Thursday, November 15, 2012

Izzy Takeover

Good Day Bloggers....Izzy the Wonder Dog here. 
My human mom is preoccupied with this house sale.
They are driving her crazy with what she is screaming to be piddly shit. 
Don't even know what that means but it's making her nuts.
So I am taking over. 

Look I like this woman, she feeds me, spoils me with treats, hugs, belly rubs and I can get her to do most anything I want with my pretty face. But she gets on my nerves because she is always taking time with my man away from me. I should get all his attention and love not her.

You see when my man comes home, he is all mine and she doesn't seem to get it.
Look at me in his arms. Ah, just where I am meant to be.
I'm giving her the ha ha he's mine look here.  I love rubbing it in.

Yesterday she came outside with us while he threw the ball for me.
She complained about how cold it was - whine, whine, whine.
So go inside already bitch. I am having fun with my man and you are annoying me and he is giving you attention!  No, this is my time just buzz off.

Then she had the nerve to come to bed last night on my side of the bed. How dare she.
Oh sure it was her side at one time but not anymore.
Now I take up the whole king size bed except for where my man sleeps.
She had the nerve to snuggle up with MY man. I took care of that, oh yea I did. 
I poked my nose in between them until that nonsense stopped!
Finally I could then sleep.

This woman appears to be a slow learner because she doesn't give up.
She was all kissy with him this morning in the kitchen. 
Geez, get a room people.  I had to get in between them again until my tail hit my man's bad knee. That will teach him. That made him jump away from her quickly.
And they think I'm "just a dog" hah! I can see them ya know!

I heard them say at 6pm tonight I had an appointment to go to the vet for blood work.
Apparently my ever expanding waistline is bothersome to my vet and my mom.
My vet is just another jealous woman.  I'm gorgeous and they are jealous of all the attention I get every day. They don't do they?  No.  See?   It's just jealousy.
I'm really pretty so why the hell can't I be chubby?
Chubby is cute...c'mon look at me, I'm gorgeous. 
My coat is shiny and people comment on that all the time.
In fact just yesterday this woman made a fuss over my coat.
No one tells her she is pretty! 
Yep just jealousy.
And because they are petty like that I must get stuck with needles.

Those damn bitches think I need to be skinny.
Perhaps it's just their issue at hand, ever think of that?
They put me on terrible tasting diet food and much less of it for Pete's sake. 
Why if I had thumbs I'd be raiding that damn pantry and getting my own food!'

Oh sure I eat that terrible food but I don't like it! Nope, not one bit.
I can only get 2 treats a day from that woman now and I have to run after balls and sticks for at least an hour a day to even get them. And I walk. What more do they want from me? 
How would she like it if she had to do all that stuff to get her ever beloved coffee every day?
I.don't. think. so!
But that crazy female vet seems to think I have a thyroid issue.
That vet just likes sticking that damn stick up butt. Perverted sicko she is.
I'll show her and this crazy ass human woman living with me - I will sit and there will be no sticks up my butt today. 

I'm standing my ground today....or sitting my ground today.  No sticks up the butt.
I think that is just a damn good rule to live by, don't you?


Mike said...

Izzy, I think your vet and my doctor have been conspiring together. What's with this diet crap anyway?

Margaret (Peggy or Peg too) said...

Yep Mike they must be in cohoots.
They must be jealous of you too.
Let's rebel and find some ice cream....oooh i love ice cream!

Ms. A said...

Chubby looks great on you. On me, not so much. And, people accuse me of having a stick up my butt, all.the.time. Not funny!

I'm surprised you don't know what piddly sh!t is. That's when you eat something different and it doesn't agree with you and makes your poop runny. Has mom eaten something that doesn't agree with her?

danneromero said...

Izzy, I agree with you. It sounds like jealousy. Just keep snuggling up to YOUR man.... He knows who's the best girl for him. (kiss-kiss).