Friday, May 30, 2014

Pilates Classes

I am a hot mess today.  Baseball cap and schleppy clothes and that's the best it will be today.
I sit here at my desk, which I might add, is another hot mess of disheveled papers and office things strewn about, in pain and tired. I am thankful it's Friday!

I am sore in places I can't fathom being sore. I have learned that there is a six-pack under this keg and it is in extreme pain. My back from the bottom of my head to my tail bone is sore.  My arms feel like jello. When I awoke this morning and I grabbed the sheets to fling them off me my arms failed me. They were like Jell-O.  I laughed.

Rick asked, "What is wrong with you?"as we were still lying in bed trying to move.
"I'm  sore"
"you can't move your arms?"
"Oh I can move them, they are a bit like jello-o this morning. I can't seem to lift them with our yelping"


I attempt to get out of bed. 
Holy Shit!!  I am sore everywhere. My abs from just under my boobs to just below my belly button are incredibly sore. So there are muscles under there!!  Who knew?
As I bend over the sink to brush my teeth I begin to laugh because this too hurts.  
It hurts to laugh. Each week I am sore in a new area that we were working on. 
I fear this will never be easy for me. But yet I love it.

Pilate's is kicking my ass with a capital K.  I wish it were easy like being on a treadmill or lifting weights but those also bore the shit out of me. But then what does our mother tell us? Nothing worth doing is easy. It certainly applies here.

The slow concentrated movements are killer.
Last nights class I had a giggle fit. Hold your belly button to the floor, breathe, keep your shoulders down Margaret, no all the way down, now do what is needed. I have found I can't breath. Who knew I would need to learn to breath. I am not breathing from my diaphragm. I also find that I tend to hold my breath. 

I tell you that I find it funny that I have to think about breathing, holding a position a certain way, holding my abs a certain way and doing all this at the same time. I begin to fail in one area and then fix it and fail in another. It tends to make me giggle when I realize I'm a fucking moron who can't breath and do this at the same time.

I think I am mentally challenged. I swear I can walk and chew gum at the same time. 
Really I can. (Don't listen to Rick, I can damn it)

My instructor is so patient. She is a great instructor who knows the body so well. She explains things so that I understand them and she tells me the why.  I say that because on our first day I asked a lot of why? type questions. She laughed and said, "Oh you are going to be one of those are you?"  Apparently so. So when we begin a new focus she explains how it affects our body, why it does what it does and off we go. 

She was a ballet dancer and has that body type. 
She bends in ways I can only dream of. And for some further TMI, my husband would love it if I could bend like that. 
Me personally would just love that body type. 
No body fat on her, no boobs and just long lean muscles. Ah, I can dream.

Last night we both had a giggle when I had to bend a certain way and I was struggling. 
She was holding me and said, "damn girl those tits are getting in the way"  
I burst out laughing because I love it when someone can be that honest and open with me. 
I just said, "No shit I can't golf cuz of those either!!'  (not that I want to golf. I actually was thrilled that the giggles gave me a moment to stop!)
At the end of our session she said, "I have been going through my minds roledex thinking of women golfers. You are right they don't have boobs. " 
Oh yeah, I am aware of that since taking golf in high school gym class. 

The reformer provides such resistance and it can only move with your abs making it move. 
I had a new position last night and I could only make it move with the help of my arms. 
As I used my arms she would say, "NO! c'mon you can do this. "  
After my 4th try I did it. OH MY GOD. 
After 10 of those reps I thought my abdomen was on fire. But you know what? 
It felt good....until this morning. 

In the mean time, I may not be able to hoist a drink this weekend or bend forward or backward with out pain. Hell my obliques are in serious pain so twisting is out of the question.  But my posture is improving so I can just stand here and look cute.
If I don't move I feel great!

Wednesday, May 28, 2014

Lyme Fun

Well Izzy didn't like being the only one with Lyme Disease in our house so Rick decided to join her.
What a friggin' nightmare the last few days have been.

Let me begin by saying that no matter how much Rick fights me on this, I am right and he is a stubborn old coot. Period. End of story.
And his life would be easier if he wouldn't fight me so. After 27 years you’d think he would just have learned by now that I am always right and even if not, I’m only less right.  Dumb ass.

He has been feeling very tired of late. To the point that I was beginning to think this was going to be my old age with this guy. I have all this energy and he just wants to sleep.
I kept asking myself, "really? this is what it's going to be like?"
I suggested he go back to the doctors. He swore he was fine.

Then last week while walking the dog I was a bit behind him. He had on shorts and I saw an enormous black and blue mark that was just a circle around his tick bite behind his knee.
I said something to him and he said, "Because it isn't red it probably is nothing"
Being ever the smart ass I told him since he was neither a doctor or played one on TV that this should be looked at.  
He repeated his mantra, "I'm fine"

But over our 3 day weekend he wasn't fine. He was a big ole poop head. He was tired.He didn't want to do this or that.
I made crab puffs and after an evening of friends and cocktails on the patio he told me he thinks I gave him food poisoning.
He was nauseous and he felt like the flu was hovering over him.  
I wanted to be sure I didn't give my guests food poisoning as well and checked in with them. A bit hungover they said,  but no food poisoning.  Whew.  

Sunday we went to friends home. After a few hours I looked over at him and boy he looked exhausted. He was barely taking part in the conversation when he jumped up like his ass was on fire and said we should go.  Okay then.....

When we got home the dog was waiting to go out. The 2 of them took a walk and when they got back Rick wanted to go to bed. It was barely 9pm on a Sunday with no work on a Monday. It was still a bit light outside. I told him to go to bed then but I was watching Mad Men.  
So he and the dog went up to bed.

Monday he was cranky as all hell. That is his normal M.O. when feeling ill. I withdraw and get quiet. He gets cranky and makes everyone around him know about it.  Fun for ole Margaret!

Monday night he again went to bed early after napping all day and complaining about his joints and feeling like he's getting the flu.
 I suggest for the 100th time that I was going to call Dr. Kate in the morning to get him an appointment to which he would say, "I'm fine."
You're not fine you stubborn old coot. I wanted to hit him over the head!

But this time I had no plans on listening to him. He was not fine, he was a royal pain in the ass who needed to see a doctor before I killed him. 
And I don’t look good in orange and could never survive prison.
Unless of course I got a female married judge - she would be lenient on me because she too has a stubborn old coot at home. She would understand my frustration with this man and why I had to kill him.

Tuesday morning he awoke to a left elbow 2 times its size and so very red. It was also very hot to the touch. He said it hurt like hell. But he wanted to go work. He said it was difficult to keep his eyes open. I didn't listen to anymore of his chatter. I just called the doctor. He insisted on doing the 1st job so when it was completed he went to the doctor’s office which was thankfully in the same city. 

I had great luck yesterday because the 2nd job canceled that morning for later in June due to plumbing issues. The 3rd I was able to move easily to the next day and they were so very kind about it. Thank goodness, that rarely is the case so it was nice that it all worked out so easily.

Rick got into the doctors office and they yelled at him for waiting this long.  They are all women and I bet they thought what I do, “dumb ass”
He was immediately given the blood work and prescriptions for 3 different medications. Powerful antibiotics.

He came right home because it was difficult for him to stay awake.
(he slept 10 hrs the night before!)

I went to Costco to pick up the Rx’s that were called in.
They informed me at the counter that the main drug he was to start immediately had to have an authorization from the doctor.
I asked if I could just buy it because that would take 24-48hrs.
She said, “You can ma’am but it’s just over $500.00”
GULP.  Okay then. Can I get the amount needed for 2 days until we get this authorized? Sure that is $30. I can do $30 so let’s go ahead.
The other drug needed to start right away they didn’t have. They told me they would order it. I told them I would like to take it elsewhere. They weren’t happy but gave it to me to do so.
I then drove over to Walgreens.  

After sitting at the first pharmacy for an hour while they spoke to the doctor’s office and the insurance company I then drove to the other pharmacy and waited there for 20 more minutes. Aargh.
When I got home I had Rick take these immediately.
He did and then fell back to sleep. He is taking 4 pills a day of one med. 2 of each of the others.  He went to bed again at 9pm.

He had an easy day today so that helped him. He isn’t as tired he said so I think that is a good thing. He will be home by 4p and I'm sure in bed again by 9 or 9:30p.

The doctors say that the meds will make him feel better in 1 to 2 weeks.
He is on these for 60 days. Will this cure it? We don’t know.
Chances are this is for life is my understanding since he waited.

I do not understand why men have this issue with the doctors.
If he had gone weeks ago when I suggest he do so this would not have gotten as bad.

All that goes through my head is, “The dumb ass!”

Yeah, I'm sympathetic like that aren’t I?

Friday, May 23, 2014

Long Holiday Weekend.

The holiday weekend is upon us.
Thank heaven! 3 whole days of no work! YIPEE.

I want to do nothing this weekend but that is never the case is it?
My favorite team is playing Mike's team this weekend.
So I would like to watch some baseball.
My team sucks so I don't expect much sadly. 

It's supposed to be nice weather here this weekend too.
I plan to drink long island lemonades....lots of 'em.
I think that is good plan.

We are going to a BBQ Sunday afternoon at a new friends home. 
That will be nice, for once I am not having to do all the cooking and planning.
We met this couple a few months back and they are from Chicago.
We hit it off immediately. The midwest thing I believe is a strong connection.
Then we talked travel industry which was my whole adult life until I lost my job.
He is a pilot, she worked in the industry as well so we swapped stories over lots of wine.
When asked what I did, they got it. I didn't have to explain what it was and I always had to do that unless the person worked in the travel industry. So that alone was refreshing because we could just talk.

They have 2 young boys. I have yet to meet the boys though.
They have autism and 1 isn't verbal at all.  I asked if there were diet restrictions because I thought I'd make creme filled cupcakes to the BBQ.  I mean, why not try to bribe the kids into liking me right? Can't hurt.

Another year of missing Memorial Weekend at the Lake. 
It is always perfect temps at this time of year with no real humidity to speak of. 
My favorite weather and it never lasts long enough.
So instead I will reread one of our funnier ones....and wish I were still there.
We will be renting a place this year again but we don't go until August 30th.
Got a long summer to get through first.

Rick called me this morning in the office to lament his horrific commute and all the bikers.
Rolling Thunder is in town and that made traffic even worse than normal.
Motorcycles everywhere. If you are unaware, rolling thunder, is a demonstration rally.
They were quoted in the paper as saying, "This is not a biker event. There is no picnic at the end, it's to show the government that we're still here, we want answers, and we want our veterans taken care of"  

It was named for the rumble that was created by having thousands of the bikes weaving through the streets of DC .  I personally know one of the organizers who's from my hometown and he works with helping families get closure, POWS, MIAs from WWI, Korea and current day.  He really gets into this weekend. I run the other way. While I like their message I hate that they are all here. Because I am a selfish bitch.

I believe they meet at the Pentagon and ride through the streets and it really is a site to see. 
I asked my friend why the bikes. He said if it were cars everyone would just think it's a traffic jam in DC, normal in other words. I guess I get it. I just know you don't want to be driving this weekend in the District.  When we moored our boat on the Potomac we made the mistake of trying to get to our boat that weekend. Oh My. You have never heard swearing until you sat in a car with Rick trying to get to his boat.  It took 4 hrs. Not a good day. Looking back on it, it's funny to me. But at that moment in time it sure wasn't funny.

I hope you all have a great holiday weekend.
Safe Travels.

Tuesday, May 20, 2014

My Warranty is Up!

A woman we know told us about getting her glasses at Costco.
She said the doctor was superb and the glasses were excellent and the price was a quarter of what she was paying before.  That sounded good to us.
The entrance to the Dr.’s office is outside of Costco but yet you get the same Costco deal if you are a member. Then if you wish to buy your glasses then you go inside Costco to their optical dept. and can pick out your glasses.  Or take your script and buy your glasses anywhere you'd like.

Rick went there first. He came home and went on and on about the most gorgeous eye doctor he’s ever seen. He had his exam and they gave him his Rx and then he went into Costco to their optical store and picked out his glasses.
Normally we pay around $500+ or more for him to have an exam and to get glasses. 
This time it was only $178. We were thrilled by that.
And he enjoyed looking at the doctor.  So it was a win-win.  His glasses were the same exact ones he had before so he uses the old ones for work and the new ones the rest of the time.

I googled the doctor and boy she had great reviews and a great medical grades as well. 
So I made an appointment.

I got there and there was an Asian man who greeted me as the receptionist called my name. I don’t think this was the gorgeous doctor with the long hair that Rick raved about. He was shorter in stature and bald. I shook his hand and said, “I thought the optometrist was a female. My husband thought she was so beautiful so you surprised me a bit”
He laughed and said that Dr. Seng moved to Arkansas and he took over the practice. He said he has heard that and even seen the disappointment on some men’s faces.  He found this all funny as did I.

I wear two pairs of glasses.
One to see the computer and they have bifocals as well. 
The 2nd pair is supposedly to see better far away but I don't see any difference and don't ever wear them for that. This pair as well has bifocals.
I really need the ones on the computer and the bifocals to read.
But seriously having two pairs of glasses is a royal pain.
When I tried progressive I couldn’t get used to them.
I moved my head up and down all the time and I missed curbs. It was horrendous.  
While it was fun for Rick so that he could make fun of me, it wasn't fun for me at all.
So I got two pairs. But the ones I need at any given time are the ones on another floor. 
Royal pain in the ass!
I generally will look at Izzy lying there and say,” Lassie go get mommy’s glasses”
She will tilt her head and do nothing. Lazy ass dog.
So I march upstairs and hunt for glasses.

So I got contacts. These are new since Friday.
We'll see how this goes…..no pun intended.

My vision far away is just shy of 20/20 so not too bad.
But I freaked out because I thought it was far worse.
I could no longer see a sign that was a block away while driving.
I thought everyone else could see that with glasses or without.
Apparently not.

My new eye doctor told me that is not normal for most.
But my vision seemed so much worse to me yet it seems that it is worse but its 20/20.
I thought 20/20 would be better than this.
I could read the last line on the wall without glass or contacts.
Apparently that is good for a woman of my age as he stated it.
(God how I hate that phrase.)

But I still have problems with teeny tiny print on the TV on the bottom scroll so I thought I must need thick new glasses. So apparently all of you with 20/20 can’t see it either.
I guess that is good that I don’t need coke bottle glasses, but to me it was horrible eye sight since that was not what I was used to.
20/20 ain't so great people, what’s the fuss about?
I used to have 20/14 and didn't know that was so great until now.

Now the glasses I wear to see the computer makes the world outside the computer all blurry I can’t wear them any other time. I have bifocals on them too so when I look down to write on my desk I can see the small print. So perfect on my desk. But do they stay there?
Hell no. I walk downstairs and realize I can't see shit and take them off and set them down.
I go back upstairs and can't see the computer and have to run back down stairs and geez i hate that.

Today I am wearing my contacts and I can see far away and the computer, still need readers.  Easy enough.

But I have to say, the left eye is giving me grief. The contact will move. I feel it constantly. I never feel the contact in my right eye. I put them in and blink a few times and they are fine. Then as I was on the phone I saw and felt the left eye contact move. Really creepy. I put my finger on it and move it back. But then after a few times of this my eye is irritated and I finally just took my left eye out.

I return tomorrow to my doctor to discuss how the week of contacts is working.
I fear I will have to wear glasses again.
What a pain in the ass. I hate glasses. I. hate. glasses!

When I had my corporate job I had insurance that covered lasik surgery.
I didn't need glasses then.
Now that I do, I don’t have insurance that will pay for lasik surgery.
Figures right? Oh how I'd do lasik in a heart beat. 
This is the only thing that goes up after it becomes successful.
It started out much cheaper than it is today.
it's around 5K as I have shopped around to have it done.
You don't want to go to the Walmart of eye shopping because my God it's my eyes.
There are just some things you don't shop for by price and my eyes are one of them.

My body parts are out of warranty is seems.
I have a home warranty, when things wear out or fail, I get new for only the cost of my deductible which is $75.00. (I'm hoping my old A/C dies so I can get a newer quieter one)
I think I need one of those warranties for my body! 
Know where I could get one?

Thursday, May 15, 2014

Happy Cows

This made me laugh. The cows really seem to like the music don't they?

Personal

A few years ago when all hell shook up our household and the recession was settin' in it was a difficult time for us, like everyone.
We had lost our corporate jobs. We started a business and it didn't skip a beat. Life went on and while we were making a little less money it wasn't all that bad. Then the recession hit us smack in the middle of our faces. 

We took an enormous hit. What one made in a week was now what one was making in a month. Okay my bills didn't like this much.
So as ya'll know we sold our lake home. We sold everything that we could as we continued to drain our savings, our 401K's etc.
Some days it was all we could do to just keep the lights on and a roof over our head.

We contemplated bankruptcy. I actually went to speak to someone.
Honestly they seemed so seedy. I brought in my life in a folder and all I heard was, "blah, blah, blah blah.  I wasn't hearing anything, all I kept thinking was, I owe this money, this isn't right.

So we never did it. 
I contacted everyone and told them the situation and 90% of them were willing to work with us. I made arrangements with everyone. I was proactive and as I said earlier some were so nice about it, some shocked, one told me normally they are just ignored. I didn't want to ignore any of my obligations, I just was asking for some help and patience to work with us. Help in the way that we could pay each month but perhaps not in full or the amount they were asking. Could they work with us? They did indeed.  Oh they didn’t trust me to send them money they had to take it from my bank account. Okay, that was fine. I understood.  I’m sure they hear the checks in the mail all the damn time.

The 2 companies that weren't willing to work with us get what they get. It's all I can do. They have threatened us with all kinds of legalese. But I continue to pay them so they can't say I'm not trying. And soon they will be done. (yipee)

This past week I paid off 2 big bills. It was so friggin' great. It felt like that big weight that has been on us was less heavy. Still there, damn it, but less heavy. Are we rolling in the dough yet? Hell no, this will take awhile, but going in the right direction at least.

Business is back to normal but it will be some time until WE are back to normal. 
I still think we made the right decision for us, not claiming bankruptcy. I understand why some feel it is best for them. We just kept feeling like we owed this money and it deserved to be paid, we just couldn't pay the amounts they were asking each month.  It was our obligation and we couldn't just walk away from it. We are plugging away and chipping the debt down and hopefully this won't be forever. I actually see light at the end of this.  A rainbow is doubtful, but there is light.

There are days I still feel so very overwhelmed by all this. But I have to think about the fact that I don’t have to worry about how I will feed my kids.
Or if I will lose my house or will the lights stay on.  
Sure I drive a 7 year old car and I don’t eat out any more and that type of stuff.
But honestly I know I’m blessed with more than most. And if I were being truthful the only thing I really really miss from my old life in my cleaning lady.
Oh how I miss my cleaning lady! Damn toilets don’t clean themselves.

The stress has done a number on my health my physician tells me.
She told me this week it is only exasperating the issues I am currently having.
Okay, how do you stop the stress? (and her bill that day was $650 that was not paid by insurance, talk about stress)
She told me to try meditation.
I try and I end up making lists of things that need done, and what needs paid, and will we have it by then? That type of stuff. I find it hard to let go and not think about anything.
Probably why I don’t sleep much I guess.

People seem to think that my husband is great at dealing with this stuff.
But honestly he isn’t. He never ever knew how bad it was until I had to share.
You see he doesn’t deal well with all this so I keep all the balls in the air, I do the dirty work and then fill him in as needed.  It’s easier that way I have found over the years. 
He truly can’t deal with this kind of stress and go to work.
And it makes him cranky. I don’t like Cranky Husband.
He is doing what is necessary, bringing home the bacon.
Besides he knew, he just didn’t really need to know the ugliness of it all.
He does a lot of things very well, dealing with this type of stress isn’t one of them.
He knew, but he didn’t know all of it at once is a good way of saying it I suppose.

The other day when 2 items were paid off we did a happy dance.
I got a big ass thank you for all I do and how I have handled this.
It made me laugh.
He went on and on about how awesome I’ve been through all of this and I told him I wasn’t having sex with him right now so stop it!

Then last night as I was trying to fall asleep listening to the dog snore and his rhythmic breathing, he rolled over and told me to stop it, he could hear me thinking he said. He laughed and said, “Smoke was coming out my ears"
It made me laugh. He thanked me again for keeping the business running, the bills at bay, working all of our life out so well. (well? Nah!)
Then he told me to relax because it will be just fine.

I don’t know that it will, but I believed him last night in that moment and it was the first night I slept for 6 straight hours in a row in several years. It was nirvana.

Wednesday, May 14, 2014

Dog will play while I'm away

Izzy the Wonder Dog Here.....

Mom is buried under papers, work, chores and Dr. appointments.
She isn't able to write right now.

So I'll show you what I've been up to.
Napping on the patio with my dad after he got home from work.

I'm also into this stick. I've been carrying around this stick I found this spring. 
I carry it everywhere.
I just love this stick. It's my favorite one ever. I've had it for weeks now, before there were flowers and buds on the trees. That is the longest I have kept a stick. 
I think I may name it and make it my pet. It won't eat as much as me so it can hang around.
I leave it on the stoop after walks and then I sit with it. I lay on the sidewalk with it.
Then I sat on the sofa as mom planted flowers and veggies on the patio.
She ran squealing into the house because an enormous bee was bugging her.
I just laid on that sofa outside and watched her. 
It was pretty damn funny to me!

I'm goin' fishing with my Dad in a couple of weeks. I can't wait.
Just Dad and me at the lake for a whole weekend of naps, fishing and more naps.
Doesn't get any better than that. Especially because you know who won't be with us.
I get him all to myself.
Just me, Dad, water and this football that he will throw for me after we fish all day.

This is me last year. At the end of the year before they close the community pools they allow the dogs to have some fun. Personally I don't see why we can't have our own pool, these people have 5 of 'em all to themselves. This is me in all my glory. I can do this for hours....and I do.

Have a good day blogger friends. I'm going to nap now. I had a hard day yesterday at doggie day care. We swam a lot yesterday, they had a pool and it was all outdoor fun. 
I didn't get many naps though.  So today I will have to nap a lot!  
Hope you get lots of naps today too!!





Monday, May 12, 2014

Mad Men 60's style

I am so into Mad Men.
Don Draper is someone I would hire in a heart beat!
He is not a man to have as a partner in life, but a partner in business there is no one I’d want more on my side. He can turn a negative into a positive like no other.

This character is gold! As a 'Man Man', he is the best. 
And when his back is against the wall he is even better. 
I just loved how he handled the work last night.  
When he stood outside that door, you knew he was nervous but he pulled it together when he has to. Damn, he’s good. I love to watch him at work.
I can’t wait to see how this all plays out. 
There are 2 more episodes I believe this season and then like 4 or 6 more all together left.

They are hard core into the late 60’s now and everything is changing.
I have no idea where this will go but man it’s a fun ride.
I will be so sad to see it go. It is so complex and it is so raw and real.

I adore the character of Roger Sterling. He is a smart ass and makes me laugh. 
It’s his money that keeps him there, he doesn't contribute much but does find good talent and he’s good at the schmooze. No one can charm like Roger.
The work is all Don and he knows it. I love Roger, so rich and miserable.

The women in this show are fascinating to me too. They had a role and that role is changing. They want to use the power but they are still scared of the power. All but Peggy. She has ambition and she has had to pay the price of it too. She knows it but loves her work and keeps at it. It’s so fascinating to watch these women leaving the 60’s and realizing what they think matters and they can have their own political thoughts and not just the thoughts of their mates.

Which brings me to the character of bitchy cold Betty - Oh how I dislike her.
She is good at nothing excepting holding her affection from everyone.
Her poor children!!  But even she is getting restless being a kept woman.
When she voiced her political opinion of the war it made her hubby so angry.
It wasn’t the same as his. How dare she speak up about more than the appetizers.
He told her she wasn’t to have an opinion because he is in office. She basically told him that she has the right to an opinion and to voice it. I hope she does more of this. Maybe that venting will get her to be a warmer person. Because my God she is cold as ice!


Anyone out there watching this show?  

Thursday, May 8, 2014

Thursday Random Shit

Anyone see this young lady?
WOW. Only 8 years old and Norwegian, so I imagine this isn't her first language.



There is a new pilates studio in my development/town. But their classes on a reformer are only at 9:30AM or 10AM.  There are no evening classes. I would like to know who goes to these morning classes? If you stay at home aren't your kids little? Don't most people work?
They will be having evening classes beginning in June they claim. Someone is going to get backed to me later today about their new hours. I just find it odd that they would only have classes during the day. 

Here is my version of chocolate ,vanilla and dark chocolate.

And lastly I was looking at movies to watch on TV this weekend and I realized I forgot to tell you all this tid bit of our culture.
When we were out of town over Easter and we went to a movie it was a bit creepy.
It was an AMC theatre. Before the movie started they had a warning.
It told us to look around at everyone. Does anyone seem strange? Nervous? Do you see weapons? Check where your nearest exit is. Then it told you how to escape. If something happens or someone begins to shot a gun, drop to the floor or if possible head to your nearest exit. It went on and on with this type of talk. Rick turned to me and said, "Remember the old days when there was a song that told us to, Let's go out to the lobby and have ourselves a treat with dancing ju-ju bees?"   Sadly I do and that is what was so sad about this.

It really made us uncomfortable and it took us awhile to relax after that. 
I realize that the big shooting was an AMC theatre but honestly this makes me just want to watch movies at home!  

Wednesday, May 7, 2014

Phone Sales People

I just have to vent.

I get so many of these calls that today I had to just flip out on this person.

You see I was a senior sales executive for years. During the majority of this time there was no internet. I had to work hard to do my homework the old fashioned way.
I needed to ask the right questions. I had to do research on companies. I had to know my customer before I walked in the door, before ever meeting them. I was taught it was almost an insult not to know about them if I am asking them for something like money!

Every damn day I field sales calls here at the office. Every damn day a numb nut tells me they want to make me a website. Gee I have one, you may have wanted to look first. 
Oh you do? they always say.  Idiots.

Today was the last straw for me. This guy just rubbed me the wrong way so I was honest.
This man called and began speaking in rapid fire about HGTV this and HGTV that.
I can get you on these pages for remodeling.
I stopped him. I said, "Sir, we are not remodelers." Before I can go on he starts talking.
Finally I interrupted and erupted - "Sir, with all due respect you did not do your homework. We are not remodelers. We are refinishers." 
He interrupts me and says,"so you can install new bathroom fixtures like tubs right?" 
"NO!"  
" well you can install new tile walls or floors right?"
"NO!"

I said," Sir, you didn't do your homework. Before you call a company you should know what it is they do if for no other reason than respect. You are playing a game I call spaghetti, you are just dialing numbers hoping something will stick to the wall. 
Guess what? This is not a good site for our business model, would you like to know why?"

At this point his supervisor who was listening to his call interrupts and introduces himself and says, "we don't always have time to do all that homework." 

I said, "that is either a damn shame or pure laziness I'm not sure. But even now you didn't ask me anything about our company.
I would think you'd do that work at home the night before you make all these calls. This way you would be prepared for your day.  Either way this does not work for our business model. Because if you put me on a page taking about getting new tile then they call me and I tell them we don't install tile they aren't happy. I too am unhappy because I have spent money in an area that just doesn't work for me.  I work like hell to try to tell them the advantages of refinishing but honestly it isn't what they thought since it was on this page. Once I did try this type of advertising in the past and it was an enormous amount of money that did nothing for us except to learn a valuable lesson. So now, do you understand why this isn't a smart use of our marketing budget for our business model?

The supervisor says, " But don't you want to install new tile and make more money?"

OH MY GOD was my thought but I did not say that out loud.

I just said, "Thank you for calling but I don't need your services at this time. Have yourself a great day."

I don't mind a company calling to try to sell me the value of their product to fill my needs. But they don't ask any questions to find out my needs. That would work like a charm. That would be sales 101.

They never know what it is we do and to me that is just damn laziness since the internet is in their lap. Don't tell me you don't have time. You have the time, you're too friggin' lazy to do it. Is it fun? No, that's why it's called work. 

I worked in one form of sales or another for over 20+ years. 
You need to know who you are talking to. Even when I worked in airlines sales and newspaper advertising sales (easiest)you needed to know your customer. If you wanted an agency to sell more of your airline tickets you had to find their needs. Was it corporate? Leisure? And then find a way to fill a void or need for them with what you have to offer. 
Not just throw shit at them and hope it sticks.  You don't tell a strip club that they need to advertise in your religious section of the paper. Do your homework, know your audience.

I also learned that you are nice to everyone because you don't know who the gate keeper may be....could be the CEO's mom. (or the wife of the owner)  Be nice to everyone!  Know the people you are going to talk to. You would do as much for an interview to get the job. Getting the sale is no different.

Whew, I needed to vent that.
Too bad I don't smoke, I could use a cigarette.

Tuesday, May 6, 2014

Speaking of Realtors

When we lived in Seattle we were given a name of a realtor from someone Rick worked with.
We made an appointment over the phone to meet at the first property to view the home. Supposedly this woman excelled in helping those relocating to the area.

We got there a bit early. 
We were parked in front of the home next door to house we were to look at.
Rick looked up in his rear view mirror and said, "This must be her. OMG. hurry! put down your visor and check her out."

She was fluffing her white straw like hair with black roots. It was high, big hair. She was putting on her bright pink shimmery lipstick. Her makeup curtosey of the late great Tammie Faye.  Then she got out of the car - PULLED UP HER SHIRT AND THEN ROLLED DOWN THE ZIPPER TO HER TOP. UNZIPPED SO FAR DOWN TO SHOW AMPLE FAKE BOSOMS AS WELL AS HER BRA.

My husband is laughing hysterically. I say, "the house must be bad if she feels the need to distract us that much from seeing the house" 
That made Rick laugh more.  I ask, "you did tell her I was coming didn't you?"
He said he told her, "my wife and I would like to meet you at this house."

We let her go inside since she didn't seem to notice us. 
We walked in after she was inside the home a bit so we were right on time.
She was a hoot. She was not at all knowledgeable of the property as we asked questions. I couldn't take my eyes off her but not for the nice reasons.
She couldn't answer any of our questions about the area. 
She couldn't answer anything about the home she was selling. 
When asked about the park across the street and ever that she was clueless about. Which would make her use her hands in grand gestures and laugh. We never understood that. Was she trying to make us think it didn't matter? Did she really think she was fooling anyone? Perhaps she was just a walking advertisement for the plastic surgeon who did those enormous boobs. (which Rick never took his eyes off of - there's a park? what park?)

We thanked her and got a new agent.  

Monday, May 5, 2014

Realty TV

I watched a marathon of Property Virgins and House Hunters while I was recovering from doing something foolish. (drinking 3 chocolate martini's)
Seriously I can drink a 1/2 bottle of Tanqueray and feel barely a thing.
I can drink wine and feel nothing. But vodka kills me every time.

Here is what I have learned while observing whiny people looking for a new home.

1. They want EVERYTHING and they want to only pay $100K or less. This makes me laugh every time. Then when the realtor shows them what their 100K gets them in the big city they whine. And then they whine some more. 100k in my neck of the woods would get me a house alright, but if I wanted a roof I'm be shit out of luck.

2. Oh I hate the color of these walls. (must be said in whiny voice now) Gee have you ever heard of paint? If you're too lazy to paint yourself then there are people called painters.  No shit, google it. Couple actually said, "the house is perfect except for the color of the walls." So they wouldn't make an offer. They just kept saying it's too bad because it has everything we wanted. Really? I'm even shaking my head as I type this.

3. They want granite!  This woman ooh'd and aah'd over this really really cheap granite and then when they went to a newly renovated home with very high end everything in the kitchen including quartz counter tops she stomped her foot and said, "But I want granite" Here's a tip whiny white woman, don't worry about putting granite in your 30 yr mortgage. You can add it cheaper later. Especially since you love cheap granite. Why don't realtors tell them that? Said much nicer than what I just said of course, but really these kids are so clueless. Besides if they watch HGTV of DIY network they would know that the reason granite is so cheap now is because it is considered dated. 

4. A woman had an aversion to wood paneling. One of the easiest fixes there is. She also has a pig for a pet. This was her issue?  She also didn't want wood floors because to her this was just paneling on the floor. She has a pet pig. She wants carpet. Dumb ass.
A pig on carpet sounds like a great idea to me. ooh those smells and stains in the carpet will be wonderful in a year from now. This woman made me laugh. She was a hoot, not in a good way but in a can't turn away from the accident kind of way.

5. Men only care about a man cave and no yard to mow. Every single one of these "men" whined about mowing the lawn. I suggest they get goats. Or perhaps google lawn boys, there are tons of companies that will take you money to mow your lawn.
These are also the "men" who have muscles bigger than their heads and they might want to consider some exercise outside the gym that is free - walking and mowing your small yard that you think is HUGE. Seriously one was a town home. I find these people so lazy it makes me laugh. But they don't want to live in a condo because they want a yard. It's a head scratcher to me.

6. My favorite couple after all these whiny couples were a couple who moved from a 550 sq ft apartment in NYC for their jobs. They were now in Atlanta where you can get yourself a good size home for cheap in comparison to most of the east coast. They saw a house below their budget and they thought it was too big. It wasn't that big. They have 2 toddlers and the 2 of them. They just kept laughing and didn't know what to do with all this house coming from 550ft. It was culture shock. The realtor said that she has never had anyone tell them it was too much home. They settled on a home that to me they will find too small down the line but I think the culture shock was just too much for them now. They were cute and they were reasonable. They said things that made sense to me like, "well I don't like this color but it's just paint." "The basement is framed so if we finish this out we'll build some equity."  They seemed to get it. But I wish I could hear them a year from now because that house will be too small for them.  The one they thought was too big was 2200 sq ft. The one they bought was around 1200 sq ft for 4 people and one on the way. 

7. I noticed that it's like these couples have never talked before. They more often than not never wanted the same thing. He wants modern, she wants Victorian. She wants to live where you can walk everywhere, he wants to be in the country with no neighbors that you can see for miles. And boy do they fight. One couple annoyed me so much I never did see the ending because I had to flip off the channel or I'd have tracked her down just to slap her. She wanted a house hundreds of thousands over their budget. And since primarily it was his budget because she was still in school she should have just shut and been appreciative of a lot more. But of course not. At one point in a big old kitchen with an island that was updated in the last 5 yrs she said, "If I don't have 42" cabinets and an island then I will never cook." He responded with, "You mean you know how to cook and you've been holding out on me? all it will take is granite, 42" cabinets and an island" Then she said, "Well I'll spend more time in the room at least."  She also said over and over again that she better get a ring after this house. Men are so dumb if they can't see that after they put a ring on it, she is only going to be worse. I was screaming at the TV to him, RUN, RUN LIKE THE WIND!

8. They have no imagination at all. There was a couple who wanted a 3 bedroom home with an office. The realtor showed the couple a 4 bedroom home and no office. One bedroom was so small they made fun of the room and how it wouldn't fit a queen bed. The realtor said, "This would be a great office." She began to point out how and where things would go to make this work. You could see that they never ever thought of it. That floored me! I was yelling at the tv again saying, "make this your office! put your desk facing out to the beautiful yard so you have something to look at"  The realtor heard me because she told them the same thing. They were going to walk away because there was no office and they only wanted a 3 bedroom home. Idiots. This was also just a a few thousand under their budget. 

9. Lastly they say they want open concept, hardwood floors and suburbia. They buy a condo in center city that is nothing like what they said they wanted. After viewing a few hundred homes they changed course. I as the realtor who drove them around for those 100+ viewings would have just shot them, put them in the trunk of my car and buried them in the woods.

This is why I went to realty school and was never a realtor. I'd be biting my tongue so much it'd be bleeding.  Or I'd go to jail.

Friday, May 2, 2014

Can't Make This Stuff Up People

Things I can't even make up is the title to my week.

I had a doctor's appointment to get blood work done only. My dog got diarrhea that day and I was running her outside constantly. It was bad. So I called and asked to reschedule. They laughed when they heard my reason why. But look it could take me up to an hour to get there, then wait in the dr's office for who knows how long, give blood, drive home. That is at least 3 hrs that the dog would be pooping all over my damn house. No siree, laugh all you want I wasn't leaving her.

So it was reschedule to today. I walk her so she would be fine while gone.
I then got in my car to leave. My windshield wipers are up in the middle of my window, which I thought was odd. Because I was driving the other day during the 5.24 inches of rain we got so they worked. I hadn't noticed that they didn't go down when I turned off my car and ran inside. So I turn them on - they won't go down. I get out and try to push them down. They won't budge.
I get inside my car and again and keep trying and then think I have a great idea. I turn on my window washer fluid lever because the water comes out and sprays my windshield and my wipers come on automatically. Not such a brilliant idea after all. 
Oh the water came out just fine. But sadly the wipers didn't move.
Now I have a real mess on my front windshield and I can't see for shit.

I can't drive to McLean like this. Way too far. So I come inside and call Rick first. He asks me if I turned on the car. How insulting. Of course I had the car on, what the hell is wrong with you? I am not that stupid.  He is of no help.  I don't know why I called him honestly.  He is useless when it comes to vehicles. He can build me things, but he can't do diddly squat with cars. 

So I call the doctors office and tell them what is going on. They laughed and said, "you can't even make all this funny stuff up Peg." No shit!

Next I call the garage and they tell me it's a fuse. He asks, when you did this, did it do that? type of questions. All exactly as he said. So I now have to drive to the garage to get this repaired this afternoon. I hope it is just a fuse because I can afford a fuse.
I am also very thankful it's close by and I don't have to drive far without seeing well.

Honestly this has been a goofy week. 
I am thankful it's Friday and that it is 5 o'clock somewhere cuz I ain't waitin'.

Thursday, May 1, 2014

Drinking Holidays

Everyone talks about their bucket list.
I have done all on my list except live in Australia or Canada.
Is being incredibly wealthy something that one should put on a bucket list?
If so, I could add that one.

There are things I would enjoy doing like eating and drinking my way through Italy but a bucket list item? Not so much.  I could just go to my family home and eat great Italian food and drink some Chianti.  Enough Chianti and who knows where I think I am. 

I've had the sports car convertible.


Actually no big deal that car, very nice, but we decided to get a dog instead and bought an SUV. (Izzy wouldn't have a place to sit since there was no back seat)
I can’t drive that fast on the beltway or anywhere here due to non stop traffic so what’s the point of all the power? And summers here are so hot that I really only enjoyed it in spring and fall. So the top went up and on with the air conditioning. 
Rather defeats the purpose of a convertible when I drove it mostly with the top up.

It was certainly helped along by Rick’s mid-life crisis and I felt it was better than a blond so let’s go for it.  But we both realized it didn’t fit our lifestyle. After the deer came out of the woods onto a winding road down at the lake and flew over our heads barely missing our heads/faces that was it for the little car.

So now I've been musing, are there things I want to do but just can’t afford it perhaps?
Yep. (Australia and Canada living) But anything else? Nope.
So I guess you can say I'm lucky and just quit my bitching.

So I think I'm going to settle for Cinco de Mayo margaritas and guacamole and corn chips.  That’s my goal for this week.

Now that I know it’s not the 5th of mayonnaise as I actually said out loud years ago and embarrassed myself.  I will partake and enjoy.
I always enjoy it when there is an excuse for my alcohol intake.

Since Cinco de Mayo falls on a Monday, my busiest day of my week, I can’t be out drinking Margarita’s on a Monday.

So it will be Tres de Mayo celebration for me at my local Mexican bar who makes the guac in frontn of you at each table or person at the bar.  That is fresh!

Actually it is quite the drinking weekend now that I think of it.
It’s also Kentucky Derby weekend and I loved going to the Derby.
So maybe a mint julep too!  Just kidding, not a fan of bourbon even though I drank a lot of them at the Derby. I just did it for the souvenir glasses. I mean c'mon you would too.