. Fred and Rick chatted and I so wanted to join their conversations. 

I was bat shit bored with nodding my head, smiling while listening to this woman.  I drank cabernet before dinner and had a glass during dinner. I said absolutely nothing, not one word uttered throughout dinner except to my waiter when I told him what I was ordering.
Once Rick even tried to get me in the conversation and said, 'Peg used to do this or that and she just kept talking. Never acknowledge that he even spoke. She bulldosed us through the night.

Then I  made the huge mistake after dinner switching to gin. I know better but didn't do better. I didn't feel well at all when I got back to my hotel room. I didn't get sick, but I hung on to the toilet just in case. I haven't done that in 25 yrs. 4 drinks and because I switched liquors I got sick. Dumb ole Margaret

It was an awful weekend for me, but my husband was happy to see his old pal.
That is what was important. But when they asked us to stay at their home next time for the reunion I said I wasn't sure we were coming. I don't want to go back to this godforsaken place. And I certainly don't wish to stay at their home. I may have to remind Rick that he didn't go home with me to my reunion. At least my hometown doesn't look like a picture on the internet of everyone who shops at Wal-mart, you know the pictures. The positive of a town like this? Everyone is the size of a barn and I felt small.

I'm done being a bitchy snob now. I am back in the land of people with teeth. I actually had a very busy morning and enjoyed it more than my whole weekend. Sad when work is more fun than your off days.