Friday, June 28, 2013

Odds, Ends and Monocles

**I love the web series, Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee
Have you seen this show?

Jerry Seinfeld interviews people he likes.
I recently heard an interview with him talking about this web show.
He said he will he only interviews people he thinks are funny or interesting.
He has no interest in the "latest" celeb or who is pushing a project.
I have watched a lot of these and I find them funny, fun and interesting.
He picks them up in a car of his that he thinks works with the guest for some reason or another.
(the Letterman video was Letterman's car)

They drive to get coffee.
Driving with Ricky Gervais was hysterical to me. He scared the living shit out of Ricky.
I of course found laughter in poor Ricky's pain.
His lunch with Larry David was not one of the best ones but I just so love Larry David and just watching him is fun for me.  Larry David never ever fails to make me laugh.

**Remember when I told you that I began receiving emails telling me about lectures being held at INOVA hospitals? I just got one this morning again for hip pain.
Do you have hip pain? they ask.
Come see Dr. Hip Pain Manager next week at Inova Fair Oaks Hospital. 
Seriously do they have a mailing list for we old people?
Yes, I do have chronic hip pain, but I am not going.
I refuse to go to this blue haired event where they are excited to tell me they are "serving refreshments"  And by refreshments they mean coffee. I don't want no stinkin' coffee.
 If I have to sit on my bad hip through this lecture you damn well better have alcohol.
Sitting that long doesn't help the pain people.That is no way to entice we old folks anywhere.
This isn't my parents generation. I don't want to hear donuts and coffee.
A joint of medicinal marjiuana and some cookies, maybe. I mean c'mon a joint will at least elevate my chronic pain and I will really enjoy the cookies and possibly even the lecture. 
I think they need me to help them with their marketing.

Speaking of getting old....
My youngest sister turn 40 this past Wednesday.  And for some reason something that happened to her makes me giggle like I'm a kid. This happening to her strikes my funny bone big time. On her 40th birthday she found out she has to get stronger glasses....Well it is kind of funny that on her actual birthday she finds out she needs glasses. But getting glasses isn't the funny part to me, having to get a bifocal is. No I didn't forget the "s" on the end of bifocal. She only needs a bifocal in her left eye.
So does she wear a monocle like Mr. Peanut here?
I don't know why this hits my funny bone like it does, but it surely sent me into a fit of laughter when she told me this. Jennifer, you can rock that monocle babe!!!  I can see it now.

Ignore the old pervert in the photo and see how damn cute Jen is,  She can rock a monocle right?
I can't wait to see it Jenner!!  And for once you got something before me.....tee hee xoxox

Thursday, June 27, 2013

Addiction?

I have a new addiction.
I am not sure there is a 12 step program for it yet though.
I need help.

These are my problem.










Yes, what seems like harmless white grapes are my crack of choice these days.
I like them frozen. They are so damn good frozen.
I can sit and eat frozen grapes all night while reading, watching tv, anything!!
LOVE. THEM. FROZEN.
.
I actually now like them more than ice cream.
I know! Who the hell am I?  Ice cream has been my favorite junk food my whole life!

I am cheating on Ben and Jerry.
I'm a whore what can I say.
I still love those boys but I have now discovered frozen grapes.
I don't even think about ice cream anymore.

I can eat a pound of these bad boys with no problem.
NO. PROBLEM. WHAT. SO. EVER.
I told my husband to not let them in the house. I told him I couldn't be trusted.
So what does he do? 
He buys them and brings them home after work yesterday along with his damn squash and peaches.

He holds the grapes up proudly and says, "Who loves ya baby?"

"Obviously not you, you big enabler you!  I asked you to NOT let me have them and you buy me a couple of pounds?"

"But they're only grapes Margaret they are harmless. It's not like they are cookies"

"Yes Rick, harmless if you only eat a couple of them not eat them by the pound!!! I can't stop at 4 for heavens sake. I have a problem with these little frozen nuggets."

"I just can't be trusted with those in the house. I hear them at night calling me.
Damn you Rick!"

"All right then I'll bring them out to the garage fridge for you so you won't be tempted."

"No, no, just keep them in here."

Betty Ford here I come.

Wednesday, June 26, 2013

Not Fair is It?

I had a woman call today to discuss having us advertise on her website. (well the site she works for)
We have a free listing on the site but we didn't choose to do more than free on this particular site.

She went off on her spiel of why we should commit to advertising on her site for homeowners to find us.

Because I am well aware of such sites as hers, but have never seen or heard anything about her site until she called the first time, I asked her the following question -
"How do you market your site so that homeowners will see all the companies available to them and find you? I was not aware of you until you called so how will my new customers find us there?"

She tells me, "We are word of mouth and we'd like to keep it that way."

She went off rambling about verticals etc. Honestly my head was still on her line, “we are word of mouth and wish to keep it that”

I politely stopped her and said, "Allison, you just told me that you don't feel the need to advertise your service because you have word of mouth business and you like it that way. We have a great deal of that type of business as well and we are booked 3 weeks in advance. So, if I were to use your theory I too would like to keep it that way, save my money, and I would have no need for your services."

SILENCE....CRICKETS.....She didn’t say anything and I finally asked if she was still there.

She then began to fumble and talk about what she REALLY meant to say was they don't wish to compete against the pinterest, facebooks, etc.
Basically she was back tracking and it was not working.

Seriously I couldn't find a sales job and this numbnut is working?

Tuesday, June 25, 2013

Long Weekend

It started off like this.
I was loading up the car and he came out and locked the front door.
I walk towards the door to make a last walk through.
He puts out his hand to stop me and says, "We have everything in the car. I looked."

"Really? Did you take everything I had on the island?"

"Yes, c'mon let's get going as he locks the door."

We get in the car and I say, "Can't I take a last look around?"
He laughs and says, "Oh c'mon Margaret you do this every time. I got every last thing on the island that was suppose to go...I left the fruit bowl if that's okay"

Alright smart ass - against my better judgement I get in the car.
Off we go to the lake.
It is gray and it is overcast but I am assured by all around me and the local weatherman that this will clear off.

We get to the little condo we rented. "Little" being the operative word here.
As we unload the car I ask, "Where is my camera case?"
"I don't know where did you leave it?"
"On the island."

SILENCE.

"It was next to the cooler - like smack against it. Big and Black - can't miss it!"

SILENCE.

I follow him into the condo and continue to unload the car knowing full well he didn't grab it and I should have just unlocked the house and made my walk through.

"I'm sorry, he says,  I wondered what that was and just left it there."
I said nothing - what the hell is there to say at this point?
I'm pissed, he knows he screwed up, I'm letting it go.  I am not at work this gray Friday morning!
In the big scheme of things it's no big deal, just use the camera phone.

He hugs me and apologizes and says, "This will end up on the blog making me look bad won't it?"
"Gee you think I need to put it on the blog to make you look bad?" 
I laugh!!

The condo was so small.
The whole 1st and 2nd floor would have fit into the kitchen and living of our old lake home and probably still have room left. It was a whopping 725sq ft.
It was cute enough. Nice and clean and that is a good thing for ole Peg.
But the kitchen was incredibly small and a very ill equipped kitchen at that.
We went to have cereal - no bowls. Rick said I'll just have an english muffins - no toaster.
No can opener. No big bowls to make a salad. (something about the lake and taco salad, it's a lake thing)
There was literally not an ounce of counter space to cut anything on.  There were also only 2 knives. Neither which could cut an onion. So while it was clean - it was so tiny.

Speaking of tiny - we were on top of one another and it made us giggle. A close family for several days.
We sure couldn't be mad at one another in this place.

Then there was the air conditioning. There was no central air. It had room air conditioners like the kind they had in the old days in a motel. OH MY GOD they were so noisy. Rick and I laughed a lot and would say, 'WHAT DID YOU SAY? HUH?  CAN YOU TURN UP THE TV SO I CAN HEAR THEM OVER THE A/C?"

Before we had a house there we rented some real doozies this was at least clean.
Living room, dining room...
Standing in living room dining room looking into kitchen.....
 This is what Izzy did the whole time she was inside wanting to go out to that water she is staring at.
 This gal swam for hours, then "fished" she loves to chase fish. She was barely napping.
 The lovely gray skies the whole weekend. This is what Izzy was staring at out the window.
Sunday after dinner the sun came out. We all went for an evening boat ride. I like Sunday evening boat rides because the tourists are gone and it is quiet with hardly any boats and it is just great!
We saw these things protruding in the water and this was by our old house and we had never seen them before. So we had to get closer. These were stones. Stones just piled up. Before we got real close I thought maybe they are all in a wire net type thing like at the nursery. But the closer we got the more we realized they were just piled up like this. Who the hell does this?  Izzy was even intrigued.
I wanted to hit them and knock 'em over but realized somebody spent a helluva lot of time on this and that wouldn't be nice of me. But I had just enough wine to think about it.
See no boats in this area of the 22,000 acre lake. Pretty cool. It was a bit sunny and now the sun was going down.  So much for my tan. Yep, I'm still pale.
Rick went fishing and the moon I had hoped to get photo's of thankfully was behind clouds. Thankfully because I didn't have my camera. Rick said it was still very very bright so he didn't get any stripers. (his favorite fish to fish for) He did get a few small bass.  He is alone at the wee hours of the morning (like after midnight) and he takes his own pictures. He cracks me up. There are several of these before he threw them back. I am only showing you one of them. You're welcome.

We did go visit our old neighbors. We also went by our old home via water. Neither of us could go by in front and see if the peach trees had fruit and the like They painted/re stained the dock, which it needed.

Speaking of painting/staining. As I have shared with you all before all of our vacation at the lake house seemed to be about the constant maintenance. As I said here I told Rick that this will be weird not having to paint anything and to just relax.

So as we were unpacking he hands me a paint brush and says to me, " Better get busy....I didn't want you to feel badly about not painting so I thought you may want this for the weekend." 
Yes it made me laugh, the damn ass.

He remembers this brush for his joke but leaves my camera on the island.
You have to just shake your head and laugh.

Wednesday, June 19, 2013

Crazy Ass People...(update below)

It was such a long night.
Business has been crazy busy. This is a good thing.
But that wasn't the problem.

Let me go back a few days.....
Rick gave a woman an estimate for new countertops for her kitchen.
She made her choice and we ordered it.
We then gave her an installation date.

Now this woman is certifiable crazy.
She says the weirdest shit and most of it I don't believe is even close to the truth.
But we all know those types who lie to themselves and honestly believe the shit they spew. One of the things I found funny was when she called to make this first appointment and she tells me what she was looking for she told me she was the "GC" (general contractor) 
I knew she wasn't because a "GC" doesn't refer to him or herself as that. Also she didn't use the correct words for items or processes. I thought this was her first job or she was the homeowner pretending to be a GC or just nuts.

She finally gets to the part of her rambling where she tells me what she is looking for. When we talked about countertop services she didn't know the difference between Formica, solid surface or stone. C'mon your contractor would know this.
She should be referring to herself as the project manager but even that is a stretch.
After more of her ramblings I figure out she is the homeowner that thinks that title she gave herself is impressive.

The more she talked the more I knew she was nuts.
She told me about nerve problems in her neck and went on and on about how painters and dry wall men are all drunks. She thinks it's the fumes.
(if that were true Rick would be in AA)
Who tells someone all this shit when making an appointment? Crazy people that's who.
I have never called for a service and told them anything more than what was asked.
My plumber, countertop installer doesn't need to know anything about my life except for the need of their services and my ability to pay them. Do you agree?

She went through these stories while I only half listened and worked on the computer.
I continued to try to bring the conversation around to the issue at hand - her countertops.
Finally we set an appointment for the installation. But not before I had to hear why that time worked for her. She had to pick up her kids.
(And we all know how a general contractor would tell me this.)
She just doesn't want them to walk 4 blocks from the bus stop she explained.
(oh for goodness sakes, now I am assuming they are probably fat kids who need to walk and she said they were 14 and 16) 
Seriously who cares why you choose that time. Just say a time woman so I can book this!

The solid surface countertops were ordered. Rick would be doing all the fabrication and then installing it on this set date. The countertops arrived but without the adhesive. 
Great so their mess up is going to make me pay the price with this woman.

I call the company immediately and they tell us that they do not have it in stock and it will have to be ordered. WTH?  Why wouldn't you have that in your inventory?  Why didn't you share that with us when ordered? If you have a certain color slab wouldn't you have the color adhesive that goes with the slab too? Since you have to pack both in an order wouldn't you have noticed this at that time?
They go hand in hand so having only one doesn't make sense to me.
Well it was what it was and we had to deal with it.  Now I had to come up with a plan B.

I ask that they be sent over night. (additional $85)  They said they could once they get it.
They were not sure when they would receive the order.
I asked if we could cut out the middle man.
I suggested that,"I can pay you now but could you have the other company send it directly to us to make this faster."  They said no to that idea.
I realize they don't want me to the see the mark up so I suggested that they have the orginal company send it without an invoice directly to me and she could invoice me showing paid since I'm paying for it now. I was so fine with that if we could just get it faster. I know they make a profit it's okay. We all do for heavens sake. I just need it NOW. But she still said no.

Okay now I was worried.  We certainly do not want to have to tell this nut job that her counters can't be installed due to this companies fuck up. I have had to endure her constant yammering of this date and that date and she is firing this person and that person etc.
Oiy Vay!
I was told by the company that they would try to send them to me overnight once they received them.
I now knew I would have to call Ms. Nut Job to tell her there may be an issue if we can't get this in time.
Rick felt strongly that it was important to call her for a plan B just in case this didn't all fall into place. I told him, "then you do it."
He laughed and told me that was what he paid me for. Really? I get paid?

I called her and explained the situation.
I was hoping it would be here in time but it may not. Since we are completely booked until July 10th we needed to make another day work, even if it was a Sunday. We'll make it work.
I gave her some options. (I was moving other people and inconveniences them as well)

Well she went nuts. I am firing people left and right she screams at me.
She went on a tirade for 10 solid minutes. The needle in her neck for nerve root pain.
"It hurt so much" she whined. I would try to interupt to bring us back to the issue at hand. She wouldn't shut up. I half listened. Same ole story about her drunk painter who hasn't finished and it's been a month. Well then hire a professional and not some guy you got at the 7-11 standing outside asking for work who doesn't speak English and you are paying him practically nothing.  You get what you pay for you knucklehead. But I don't say that.
I pretend I am listening until she takes a breath. I then say quickly, "let's pick another date and we will continue to strive for Wednesday. It's not set in stone that we can't do this Ms. Nut Job, we just want to have a plan B."
She exhales and laughs. Yes, she now laughs! 
"Oh, Okay then let's do that."  she says all happy. 

OMG!
She is Sybil.

I continue to watch the UPS tracking and it was finally updated saying the adhesive was to be arriving yesterday afternoon.  I was ecstatic.
At 5pm we still did not have this. I see online that it states we have it but we don't.
I called UPS. They tell us it was left on the porch art 4:38p.
I explained that was why I called. I saw that but it was not left there. 
After 2 hrs of investigation too long to type it all here, we found it at a home on our street. The numbers to our home are 43535, it was left at 43635.  Great.

Rick hightailed it up there and picked it up.
He worked on the countertops until 11pm last night so that they could be installed today. They look beautiful.
The edging is gorgeous and damn I hope she is happy. 
The poor guy had a very long day. (up at 5am and in bed at 11:30p and up at 4:45a again)

This morning he has 2 other jobs before installing her countertops this afternoon at 2pm.
I pray all goes well. Something tells me there will be an issue. Just a gut feeling.
As he was leaving this morning I gave him a kiss and told him, "Good Luck"
He said, "Yeah, maybe I'll get fired." And he smiled.
I don't blame him one bit.
______________________________________________________
UPDATE:  Apparently she was miserable (surprise!) and Rick gave her her money back.
He couldn't stand another minute of her whining and bitching.
"Oh now that I see the counters this big I am not sure I like these."
She chose these white on white countertops and now they weren't what she wanted
And apparently this complaining went on and on and on until Rick lost it.
She wanted to pick something else out and not expect to pay anything more.
Not on your life.
So he removed the countertops he just installed.
He lifted them and brought them out to his work vehicle and said that he would prefer to give her the money back that she gave as a deposit than work with her.
She stood there with her mouth open and accepted the money. She said nothing.
He got in his van and called me. (at least her found something to shut her the hell up!)
He apologized to me. What the hell for, was my response.  She was a lunatic.
I also reminded him this was the good part of owning the company he doesn't have to take any job he doesn't want. The money wasn't worth the aggrevation of this person.

You know there is a reason you have all the samples at your home for weeks. Then you make a choice and you sign a contract. It states you have chosen this color and it is now yours etc. So while he could have fought this he just didn't want to be around her another minute. He has never ever walked away from an ugly situation before. He always sucks it up and makes them happy. To be honest with you I am happy he did walk.

Tuesday, June 18, 2013

Tuesday

Yes, I know this young man is Tender Vittles to me.
Yes, he is young enough to be my son, if I had a kid when I was 20.
Yes, to all that but......
Oh my he is yummy!


Other news in my life -

**Rick's invention Easy Restore is flying off the shelves.
It supports itself now.
Pretty cool.
In several hardware stores across the country.
Not supporting us a great lifestyle yet, but it is selling very well and keeping us busy.

**We are going to the lake on Friday for a few days of relaxation.  I can't wait.
We rented a condo. This should prove interesting after owning a big home for 10 yrs there.
Each visit was work first, then play. Play sometimes never came.
No acre to mow, mulch, rake, paint etc.
Now this lake does not allow high rises.
One was built of 4 stories and it got everyone in a tizzy so that was the last one.
So it is more like a townhome I believe from the photo's. We'll see I suppose.

A full 3 days of boating, sun, relaxing, reading.
I'm not sure I can comprehend this concept but I will try.
It is a small place, a one bedroom. I'm not even sure where the hell it is on the lake.
I look at the lake map and am a bit puzzled so until we are there I am clueless.
While I won't be updating by the minute here or on facebook I will share when I come back.

There is a full moon and it will appear larger than normal "they" say.
Rick likes to fish at night for stripers and this will hamper his fishing big time.
He has begun to grumble. Guess we should have looked into that moon before we made these reservations so many months ago.
I know how this big full moon is making him very unhappy. Fishing, fishing, fishing.
That is all he's been thinking about. It's his zen, his relaxation and he does need it.
Me, not so much. I'm thinking of that big ole book I have been wanting to start.
Izzy is dreaming of jumping off a dock for her football for hours on end.
The rest of the lake will marvel at the beauty of this big full moon but fish boy will be grumpy. I'll get him liquored up and make him forget about the fishing at night thing.
Yea, like that is gonna happen even for Rick.

**This Miss America or whatever the competition was called this past weekend was as usual a case proving the dumbing of America. It showed how dumb these gals really are.
It is such a sad state of affairs that we value their fake boobs and "looks" and don't give a shit that they are dumber than a box of rocks. Personally, I felt that if she doesn't even understand the question and is too damn stupid to say she didn't understand the question, her sash should be ripped off her big fake chest immediately and she then falls through the floor. Done!  Off with your sash! You must now go learn to read.
You know like that old TV show, "You Are The Weakest Link...Goodbye"
Remember that show?

Saturday, June 15, 2013

Vacation and Technology

I use technology just like most folks.
But I have to confess that I do not use it on vacation.
With the exception of my cell phone for airport delays or calling the hotel etc.
When I am on vacation I am on vacation from my normal life.
Vacation from the computer, work, the blog, facebook etc.
I want to be in the moment of my vacation. I want to live it.

When we rented our lake house for tourists we were always asked about wi-fi and TV's.
They needed several TV's and lots of channels. I always found that an interesting question.
They were on the water with a boat and a 20,000 acre lake.
Why do they need 4 tv's, all channels and wifi? 
It's not like it's fall or winter or even spring. Rental season was summer.
Enjoy all the outdoors has to offer at the lake.

Of course we had those things, (only 3 tv's) except wi-fi - not available there.
And boy that made people flip out.
I actually had a person say, "what will my children do without the internet?" 
I suggested, boating, para sailing, wind surfing, water skiing, wave boarding, putt-putt, bike riding, suggested tourist traps like the cliff diving, swimming, etc. I also went on to explain the game room with it's video games, darts, plethora of board games, corn hole, puzzles etc. Nope, she told me that was not a vacation. TV and internet were necessary.

Alright if that isn't a vacation to you then why in the hell are you renting a lake home?
Why bother going to a lake then if you have no intention of enjoying life on a lake? 
I never could quite figure that out.
Go to Google, perhaps they have an amusement park of technology for the whole family.
No one will have to talk to one another or interact, just play with technology all day and then google maps can find your way back to your car.

This week I have been noticing that while on their honeymoon my stepdaughter and son in law are constantly updating their facebook with photo's of everything they do.
Every day constantly posting round the clock.
Well, not posting everything they do on a honeymoon, but they are posting every other thing they do for sure. Why?
Why the hell aren't they just enjoying their vacation?
Why do they have their IPad's and post? Why, why, why???
Why can't anyone just be in the moment anymore?
Why can't people just enjoy their life and post it upon return?
Why can't people just be?
Could people really addicted to their technology?
I really think it's like crack for most people and damn that is a sad state of affairs.

Is it something more, or deeper? Are some folks so unhappy with their life that they are avoiding it? They get comfort from it instead of from others or themselves?
I really wish I knew a psychologist I could ask this question to, because I think this is far bigger than what we think.

I must be the last one who enjoys the quiet.
I enjoy just being with Rick without distractions.
And I am so old/odd that I prefer to hold a book to read. I know I'm a fucking dinosaur.

Honestly if Rick had his nose in his computer instead of just being with me on vacation I'm not sure I'd be thrilled about that. We sat at the pool bar a great deal on our last vacation- never once sent photo's back to anyone until we got home.
We just enjoyed the pool bar. A LOT. We swam with dolphins, we had massages and we met new people and played in the pool and went out to dinners and just had fun living.
Never once did I miss my computer. I think I am missing that gene.

I enjoy being away on vacation from my normal life.
That "normal" life is full of technology, phones and stress.
A vacation at the beach sounds heavenly to me right now.
Especially at a 5 star resort like they are "enjoying".
Trust me you wouldn't be receiving any updates from me until I return back to my regularly scheduled life. Especially from my honeymoon.

Do you vacation with all your technology or do you just enjoy your vacation?
If you do vacation with your ipad, cell phone, laptop etc. could you share why? 
Inquiring minds want to know.

Friday, June 14, 2013

T.G.I.F....finally!

This just made me giggle. I watch the Food Network (and HGTV) more than any other channels.  So I could relate to this more than I care to admit.


_______________________________________________________

Sadly I can relate to this one as well and it's certainly true in my case.

______________________________________________

It was a clear moment around 4ish yesterday. No rain and semi-sunny.
I grabbed Izzy and insisted she go outside for a walk with me because she was sitting next to me at my desk and farting. They were so stinky she was gagging me.
But you see the Diva Dog will not go out when it is raining.
She will hold it forever if it is raining.
I looked outside and it was not raining so I grabbed her leash and we headed out for our walk.

She was squatting as I was unfurling the poop bag. All of a sudden it became black and the wind picked up instantly. I had to brace myself not to fall over. In the mean time I look at Izzy and I swear it goes back in/up and she jumps up and takes off running. I am attempting to run behind her in flip flops. Ever try that? Not easy.

But Miss Izzy doesn't like rain or wind in her face so she is off and running like a race horse. I yell for her to stop.  She stops, shakes and takes off again. I yell again. I then unleash her because she is running so fast and I'm in flip flops. She's pulling my arms out of their socket.
(And I have a torn labrum right now to boot)
Once she is free she high tails it all the way home. I am running behind her with the leash and finally with my flip flops in my hand so I could run faster. This had to be a site.
Although at that point it was so windy and raining sideways I could barely see anything.
So hopefully no one else could either.

I dried her off and changed my clothes.
It felt like I had just taken a shower with all my clothes on.
As soon as I changed into dry clothes the sun came out. Figures.
So we went back outside to have her do her business. 
I opened the front door and she slowly peaks her head out the door -but her butt is still inside. She wouldn't step out just yet. 
I went out and said, "see it's not raining." with my palms to the sky like she knows what the hell I am talking about. Seriously when it comes to this damn dog I am crazy ass nuts.
She wouldn't move....instead she backs up into the house.
What the hell kind of dog does this?  Big Diva Dog that's who.
I pull her outside. She shakes and looks around.
I guess she then realized it wasn't raining and we could go outside. Whew.
By the time she was done it began to rain again so we ran home... again.
This time I was wearing sneakers. Oh so much easier! 

But for a dog who will swim until she gets limp tail syndrome she sure is scared of a little water coming from the sky. I don't get it. It's water.

Have a good weekend everyone!
I'm going to drink and eat poorly.
Yep that is a goal for the old broad.

Wednesday, June 12, 2013

You Won't Hear Me Utter The Following.....

THINGS I WILL JUST NEVER SAY......

  • I'm running in a marathon.
  • Hey I'll get that from the top shelf for you.
  • I can't wait to work out.
  • Oh no thanks, I'm too full for dessert.
  • Why I'd love to go to church with you.
  • Size doesn't matter.
  • Can you turn up the rap music, I need it louder!
  • Oh I can't eat that....It's just too sweet for me.
  • I'll take a veggie burger instead.
  • I'd love to go out with you Mr. Clooney.
  • Gosh aging is such fun.
  • George Zimmerman is innocent.
  • Oh Please don't, you might get throat cancer.
  • I hate chocolate
  • Please don't give me more money.
  • I want to get a cat.
  • I love the boston red sox.
  • I wish my boobs were bigger.
  • Let's jump out of a plane for no apparent reason.
  • I just can't get enough  spam comments.
  • Do these pants make my ass look too small?
  • Please add more mixer to my gin.
  • I can't get enough of that great show Big Bang Theory

Monday, June 10, 2013

Beautiful Wedding

OMG!
That was all we said all weekend.
What a great weekend we had. Busy but fun.

I met the bride at age 7. Her parents had been divorced by this time for over 4 years.
I met her mom when she was 8 or 9.
It was at the funeral of Rick's mom and the brides grandmother. Rick introduced me to his daughters mom and as I put out my hand to shake hers she turned away from me.  Not without me seeing her roll her eyes at me.

There were several more incidents like this. Words were never uttered. Just the ignored and silent treatment. Then there was high school graduation. I extended my hand and the only one to take it was the new step father. He invited us to the graduation party they were having and she said loudly and while looking at us both back and forth, "YOU ARE NOT WELCOME THERE!"  Okay then. The step father looked embarressed, looked at the floor and said nothing. We both said, "that's fine,we'll make plans to see her later."
Again not wanting to start anything in the gymnasium of this big day for the graduate.
It was not about us at that moment in time.

We have not been welcome at any event in her life. Once when tried it was ugly. We do not want to make a scene and make this about us or make her as the child uncomfortable so we walk away. Sometimes I didn't agree but it was not my child and I wasn't married during those time so I said my piece to Rick and he did what he felt was best.

So imagine how we felt this wedding was going to be.
We discussed that we were not going to say anything and if we had to we would float in the background so as to not disturb or make waves. This was about the bride and groom.  We did not want focus off them for one minute!  I was certain, as well as Rick, that I was going to be the person in the corner being ignored. In the past if the mom wouldn't talk to me she made sure no one else did either.  Knowing Rick would be mingling with everyone and know everyone I was certain it was going to be a long lonely weekend for me. But I put on my big girl panties and was going to have fun come hell or high water. This was costing us a fortune that we didn't have and by God I was going to at least try to have fun somehow.

I painted and spackeled. Gray gone and white legs gone.
I started with the ole spray tan on the chubby gams.

Doesn't look tan does it?  That is because I am normally the color of my shorts here. This was dark for me.

We dropped off the dog early Thursday morning and hit the road.
It was cloudy but not yet raining. This was 7:30am
Then the storm from Andrea I believe was the name began. We drove west and through it as it made it's way east.  We had rain at times that was difficult to see. Like a white out in snow only this was rain. Then the trucks and their overspray and we lost an hour of travel time.  Add traffic and let me tell you what a fun drive this was.
Why didn't we fly you ask? We thought about it and I was concerned about all the things we had to bring and what if things were lost and then we had the whole rent a car factor because we would be driving so much. So we thought we'd just drive. But we were 2nd guessing that at this point/picture above.

We arrived in time to get unpacked, cleaned up and close our eyes for 30 minutes.
My crazy ass husband attempted to take a photo of me before we left. He tried 8 times.
All of them fuzzy.  Sadly, this was the best one. Then again, maybe I look better fuzzy.

Here is my Big Guy before leaving for the rehearsal. Yep we were told it was causal .

We then headed out to the rehearsal.   I have to say my stomach was in knots. Meaness and pettiness are not my friends and Imodium became my savior. Yea, I was a mess.  I didn't know what I was walking into but I was putting on my "Peggy Face" as I refer to it in my sales career. I was going to smile, be nice and be damned if I was ignored. I would act like it didn't matter to me. "don't let them see you sweat" was my mentality forging ahead.

Deep Breath.  I walked in hand in hand with Rick. I saw the brides mom and went straight towards her and extended my hand. I said, "Hi Barb, so nice to see you again."
This time she shook my hand and was nice. I shook her husbands hand and we 4 made small talk. Awkward small talk. But it was nice.

We went through the drills. Both fathers were walking her down the aisle. They decided that they were going to carry her. Everyone laughed!   I thought they were being weird but everyone was getting along and damn it that was all that mattered!!

We headed over to the restaurant and met everyone. We ate, drank and played nice. It was a nice evening. Yes the other set of parents were at the opposite end of the table but that was fine. There was laughter and stories and all around a nice evening.  The bridal party was fun with a capital F and they were all having a grand time. Wine flowed, Peg was happy.

The Bride and Groom below..... Happy Faces.
The brides's other set of parents.

The Groom's Parents.

By the time Rick and I got back to the hotel we were really exhausted it was such a full long day. 
It was so much better than anticipated and we both were thrilled about that.
It was all going to be okay.
I could exhale. The Imodium was working and I really thought for the first time that this was going to be just fine.

Friday was so busy. We picked up Rick's tux, meet a good friend of Rick's downtown for lunch and cocktails. Too many cocktails.
We then headed back to the hotel to get dressed for the evening events.
We were going to dinner with the bride, groom and some of their friends. It was a beautiful place on the water and the food was awesome. I was eating very little and it was killing me the food looked so damn good. Wanted to fit into my dress.  Another long day and by the time we got back to the hotel we just wanted to crash!

Finally the big day had arrived and we got up late for us. Hey, no Izzy waking us at 5am.
(But boy we were missing her.) Our job for the day was to go the town they lived in and pick up Gauley, one of their dogs and the official ring bearer. Then head back to the town of the wedding and where our hotel was.  We had to be at the wedding hall at 3pm we were told for photo's etc.  It was nice to have a leisure morning but at this point I just wanted this to hurry along. This whole day ended up being a hurry up and wait kind of day.

The wedding was held at the reception site. It was gorgeous.
Here are some photos of the day.

Handsome father of the bride. I love how his chin hair because it is white looks invisible.
 This woman looks like she likes this guy.
Some pretty gals here!
 Bride and Ring Bearer. This dog was so well behaved and beautiful.
 The groom, best man, his 3 sons and the brides brother.
Yea, them again. (yes, I'm squinting)
The wedding was beautiful and not a dry eye from my Big Guy. Their wedding vows were beautiful to one another. The person marrying them did a great job and his words were perfect. When I saw the tear down the grooms face, well that's when I joined Rick in the tear department. 

The the fun part - the party.
The booze was flowing and the music began. There was dancing, oh boy was there dancing.
All had a good time. If one didn't then they were boring. Here are a few photo's from the wedding and mostly the dance floor. The father daughter dance with Rick was a tear jerker. More on that at the end.  This girl was terrific. She was such a good friend to the bride. She did so much to help with everything. I adored her. She was funny, feisty and smart along with being beautiful. This girl had it all.
This self potrait is of course of us but this is Laura the brides cousin but really like her sister. She too is a beautiful gal inside and out. We adore her.
Bride on the dance floor - c'mon it's only a buck to dance with me.
I heard this cake was out of this world good!
 Loved this guy - he was a damn hoot. We had dinner with him on Friday too. Laughs abound.
 Here he is asking the groom to dance. Got a big laugh and they danced the whole song and were good. Too funny.
Father Daughter Dance. Rick was a crying fool.

Rick was asked what song he would like to dance with Amanda to. He knew instantly.
He choose this song from Edwin McCain. Yea, not a dry eye.


Monday, June 3, 2013

Monday Morning

I'll be away for the rest of the week.
Busy last minute things before the wedding you know.
But there are a couple of things rolling around in my head that I want to discuss with you.

**Michael Douglas for one.
I saw where he recently told us all that his throat cancer could have been from oral sex.
Do we really need to know this?
It's right up there with Angelina Jolie gutting herself like a fish. We don't need to know.

Apparently Mr. Douglas says his cancer was from the HPV virus.
So is he then also sharing that his wife is not only bipolar but is infected with this as well?
Lovely thought eh?
Do we really need to know every body's damn business like this?
I find this all under the heading of TMI and I have a friggin' blog for God's sake!!

**Yesterday there were some nasty storms here in the mid Atlantic and the east coast.
While watching the baseball game in NY I found this rather funny.
Big strong men, afraid of the thunder.  Made me giggle a bit. Don't blame them one bit but seeing them jump like I would was a bit surprising.




**  I had to call the IRS today. My wait time was 40 minutes. 40 mintes!  Who has that kind of time? Like I want to talk to the IRS anyway but it is necessary. They suggested I call back on Tuesday or Wednesday when there is less congestion on the lines. Okey dokey. 

**  Cicadas!  Ohh Ick!!!  These suckers are so big and gross and noisey. OH MY GOD NOISEY!.   When walking Izzy this morning at 5:30a you would think it would be a nice quiet time of the morning. NOPE those suckers are so damn loud. And seriously how many must there be to be so loud? Louder than a lawn mower. 
Our patio has dead ones. Izzy will walk over to them , sniff them, and then walk away. Thank goodness. This morning there were 3 dead ones that weren't there yesterday.
Are they coming to my patio to die? What is this about?  I find them so so gross, so HUGE and just plain icky. I can't get them off our patio fast enough.  Those huge wings really freak me out. I am not a lover of bugs and these are big ass bugs.  Thankfully these aren't around all the time just ever 13 years of so. Hopefully they will be gone soon.....very very soon.

**Off to Ohio for the wedding.  I will try to take lots of pictures to share.
I know there will be blog fodder. See ya'll soon.