Tuesday, July 31, 2012

Olympic Fever

Funny Sports Ecard: The only things standing between us and our Olympic dreams are that we're out-of-shape, apathetic, and incapable of passing a drug test.

Yes I have Olympic fever! But sadly the above is more me than an athlete.
I even watched more of the Olympics last night than the depressing Yankee/Oriole game.
I loved the synchonize diving.
I felt so badly for the men's gymnastic team.
Major flubs and the pain on their faces broke my heart. 

Tonight the women's gymnastic team is on and I will be glued to my set.
I just love the summer olympics so much more than the winter.
Love, Love, LOVE the female gymnastics portion of the Olympics!

Truth be told I don't care for volleyball or the bike riding.
Anything more boring than watching someone ride a bike?
Rick was all disappointed that the weather had turned cold and the women volley ball players couldn't wear their bikini's.

He was watching them the other day and I hear him yell, "eat a potato" to the television.
Apparently on some country that was not the USA team Rick thought the woman was too skinny. Rick said he could snap her like a twig.
God that man makes me giggle.
I wasn't watching it but I heard Rick's color commentary.
I told him that Bob Costas has nothing to worry about.
Rick wouldn't be stealing his job by yelling at the skinny chicks to eat a potato!

In other news.....
I am excited because I think I made a friend.
I have no real friends here. Lots of acquaintances.
When we moved here I worked in Manhattan and worked from home 1 or 2 days a week.
Don't meet a lot of people that way.
Neighbors who have become real friends have since moved to another state. (gee is it me?)
Most of my work friends I have had for over 20 years and they all live everywhere in the U.S.A.
So while I have acquaintances here it's not the same.
You women out there know that you need a real friend to go shopping with you.
You need a real friend to say, "your ass looks bigger in those pants - you can't buy them!"

Anyway we saw new people move in a block away when we were walking the dog.
They said hello and we said our polite hello's.
A few days later I saw their license plate said Pennsylvania.
So I asked, "Where are you from in PA? I'm from PA too."
That started an animated conversation and boy I liked this woman.
(That doesn't happen often)

Fast forward to standing outside getting eaten alive by mosquito's an hour later.
I walked home and  said to Rick, "I met someone I really like!"
He laughed and said, "made yourself a little friend did ya?"
Okay snicker all you want funny boy.

Yesterday afternoon Lisa called me at the office and said, "wanna have some wine after work?"  "Gee no I don't drink!" There was a silence on the phone.  I realized I probably shouldn't mess with a new friend huh?  "Of course !"I told her. She told me she'd bring  a bottle and come on down about 6:30p.
I opened the door and there she stood with no wine and all dressed up in her work clothes.
She came in and bitched about having to work and then mid-sentence looked around and said, "OMG your home is so much nicer than mine!"
You see we have the same exact model townhome.

I laughed and said, "You just moved in give it time."
She took off her shoes and headed down the hall and looked, touched and opened everything.
I was walking behind her a bit shocked and laughing.
Where did you get this? Was this built in? Was this an add on?  I love the molding.

Stuff like that.
All I kept saying was, No my husband made it.
No my husband built it.
No my husband just did this and this to make it look better.
No my husband added that, it was easy.

She wanted to know if Rick could go home with her.
"Be my guest – he’s yours for a week – but I'll warn you he’s very expensive to feed."

In the mean time Rick is sitting on the sofa hearing this.
He yelled – "Hey hey! I'm not a piece of meat woman!"
She said, "But I don't cook "
He yelled – "then I’m not coming over!"
She yelled back that her husband cooks – 
Rick yelled, "Alright when do you need me to start?"

I forget sometimes how lucky I am that he loves to do this shit.
She reminded me of that last night.

She liked my patio table too – that made us both burst out laughing.
She looked at us like we were nuts.
But we didn’t even tell her!!

So after she touched everything on my first floor she left to go to work.
She's coming back Friday.
I think I'll make a pizza on the grill with an antipasto (mainly for me who can't eat pizza) and drink a lot of wine. 
I'm like a little school kid so excited to have a playmate (drink mate in my case).
Pathetic really isn't it?
At least maybe now I won't beg Rick to go shopping with me.
For that he will be thankful.

If she ends up being a gun toting, religious rhetoric, hateful right wing nut I'm screwed.
But I don't think my radar could be that off could it?
Stay tuned.

Monday, July 30, 2012

Silly Weekend

Sunday morning on Rick's 5:30am walk with Izzy he came back home all excited.
"Hey Margaret, he yells,  BJ is throwing away a charcoal grill."

"YIPPEE."  I say sarcastically from another room.

"Hey don't be wench-y I'm serious."

"I know you're serious Rick that is what is so funny. Why the hell do you care about this?"

Then it hits me....."OH NO you aren't planning to dumpster dive this thing are you?"

Now you know if you read me regularly that Rick loves to find others garbage and make it something. Our garage is what I like to refer to as Sanford and Son. Seriously there are things in there that I am not sure he even knows why he wanted them.

Rick proceeds to tell me the virtue of charcoal over our gas grill that is pretty new (2 yrs) and how we can now have both.

I really didn't know my life was so incomplete until I had to endure  listen to his saga over the advantages of both and how life changing this would be.

"Then go get it for heaven's sake!" I tell him as I shake my head and laugh.

He was out the door before I finished.
He came back with this old grill so happy.
Honestly he makes me laugh. The grill looked pathetic to me.
So at 8:30a.m. he is out in the garage and driveway beginning to work on this thing.
He began sanding the rusty spots. He cleaned it and then painted the black with Rustoleum's high heat paint for grills/ovens. (yes we had this in our garage - seriously our garage is a very well stocked hardware store)

He then polished up the stainless steel and it didn't look too bad.  
While he was doing all of this I had to go to Home Depot and return something so I returned with a bag of charcoal for him.  I knew that would be a good surprise for him.
I knew those steaks that were defrosting were going to be on the charcoal grill instead of the gas that night.  I know he would have plans for this baby tonight!

Ricky was so happy with his new toy. 
The sucker is heavy and after he was done doing all the painting and cleaning we had to pick it up to get from the garage to the patio.  Yes it has wheels but going up the steps we had to lift it. I was shocked at how much heavier this sucker was than our gas grill. 
So here is Rick's new toy. I should have had a before. Trust me it looks so much better.
Note the handle on the right which apparently is an awesome thing because it lowers and raises the coals. Who knew you needed that?

After this sweaty event he decided it was time for cocktails. It wasn't even noon.
So Rick poured himself a rum and coke and he and the dog went into Izzy's pool.
What? You don't see Izzy? She went into the pool, grabbed her ball and then went to the shade like a smart dog for a nap.

When Rick went over to grab this grill from BJ's dumpster pile BJ was putting more things out and Rick asked him about the grill. He told him it worked fine but he wanted gas. He wanted to just turn a knob and it would be lit. He also thought with the remodel of his patio he wanted something that looked better.

Later that evening BJ came over and couldn't get over how nice it looked.
He said to Rick, "I think I made a mistake I didn't think it could look this good again.  I just wanted to turn on the gas knob and not dilly dally with the coals. But now I think I made a mistake. I didn't know you could paint these or clean the stainless steel like that."
I noticed that Rick didn't offer to give it back to him.  He just stood there and smiled.

Then Rick showed him the secret to the coals. It's this thing below.
Bobby Flay goes on and on about it. I saw it at Home Depot when I was getting the charcoals.Bayou Classic Outdoor Charcoal Starter
It was on sale for $5.00 (normally $20) so I grabbed that with the coals. Since I was returning an item not needed I was using that money and I knew Rick would be thrilled.
Rick acted like I brought him back gold. He got all kissy and happy.  Silly easy boy!
But I must say he and Bobby Flay are right, this thing is slick!

Of course Rick shows BJ how cool this thing is and BJ seems to be genuinely sad he gave this grill up.
As he was leaving he said, "I think my new grill is going to be gas and charcoal.
You  have changed my mind.  I feel like I dumped my wife because she was getting old and you gave her a face lift and I love her again."  Rick and he laughed.
(I didn't like his analogy but kept my mouth shut. talk about will power!)

Something tells me that this weeks meals will be made outside on a charcoal grill.
Anyone doubt me?

Saturday, July 28, 2012

Damn, I did it all wrong.

As you all know who read me there are a lot of things that fry my ass.
Bristol Palin is one of them.
(Actually her whole damn family but we'll talk about only this twit for now)

It appears that my parents did me a great disservice.
They taught me respect for others as well as myself.
The believed that an education was important.
They showed me by example that hard work and a good work ethic will get you far.
What did they know?

I wish I had gotten knocked up in high school. I could have had a reality show.
I could be on Dancing with the Stars even though I can't dance at least twice.
That's a six figure income for something I can't do. 
I could have been given plastic surgery and $$$$ would be thrown at me.
I would get jobs offers that I have no qualifications for except that I was too stupid to use birth control.
I would have a reality show so everyone can see how the ignorant and homophobic live.
I too could then laugh when my child on national television spews homophobic and hateful words and my roommate and I could laugh and laugh all the way to the bank.

Damn I did everything wrong!
After completing high school I got a job working 2nd and 3rd shift.
That job put me through school.
When I was frustrated with the job school afforded me I went back to school again.
This time once again it was all on my dime - while still working said job I hated.
I worked 2 jobs in fact to accomplish this.
No one gave me squat.
I drove shitty cars, lived in bad apartments and ate ramen noodles sometimes 3 meals a day.
I made sure I had birth control because I could barely support myself and didn't think a kid would be any easier to support in the mix.
And silly me I thought getting married may be better to do first because having lost my mom at a very young age I really saw the value of two parents.
Well dumb ole Margaret! (as Dennis the Menace used to say)

I could have just gotten knocked up by my high school sweetheart.
I could look 20 yrs younger by now.
I could have a cool zillion dollars and not have to worry about keeping the lights on.
Who needs grammar or an education. I can be stupid as shit, look at the mother.
I don't need no stinkin' education to get fame and fortune.
I can laugh when my child says on television for the world to hear racist and homophobic words.
I am his roll model you know, isn't he funny?  Look at all it's gotten me being this ugly way.

Yep, I did it all wrong!

Saturday Giggles

Friday, July 27, 2012

An Evening in my Hood.

Last evening as is prone to happen neighbors came over and would pet Izzy and before you know it, it became a big ole gathering on the patio. Drinks, peanuts and popcorn.

Ed, who is drop dead gorgeous ladies, (not that it has anything to do with anything just sayin') asked if anyone saw Minnie Driver on Craig Ferguson the other night. (only I had)
He began to share with everyone the conversation of having carpet or hardwoods.

Ed shared that when he was young and a "player" the thing was "does the carpet match the drapes?"  But now the curiosity seems to be 'does she have carpet or hardwoods?'

Everyone laughed and then Ed said, "So Peg what is in your home, carpet or hardwoods?"
"Area Rug"  I answered quickly as Ed put a peanut, shell and all, in his mouth!

He now was choking.
Someone had to do Heimlich.
I didn't think it was that funny.

So as things calmed down and he was back to sitting I said, "Gee Ed it wasn't that funny."
He told us all that, "You answered so damn quickly and didn't miss a beat that made it even funnier to me".

Oh my crazy funny neighbors!
Never boring around here.

Thursday, July 26, 2012

Random Bits

I wish health care was as easy to get as say, a gun.

I long for 4 solid months of fall sweater weather.

I wish my boys of summer would stop getting hurt damn it.

I have had dreams of Craig Ferguson 2 nights in a row. What the hell does that mean?

Realtors make sleazy used car salesmen look like Mother Teresa.

I am having fruit and vegetable cravings lately, what the hell is that about?

A woman who lives across the street from us was out with her dog last night while we were walking Izzy.
She asked what the hell we are doing to our neighbors to make everyone leave next door.
This is the 4th family who has lived there in 12 years.
That made me laugh.
We have less than 4 weeks until Ugly Carrie and Dough Boy husband leave the hood.
There will be a block party! Their neighbors on the other side made the suggestion and it was warmly received by Rick and I to say the least.

This same neighbor who made the joke about all the turn over next door was the first person we had ever met when we moved here.
She came over and introduced herself.
With her hand extended she said, "Hi my name is Marina and I am the token dyke on the block."
Okay then. How does one respond to that? 
We laughed and just extended our hands and said hello and our names.
I later said to Rick, "gee maybe we should have each said hi my name is xyz and I'm a heterosexual."  We just found it weird that she would say it like that.
Not offended, not shocked, just found it damn odd.

So last evening when we were chatting about the ugly neighbors moving I reminded her of this statement. She laughed and said, "Gee I don't remember that but it sounds so like something I'd say."  
I reminded her of the time she came into my home and said she liked what I had done and that she "needed a queen to decorate her home"
She didn't remember that either.  Holy shit I have no memory but I certainly remembered those 2 statements.
I told her that those were two statements that I never forgotten because I hardly knew you then and that you felt so comfortable to say that made me laugh. 

She told us last evening that she too will be moving.
She's meeting with the dreaded evil realtors.
Her daughter (yes, she had a brief experiment) is living in Boston now finishing grad school so she doesn't need 2300+ square feet for she and her teeny tiny dog. 
She asked if I knew anything about staging, painting etc.
I raised my hand. Told her I've done this stuff before and I'm cheap. 
Jennifer, dear sister, want to be a reference?...tee hee

I will be going over to her place this weekend to assess the situation and maybe make a few dollars.  Last time in her house was shocking.
She lives like a college age boy. It needed a lot of work and warmth and clothes off the floor.
So it will be interesting but it will also be fun for me.
She said that her realtor was really upset by the shape of her home and Marina didn't understand half of what the realtor wanted done. 
Her home is wired  in the latest and greatest because that is her expertise.
I was shocked and in awe at her technological home.
The money she has spent on all of this may never show a return though.
The house itself is a mess.
She admits to being a geek not a decorator.
I laughed and agreed.

Wednesday, July 25, 2012

Remember when I said.....

Remember how 3 years ago I said if I got a dog it would never be allowed on the furniture?
Seems like many moons ago when I didn't have dog hair everywhere.

Now Izzy the Wonder Dog knows to only go to the chair where her blanket is as well as the end of the sofa where a blanket is at this house.
She also puts her chin on these areas and looks for permission before she gets up there.
I like that! In fact I love that.

But Rick has slowly been allowing her in our bed.
I had a white down comforter on the bed.
Now it is white with brown Labrador retriever hair.
I don't like that!
It must be dry cleaned.
I actually tried vacuuming this last week. Don't try this at home.

Rick tells me to just let it all go.
I've gotten better but....

So now the dog thinks she can jump on the bed at the lake.
You see if we rent the house I do not want dog hair on the bedding.
Because he got her doing this I have to put on the bedspread that is "ours" and when we get ready to leave and renters come in I put on the nice one without dog hair. Nice of me huh?

Rick insists it is no big deal.
I say it is a damn big deal if we went to a hotel and paid the amount we charge and dog hair was all over the comforter..
Ah ha! He said when I put it that way he understood. 
Honestly how can he not think of that on his own?

And this last weekend he let the dog on the sofa in the enclosed porch.
I about had a hissy fit. 
Seriously another piece of furniture that has to be vacuumed not just on the sides where the dog rubs but everywhere?  Why I oughta.....
The dog can lay around on the wood chairs out there, the rug or the damn floor.
I don't complain about my husband much because well, I just don't have any complaints but this really fried my ass. There is so much work involved in renting and this doesn't help me.
If we weren't renting it wouldn't be a big deal.
But we can't ask top dollar and have a home full of dog hair.
Adding that to all the other things that have to be done each and every time this is just more work and usually for me.

Being the wench I am I asked him to help me clean while the dog was sleeping outside.
After he had to vacuum the sofa on the porch and remove bedding etc he actually had the cogliones to say, "Damn I just added more work on top of all the crap we have to do to rent didn't I? I see what you've been saying....I'm sorry."

Okay that realization saved his ass!

Tuesday, July 24, 2012

Naps and Rain

It rained all weekend at the lake.
But even a rainy day is better there quite frankly.
The house is still not selling. But nothing is there.
It is very different than how fast things are selling up here unfortunately.

After a morning of swimming for several hours this is what happened to my family.


There was a lot of this going on last weekend.
It's rented for the next couple weeks so we won't get back there for awhile.
I was hoping for sun but it turned into a great weekend none the less.

Monday, July 16, 2012

Doggie Diets

Izzy the Wonder Dog here.
I don't look happy do I?

I am mad at my mother so I am writing today.
She's got me on a diet and boy do I hate diets.
Look I know I tend to like to eat alot but it's an enjoyment in life like swimming.
When I exercise a lot I don't gain weight.

It's too hot to walk. I hate summer except for the swimming.
I hate to walk in the summer.
She will drag me, literally drag me. Mean old woman isn't she?

Ah, but I showed her today.
You see I will just sit down on the sidewalk and give her the stink eye.
I won't budge no matter how hard she pulls at that damn leash.
This morning she tugged so hard it came off my head.  ...tee hee
I put my head down and she pulled and it came right off.
She walked a few steps before she turned around and saw me just sitting there staring at her.
I was laughing my ass off in the inside.  Oooh she was mad.
She wanted to walk.
Well go for a walk then woman but I want inside the air conditioned house.
I won that round.

I went in and laid down in front of an AC vent and fell to sleep.
She went back to work all ticked off.

This may have worked with I was young but not anymore.

This after noon she tried that shit again. It was even hotter
When will she learn?
She was yammering at me and finally I walked across the God foresaken hot pavement to the grassy knoll, peed and walked home. Apparently that wasn't good enough for her.
She wanted me to walk some more. What the hell is wrong with her? I am hot. It is 94 degrees. If she wants to walk so much I say, go for it without me!
Exercise is all she yammers about. Caesar Milan says this. Casear says that.
The hell with him, he's from Mexico, it's hot there. I am not from Mexico and I don't enjoy that weather and I don't want to walk.

I came back inside and laid on the cool wood floor and went to sleep.
She went back to work not happy with me yet again. Didn't give me any treats either.
When will this woman learn that I don't want to exercise until fall or winter?

She has cut back my food because she thinks I have gained too much weight.
C'mon I'm beautiful. A bit full figured of a gal but beautiful.
I am an English lab we tend to be rounder by nature, I'm not fat I tell you.
She keeps starving me like this I will never walk with her again.
Two can play this game you know.

This weekend my Dad took me fishing. I like him so much more.
He sneaks me treats too. He tells her that I swam so much so a little extra food won't hurt.
Oooh how I love that man. This woman though has got to go.

This weekend I jumped on the bed every morning at 5:30am exactly.
Dad and I then would go fishing. I stand at the back door with my tail wagging non stop until we can get to the water. By 5:45a we are fishing!

I will stare at his rod and reel sitting across the bench at the dock until he picks it up.
I can stare like no other. I love to watch that lure in the water. I do this for hours.
Then I chase footballs for even more hours in the water.
See?  I had a lot of exercise. I did this for 2 whole days.
I swam for 6 hours on Saturday straight only to stop to go to the bathroom.
And yet she still won't let me eat whenever  I want.
She's mean as a snake I tell ya.

Here I am having a stare down with the lure.
As you can see I am not fat just full figured....it's the fur, yea, the fur that makes me look fat.
I'm barrel chested not fat. These aren't my excuses, hush, you sound like her. It's fact.

She had the nerve to show Dad this older photo of me searching for fish. Okay so I am about 8 lbs thinner big deal I'm a more mature woman now. Look at my fishing technique. I am really something. I should be on a bassmasters tournament. I'm that good.
I actually heard my mother say that this weight gain makes my head look too small for my body.
Those are fighin' words!...and mean.

This morning Dad gave me some canteloupe when SHE wasn't looking.
See why I like him more than her?
Can you blame me?
Oh no here she comes I have to run and pretend I'm sleeping near this vent right here.

Saturday, July 14, 2012

Like I Needed An Excuse

But I was given one....Here is what I read online and then saw it confirmed on the evening news.

A new study of women in their 50s and early 60s finds that moderate alcohol consumption may help prevent bone loss. The women in the study consumed about one-and-a-half drinks per day.
The findings fit with prior studies, including the Framingham Heart Study, which documented that moderate drinkers — people who consume one to two drinks per day — have higher bone mineral density compared to heavy drinkers and people who don't consume alcohol at all.
But sorry guys, this one's just for the ladies.

The alcohol of this article was mostly wine but not all.

Now this doesn't apply to you young gals out there.
But for we old farts in peri-menopause or menopause it's music to our ears.
But using my girl math and logic I would say following this plan as a young woman can only be preventive medicine right? (You're welcome)

You see we old gals lose bone mass.  
In this small study it showed that when this age group has 2 glasses a day it actually turned over the rate of loss. If they stopped it went back to the rate of loss.

Still confused? 
Don't be.
Just open your favorite bottle or two of cabernet and drink.
You may fall over after the consumption but you can be assured that you won't break a hip when you do so.


Thursday, July 12, 2012

Kiss My Ass.....by Denis Leary

First I bring you the great song from Jeff Daniels last week, "Take your tongue out of my mouth while I kiss you good bye" and now this little toe tapper by Denis Leary.

You're Welcome.


There were three recent headlines in the paper that made me go further and read the article.
This first headline made me laugh so I had to read on...
NOAA: 80 percent chance recent heat records due to climate change
Gee ya think?

Customers to Pay Pepco, BGE for Lost Storm Income
To those of you who don't live in this area Pepco and BGE are utility companies (electric) in Maryland. As you also know after the storm these were the customers without power the longest.
I know and am also very thankful I don't have them for my electric company.

The issue is bascially that there is a fee on your bill for lost power.
Here is what it said, "Pepco and BGE are allowed to recoup some of the money lost after the severe storm June 29 by charging a fee to be paid by customers who were without power, 9 News Now reported.  It's the law," Pepco spokesman Bob Hainey told 9 News Now. "It's called bill stabilization. The storm adjustment kicks in automatically"

I just shook my head because no matter how small the fee this just seems all kind of wrong to me.You are paying for not having service.
So you go to McDonalds today and order a vanilla shake, their machine is broken and you can't get one, but you must pay a fee. Interesting!
Like I said I am thankful I live on the other side of the beltway because this is nuts.

The last headline made me very sad and angry.
Horse in Herndon area attacked again
Now I will admit I am not the biggest animal lover. But this breaks my heart.
You won't see me with PETA folks pouring red paint on those that wear leather.
Sure I love dogs but the rest not always so much.

I'm so evil I even hate birds, their chirping isn't beautiful to me just damn annoying as hell.
I hate ferrets and other rodents, squirrels etc. Squirrels to me are rats with a pretty tail.
To me they are all rodents even if technically they don't fall under the rodent family according to the animal experts. But to just harm them for the sake of harming them is not something I would even think to do. Okay I admit if a rat or mouse is in my house they will not live.
Cats - well I am scared to death of them. Seriously scared to death of them.
It has nothing to do with them not really being a pet in the real sense of the word like a dog.
I just am scared shitless of them and will never go to someone's home who has them or look at them in a magazine, movie etc. Yes, I need a lot of help I know that.

The horse story really got to me.
This horse, Lucinda had been slashed and hurt in the paddock before.
Someone had slashed the animals at this farm 3 times now.
This is the 2nd time that Lucinda has been stabbed.
This time thankfully her injuries are not as bad as in April.
In April and May the horses, a goat, a calf and a chicken were slashed.
Lucinda is a mellow therapy horse that helps special needs children.
She is at the SPIRIT Open Equestrian Program.

A 17-year-old boy was charged for the original slashings in May, and he is still incarcerated in Juvenile Detention Center.  So were these friends of his?  Copy cats?  Why didn't the survellience cameras pick it up?

Didn't Jeffrey Dahmer start with hurting animals?
Who does this kind of shit for fun?
It really makes me sad. A helpless animal that was doing nothing to anyone.
Thankfully Lucinda will recover.
They didn't say how the other animals were doing but I assumed well because if any had died I would think they would have reported that.

People just keep making it so easy for me to be misanthropic these days.

Wednesday, July 11, 2012

A lot like the day before....

Last evening we had a few cocktails on the patio with the "kids" next door.
The young woman said to me, "Did you see where Sophia Vergara got engaged"

Rick gasped as he held his hands to his chest. "Say it ain't so!"  he whined.

The young man asked, "You like Sophia do ya Rick? Isn't she like 40 or older?"

I laughed and said, "He is smitten with Sophia Vergara and Salma Hayek.....big time!
He wore a damn black arm band when Salma got married."

The young man laughed and asked, "Is it the accent Rick?"

Rick said, "What accent, they have accents?"

I cracked up.  The young 'ens didn't get it.

Tuesday, July 10, 2012

Eye Magnets

Who the hell tells their wife this?

Last night we took a walk.
We saw a couple of neighbors and we all chatted for a good while.
This morning the following conversation ensued with my crazy ass hubby.

Me: "Jackie sure is cute and she's smart and nice. I just don't get why she doesn't date more."(jackie was bemoaning this last night)

" Yeah, she sure has a nice rack. When she bent over to pet the dog I looked down her shirt. She's got a good set of C's."

My coffee flies from my mouth across the kitchen.

"This is what you tell your wife? "
I can't stop laughing this man is crazy nuts.

"Well who else would I tell? Besides she bent over I had to look down her shirt."

"You had to?"

"Hell yeah it's man code. You know those are eye magnets."

I just shook my head and cleaned up the coffee.

Thursday, July 5, 2012

Storm Fun

Here's a  storm recap since the last time I spoke to all you lovely blogger buddies.

We had one helluva storm here in DMV (dc/md/va) on Friday the 29th of June.
Here I was thinking I was going to take a mental sabbatical from the stress of life but there was a different idea planned out for me I suppose.

We were one of the fortunate ones who did not lose power. All around us was dark.
Rick and I live in a newer area and all power lines are underground and apparently that was a good thing. Except for my internet.

Cell towers were down so no cell phones and the internet which is also underground (fios)did not work. I don't understand that one. I am sure there was some logic to all this but it is lost on me.

Friday night as we headed upstairs to bed the wind began howling.
As we walked into the bedroom the lightening and thunder actually felt like it shook our townhome.
Rick looked outside and began to put his clothes back on.
I asked what he was doing and he said the other umbrella has opened and it was velcro'd shut. Before it could fly away and hurt someone or something he wanted to get it and put it either in the garage or lying down.
I ran downstairs with him in his t-shirt. Thankfully no one was outside and if the neighbors saw me so what. Rick tried to open the back door and the door pushed back.
The wind was unbelievably strong. We heard later up to 95 mile an hour winds.
He kept screaming for me to go inside. No way would I listen.
This umbrella stands 12 ft tall. Rick got the higher area and I removed the bottom latchey thingy. (yes that is a word you know)
I could barely stand up the wind was so strong.
We got it out of where it stands and just laid it on the ground with the other umbrella and ran inside as fast as the wind would allow us to run.

Sleeping was a bit difficult. I don't deal well with thunder and lightening storms anyway but you knew this wasn't ordinary. So as Rick and the dog were softly snoring I attempted to go upstairs and watch TV. But no satellite, no TV. I sat in the dark for a long while to exhausted to get up and find a book. I tried the TV again and this time it worked. 
So I stared at the television but my mind was a few miles away.

Saturday morning Rick and I surveyed the damage.
We had debris and limbs but nothing more than that on our patio.
We then took Izzy out for a walk. We checked out our vehicles that were not in the garage and they were fine.  As we walked we say trees down everywhere.
Trees smashed through cars, Trees that broke decks.
There wasn't a clear street anywhere to be seen. It was eeriely quiet.
Later that day after Rick left for work I took Izzy for another walk in the late morning.
All you heard was the buzz of chain saws cutting trees that had fallen.
It was a strange morning.

As I mentioned Rick had to work that day even though it was Saturday.
We were certain there would be no power at any of the 3 customers he was going to visit in Arlington.
But we couldn't reach them with the one phone that did work, our office land line.
(also Fio's.) 
Each customer I called had a constant fast busy signal which told me they had no phone service. So off he went into the world of down trees and no traffic lights.
We saw what looked to us like a tornado had touched down on the news but he felt he had to try to get to Arlington. Hell a tornado would have been in one spot this was everywhere.

I had no way to reach Rick if I did hear from a customer because he didn't have a cell phone.
The first customer had no power.
I got an email from the 2nd and he had no power.
I couldn't let Rick know this so he went to all 3 of them. None with power.
No traffic lights, trees down on the road everywhere. It was mayhem. 
When he arrived back at the house in the afternoon he said he wouldn't go out there again until things were better it was too damn dangerous.
Apparently the ass hats don't understand what a 4 way stop is when the traffic lights don't work. He saw several accidents that day. People fighting at gas stations he said.
It was like everyone was in a hot blazing rage.

Our lake house rental family were to arrive on Saturday.
I was concerned if the storm had hit the house. 
I realize it is 4 hrs south of me but according to the weather channel that area was hit as well. I just didn't know if it was as bad.
So I called the neighbors. Fast busy signal on their land line. No service on their cells.
I tried another neighbor. Nothing! 
I feared what the new renters were going to be walking into.
Was my house even standing?

Finally at noon I got an email from the renters.
Their cell wasn't working unless they drove to the other side of the lake (500 miles of shoreline and 22, 000 acre lake so no small feat)
Our house appeared fine they said but we had no power.
 They had to drive through some fields to avoid the down trees to get to the house.
They were going to stay until the electric came on.

My first thought was OMG! 
It's over 105 and the house must be horribly hot.
I told them where all the flashlights were and battery operated candles in case it didn't come on until after dark.
(I don't leave candles for rentals or I may not have a house standing)
They kept saying they would be fine.
The next day they still didn't have power.
The neighbors told them the power went out on Friday night at 10p I now knew of another problem.

I told the renters that the refrigerator in the laundry area of the lower level is locked as you know. I told her where we keep the keys to the freezer and fridge and if she could salvage anything by all means eat it/grill it otherwise could she please take it all out and throw it out before the smell gets to them.
I felt badly asking them to do all this but the smell would have been worse.
So 4 ribeye steaks, a pack of red hots, burger, bacon, ice cream etc that was in the freezer is all gone. They also threw out all the condiments etc.
You know all the things we don't like to bring back and forth.
The fridge was also loaded with beer, bottled water, gin, vodka and southern comfort for the sissy I married. (he drinks girly things!)
We told them to help themselves.
My fear was they would leave.
Now I know the lease states that an act of God is not our fault but I would have felt horrible not giving them their money back even though legally we didn't have to.
Morally, emotionally, whatever it is I couldn't not have reimbursed them.
I am not heartless you know.
(Okay maybe you don't but like my blog says I'm a toasted marshmellow only crusty on the outside)
And truth be told once I know they have left their home I used the money for the mortgage. Shit was I worried.
We both were a bit stressed.
I didn't have it so giving it back was a big ass fear for me.

Sunday night they got power. They also got cell phone service.
They said the house was fine but now no A/C. 
SHIT ! was all I could say when Rick got off the phone and told me.
Rick asked if they had hit the circuit breaker and he told Rick he had.
So I scrambled on Sunday night to call the warranty service
(thank God for a warranty service on the house and 24 hr service)
We got someone to say they would go out Monday morning.

So these poor people have not had air conditioning since they arrived and it is hotter than hell.
The water is a well.  No water without power either. No flushing.
We told them to bring water up from the lake to flush. (yipee ---like camping!)
Monday morning the technician arrives and viola it is nothing more than he didn't hit the right circuit thingy. (that's the professional term for this thing I'm sure of it.)
They now had air.
That service call was $75 which didn't need to be spent but at that point I would have slept with the damn hillbilly that was the repairman just so they didn't leave.
Yea I'm a whore that way.

Everything is fine there now and they seem to be having fun.
I sent them a big tower of treats from Harry and David to say thank you for all they did.  These people have been to our home before so I was glad it was someone familiar with the lay of the land vs. a newbie.

I kept thinking at least they have the lake to cool off in and during the day that is what they'd be doing anyway. We know they kept driving to Kroger to get ice and use their cell phones because that is the only place that had service and they would call us from there.
It is a 35 minute drive one way to Kroger. Great vacation fun huh?

I give them a lot of credit I may not have stayed.
Oh hell who am I kidding.
My husband would have told me it was an adventure and he would have wanted to stay so I would have had to stay.
He would have thought this was a damn good reason to fool around all the time- nothin' else to do he'd tell me. I would have said, "hey it's too hot, don't touch me." 
That made us laugh when we talked about it that weekend.
Rick said, "you're already hot and sweaty so what the hell." 
I hate when he makes sense like that.

For work I was without Internet and thankfully it is slow this time of year. (thankfully? I said that really?) I used the cell phone hot spot like I do when I work at the lake on my laptop and could work that way. But it was sporadic service at best.
Cell service was very sporadic for days until the 4th. 

We invited a lot of people we knew over to our home who were without power.
I even invited our blogger buddy Bilbo.
We ended up having quite the impromptu gathering.
Our house was cool and we threw some things on the grill and I made a few other things quickly and we had a party. No table though so we put the wood over top of it and we made due. It was a good story for everyone. Most everyone was indoors anyway.
The air conditioning was wonderful and besides that was where the liquor was.

And remember that glass table that was hit by the wind?
Well we priced tables. A new one of $300 was flimsy and nothing like the one we had.
We went to so many places and nothing without chairs. We don't need no stinkin' chairs!

I just figured we would be the neighborhood hillbilly's this year and keep that wood on there.
But it really bothered Rick that he couldn't jimmy rig something.
So on the 3rd of July he tells me he thinks he can do it.
He said, "do you mind if I try something?"  I certainly did not. We can't use it as it is.
So if he does something that doesn't work out so be it. Nothing lost right?

So he told me that all that tile in the garage that we got for free and used at the lake house main bathroom he would like to try to make a table top with it.
He asked if I minded that tile or if he did it. Hell no I didn't mind! 
Now Rick can do a lot but tiling is soooooo not his thing!
He worked on this for two days. Actually about 4 hrs each day.
He did have to buy the backerboard. That was all.
He used his gift card he got for fathers day from his daughter at Home Depot.
Came in handy as hell.

He put up all umbrella's that we had to shade himself and went to work out on the patio in 105 degree weather. I kept his "fluids" up with regular gin and lemonade refills. 
He started after work on the 3rd of July and finished it on the 4th of July.
Later that evening we rolled on a sealer. Then it rained 3 hrs later....perfect timing.

Is it perfect.? Oh heaven's no. He knows it too, I'm not being an ungrateful wench.
Like I said he knows this isn't his best skill, but he tried and I love him for that.
You know what? I think it's pretty damn good and it will last us until we can get a new one. 
I rather like.  He thought I'd hate it. Are you kidding me? It's a table.
He worked hard on it and I so appreciate it and him! 

So not all of the tiles line up perfectly or the bottom area slipped and a tile or two aren't perfectly level. It's is a table and we can go out there again.....when it's in the 80's or low 90's again anyway.

Here ya go....The Before

After the storms.
Not too shabby right? Yea, he's my MacGyver  of handy man.
I love him for trying and I love that he can't let it go.
Ah hell I just love him!

UPDATE -  Check out our great neighbors to the north! Thanks Canada!!