I had called Rick to tell him I was coming to town.
We lived about 100 miles from one another.
He and I decided we’d meet at a favorite watering hole in
I was flying home from a work related trip on Friday and we were going to meet at a bar that night in his town.
I got delayed in
I told him I would call him when I got to my parents house and we could make arrangements to see one another at some point over the weekend.
At a very early morning hour I was coming down a main street by my parents house and I see Rick’s car coming the opposite direction towards me. I wave. He sees me and he pulls into a plaza and I follow.
I go over to his car and say, “just getting home?”
He laughs and says, “just bringing someone home.”
“Oh it was one of those nights,” I say to him.
He begins to shake his head and tell me, “How do I find all the nut jobs?”
I just laugh because I know the women he dates or picks up.
They are all the same. Gorgeous but stupid or worse nuts.
I have met many of them and while all are beautiful or pretty most are damn crazy.
So I figure this story ought to be good.
He proceeds to tell me that he did go to the bar we were to meet at Friday night.
When I said I wasn’t coming to town he now had no plans for the evening so thought he would go to his favorite watering hole and see what was happening.
He bellied up to the bar when this very tall, very pretty blond thing asked him if she could buy him a drink. Of course he said yes.
They chatted and drank at the bar for a good portion of the night.
She suddenly stands up and says, “Take me home”
He of course was thinking, “Ricky gonna git some!”
They walked to his car and once inside the car he asks her where she lived.
She responded that she wanted to go to his house. Okay then.
Happy Rick drives off to his house.
They get inside his home and she says she would like to change into something more comfortable and asks if he has anything she can wear.
He gives her a T-shirt and small pair of shorts he just happens to have because women leave their clothes at his place all the time. (insert my eye roll here)
She goes into the bathroom to change
He immediately begins his mad dash around his place to light candles, open a bottle of wine, put on some music….you know what I like to refer to as the ole “Ricky gonna git some” ambiance.
She comes out of the bathroom and they are on the sofa sharing a bottle of wine and chatting. Rick tells me they are having a nice time chatting when she blurts out that she needs to get ready for bed. Okay then. To him this sounds promising.
But instead she stands up and says to Rick “I have to do 100 sit ups first, will you hold my ankles?”
Rick is thinking, Okay what kind of kinky shit is this? Or is it code for something else?
This woman is nutso!
But no code here. This woman just wants to do 100 sit ups and he holds her ankles and is thinking, What the hell did I just bring home?
When she reached 100 she tells him, “Let’s go to bed”
Okay finally! Is what he was thinking.
They get to the bedroom and she crawls into bed.
He makes a move and she said as she pushed him away, “Oh I don’t want to fool around I really just want to sleep”
While Rick is still processing this comment she immediately begins snoring.Snoring he says like a big ass truck driver!!
He grabs her breast to see if she is faking. (yes, this was all kinds of wrong women. I have yelled at him for this!)
She just keeps snoring. She snored like that all night and he couldn’t sleep.
He even tried shaking her at one point in the wee hours to make her shut the hell up but she just kept snoring so loudly he felt the house was shaking.
In the morning she says to Rick, “You’ve got to take me home now”
Rick replied, “GLADLY”
After he dropped her off and was returning home is when I saw him.
As he is telling me this story I am busting a gut laughing.
“Rick, I ask, where do you find these women... seriously?
“God Margaret she was tall and gorgeous, model gorgeous. She said, ‘take me home’
If you say that to a guy what the hell are you implying then?”
I laugh and reply, “Well a normal person like myself would only say that if I am implying that I want to bang your bones. But to be honest I don’t know many women who would say that after just meeting you. But the women you find aren't normal that's for sure!”
Yea no shit ! he laughs. They look normal but then they turn out to be psycho.
Yea Rick, crazy can look normal to someone who’s blood has rushed away from his brain.
I just keep laughing and tell him what I always tell him “I seriously think you have to find a better class of woman Rick.”
“You know the worse part of this?”
“No Rick I don’t.” I respond thinking this ought to be good.
“She wore my favorite T-shirt home with her and I will never get it back now.”