Tuesday, January 31, 2017


I disabled my facebook account. When someone asked me where I went I told them living here in the real world. 

I found it was sucking my soul. Besides the obvious trump bullshit that made my blood boil I just had to walk away. I walked away from the news and now facebook. You'd think that would stop me from knowing what is going on. Sadly that isn't so. My husband likes to keep me informed even when I put my two hands over my ears. He's helpful like that.

Facebook makes me vomit at times. Ah, look at me I'm doing this. Hey, look at my wife and kids because I am a good family man....who is cheating on that beautiful wife. Hey look at me I'm having a perfect life, perfect kids and my home is also perfect. Insert vomit.
If only they all lived like their facebook accounts say they do. Mine is ugly, messy and just like here, my life. I don't have a perfect anything!

Right now I am dealing with a step mom who is losing it. My father is being cared for by her and as you all know he has dementia. I spoke to her on Sunday. (she is 74) She told me that Carol was going to retire after this year. We went on to discuss why she is doing this now and Carol's trip to Florida etc. Then after I mentioned that she may wish to move to Florida since all of her children have moved there she said, "Hey did you know that Carol is going to retire after this year?"
Oh my goodness, here we go again. She has been doing this a great deal and she is scaring me.

After my father dies who will care for my step mother? Getting her to leave that big house that is falling down around her has been a big bone of contention for us all. We have tried to get her to downsize. But she won't. So now she will need assisted living from the looks of things after Dad passes. And if I were being honest with you I am doubtful that he will live past this year. So what do we do with mom? She can live alone if someone is nearby - like next door. And only for a short time. 

I have asked her to move here and she has said no many many times. 
I give up on it. I also get that while I am her "daughter" she married my father and I was part of the package deal.  Her daughter, her firstborn is out west. She keeps telling me she doesn't want to go there because all of her friends are "here" where she lives. But she has no friends so I don't know who these people are. When you ask her she laughs.

I tend to get stuck with all family issues, be it financial support, emotional support, etc. I have been the go-to for them all of my life. But now I would like all sisters to step up. In particular my step mom's oldest daughter. She has gotten off the hook for years because she was out west and she had her own family. Yes, for some reason because I didn't have my own children everyone thinks I should do it then. I just can't financially right now take this on my own. We all need to step up to the plate and figure out a fair way of taking care of mom. I recently suggested we have a meeting and figure it all out. I am fearful of what this will all become.

See it just sucks to get older. I want to be a kid some days and have no responsibilities or to worry about anything other than getting a good grade in Algebra. Which I might add never happened, If it weren't for math I would have had straight A's. Damn math!


Olga Hebert said...

I spent time as caretaker for my mom as she went through senile dementia. It is a heartbreaking experience under the best of circumstances (can't say I would know what the best of circumstances might be).

I wish I could cut ties with Facebook and Twitter. FB is how I contact my family and friends back home. I am getting better at just ignoring anything with #45 on it for the sake of my own sanity.

Mike said...

I only got on facebook to follow my kids to see what they were up to. I seldom ask anyone to be friends. I'm all the way up to 38 friends now. I thought I would stop at 20 but things got away from me. The main reason I'm on there now is my granddaughter.

It's.a.crazy.world said...

I know how you feel about FB. It alternately infuriates and delights me. I do get tired of "look at my fabulous trip to Paris", etc. At my lowest I just quit looking at it.

The situation with your step-mom is serious. Don't let yourself be designated the only person who's going to do anything. Here's the advise: If you take on the job, everyone will LET you do it (and then criticize your decisions). If you have to drag them in kicking and screaming, so be it. Even if it means you let everyone know in no uncertain terms: I'm not doing all of this without all of you.

Margaret (Peggy or Peg too) said...

Olga, I just disabled FB, I can just sign in and it will all be there. I just need time to walk away for my own sanity. Everyone else can find me via email if they want.

Mike - I think most start out by just wanting to keep in touch with children, grandchildren etc. But trump, who I refuse to capitalize, has got to off my FB.

It's a Crazy - Because I am the oldest,it has always been me that had to pick up the pieces. Even as a child. But I don't wish to do this alone. Also my financial situation is far different after losing our corporate jobs so we can't take it on. We all have to do this together. Which is why I called for the meeting. To begin to discuss this and to have a plan. No one should have to do this alone. We all have lives of our own but we can't ignore mom either. I know I will be called a bitch and all kinds of names for saying I am not doing this alone. But after 60 years it is time to put my foot down. 5 daughters ages 43 to 60. It will be blog fodder though. :-)

bikinfool said...

I have been slowly 'unfollowing' the worst of the far right wing-nuts in my FB account. They are the poorest bunch of 'winners' I have ever seen and I just refuse to get sucked down into their negativism. (Is that even a word? Didn't get the spell check squiggle, must be real!)

My father in law - MTM's cousin - that guy, also fell to dementia. Terrible way to go.

But for you - I think your responsibility stops with your dad. If you don't put your foot down, HARD, after your dad passes, your step mom's kids will just let you take care of everything. NOT YOUR JOB. The longer you try and help, the longer they'll let you. You're enabling their poor behavior and you have to nip that shit in the bud.

Goes back to one of my bosses old 80/20 rules - 80% of the time you can be a nice guy, but 20% of the time you just have to be a real bastard to get stuff done.

Julie H said...

I "unfollow" all the people that give me anxiety. I really like seeing pictures of my cousin's kids but his wife is a Trumper. Unfollow. That way if I want to see how the kids are I can just go to her page and look at the kids without seeing her boycott Starbucks shit.

ugh Scott is helping his aging parents. This week he is taking care of the registration for a car that they never drive. His mom gave his sister a check but it didn't get paid. Hmmm of course his mom can't CALL THE BANK to see if the check went through. That would be too easy.

Margaret (Peggy or Peg too) said...

Julie, I started by unfollowing nut jobs. But then those who think like me were posting things he was doing and saying and it just all got to me. So it's off for awhile. We'll see.

Yes, our parents do tend to do less if we'll do it for them. My step mom will do nothing. She will ignore everything until the lights are turned off before she would call the bank. She'll call me 7 hrs away to ask for help. But don't call the local bank. frustrating as hell. I don't think those that love the trumpster are big starbucks fans anyway so no issue there. :-)

April said...

I completely understand not logging in to much on Facebook - I do at work but since the first of the year I hardly get on it at home.

On parent front - you know my mom has the Alzheimer's thing well my dad woke up two weeks ago and lost his hearing!!! Just retired. Can't drive because his balance is off. Had a steroid shot in his ear Tuesday and hopefully this will work. They live about 45 min away from me and I wish they lived closer. Store, dr appointments. Mom forgetting information that doctor's office say. Oh the best thing that happened was the ear doctor's office called my DAD - who can not hear - HELLO!!! Then dad tells me today mom isn't eating. Help me know. I really don't like seeing them both like this. Other day mom just looked so mad/sad. Don't know what to do.

Margaret (Peggy or Peg too) said...

Oh April I am so sorry. Do you know that them not eating is typical for Alzheimers or Dementia? My father always says no to food. Then when put in front of him and we tell him to eat he eats it all. The dr. said they don't seem to have an appetite but keep feeding them. So my mom and sister who is with him during the day make sure he eats. I hope your dad gets his hearing back. That is so odd. Why do they think he just lost it like that? I hope you get some answers. You are only 45 minutes away - I'm 6-7 hrs. :-)

April said...

I know it's not that far! lol

That's going to be fun making my dad make sure she eats. They love each other but boy do they get pissy with each other!!

No clue why - might of been a virus. Doing a mri with contrast so hopefully they can figure it out. I hope at least hearing aids can work. Right now they want. Might have to get a cochlear implants.

Silver Willow said...

so sorry for all the family burden. Hope you find the wherewithal to fight them! I haven't given up FB, but I did just delete Twitter today. :)

LL Cool Joe said...

Well you know I can relate don't you! I'm not even on Facebook but somehow I'm still drawn to see all my family having wonderful lives that I'm not part of!

Barbara said...

I have unfollowed (not unfriended) anyone who talks a lot of politics on FB. This includes two of my best friends who, by the way, believe the extreme opposite of the other. I'm not prejudiced against either party, I just done't want to hear it. We hired a clown and we are all hoping he is a magician. We will see. On the other side of the coin, I love see the pictures of grandchildren all my friends post.