Tuesday, May 29, 2012

Why?

Why does 90 degrees at home feel worse than 90 degrees at the lake house?

Why do we need to know the heat index? If it's 91 degrees and muggy isn't that bad enough? Do we really need to be told that it feels like 98 degrees?
(Same goes with wind chill.)

Why does it take so long to finish a project?
Before (actually it's an after because this brick was toned down from it's bright ugly red that it was originally with paint here)
















Not quite after just yet....weekends of work still not done.....why does ugly '70's brick stay longer?  The new fireplace we tiled over the brick and put drywall over the top brick due to cost.




















New wainscoting....can you see it? Rick made it, I primed and painted it.
I asked for Craftsman style or Arts and Crafts style wainscoting and he delivered.
Love that about the man.












But the lake was 76 degrees already. We took one day and just played.
We swam, boated and watched Izzy chase fish for hours while we sipped cocktails on our dock.











This was our day off. Yes, tipsy at 9:30a. Don't judge.
That fireplace, painting and wainscoting didn't get done in 8 hrs people.
We were so tired of 2 weekends of work and no play.
So we began with a bit of somethin' somethin' in our morning beverage.

Mmm, wonder why they stopped here?

video

Thursday, May 24, 2012

Memorial Weekend Re-Post

Dear Lovely Blogger Buddies,
I'm out of here for a few days.
This Memorial Holiday doesn't have me lounging around.
Oh no not this year.
Instead working on our lake house. No drinking and boating for me.

So I am leaving you with my favorite Memorial weekend post that I like to rerun every year since 2008. It makes me laugh. It may not make you laugh but if you could have seen my husbands face trust me, you'd see and know the humor!

Besides this is so Rick. As I have mentioned before on our first date when I reached for the lever to pull up my seat I saw toilet paper under his seat.
When I asked why he said, "Because you just never know!" 
You just never know what? was my thought.
He said this statement  like I would understand. I certainly did not.
I still don't understand like he thinks I should, but I see his issues now so I get it.
But damn it still makes me laugh my ass off. I know, I know, Bad Wife!

Enjoy your holiday and enjoy this look into my goofy life!
____________________________________________
Tuesday, May 27, 2008
Does a Bear Shit in the Woods?

What a crazy weekend.

We were on the lake riding around on the boat burning gas like every good American over the holiday weekend. We were returning home from our new favorite Tiki Bar on the lake. All of a sudden my hubby announces that he has to go to the bathroom and NOW. We are not even close to home and it's just as far to go back to the Tiki Bar and apparently he can't wait from the way he is driving the boat.

As I sit up front I see him heading straight towards what appears to be a deserted island.
Now we have been known to anchor our boat at one of the 31 islands throughout the lake and have a picnic or just anchor and play in the water but this was a bit different. He did not slowly go towards the island and anchor. Oh no!
As I sat in the front he was going full speed ahead to this body mass. I yelled, "what the hell are you doing?" He yelled back, "I can't make it home!"

We went right up to the sand and he almost fell out of the boat, his foot caught the top as he went tumbling over to a tree and tied up the boat. He grabbed the toilet paper(which he carries in the glove box which is a whole other blog)and ran like the wind into the woods. I, being the ever good wife, am laughing hysterically at him. All I could do was laugh....and take pictures of course.
He comes back out of the woods shaking his head with a bit of a smirk.
I asked if he felt better. He laughed and said in a whisper, "Yes, but there is a walking trail here. We have to go. NOW."

"NO! You've got to be kidding me! Are you sure it's an actual trail?"

He said, "Well, as I was...you know...a couple was walking and I looked over and saw the husband steer his wife/girlfriend in the other direction looking appalled.
God I was mortified too but I couldn't get up at that moment. So we really should leave - quickly. For God's sake do you think you could put the camera down Margaret, please?"
He unties the boat from the tree and begins to push the boat off the land as he jumps into the boat.

I am still laughing and he is a bit pissed at me. But c'mon it's damn funny.
If I had done this he'd be laughing too trust me!

As we made our way around the island we realized that this was a new part of the state park that we have been reading about. Not only was there a new guarded beach there but also walking trails. OH MY GOD.
So he wasn't kidding me.
There were a million antidotes going through my head but I decided to not share them with him since he was already mortified by this whole event.

One thing is for sure, My husband is never boring!
He always keeps me laughing.
(I removed all pix w/his face to protect the "innocent" but check out the TP under his arm...that just cracks me up! So very him.)

Wednesday, May 23, 2012

The Perfect Weather Day

It happened on May 17th 2012.
Blue skies, light breeze and perfect temperatures with low humidity.
It was perfect.

Both Rick and I commented how it was the perfect weather day and if only it could be like this all summer. But all good things must end.
(who made that damn rule anyway?)
Especially when one lives in the humidity filled mid Atlantic like we do.

My local weather man tells me it will be in the 90's now.
The lows in the 70's which is how I like my highs.
So let the sweating and bad hair begin for me!

Most women complain when it's humid that their hair gets frizzy and big.
I have the opposite problem. It's droops, is limp and sticks to my head.
I need Viagra for my hair during the summer months. 
Viagra for my hair....."No need to see your doctor if your hair is full of body for more than 4 hours."

I hate limp hair.  I even hate the word 'limp'.
But until men have this issue there will be no drug for me to give me good summer hair. Just a hat damn it!

Tuesday, May 22, 2012

Is it Just Me?

Yesterday morning I had the televison on in the background.
I poured myself a cup of coffee and sat down in my feeble attempt to wake up.
On the screen in front of me was a large photo of Robin Gibb circa 1978 at the very latest with his long hair.

The song playing was a Bee Gee song, I Started A Joke, however they kept looping the line, ’til I finally died, which started the whole world living. 
Over and over again, "I finally died....."
Is it just me or is that verse a damn weird thing to play?

It's seems the disco era folks are all passing away.
Now if only that disco music would die.

Thursday, May 17, 2012

Dish Network, No habla ingles

As though suffering through my computer issues aren't enough this week I also have issues with Dish Network and my new Hopper/Joeys.

I think they have a good idea here but I wish they would have waited until the kinks were straightened out.

The program guide can only be seen on an enormous screen and if I am standing on top of my TV.
I used to be able to make the guide a larger size as an option on our old DVR, but no more.
The last woman I spoke to somewhere in the world told me to just use my remote from my TV, not from my DVR and hit zoom. I actually laughed. I can do the zoom, grey bar etc on my remote but that doesn't change how the guide is shown.
Frankly it's frightening to me that these people probably don't have televisions in whatever 3rd world country we are talking to and they are advising me what to do on mine. 

If you call and get someone in another country which is highly likely they continue to say, "I'm sorry for your inconvenience ma'am. You said your light on your DVR's aren't coming on right?"  OMG, NO!  Or insert any topic that you never even mentioned.

I even speak slowly so that they can understand me. No use!
They never ever understand the first 3 times you tell them something.
Unless my English is so horrific that I just confuse them all in every damn country.
I don't have an accent of any sort so I shouldn't be confusing them.
So I will thank them nicely and hang up and call back until I get someone who sounds American -  and not only sounds it but really understand the language.
I go through this over and over again.
Then I am told that they didn't realize this was an issue. Really?
I am the only one with this issue in the nation?
I feel as though what they are saying between the lines is, "It's just you bitch!"

With my Hopper and Joey's I am able to DVR up to 6 channels at a time with just my 3 TV's.  But unless my Joey's are turned on it won't let me.
Now that sounds easy enough, however the Joey's turn themselves off within a few minutes of no activity. So then I am running up and down stairs to get to the associated Joey at that television to turn it on. It's crazy stupid to have to do this and it defeats the purpose.

When I called this time to ask if I was mistaken or mine are broken I was told they know about it and it will work in 72 hrs.  Great I thought I can hang in there another 72 hrs.
That was last week.
Now granted I realize I am very bad at math but I think 7 days is a tad bit more than 72 hours.  So foolishly today I asked, "another 72 hours or that is just your standard answer?"
She said, " Oh no this is a known issue that has been fixed and you will have it resolved in 72 hrs."
So in other words, "who the hell knows you crazy woman, get off the phone because we don't know either!"  I seriously doubt this will be repaired in 72 hrs.

Now the company who does Dish's service here is out in a small rural community far from here. (You can hear the Deliverance bango's.)
The men who come here to install, repair or replace remind me of these guys.
Remember them? Larry, Darryl and Darryl. Nice but.......



I am living in technology hell this week.
Thank you Microsoft and Dish Network.

I'm still here.

Yes, I'm still here but feel like everything is on top of me right now.
Let's start with the computer. 
Oh how I have a love hate relationship with this technology.
I have been having computer issues all week.
It makes me so frustrated you just can't imagine.
I am on my own here and I am confused by what is happening.
If any of you out there know an answer please let me know.
I think I have fixed everything but the issues that upsets me the most.
Of course right?

I was going over Rick's business plan and proof reading when all of a sudden my computer 'blinked' and then a pop up screen told me that the internet had to be closed.
Okay, even though I was in Word I decided to close everything and reboot.
Everything seemed fine after that.

I have a work email and I have a personal email.
The personal email only is MS Outlook small business 2003.
Yes I know it's old. But it has been fine for me, in fact it is comfortable for me because it is what I am most used to so no issues there. UNTIL that day.
I got an email with a link inside.
I hit the link and instead of taking me where I was to go it said the following:
This operation has been canceled due to restrictions in effect on this computer. Please contact your system administrator.

HUH?????
What the hell does this mean? Where do I go to fix this?
I went to Microsoft for updates and updated.
I had microsoft Mr. Fix It do it's thing. 
It found plenty of things that were supposedly needing fixed and fixed them but not this issue.

Now if I get a newer version of Outlook and  download that will I lose all my emails and folders? I need my emails and folders. It is my life.
I also use the outlook calendar for work. I can't lose that or we're dead. 
Bottom line I need this capability that I am now unable to use! 

I have a paid version of AVG on this computer. I have firewalls.
I have a fairly new computer (2 yrs old)
I have gray hair from all of this shit.
I am on Windows XP which is what everyone is telling me is my issue.
Really?

No I have no Apple products and never thought I'd switch over.
I don't like that Apple censors your information.
But maybe I need to rethink this because everyone also tells me they don't have these issues. But I love MS Office. My excel and word etc. Can I use them on apple?
I would think not. I actually prefer the geek Gates over the geek Jobs.
But I must put my childish thoughts behind me and figures out who can best serve my needs. Right now it's a rich man who can take me away from all of this shit.
You know the old fashion notion that a man can rescue me.
Hell if it's a woman I'll play on that team at this point.
I am so fried from working on this all week.

Oh how I wish I had married a geek instead of someone who can cook and was handy.
Seriously I would not need to diet and be held captive by this damn inanimate object who sits here and mocks me. 
Anyone know what the hell this dumb broad is to do now?

In other news.
Rick's investment meeting was canceled and rescheduled so I will let you know any info when I know anything. 

I did not win the powerball. Damn it. I had a new house picked out and everything.
It was only $2,999,900.  Chump change if I win the lottery.
And seriously it wasn't even my perfect home.
There would be some things I'd change but overall not a bad place.
My favorite was the outside. Pool, bar area to die for, jacuzzi and other outdoor fun spaces on 5 acres. My dog would love it.....and so would I, less walks and a pool.
I have always wanted a pool.  Rick wanted the lake house. I wanted a pool.
Rick always wins......he would admit that as well trust me.

I'll leave you with a smile.
This is Izzy at the lake house when she was a puppy.
She always had to sleep on or in Rick's shoes when she was small.
It never fails to make me smile, hope it does you too.



Monday, May 14, 2012

Monday Monday

It's a dreary rainy Monday here in the burbs of our nations capital....not that you asked.

We have a neighbor "friend" that has invited us to things and we have been unable to go each time. Then she asked us to go to this winery event and we said we'd be at the lake that weekend. Well then we were to go to NYC and we knew that we would probably stay home this weekend. So we called her to say that we were in town and how about she come over for drinks. She said we moved the winery event to our backyard.
I said to her that I thought that was the weekend of the 18th?
She replied it was not and how about we come over? 
I told her that I not only called her but some other friends as well.
Now she got pissy. She said well just bring them.
I said I am not sure they will be up for this because they are bringing their children.
She kept saying, "Oh come on just come over it will be fun."

Well we did not go. We asked the others and they didn't want to go.
Rick saw her yesterday while walking the dog and she was so pissed off.
She said they could have come. Rick said he knew that but they didn't want to.
She said, "Seriously I am hurt that you always say no to us. I am done with you both!"
And she walked away while Rick was saying something. She just put up her hand and kept walking.

Really? How old are you? How friggin' childish is that?
We couldn't come all dates she has invited us in the past.
We were not going to drag people over to her house when we invited them to ours.
Rick is very upset by this. I am a tiny bit,  but more pissed off than anything.
If this has her panties in a twist then so be it.
I don't have time for that behavior in children let alone adults.

In other news that is more fun.
Here are a couple of fun new things we got for the lake house and it's renters (and owners) to enjoy. Just a place to sit and have a few cold beverages while sunning oneself.
It will be anchored so it won't float away.  Can't drink and float away, not good.
We used to have a water trampoline anchored to the left of the floating dock.
Everyone seemed to enjoy it but the insurance company saw it one day and said NO, it must come down immediately!!!
We have a fire pit and the insurance company saw that but there was no issue with that.
So to break that down for you  -it is okay to burn down my house.
It is not okay to jump from a water trampoline into the water.
That could be an insurance nightmare.
But okey dokey to burning down my house.
This is a head scratcher to me.

The other fun thing the kids will like (and I mean Rick)

While this looks like it will be fun for the kids (and Rick) what I find interesting is the box.
They show adults just sitting in the inner tubs and just chillin'.
They show the kids playing with the squirters attached as this was intended to be used.
But why is the bikini babe just standing there with her hands on her hips?
What is the point of her being in this picture?
Do we just have to have a babe in a bikini to sell everything? Seriously this is ridiculous.
Rick thought she maybe came with the inner tubes.
I said, "What? she is a blow up doll inside?"
He laughed but immediately opened it.
I think secretly he was hoping he'd find her in there.

Rick worked this weekend on his invention.
He sold his first two cases to Ace Hardware in Fairfax and he was thrilled.

He is also going to be presented in front of an investment group tonight.
He worked on all his MSDS papers and business plans etc.
I hate that shit so to see him work on this stuff all day on Sunday and enjoying it is odd to me.  But he did find time for a nap.
Here Rick is napping with Izzy lying on her back napping with him as Rick rubs her belly.
I think they need to get a room.

Friday, May 11, 2012

Egg on Face and Other Horrific Adventures

Okay people here is what went down.
I was told all kinds of things and I shared them with you all.
Different story when we got there.

Let me just say that I am using restraint here because of who will see this.
I am also attempting to put this in the best light possible for obvious reasons.
If you email me I will certainly fill you in but for this outlet I will be polite as I can and still make you understand what happened.

It was a cluster fuck.  How's that for polite?

We were not where we were told we would be.
We sat in the audience and while the apology was given that didn't matter a lot to me at this point. While that sounds bitchy I am leaving some things out so trust me it's really not.
I had so much in front of me (cameras, booms etc)  that I ended up watching it on a monitor.

I could have done that at home in my pj's and saved a lot of money and time.
Not working yesterday was certainly a loss of income when one is self employed.
I would never have gone if this is what they had told me would be happening.

The so called "comic" that does the warm up and tells you when to clap etc was a loser.
He was not funny. He repeated the same thing over and over again. At one point he said for 100th time, "how do you like that?" and Rick leaned over and said, "This should be a drinking game he says that so much!" He was lame and  so awful I really believe I could have done a much better job!  Having been to a couple other television show tapings I have been to ones that have real comics that were funny and that could interact with people well. He didn't do either.

The positives are that Rick and I did some fun people watching.
Rick and I had a great walk in Central Park.

We talked to some great warm people from Australia, UK and even New Jersey...tee hee.

We ate the best damn gyro ever in our life!!!!
I knew I was going to swell up from the gluten (I am gluten intolerant) but it was so honkin' good I can't even describe. We got it from a food truck. The guys were so funny, warm and entertaining. They had a long line so we knew it would be good. Since we hadn't eaten anything thinking we were being fed,we were damn hungry by 2pm so we jumped online.
We ate this and were just moaning. It was that good. Who knew?
My goodness I wish we had stuff like this in the 'burbs.
I had seriously blown up from the gluten but it was kind of worth it.
So my feet turned into flintstone feet from gluten and a bit ole puffy face and belly but some days it's just worth it to eat gluten what can I say?  I'll be better by Saturday.

So all in all a bad bad day.
Waste of time and money and my patience.

Tuesday, May 8, 2012

Off to NYC

I have a crazy busy week ahead.
Going to NYC for the day on Thursday.
Remember this post?
Well they invited me to be at the tasting table on Thursday's taping at 12:15p.
I'll let you all know when the show will air so you can tune in and watch me eat....tee hee

I have a ton to do between work and life so I won't be here until my return.
I imagine I'll have lots of photo's and stories for you though.

I'll still have time to visit you in your blog world but I won't be at my post here.
Yes, I'm excited.
Yes, it is a whirlwind trip.
Up to NY on the 6am train and back in the afternoon to pick up the dog at day care.
Because we have to leave so early we have to drop her off the night before because they don't open early enough for us to make a 6am train. (leaving at 4:30a)
I should look like hell with tired bags under my eyes by the time I get there don'tcha think?

Talk to you all upon my return on Friday.

Monday, May 7, 2012

Staining, Planting and Drinks

This past Saturday Rick and I decided to restain the patio.
Izzy went to doggy day care to play with her little friends and to keep out of our hair.
She would so want to be on the patio with us and would not understand the concept of not walking on the wet stain. So taking her to play with other dogs and wear her out was much easier of a plan.

We started the day by attempting to go to the community yard sale at 8am.
It took us a long time to find parking.
In fact it took us longer to find parking than we stayed there.
Then once we got there the stuff was awful unless you have kids.
I was looking for furniture to repurpose or games.
Not Mickey Mouse Monopoly either.
I was looking for possilby checkers. I was planning on taking the checker board and framing it. Things like that to put in the game room at the lake house. But I wasn't into lego's or mickey mouse or barbie this or that. We went down one aisle and about threw up with baby stuff so we left.
There were a lot of dogs there so Izzy enjoyed that a bit.
She really does like people more than dogs though.

We then went to buy some petunias and some other assorted flowers for the patio.
Dropped off Izzy and work began.

It was very warm and humid and that called for drinks. It was Cinco de Mayo you know.
So Margarita's for everyone as we cleaned and stained the patio.
We still don't have all things planted or all furniture out there but it's coming along nicely.
The neighbors stopped over and we all had drinks and work went out the door.

We all had to make fun of Rick because he insists on keeping this dead miniature japanese maple tree. It was big and beautiful at one time.
Then we got snowmaggedon and the heavy wet snow snaped the branches.
Now it's a stick in the dirt. He refuses to throw it away.
He trimmed it and said to us all, "Doesn't it look better?"
We all just laughed and said, "NO!"
Here is what I am now referring to as his Charlie Brown Maple.
Sad isn't it?...it's that stick on the left corner.
Rick is nuts to want to keep it but he seems to think it will come back.
I keep asking, "Come back as what exactly?"












Remember Dr. Oz's Bloody Mary idea?
Well this is where I sat Sunday morning while kicking back my metablolism booster.



















Yep that's right, that is what I am now calling my Bloody Mary's.
Thank you Dr. Oz.

We also planted some pablano and jalapeno peppers on the other side.  I wasn't the one taking pictures so I have none of those today.
We buy so many pablano's and jalapeno's at the farmers market we decided to try to grow some this year.  I'll let you know how that works out.
We love to grill em' stuffed with cheeses and things like that.
Mmmm....can't wait.

I will end with my gal pal Izzy.
This is she and I sitting on my front stoop watching the neighbors go by on Monday.
Yes that is my Croc sneaker in the shot.
I'm obviously not a photographer.
I just love how she will sit here forever with me.
She doesn't like this one woman who walks by and she will growl very softly at her.
Makes me laugh every time. If I wasn't sitting on top of her I wouldn't even hear her.
I have no idea why this little old woman is someone she doesn't like.
The lady has to be late 70's early 80's and she walks every day past our house.
She is hunched over but very spry. She walks fast and is in a take no prison form.
She nods at us as Izzy growls. I don't think the woman can even hear Izzy.
We have corrected Izzy when she growls so now she does it real softly as though we can't hear her. Iz won't move just watches here intently and softly growls. It does humor me.

Weekend of Cocktails.

Back in the day…..the 80’s I went to my first Kentucky Derby.
A dear dear friend of mine name Craig (who I call Mac because of his last name) knew I was in a funk from my divorce.
He lived near me and one day stopped by and as we talked he said, “You need to get away. I’m going to the Kentucky Derby this weekend why don’t you come with me.”

Well now I have worked at the local race track for years in the summer with Mac.
I always needed an extra job because I never made enough money to live and to buy clothes and travel. I could travel for free but I needed $$ to spend when I got there.
So I worked evenings in the summer at the local horse race track.

I was a pari-mutuel in the club house and I made more money there than I did at my airline job.
Especially tips. Men love to tip you if you give them a winning ticket.
Pathetic that this job was seasonal and I made more there than I did at a very well known airline.
My point being I was around horse racing and I just didn’t really give a hoot.
I did it for the money and the hours.
So I just didn’t think going to the Kentucky Derby would be fun at all.
Boy was I wrong!

So in 1983 I went to my first Kentucky Derby. Mac had been doing this for years.
He was driving and he said I could ride with him.
He had a hotel room and he would just change it to two beds. 
Sounded good to me.

His brother along with his girlfriend and another friend of Mac's and his girlfriend would be following us in another car and staying at the same hotel.
So off to the derby I go because frankly I had nothing else to do.
I figured I was with people I enjoyed so what the hell.

It was an 8 hr drive to Louisville from my home in PA.
Now the first week of May in my hometown is cold, dreary and still a bit like winter. Louisville was in the 70’s so I was thrilled to think we’d have sun.
I pulled out the shorts and summer clothes.

The Derby was nothing like I thought it would be.
We were in the infield which I soon found out was a bunch of crazy young people drinking, seriously drinking. Woodstock without the music, just the mayhem.
I was young and soon to be crazy it appeared.
At the tender age of 27 I was seeing a lot of firsts.
I don't think I stopped smiling until I went back home.
I didn't think about my divorce situation once during that weekend.
It was exactly what I needed, Mac was right.

I had my first mint julep that weekend. Oooh ick!
I don’t like whiskey/bourbon and basically that is what it is....bourbon on ice with mint.
But the glasses were great so I kept drinking them so I had a collection of glasses to bring home for souvenirs.
It was fun and it was a full day of sun, drinking, napping (passing out?)on a lawn chair and getting sunburned. I was young and having a ball. I won a few races and met a lot of people having a good time.
Great way to get you out of your own funk. It also began a very long tradition.

It began to rain during the actual race. Now mind you we got there around 9 – 10 in the morning and the actual race was at 5ish. So imagine what shape most of those people in the infield are in by 5pm. By the time we got to our car we were completely soaked as though we took a shower with our clothes on. We were walking to our car for what seemed like an hour in the pouring rain. I was wrinkled like sitting in a bathtub too long.

We finally got to our car and began to navigate our way through the traffic to find our way to our hotel. As we were driving Craig asked me to get him his shorts out of his suitcase in the back seat. His jeans were so wet and stuck to him he couldn’t stand it. I dove in the back and got out his shorts. I climbed back up front and I gave him his shorts. We were stuck in traffic not moving so he figured he would just change while we sat there.

I laughed and said, " I’m looking out the window you big weirdo."
I did just that.

I hear him sayin, “Damn it. Oh shit.Oh God.”

I am laughing but really don’t want to turn around and see my friend who I have known since the age of 14 undressed. Oooh no!

He said in a panic tone, “Peg help me”

I turn to him and see that he can’t get his shorts up his wet legs they are stuck around his knees.
You know how you can’t get your clothes off and on when you’re wet.
Not to mention he obviously gained some weight since he last wore these and they are way too small. I suggest it may be they are just too small and he said, “no I haven’t gained that much weight it’s just that I’m wet.”
okay you delusional man.....I just keep laughing.

In the mean time a cop is walking to each car and talking to the drivers.
Mac is now panicked. But I can’t stop laughing.
I was trying to help him get these off him when the cop comes to the window.
You all know what this must have looked like.
Yes it looks like I have gone down on my friend Mac to this cop.

My fair skinned irish friend is beet red with embarrassment.
I can’t stop laughing.
Craig tries to explain to the cop and I can’t make eye contact for fear of hysterical laughter. The policeman says, “I don’t care. I’m just making sure you’re sober and yada yada yada.” OMG – he does think I was blowing my friend for god’s sake. Eew!

In the mean time his brother who is in the car behind us is now walking up to the car.
Craig yelled, “Peg please get out and see what the fuck he wants so I can get these pants off me. Don’t let him walk up to the car!”
Mac is yelling now and of course I am still laughing like a lunatic.

I jump out of the car and tell his brother that Craig wants to change his pants and I wanted to give him some privacy. His brother bought it. Poor Craig had to put his wet jeans back on because the nut didn’t bring any damn shorts that fit him.  Putting wet jeans back on his wet legs wasn't easy either but much easier than shorts that are 2 sizes too small.

Now as a woman we try things on if we think we’ve gained a few pounds over the winter.
What would possess one to know you’ve gained weight yet you throw a pair of shorts in your suitcase that you haven't worn in at least a year?  Silly silly boys.

The following year Mac asked me to go the derby but this time he has rented a 36 foot Winnebago and invited a bunch of his friends.
He charged like $120 for the weekend of food and booze and fun.
Sounded like a deal to me. I only knew Mac, his brother and a friend of his brothers who came the year before, with a different girl I might add.

The first hour or so everyone is rather quiet and getting to know one another.
By hour 3 everyone is toasted and laughing, playing cards at a table, eating etc.
Mac drove down so no drinking for him. His brother drove back so he had to be the sober one on the way home. It was another great year and I got another 6 souvenir glasses for my collection at home.

The 3rd year I went I brought a friend of mine. Connie knew no one but me.
She loved it though.
Because you can’t bring liquor into the derby we had to devise other means of tricking them. They (security) searched our coolers and all our food so we had to be clever.
Connie wore one of my bras. My bra on Connie was basically empty.
We filled up baggies of vodka and rum. She then filled my bra with the baggies of liquor.
Our cooler held the mixers so it all looked good, including Connie.
Connie now look like she had a big ole rack. I laugh every time I see those pictures.
She couldn’t take enough photo’s of herself looking like that.

The 3rd year we camped at a campground called Big Bone Lick.
Seriously who named this place?
So as our 36 ft Winnebago pulls into this place loaded with 20 something year old drunks we found this pretty damn funny.

The 4th year Connie and I did our own Winnebago trip to the Derby.
She and I invited our friends. We made the food and bought the booze.
We enjoyed going with Mac but we knew we could improve on it and do it for less money.
We knew there had to be more than just beer and junk foods.
We planned great meals ahead.
We had mimosa’s for breakfast with steak, eggs and home fries on the day of the derby.
We had a full day of drinking we needed real food was our logic
We had a range of liquor and an enormous amount of food.
We had tons of munchie foods and great evening dinner meals.
I made cupcakes and other junk so there was always food for everyone.
Unlike on Mac's where the trip home we had to stop places to buy some food.
One of Connie’s friends brought brownies that made all the food even better.
That made me worry.

I didn’t know most of Connie’s friends and her friends didn’t know mine.
Now to look at them they were night and day.
I was worried people wouldn't get along.
But as usual after the 2nd hour on the road it got loud and the laughter started, the music playing and it worked out well.

Connie’s friends tend to be more on the fringe shall we say.
Mine looked more corporate in comparison.
So when someone pulled out a joint my only thought was, “Oh dear God”
But the corporate types and the pilot were all doing things they don’t normally do.
Because I was driving I kept looking in my rearview mirror and just hoped it all would be okay. It was.
It was like what happened on this Winnebago stayed on this Winnebago.
The hook ups, the brownies, the craziness.

These things never happened with some of these folks before or after.
We all just have our memories.

Fast forward to 20+ years later I am watching the running of the roses Saturday and saw some of the fools in the infield and thought, “I could no more do that again to save my life” What I thought was so much fun at 27, 28, 29 and even age 30 to me now would drive me bat shit crazy. The annoying drunks, the crowds and the noise.
God I am officially old huh?
I’d be yelling, “Get the hell off my blanket who the @#$* are you?”

I remember one year coming back from buying mint juleps for me and my friends.
There was a man/boy on my blanket passed out/sleeping.
I asked some others – "who is this guy? "
It’s like they all just saw him for the first time. No one knew him.

To make room on the blanket for us we gently rolled him over and over again until he was off our blanket. We just began to drink our mint juleps and rub on some tanning oil.
Poor guy, he could have been dead for all we know, we just moved him.

I can’t even fathom that today.
Yes this activity is for the young and stupid, but I’m glad I got to experience it all.
Great memories that make this old fart smile.

Friday, May 4, 2012

Friday Funny



I am in mourning so I needed something funny.
Last night the greatest closer in baseball history tore his ACL and meniscus.
He was shagging fly balls during batting practice which he has done his whole career.
It was predicted that this was his last year and then he'd retire.
Everyone assumed an announcement during the all star break.
He is number 42 and he is 42 years old. I don't see him coming back.
I believe his career is over. What a horrific way to go out for this man who was perfect in so many ways. He was humble and you sure don't see that much anymore from a great athlete. I really love this man. Mo..... Mariano Rivera. When he walked to the mound in the 9th you knew you had a win. The song Enter Sandman would play and I knew it was a given that we'd put the other team to sleep. Mo was that great.
So today I wear a black arm band and am beyond sad.
My team is screwed! 
I never thought we had much of a year to look forward to before and now I really don't.

The good news is it is a drinking weekend.
We have the Kentucky Derby - Mint Juleps.
We also have Cinco de Mayo - Margarita's.
That can't hurt right?!!

Thursday, May 3, 2012

Random Links for your Thursday reading pleasure

Talk about a bad break up.
Did you happen to see this?
WOW.
This woman was her boyfriends dentist.
They broke up.
Obviously not playing with a full deck he chose her as his dentist even after the break up.
He awoke with ALL his teeth having been pulled.
Gee you think she may have been a tad bit pissed off?
Oh my goodness.
I suppose this is better than a Lorena Bobbit type 'surgery' but seriously this is so not good.
The article made me laugh. Not because it's funny but because he was so stupid.
You don't go back to the spurned ex for health care, car car or any care.
You left her for another woman dumb ass. I know you'd think she would be professional.
But once you break up - get a new dentist.
I know what you're thinking, has he no common sense?
As Rick likes to tell me if sense were really common more people would have it.
Here's proof!

While I am linking I will send you this.
This is all I need to say on this topic except that I dislike organized religion and this is one of many reasons. Don't write me nasty grams because let's face it I'll just delete 'em.
If you need it and it works for you I'm happy for you...really I am.
This one is not for me.
To me these people are a cult from the stone age.
Pedophiles are welcome, not women who think for themselves.

This woman needs to step away from the tanning bed.
I think she may have an addiction issue here.
Are there 12 step programs for this disease?
Seriously you look in the mirror, you see this and think, Damn I look good!?
C'mon!
I like to get a little color as much as the next pasty white gal but this is foolishness.

And finally.....This below made me cry. I'm a sucker for a great dog story.
This is my heartwarming ending for you today. Enjoy.

video platform video management video solutions video player

Wednesday, May 2, 2012

Dr. Oz

I caught some of a Dr. Oz show on Monday.
For some reason it was on our DVR.
Both Rick and I swear we didn't set that timer so who the hell knows how it got there.
We are just blaming this one on the dog.

Anyhoo Dr. Oz was talking about a metabolism accelerator. 
That peaked my interest so instead of turning it off I turned around and looked at the TV.
Dr. Oz put some tomato juice in a glass, then some horseradish, a splash of hot sauce and a squirt of lime on the side.
Rick and I at the same time yelled at the television, "hey you forgot the damn vodka!"
It sounded just like the makings of a bloody Mary to us.
Which of course made us both laugh.
We do think a lot alike, guess that's why we're still together huh?

So this will be my new excuse on Sunday when I am making a bloody Mary for breakfast.
I am just accelerating my metabolism people!

Tuesday, May 1, 2012

Lazy People

I have a great dislike for laziness.

Laziness comes in a lot of forms.
You can be lazy at your work.
You can be lazy with your life.
You can be lazy in your relationships/friendships.
Lazy is everywhere and it seems to be growing.

I have a friend who's marriage is in the toilet and has been for 20 years or more.
She doesn't want to walk away because she'd have to actually work for a living.
She would have to live in a smaller home. She would have to make sacrifices.
She does not want to work on her marriage, she doesn't like him anymore.
She tells me these things all the time.
She whines ( and I mean WHINES)  and complains about her life all the time.
I want to scream, "THEN CHANGE IT"

But change takes work. Work is the opposite of lazy. So nothing is done.
Sometimes I think people like to be miserable. It's comfortable for them.
It's all they know.
I remember when Dr. Phil used to be on Oprah and he'd say, "How's that workin' for ya?"
That is what I want to say to her most days.
Today she told me about counseling.
She wanted him to go but now she won't do the homework, won't "forget" the issues, won't move on. Her husband actually told her that he's trying and he feels like she isn't trying. 
She said to me, "I'm not and can you blame me?"
Why yes I can.
You either make a conscious choice to accept and work on the issues and then move on to the best of your ability. If you can't do that then make another choice.
She said, " I just want to be left alone but he can live here. but he expects a loving wife and friend." 
Why yes, that is convenient for you but what about him?

For some reason today I was honest with her....for better or worse.
I told her if she really doesn't want to make the changes try to learn how to live with this.
I know it shocked her. But I have been just listening to her for 20+ years now.
It's the same thing over and over again. So today I was honest.
At the end she said, "You're right I won't move or change my life to get rid of him. I'll just wait until he dies."
Oh lovely thought. (her children are in college and grown)
At this point I just shut up. It will never change until he dies I guess.
I don't understand that thinking but it's her life.  
I just don't want to hear it anymore.
I suppose that makes me a bad friend.....I get that too.
She has sucked the last bit of life out of me. She's draining.
I feel badly for some reason that I can't just listen anymore.
But I'm exhausted and I just can't.

My other gal pal is also miserable.
When we went to her wedding Rick said this:
It's going to be a great first marriage

I then smacked him. You can't say that at someones wedding, even though we knew this wasn't going to last.
Polar opposites in values. Values are a big damn deal.
It's not the simple things like she's a people person and he's anti-social.
Nope the hard core stuff that means a lot to her.
She's all about family. He hates being around his or her family.
It means everything to her to spend holidays and vacations with family.
He won't go. She does holidays and vacations alone.
She has a strong faith. He has none and ridicules hers.
She resents him for that. He resents that his kids are having to learn what he calls "bullshit"
He is incredibly lazy and will do nothing to assist in the house or the children.
He told her he didn't want more than 1 child.
They have 2. He believes the discipline and child rearing is her responsibility.
She believes they should be partners.
You see what I mean? Big things.

They lived together and lived next door to us before marriage
We liked them both as individuals but together we felt it was oil and water and wasn't going to end well.
He was up front about all of these things before they were married so why is she surprised?

They still are married only because they are too lazy to leave.
He'd have to go to work.
She is the main bread winner and she does everything else too.
He has recently gone back to work  after 2.5 yrs of not working or looking for work.
She found him this job.
He hung out most of the day at a bar and gained about 80lbs.
She doesn't want her kids to be from a divorced family she keeps telling me.
Yet if you go to their home it's so thick with tensions it's painful to be there for any length of time.  You can't tell me it's better to raise your children like that.
Her sons are being taught to be disrespectful to women and being a load on the sofa is what dad's do.  She takes the boys camping, to scouts, and ball games.
He sits on the sofa watching tv or hanging at the brew pub with his pals.

I want to feel sorry for them both but can't.
I feel sorry for their children though. 
A great deal of empathy for their children.
These are the children's examples of a loving family.
These are their examples of parenting.
These are their examples of relationships.
These are the lessons they are learning from their parents on how to treat one another.

I have listened to these women cry and moan for years now and I don't know what else to do.
It has become something of an exhaustion for me.
I feel like a bad friend because I am tired of it because neither will do anything to make their life better.  Sometimes you must make those difficult decisions. 

They both have contacted me this week and hit me from both sides.
I do what I always do, listen.
They just want to vent.
They don't ask for my opinion so I let them vent but it has taken a toll on me too.
I no longer see them socially as much as before.
I dread it when I have to talk to them because I know it's going to be hours of negativity.
But that's what a friend is for. And what makes me feel guilty as all hell.
It has exhausted me yet as a friend aren't I suppose to listen to them and give them a safe place to fall? 
I feel like a bad person because I just can't take it all anymore.