Friday, August 16, 2013

Post by the hearing impaired

As Rick was leaving this morning we had a "conversation" that went like this.

ME: "I hope that guy doesn’t call back today."

"Who’s Amir?"

"A mirror? What are you talking about?"

"You just said Amir was calling today."

"No I didn’t"

Laughter ensues.

"I didn’t hear that correctly did I?" he asks sheepishly.

"Nope. You did not."

Rick does the sign language for Asshole and points to me.


I can’t stop laughing as he is walking out the door.

I yell to him, "Good thing we took sign language classes looks like we now need them"

Yep, this is what my life has become. Thank God we have a sense of humor.

Thursday, August 15, 2013

The World has gone to Pot

My Grandmother used to use the above phrase all the time about everything.
"The World has gone to Pot"

I remember a time when I was quite young and my sister Pam and I were at her home.
(she was a single woman and we assumed grandpa died just to get away from her)
We were all in the living room watching television and there were protests on the television news. Probably the Vietnam war protests at that time.  
She said that phrase yet again and asked us to change the channel.  
We didn't have remotes back then and this grandmother wouldn't get up if my sister or I could do something for her.

My sister and I would just laugh every time she said it because she said it all the time, about everything.  There was a man at the store and he had long hair to his shoulders, that always made her say her favorite phrase. It never ceased to make my sister and I laugh. We were not that fond of this grandmother. She was as mean as a snake so laughing at her was fun for the two of us.

This morning while the news was playing in the background of my morning routine I thought of my Grandmother. They are having a Hemp Festival in Seattle where pot is legal. 
Her phrase would certainly be appropriate now wouldn't it?  Seattle's gone to Pot Grandma.  The whole thing I heard this morning made me laugh. The police will be handing out mini bags of Doritos for all those who have the munchies. Who won't have the munchies if they are at this festival?  Contact high could be possible I suppose if there is that large of a crowd with open air smoking. Makes me laugh and I had to text my sister that phrase. I knew she'd have a smile thinking about our grandmother, the mean old woman.

Then I read in the paper where this dumb ass man tweeted that he needed "spliff" and was looking for a marijuana dealer to deliver a "20 sac chop" (2 grams) to his place of employment, a Mr. Lube automotive center in a Toronto suburb.  
Now when I read this I was happy they explained in the article what the hell that meant because I am not up on pot jargon. 

Now what is really funny to me is what happened next.
He received the following tweet back from his local police, ""Awesome! Can we come too?"
Shortly there after he was unemployed and arrested.

The dumb ass continued to tweet telling all who follow him that "Just got the call of termination."
In one of his tweets following his unemployment and arrest he tweeted, "I've lost complete hope in society man. There's killers/rapists/people missing and all they care about is a dude asking for weed."

While I agree that it's not as big a deal as killers, rapists etc., however it is illegal dumb ass so publicly asking for it is pretty stupid. How can you be surprised that any of this happened?

File this man under the Dumb Criminal file don't you think?

Tuesday, August 13, 2013

A Beautiful Day in the Neighborhood

I love rain. 
That is probably why when my husbands job took us to Seattle the thought of gray and rain didn't upset me.  Then I lived there. 

Today here in the mid Atlantic we are having a very beautiful day. 
It is gray with a nice steady rain and honest to God I love it!
I don't love it for months on end. But I do love rain a few times a month and today is beautiful to me. I don't like constant sun. I don't like constant anything so I guess that is why I like to live where there will be more than one season. I only wish we had 4 equal seasons. 
Winter seems much longer than fall to me. Fall being my favorite always seems to be short changed. 

This all brings me to Bonnie, yes Bonnie of the witness protection program who's blog I may not link. She is a friend on my Facebook and she had a map showing the winter weather that is looming. I didn't need to see that to be honest with you. She's taunting me.

You see for the last 3 months during the coolest summer I have experienced since moving here, Rick has been telling me we are in for a harder winter. Now there are acorns on the ground and his fall allergies have started already. Then the hummingbirds started acting as they do in fall on our patio. So he is convinced that this winter will be harder than last.
I want winter but I don't want it to be "more" than last year. Sadly he is usually right about this shit. (I may have to hurt him in his sleep.)

Then Bonnie posts this horrible map. The wench.
Here it is. I copied it from her super secret location.

We here in my little world are bordering Above Average and Much Above Average.
I didn't need that. Now you're in cahoots with my husband? 
Bonnie, Bonnie, Bonnie, I liked you Bonnie. What are you doing to me?

So Bonnie this is strike one. No more of this shit is to be put out into the universe.
Strike three and I roll you under the bus and your super secret location is out. 
You will need your buddies in witness protection to help you from some bad whoop ass from someone in the mid-Atlantic.  Be careful. I hear she's a mean mother.

Monday, August 12, 2013

My Sunday Night of TV

My car is being repaired from that dip shit that hit me while on her phone.
I had to drop my car off this morning between 7-7:30 am
They said they gave me a comparable car but I don't think it's really comparable.

I had to go to the auto body shop and they called the rental car to pick me up.
These young men at the rental car place were so young, shiny and bright. 
So very chipper at that hour of the morning. It was nice to see that for a change.
Not just happy but providing me with customer service and with a smile.
They were young enough to be my children..... that I had late in life.  Yep, that young.
But all cute and smiley and that made me happy, happy, happy.

It's not quite an SUV and it isn't quite a mini van. It's a Chevy Equinox. 
I sure wouldn't buy this car but I'm thankful they gave me a car at all. 
It's big enough in the back for Miss Izzy and plenty of room for Rick and me. 
Best of all it gets me from point A to B and my insurance is covering the cost. 

Sunday's night television schedule for us is crazy. 
So many things to watch and so little time that we will be watching all these things the rest of the week.
Of course all my Food Network shows and HGTV shows were DVR'd.  

But then we have Ray Donovan,(and if you aren't watching Ray why not?) Dexter, Newsroom, Breaking Bad, Inside Man and the CNN special on Weed by Dr. Sanjay Gupta. 
All at the same time. DVR'd some of course. 

We actually watched CNN's Inside Man. I so love this show. This week it was about the dumb ass city council men and women as well as their completely incompetent Mayor. 
The city of Stockton has filed bankruptcy and the town is a hot mess of violence, unemployment and foreclosures.  It was all so sad and so easily avoided. 
Not all of it but for the most part it was. The spending these people did was inexcusable  
The mayor blames the fire department and police department for their union wages. 
The mayor and "friends" have done a great job of putting this erroneous information out to the media to make people believe what they are saying. When in fact that isn't 100% accurate. OMG how I wanted to slap this mayor woman. She spent money on the most foolish things and of course never with their cash. No just borrow more and more money than you can ever pay. They built a marina. A marina with no gas available to the boaters, no restaurants available. They spent something like 23 million for this in a depressed area and it is basically empty and generating no money in any way shape or form. 
But it's pretty she says. They built big parking garages that remain empty because there is no business for people to go there to park their cars. That was many more millions than the marina. There were many like this and yet they just blamed the fireman and policeman to deflect. 
They showed both sides to this. The over paying for the social jobs like police and fireman is real but that wasn't the reason for a full meltdown of the city. But as we know most people don't look any further than what they hear. No research of our own.  It was very fair show and you could see both sides of this but to me it was clearly the governments fault for the majority of all of this. 
I suppose that shouldn't be a big surprise should it?
This show is so good. I tell you each week how much I like it I know. I hope people watch it so it doesn't get canceled. Everything I like gets canceled.

Then we watched the doc on Weed by the Dr. Gupta. Boy was this eye opening. It wasn't what you'd think it was about in so many ways. We enjoyed this as well.  I swear Rick and I had our mouths hanging open during so much of this. We learned a lot and found it fascinating.

Now this week we'll have to catch up on Dexter, Newsroom, Ray Donovan and Breaking Bad. 
So no spoilers please.

Friday, August 9, 2013

Funny on TV...not so much in my life

There was a great episode on Everybody Loves Raymond about Raymond leaving his suitcase on the stairs.  If you haven't seen it the gist of it is that he comes home from a trip and just leaves it on the stairs....for weeks.  One would assume (including his wife Debra) that he will take it upstairs when he goes up later. But later never comes. Days go by and the longer it sits there the more she is damn determined to let it sit there to see how long he will do this. She knows he assumes she will just get fed up with it and bring it up upstairs when she goes up. But NO, she doesn't.

The longer it sits there the more she fumes. Then he realizes that she knows it is there and she thinks he should do it. So he puts stinky cheese in there to really get her going. Oh this goes on and one. The hilarity ensues.  Now it's funny to see this on TV but when it's happening at your home it's just not damn funny. Trust me on this.

I live in a 3 level town home. My first level is street level and it is my foyer, dining room, kitchen, great room, powder room and a patio out to the garage. 2nd floor is the master suite, office and laundry room. 3rd floor is TV room, jack and jill bath between 2 bedrooms. So there ya have it, you have the lay of the land. Everything has to go upstairs.

He leaves all kinds of shit on the first floor landing. He acts like he will bring it upstairs when he goes to bed but it never happens. They apparently become invisible to him after he takes his hands off them.  I complained once about his suitcase. For God's sake I packed it for him do I have to carry it upstairs to unpack it too I asked?  "Oh no, I'm a big boy" he says with a laugh," I'll take it up?"  When might that happen? Never is when.

Once Rick brought his suitcase up to the 2nd floor and left it on the landing as you go up the 3rd floor. It sat there for 3 weeks until my head exploded and I finally brought it up stairs to a closet on the 3rd floor where HE GOT IT. Apparently out of site out of mind was his thinking. But I still see it each morning when I walk out of my bedroom. 
See it's not funny now.

I left a pair of panties on the 1st floor landing once just to see what he'd do. oh he noticed them. They were red I didn't think he'd miss those. He grabbed them on his way upstairs and asked what they were doing there? I said, "Waiting for  you to take upstairs." 
He laughed and dropped them back on the stairs.  Aaargh!!  
I was behind him and picked them up and carried them back to my room. 
My trick didn't work. But now I knew things on the staircase were really not invisible to him. 

The other day there was this huge piece of stuffed animal that Izzy had ripped apart while they both were playing on the floor. I asked him to clean the mess up because he was causing this issue and I was about to go out.. He said he would.  He cleaned up most of it but a huge piece was left in the middle of the floor.  THE MIDDLE WHERE EVERYONE CAN'T MISS IT. HUGE. 

So I thought I'd test the blind shit. 
He actually walked over it. 
I saw him do that while I was sitting on the sofa. HE. WALKED. OVER. IT. 
He did not bend over to pick it up which he apparently noticed - No of course not. 
It had become like a damn tumble weed in the room. It was moving as he walked over it.
It was rolling to and fro. But at no time did the big lug bend over and pick it up. Why? Because he figured I'd do it. But not this time.
I left it there a few more days. Now it has rolled around to the bottom of the steps. 
He WALKS OVER IT to go to bed.  When going to bed upstairs I bent down and picked it up and held it in front of him and said, "See how easy that was?"  
"Huh? What are you talking about? "
I mumbled and walked up ahead of him before I killed him. 

I clean off the kitchen island a few hundred times a day I swear.
It's is a very big island of 8 feet (98 inches x 41 inches to be exact) so he has no excuse to say there isn't enough room. 
He comes home and puts shit everywhere. I hate when the island is all cluttered up. 
I ask him to take this out to the garage or take this to your room or whatever. 
He's like a child and I hate that I have to repeat....Can you put your work stuff somewhere else please? Can you please put your lunch box away? His answer is generally a, "yeah, yeah." But never gets done. So then I say, "Can you please take these tools to the garage by 5pm Tuesday?" 
 He usually laughs and says,"Okay sure, I'll do it at the commercial."
I forget to ask which commercial on what show on what day of what year.

So imagine my surprise when I put the letter on the kitchen island to mail.
It was sitting there, oh I don't know, maybe an hour tops.
He will leave things on the island even dirty dishes for days if I didn't go behind him.
I've tested him. But this of which should not have been mailed that day was mailed.
I wanted to just throttle him. 

He came inside all proud of himself and says, "Hey you're downstairs. I mailed your letter for you that was sitting on the island."

"I know I didn't want it mailed from our box. I wanted to get it to the post office which I planned to drive to after work.  It was important to get there on the right day Richard.
Damn, of all times for you to pick things up and put them in their proper place. What in the hell possessed you to do that?"

" I don't know I just thought it looked like it needed mailed."

"And your items on the staircase belong there?"

He laughs.  A big ole hearty laugh like he finally friggin' got it.
But will there still be things left on the stairs later? 
Oh yea, you bet your ass there will be.

Thursday, August 8, 2013

Whining Continued

I had to go to the girl doctor today.
Now that I have insurance I felt it was important to get my free annual check up.
I would rather have root canal without any drugs than have an annual exam but I knew I had to because it has been 6 years.

So there you are in the fuzzy stirrups in a freezing cold room in a paper gown wondering why the fuzzy stirrups? Seriously why not just keep it warmer in here? And why are they only concerned about my feet being warm as I sit here in a thin piece of pink paper? 

The doctor was a nice enough woman of a certain age. 
She specializes in we old broads. I like that. 
She doesn't do babies. It's just all women stuff all the time. 
A nice bunch of women in the office too.
But honestly it doesn't make up for this horrible visit. 
They could feed me wine and chocolate while I'm lying there in fuzzy stirrups and it wouldn't help me one bit.

They took my BP and normally it runs around 110/60. It was 148/83. 
Think I was stressed a bit?

The doctor talked to me a great deal about family history and all my medications as well as tests she would like me to have. I hear dollar signs. 
Then I remember I have insurance. Then I remember I haven't met a deductible so it sounds like a lot of money. It's terrible to make health decisions based on money really but what choice do we have in this country? 
She goes on to tell me that she is upset that I haven't had a colonoscopy. 
I, on the other hand, am not the least bit upset.
She writes me a script to have one. I make a noise. She tells me I'm an adult and this is something that one should do at age 50. I'm very late for it. 
Thanks for that age dig Doc.

Now in my little ole head I'm thinking, "I'm 50 and I don't one!" 
Then I think I'm 9 and I wanna whine how "I don't wanna !!!!" stomping of the foot of course would be mandatory with that last one.

Look I know I have to but really? Rick tells me its the best nap and/or rest ever. that really telling of the test or my sick husband?
He also shared with me that the night before is far worse than being given this wonderful drug to nap while they prod you. All I hear is prod. It's an exit ramp. I don't want prodded in that area.
But apparently no stomping of feet, no whining, crying or basic bad behavior will get me out of this.
I think I'll wait until after vacation. I may need the weight loss after vacation...teehee

Then she left the room and I was reading through some pamphlets on the table. There was one for Latisse that my friend and I were just talking about a couple of days ago. She came back in and saw me reading this and I asked some questions. She bribed me like I was 9. 
Then again if one acts like they are 9 they will be treated as though they are 9.
She told me if I  get my colonoscopy before December I can get a free month of Latisse. 
Damn her. It worked.   She knew I wanted to try this. But I would never have purchased it because it is frivolous and I don't need it. Not money well spent.  

You see young people your eye lashes thin as you age. In fact everything thins as you age except your waistline. Go figure. And my eye lashes are 1/2 of what they once were. So I took the Latisse and they made my appointment for a colonoscopy for later in the year.
The woman writing up all my scripts said, "Now don't go and cancel because we'll just bill you for this."  "
Why you little stinkers!" I said and laughed.

She said, "We've had your kind before."

"Okay so you're so smart. I guess I get a rotor rooter done with long luxurious lashes."

"See? that's the spirit You can bat them at the doctor doing your test."

"Yea, but i don't think he's looking at that end of me, that is my issue."
They all just laughed.

And I'm in medical hell of late.

15 more days....only 15 more days....

Wednesday, August 7, 2013

Still here

Where you been you ask?
Why thank you for noticing.
I have been like humpty dumpty and I am trying to "get back together again"

I mentioned that I hurt my shoulder when I was going to the gym.
I really thought it was tendinitis so I kept popping Advil or ibuprofen and worked through the pain.
My trainer always told me to ice it afterwards. Silly me listened and felt I was okay.
Then it wasn't okay anymore. The pain was off the charts and it was waking me up.
I continued to just work through it, we had a wedding and I had things to do. But I stopped going to the gym to focus work on my arm. After each visit to the gym I was in so much pain a few hours later that I knew I was hurting myself. So with the roll of the trainers eyes I quit.

I went to the see my cute Doogie Howser Doctor and he sent me to physical therapy first.
I was convinced this would never ever work.  I met my pain masters Dave and Chris and they worked me to the pain and made me cry. OH MY GOD how they made me cry. These last few weeks have been excruciatingly painful. I have had several back surgeries that have nothing on this shoulder pain.

I go to PT 3 times a week. I come home and can barely move my arm at all and I put on ice and take an Advil or a glass of wine or both. It was so bad the 2nd day of PT I just had a melt down. I felt this was only getting worse and I can't lift my arm and I can't sleep and I can't get comfortable sitting or typing or pretty much anything at all. Sharp pain, burning pain, pain, pain, pain. On a 1-10 scale after PT I was a 15.
I told Rick if I were a horse they'd put me down and the thought of that right then was appealing. Looking back I think that was the lack of sleep talking. 
I never slept more than 30 minutes at a time.

Chris and Dave, the PT pain masters, asked me one day what I was doing at the gym when this all started. When I showed them they went bat shit crazy. How the form of what I was doing was causing this, how this was doing that and one and on they went. Plethora of shit they were throwing at me. All the while screaming. Boy they were upset.
Did this person have a real legit license they asked? 
"I don't know", I replied feeling like an idiot.

I began to feel better - each session with either Chris or Dave didn't make me cry but actually began to feel pretty good. I was still unable to sleep for long but getting better.  
Then last week I got up from the pain and walked around the house. I poured myself some ice water, cut myself a lemon and took a couple of Advil. I tried to get comfy on the sofa. 
It wasn't working. 
So my ice water and I went up to the 3rd floor where the comfy theater  seats are. 
Those seats support and cushion my shoulder and I felt pretty good. 
I watched a few hours of TV and fell asleep.  When I woke up I knew I had done something to my back. I could barely stand and had shooting pain down my hip and mid way up my back on the right side. I could not stand up straight, I was now leaning. 
Great now what?

I got down to the 2nd floor and went into my bedroom and attempted to shower and get dressed for my day. It was Friday and I knew it would be a light day and I was thankful. Sitting was excruciating. But as I drank my morning coffee I said to Rick, "Well I am not thinking about my shoulder pain."
We had a good laugh.
Rick told me I was shuffling like the old woman on Laugh In - which I am sure most of you are too young to even know that reference.  He was right I was and that made me laugh.

I endured this over the weekend and kept thinking, I'll be fine. No I was not fine. I went to PT but had to leave I couldn't sit and do some of the things required. 
I came home and called my chiropractor.
He got me in yesterday. He explained my mess, I had heat, a tens unit, massage and then he does the ole bending and cracking until I thought I was going to vomit. 
But I can stand and I have no pain. He asked about my shoulder. 
So I told him the pain I was in. He asked when it started so I told him at the gym. 
He asked what kind of things was I doing when it hurt. I told him. He asked me the same thing the PT's did - "can you show me?"  I did.
He made me stop. He said, "For heaven's sake were there no trainers there to see you do this incorrectly?" I said I was working with a trainer. He shook his head and proceeded to show me what to do correctly and what I was doing wrong and why it was twisting me up like it was.  Basically in layman's terms I am a big mess of twisted tendons/ligaments and impediments.  I wish I was smart enough to explain. Both of these guys showed me by drawings or by the skeletal things hanging in the office of what was wrong. 
All I know is that my should is 50% better and my back is 100% better. Sore but better.
So they may know of what they speak.

In the mean time we are dealing with Rick's knees. Do you know if you don't meet your deductible you have to pay $1200 for the MRI. That is the discount rate. Great.

We are falling apart rapidly at our house. We are going broke while doing it.
Yep we've had a fun summer aren't you envious?
I just keep repeating, vacation is just a few weeks away.
I am counting down the days and as of today I have 16 more days to get through not counting this one.
Water, mountains, fresh air, sunshine and no phones. 16 more days....16 more days....16 more days.....

I go back to PT Friday and my chiropractor tomorrow for a follow up. 
I will be fine after that I am sure.
Sitting in that chair and sliding down as I did caused the problem so I won't be falling asleep in the chair without support on my lower back. But now that I am 50% better in my shoulder I don't feel the need to do that anyway. I imagine as I continue with these exercises at home I will be able to sleep for the night. 

So not only did I pay to go to the gym. I have now paid for physical therapy, 4 dr. visits and have been in pain. Wow.  I'd call me a dumb ass.

Monday, August 5, 2013

Friday, August 2, 2013

Friday Meanies and A Girl's Only Video

Yesterday's fucktard would only speak to a man. I told him there were no men here but I could help him.
He would have none of that. He demanded a MAN. I wanted to tell him I had a set of balls but I didn't.
So he waited until after 6p so that he could speak to a MAN. Who then had to hand me the phone to do the scheduling because the MAN doesn't know how to do that. Honestly men of a certain age are royal pain in the asses.We can have both breasts and a brain and kick your ass numbnuts. Aargh!

The following video was from my blogger buddy Bonnie. 
I am not linking here because her blog is now in the witness protection program. 
Those who read her know of what I speak.... or can't speak.

Oh the memories of this video. It made me really laugh.
I don't imagine the boys will be able to see the humor of Aunt Flo.
"care packages of tampons, pantie liners and CANDY all perfectly timed with their cycle"
That line cracked me up.

Have a good weekend all.
I'm outta here.

Thursday, August 1, 2013

Thursday Random Items of my LIfe

**We are entering our summer slow down. It happens every August.
Yesterday Rick got home earlier than normal and decided he would make dinner.

I wasn't going to be home for dinner but he said he'd save me a pork chop.
I laughed because he normally can't do that but I saw that he had 3 so there was a good chance I'd get one when I got home.

He made a peach chutney type sauce for the chops. Before I left I stuck my finger into this sauce he had on the stove and OH MY GOODNESS.   It was yummy.  
All he did was cut some peaches, add brown sugar, some garlic because he doesn't know how to cook anything without garlic, some aged balsamic vinegar, and a whole jalapeno from our "garden" It was so good I was amazed. It was sweet with a kick!  

As I was leaving he was having his dinner and was completely and utterly silent. 
(Not normal.)  I kissed his cheek because he couldn't stop eating for a second and told him I'd see him in a couple of hours. When I got back he and the dog were both snoring on the sofa. 
I changed my clothes and when I got back down stairs he was awake.
He told me that the lone pork chop covered on the kitchen counter was mine and if I didn't eat it he sure as hell was going to because it was calling for him the whole time I was gone. 
I told him he could have it I just needed a bite. OMG it was just so damn good he could put that bad boy up against any chef any day of the week.
I am glad I wasn't here to eat it honestly. I am not sure I could have stopped at only one. 
Hopefully he can duplicate that some day. 

**You know how every year I tell you about how my husband will mess with this young boy who visits us over labor day weekend each year at our lake house? This year they can't make it. (we rented a home this year) 
This saddens me but it makes my husband even more sad because he can't mess with this kid. It's been bugging him and viola the other day he thought of something to mess with Joey.  Thankfully Joey's mom doesn't read this so I'll tell you.

To remind you of some of Rick's pranks  - he had a water bottle in his pants and kept saying he had to pee. We were all on the boat and he turned around and let it go through his swim trunks and Joey thought Rick was peeing all over him. He was probably 6. 
Then Rick ate pumpkin pie filling off his shoe and Joey thought it was dog poop. He was so grossed out and that to Rick was funny. 
He dropped this chocolate cookies dough out of his shorts after everyone was complaining of stomach aches and Rick kept saying he wasn't feeling well. He dropped this and Joey screamed and pointed, "Mom he pooped on the floor". 
Yes immature but these two are both the same age.  
Joey falls for these things and each time after wards Rick laughs and then he knows Rick got him. Oh and the list goes on. He's been doing this since the kid was 5 or 6.
Each and every year Rick plants a seed like last years snapping turtle that didn't exist but Joe was afraid to go in the water none the less. 
When Joey arrives Rick immiately plants seeds and sucks him into his crazy ass plan. 
Joey actually will say, "You're not getting me this year Rick" with all his big boy macho bravado that it is cute.  And Rick gets him, well, except last year. 
Rick had an "epic" failure as Joey called it.  Joey loved that. 
But that didn't stop Joe from constantly asking me, "Is Rick going to try something else Peggy or am I safe?" 
They are both so sick and twisted that they enjoy this shit. 
Rick cackles and Joe is convinced he is up to no good. 
Honestly the two of them are seriously funny to me.  
The planning and plotting, the worrying about when and where. Jeez.

So my "12 year old" husband has spent weeks racking his brain to think of ways to mess with poor Joey even if he doesn't come to the lake. So here is his new plan.
Rick had me make letterhead from his school. 
Ah, thank goodness for the internet and a colored printer. 

We addressed a letter to his parents.
With the help of his aunt and sister, who really likes to mess with her brother, we got the names of his teachers from last year as well as his principal. 

We wrote that it had come to our attention after weeks of discussions, reviewing of all data we have to hold your son back and will be unable to move him into 7th grade.
The letter goes on to describe the emergency meeting listing all his teachers. We made it sound as though others were involved. We closed with stating we had to have his parents along with Joseph come to the school to discuss our findings. We mentioned how we thought this was in the best interest for everyone involved "especially your child's education."
Oh yea, it was good.

So I am mailing it in a hard envelope so it does not get damaged to his aunt. 
She is mailing it to them so it is postmarked from the city in which they live. 
His Aunt Katie will be sure that the letter arrives on a Saturday so they can't call the school. They will also be going out of town for the weekend to a family reunion so they will have something to "stew" over. (insert Rick's evil laugh) 
Then I will probably call them Sunday night or early Monday morning before anyone can call the school. (I don't want to get in trouble you know - those damn nuns scare me!)
Joey will have a heart attack that he isn't going into 7th grade. 
And Rick just wants to say, "Gotcha!" after last years epic failure. The juvenile old man wants to redeem himself he says.

Now who are the grown ups in this scenario?
Seriously Rick will be messing with this kid for years. Joey enjoys it and heaven knows Rick does too. But what Rick is forgetting is that Joey is getting older, he will be coming up with some good ones of his own and he will be a force to reckon with.  He is as devious and sinister about these games with Rick as Rick is. Then it's really going to get good. 
I'm sure when Joey is older he will be recruiting me to help him. And I will gladly!
Shh....don't tell Rick.