Monday, October 31, 2011

My Weekend up North

So damn good to be home!
Back to my routine and eating better for one.
Why does all the food taste better up there? 
My mom made Zuppa Toscana.
Like at Olive Garden she explained.
Since I don't go to Olive Garden I wasn't familiar.
But I asked for the recipe and will be making this very soon.
It was delish.

Izzy had a ball.
Rick worked hard.
And Peggy got sick.
Thankfully only a 24 hr bug.
But nothing is worse than not being home in your own bed when you aren't feeling well.

We saw on the news that we were having a Nor'easter at home. The weather was as cold as it was up north. So at least it wasn't 65 degrees at home while we were in the tundra.

Sunday before we left we got to see a friend and her dogs.
Meet Ziggy.  Ziggy smelled Izzy's butt and wanted to play. 
Izzy was being shy.  Look at those eyes - too damn cute.

These two beauties weren't so thrilled with Izzy. They really wanted Izzy to know that one was the pack leader and the boss. One just wanted to be a dominate male. They were fine once they all learned their places.

Rick and I really enjoy all the nature trails at Presque Isle and we took Izzy and headed out to one of them on Friday afternoon.
When I lived there I would cross country ski on these trails all winter long.
I used to LOVE cross country skiing.  There are a ton of trails there.
This day we chose...Dead Pond Trail.

As you can see by the trail sign - you can hike, cross country ski, snow shoe but you can't ride your bike on this path.  I used to see lots of deer down here when I skied. 
Sometimes too close for my comfort.
As we traveled down this trail Izzy went off into the woods and explored.
We had seen some fox earlier in the day so we were hoping we didn't run into any of them while on the trails or traipsing through the woods.



A little story about foxes down in this area.
When my nieces were very young I took them down to the beach.
As we were leaving an area near the boat houses we saw a mom and her baby fox.
There were 2 little ones with their mom. Cute as could be.
I stopped the car so the girls could see them.
The girls had just watched a Disney video of The Fox and the Hound I think it was called.
They wanted to get out of the car and go pet them.
I tried to explain that these fox were wild and you can't go pet them.
Their fox mom was there and she would think we were trying to hurt her babies so she may want to hurt us. That made the oldest cry. She kept telling me that I was wrong they were nice and she begged through tears to let her get out of the car to pet and play with them.
Thank God I had child protective locks because she actually tried to open the door.
I could not reason with a 4 and 5 year old that these fox were not cute Disney characters.
I promised her ice cream but they didn't care.
She was crying and gasping and being all dramatic and then told me I was so mean.
I wasn't going to be her favorite Aunt anymore. 
She was full of snot and tears and my goodness this was making her mad.
Honestly I felt terrible but I wasn't about to let them out of that car.
She would not talk to me all the way home. We got ice cream and only her younger sister would speak to me. She said thank you as I handed her the ice cream cone but she would not look at me. Boy I knew she was mad.
Now at age 21 she and I have talked about it and she remembers it she says as though it was yesterday. She told me she thought I the meanest Aunt in the world because in the movie they were nice and cute. Good ole Disney.

Since living in the south I miss maple trees. The beautiful color of maples in the fall.
I saw them everywhere this past weekend. Sadly the colors are way past peak season.
So there weren't a lot of my brilliant deep reds that I love.
I looked down and saw one lone red maple. Nature saved it just for me.
It was small and faded but at least I got one.


We headed over to the boat houses after the trail.
When I was a kid I used to think it would be so cool to live on a house boat.
But these are way too small for me. We'd be on top of one another and not in a good way. 
And it's not like you can have a dog and just let her out to go. Although Izzy would love swimming to shore to go to the bathroom. And in winter you can just walk across to shore.
But I think these are only inhabited in the summer months. Although I could be wrong.

I imagine these canoes belong to the folks who live in these itty bitty homes.
Similar to parking your car in front of your house I would imagine.
These aren't like the ones in Seattle that are far nicer and larger.
Those I may be able to live in.
It also isn't as cold in Seattle as on Lake Erie either.
No howling winds and lake effect snows and 4 degrees below.
So that alone would make living there easier.

Could you live on a small little house boat like this?

My weekend away

Izzy here....Mom is crazy busy and she keeps saying she is playing catch up.
I don't understand what that is because there is no ball involved.

I had so much fun in her home town. Man it was cold but it was sure fun.
New things to smell and a HUGE lake. She calls is Lake Erie. I call it FUN.

Since she isn't here I am going to tell you all the fun things I did.
I went for walks around this hotel we stayed at and there was a creek and some ducks.
I liked to stare at the ducks every morning like this.
Back at the hotel they let me on all the furniture. That was cool since I am never allowed to do that at home. Boy it's comfortable up there.  I took a nap there one afternnon and then wondered why they get to have all the fun sitting up there.
Then my favorite part. We went to the lake. It's much bigger than the lake I'm used to but it was the same kind of fun.  My parents whined about how cold it was.
Daddy had on 2 pairs of pants and several shirts and sweatshirts. Mom too.
They are weather wusses.

I swam after my favorite football for an hour.
Something about Dad saying his arm falling off made us have to stop.
I dug in the sand. I had a ball.
Dad threw a stick and it just went ka-plunk.
Mom yelled at him to throw the football.
I think she thought I was going to drown diving for it.
She worries too much.
I even heard her say not to throw it to Canada.
I didn't understand that comment.
I think she's crazy.
You can't see Canada from here - it's 29 miles across the lake for pete's sake!


I'll leave you with this video of us leaving to go for a walk on a nature trail along across from the light house. I didn't want to leave but this place was so cool I knew wherever they were taking me was going to be fun.  And boy was it.  I'll make my mom show you all tomorrow.
House boats, fox and deer.  I sure would like to live there.  They gave me a big fat NO.

video

Friday, October 28, 2011

I'm Here and It's Cold

We made the 6 1/2 hr drive without issues.
Izzy slept for 4 of those hours. Then like me, she was restless.
Thankfully she does not pace, stand up or anything more than heavily sigh.
Her heavy sighing makes both of us laugh. 
We say it's her way of telling us she's bored and get me out of here.

When we were about 12 -15 miles outside of our destination there was SNOW.
We looked at each other and began to laugh. Of course there is snow.
By the time we got to our destination it was just raining. Thank goodness.
It rained and I am talking pouring blinding rain the whole way. Then periods of fog and rain which were a bit scary but all in all it wasn't a bad trip because it wasn't a weekend.
The PA turnpike on weekends is dreadful.

Izzy had to smell everything around the hotel, in the hotel and drive us nuts.
We were then paid back for her sleeping most of the way. She was up most of the night.
Everyone who walked down the hall or feet went in front of our door made her growl.
This morning at 4:30AM they slide our invoice under our door (1st night was free night with points)Once that slid under the door it made Izzy run to the door and begin to growl and she jumped on the bed to get us. She went nutso!  Great at 4:30am.
We all tried to go to sleep but it wasn't going to happen.
She was up and ready to go.
We ignored her.
She wouldn't be ignored! 
At 5:08a Rick bundled up and took her for a very very long walk.
Right now at 8:55a she is asleep under my desk...FINALLY.
Unfortunately I am working from the hotel while Rick is at my parents remodeling their bathroom.   I forward the office phones to the cell phone and continue to work.
But trust me it's going to be a short day.

You know what Rick and I realize we use a whole lot more than we thought?
Our rewind on our DVR. 
My goodness there have been so many times last evening and this morning while watching television that something was said that we would normally rewind to hear again or something to see or show one another. Boy that sucks.

Anyone see lasts nights World Series Game.  I only was 1/2 watching then it got so exciting I couldn't look away. YEAH CARDINALS. Please Cardinals, win the last one. I really really dislike the Rangers!!!

Heading to the beach this afternoon to run some energy out of Izzy.
Photo's to follow.
T.G.I.F.


Wednesday, October 26, 2011

On the road again....

Let's try this again. Heading to family up north tomorrow.
Izzy is doing well and we humans have to deal with family issues.
I checked and it's going to be a high of 44 degrees tomorrow up where we are headed.
Brrrr........
It's 73 here today.

Saw this story about a puppy that was found atop a train.
I am so glad that the woman who saved this little pup got to keep him as well.
I think the dog will do just fine at his new home. Cute isn't he?

I was reading a blog post by an author I read called Mainly Jane.
(okay she has 2 blogs - one on Yankees)
She was discussing not being able to finish this book she started after several attempts.
I feel badly when I can't get through a book. I keep trying and trying.
I have had 2 of those types of books this year and finally just gave up.
Then I admit I feel guilty for some reason.
Are the books getting worse or is it that in my old age I just feel I don't have to waste my time with this shit?

I called AVG support today.
If you aren't aware of AVG it is anti-virus software that protects you from malware, spyware and viruses.
I updated the software on Monday and since doing so I am encountering some problems.
The man who answered the phone to "help" me had a strong British accent.
When this man would answer a question he was so condescending and the accent only made it worse.  That particular accent seems to lend itself to condescending arrogance to begin with so him actually being that way didn't help the situation.
This man didn't border on rude he was rude.
The 3rd time he got snarky with me I told him he could laugh, make fun of me or giggle at me AFTER he hung.  He then told me that my questions were ridiculous. 
I just hung up because what is the point of speaking to someone like this anyway?
I called again and got another Brit. Apparently this is a British company.
This man was no better. He gave me another number to call. 
I assume he just wanted to pawn this dumb American off to someone else.
An American accent helped me after I called this new number.
He told me this was a new glitch with the upgrade. 
Ah ha, I am not stupid as the Brit's wanted me to believe.
This man gave me a simple fix to basically override the issue until things were fixed on their end.  Now was that so hard?

I generally dislike human kind these days.
It's time for another vacation.
However after this trip up north I may just need a padded room.

Tuesday, October 25, 2011

Plumbing continued.

The husband is one happy fella this mornin'

He came home last night and tried plumbing one more time.
He fixed it! Yipee for me.
Because he was home early and I was still working he decided to make a crockpot of stew for tonights dinner. He makes his stew with beer and he even used gluten free beer for me.  
I tasted it this morning....Mmmmm......Yipee for me again.
Can't wait for dinner tonight.

This morning while sipping his coffee he watched Salma Hayek, his girlfriend, on David Letterman and kept saying, "Now that's a woman."
He was just sitting there smilin' away like a big ole dope.
David was talking about her earings.
I don't think Rick saw those he was focused on things below her ears.

Monday, October 24, 2011

The Weekend

Izzy is doing better.
A lot of dogs in the neighborhood are sick.
Coincidence? I wonder. They all play together.
The HOA maintenance guys were telling us how all the grassy areas were treated last week (Wednesday) with new chemicals. They are also using dyed mulch this year so to be careful of our dog eating that. So that got us thinking. Could that have anything to do with this?
She vomited Wednesday night after sitting in the park with her buddy Libby eating grass.
Maybe it has nothing to do with anything but it does cause me to wonder.

On Friday's visit to the vet they were convinced she had an obtrusion in her small intestines.
They would not listen to me that she doesn't eat things. That she has never eaten anything she shouldn't other than food. There were no balls in her belly or socks. The vet kept saying that all human parents tell them that and they find all kinds of things in there. I got tired of having to defend myself so I just went with it after awhile. I asked why they were so hell bent on this theory and she said her symptoms were of having an obstruction and they wanted to be able to rule it all completely.  I understood...to a point.

Because Izzy had an enormous gas bubble in her small intestines they could not see anything. It also would explain why the poor thing couldn't get comfortable.  Her belly was hard and she wouldn't let me touch that area so I understood what the vet was saying, but I still felt that Izzy did not eat anything foreign.

The vet wanted to have her stay there to watch her and to give her an IV of fluids and medication. Sadly my life now is making decisions by costs. I said I can watch her at home.
Of course they scare you with the information that if there is something it could perforate her intestine and I would have to get here back here quickly for surgery.
The thought of picking her 70lb body up went through my head but I stuck to my guns and said I was bringing her home.
They gave her an injection of anti-nausea medication as well as medication to pass that gas bubble since nothing was moving in there.
They also gave her an injection of fluids and it made a big ole hump between her shoulder blades that looked pretty funny. 
They told me to not let her eat anything because she will feel like it once the anti-nausea medication kicks in. 
I would also have to bring her back to the office at 1:30pm to have another set of x-rays to view her small intestines and tummy after hopefully the gas would be gone.

So Izzy and I came back home. She crawled into her bed by my desk and fell asleep. 
At about the 45 minute mark into this sleep she began to have gas.
OH.MY.GOD. did she have gas!
She never even woke up but my eyes and nose were burning. Jeez oh man it was awful. 
I was on the phone with a customer and looked over to her bed expecting to see a big ole pile of shit. But there she was so damn cute just sleeping away.
I, on the other hand, was dying from the stench and couldn't walk out of the room since I was working!

I knew this was good news because that meant that bubble was dissipating. Yipee.
Izzy and I drove back to the vet's at 1:30pm.
Izzy jumped up onto a bench in the waiting room and wouldn't leave it. She hates it there. When they came out to get her she looked out the window.
They looked at me like and asked, "what is she doing?"  
I said, "she looks away and figures if she can't see you you can't see her. It's just a goofy thing she does."
They pulled at her leash and she pushed back and kept looking the other way.
I giggled. (I know that was wrong but it's funny to me)
We all had to lift her butt and drag her to the floor where they literally pulled her as her ass slide across the floor and her front paws were trying desperately to stop herself.
All the while looking back at me and not them.
The x-rays were done quickly and she came out running to me.

They found nothing. NO KIDDING.  I told you she does not eat things other than food but she does chews elk antlers constantly.  So we were sent home with horrific food and medications for her. By Sunday she had gone 24 hrs without vomiting and she was great.
Still a bit more sleeping than normal but that was to be expected. (and honestly since we knew she was fine we didn't mind the fewer walks!)

The food they sent us home with is mainly water and liver and liver gives her stinky gas too so we moved her to her food quicker than we were told because we were tired of this stinky dog!
Now that Izzy is well we are back on track to be heading up north Thursday after work.
Try this again.

In other news my handy husband who can do everything around the house but plumbing, was working on plumbing.
When he attempts it Izzy and I both run and hide.
He cusses up a storm and has hissy fits and gets all  cranky.
Our powder room toilet downstairs has been running constantly.(1st floor) 
He got whatever he needed at the store and began to do what needed done....or so one would think.

Four hrs later after flipping out and scaring Izzy who he caused to run and hid under the dining room table he gave up. 
He yells out to no one in particular that "I hate plumbing"
"My hands are too big to fit into these things!"
"Are plumbers all small?" 

I just kept painting while hearing his cussing. (I'm painting the first floor)
I have learned over the years to ignore him after he refuses my offer of help.
Izzy is too young to have learned that she should ignore him too.
I did not run and hide although I hate that he gets like this when he does plumbing.
Just call a plumber damn it!

Rick came out of the powder room and announced that we need a new toilet.
I laughed and said, "Perhaps we just need a plumber?" 
Oh boy that was not the right thing to say!  Bad wife move.
So he turned off the water there so it wouldn't run and leak etc.
This brought to my attention how much I use that bathroom. 
Running upstairs to use the bathroom is a royal pain.
So hopefully we'll get a plumber or a new toilet or whatever it is that is necessary to get this up and running again.

The ironic thing about this is my father is a master plumber by trade.
We are going up to his house this week just to do work for them. If only we could trade.
In the mean time since I began this blog post my husband called me and told me he picked up "insert plumbing jargon here" and he was going to give it one more try before buying a new toilet. This time I was good wife and said, "Okey Dokey" 

I pretended that my big strong manly man could do this without the need for a plumber.
We'll see....to be continued.

Friday, October 21, 2011

My Love of Jon

I get a lot of grief for loving Bon Jovi.

This clinched the deal.
Cute as hell, love his music and he does some great philanthropic work.
What's not to love?

Jon Bon Jovi is pretty darn close to my age as well.
Look at the geriatric man Mick Jagger? C'mon he's at least a decade + older than me and no one tells him to go to the old folks home, sit in a rocker and sing elevator music.
So take that all your sillies who think I'm crazy for loving Jon Bon and his music.

This next story is just pitiful.
I could go on a rant here but I will spare you.
It's just Pitiful !

This was going to be longer but Izzy was taken to the vet at 7:45a this morning after a night of vomiting and she and I being up all night.

I am no longer badly bent I am full blown broke!!!!
This stuff is not cheap. Hopefully we'll get her straightened out and I'll share with you all later.
Have a good weekend my blogger friends.

Thursday, October 20, 2011

Life's Curveball

Last night at 2:00 a.m. Izzy woke us up with her vomiting.
She ran down the stairs then to the back door to finish that thankfully outside.
Thank you Izzy!

Then she ran to the front door and we went outside and she ran to the corner....literally ran.
She had diaharea. Oh boy. We were outside more than inside in the wee hours of the morning. Poor Izzy is sick.

We knew something was up because our gal will eat constantly if she is allowed.
She wouldn't eat her dinner last night. She finally did but it wasn't like normal where she scarfs it down in mere minutes. She ate some and then walked away.
Sure sign of something being wrong.
She was a bit lethargic but she had played with other dogs all day so I thought she was just tired. But when she wouldn't eat we both knew something was wrong.

We were to leave after work today. Rick was only going to work a half day.
Poor Rick is now working after being up since 2am.
I, at least work from home, look like shit but it doesn't matter.
I don't see other humans until we go for a walk.

Izzy is sleeping in a chair right now. Yep I let her go on the furniture. Broke my own rule.
We decided to postpone our trip until next weekend.
IF we can reschedule the rest of our appointments and life to make it work that is.
That is a big IF.

I called my mother at 6am to let her know. She still works so I knew she'd be up.
She said not to worry we'd all make it work. 
Then I had to call the hotel and they told me I could not get the same rate any longer.
I rebooked it anyways and after hanging up with reservations I thought I'd call the actual front desk at the hotel.
I told them the issue and they were kind enough to honor the originial rate.
That saved me $150.00 and that was great of them.
Seriously no one goes up north in winter. 
Which made me assume that there were probably plenty of open rooms.
I actually said that to them but in a much nicer way of course.
She laughed and said that she of course would honor the original rate and I was right it's a summer tourist destination and she'd be going south right now if she could.  She was so nice. 
Yes, I know it's fall by the calendar but it's cold there. 
I think the high today was going to be only 49. C'mon it's winter. 
I have officially lived in the south long enough to be a big fat weather wuss.

Now we have a sick dog, two tired humans and hopefully this will pass and we don't have to incure hundreds of dollars in vet bills. More importantly I hope this little gal will be fine.

In the mean time I have a calendar and life to rearrange!

Wednesday, October 19, 2011

Hard Way Lane



I'm going up north tomorrow to deal with some family issues.
You can guess by my sign above which direction I'm going.
See you all next week with plenty of blog fodder from my trip.

Tuesday, October 18, 2011

Send Carbs

Me thinks Demi needs to eat a potato...STAT
Possibly a milkshake and some brownies as well.

Is this really what men think is gorgeous these days?
I firmly believe if she was scrubbed clean of her makeup and nice shiney clothes and dropped into National Geographic Magazine you would all send money to feed her.

demi moore looking thin at movie premiere

Monday, October 17, 2011

Tuesdays Thoughts

Things going on in my little head right now.

**According to my blog stats a boat load of people from Sweden are all over my posts with the name Sophia Vergara. We're talking like 25 different people, different IP adresses, all across Sweden. What is up with that? The blonde country likes their women dark and curvey huh? You always want what you can't have I guess.

**I like baseball but am not thrilled with the world series.
I dislikes the Rangers as much as the Red Sox so I am rooting for the Cardinals.    
I spoke to my father yesterday afternoon to discuss my impending trip to see him.
I will be leaving this Thursday for a long weekend up there.  
He told me he was glad the Yankees didn't make the world series.
WHAT? Dad how could you?
He laughed and said, "well you wouldn't be coming home right now would you?" 
That made me laugh. My father is a Cleveland Indian fan and that is what I had to grow up with. We give each other some good ribbing over the years. He took me to my first baseball game at the old Cleveland stadium as a kid. I remember it vividly. 
I admit his comment made me laugh, probably because he is right.

**I submitted a blog post to More magazine. It was accepted.
They sent me an email and a link for me to review their changes.
I admit it was better in some ways but didn't sound completely like my voice.
That was odd and a bit difficult to see.
But it will be published and I'll let you all know if you are at all interested.

**I am still discovering cool things on my smart phone.
It's been what like 2 months now? Pitiful you say? Well I'd agree.
But I can email someone by voice command and that was cool.
Do you use that feature much? 
I can see how Rick and I would use that for work but otherwise not so much.
Cool, but not something I need. I don't need angry birds either.
It makes Margaret angry as hell to hear those little fockers mock me!

**This weight loss thing is a bit difficult. I just bought a cheap pair of Old Navy jeans.
Didn't want to have to pay a lot of money and then have them be too big.
I had them hemmed and now already they are too big. I have only worn them 2 times.
I am washing them today in hot and drying them on high. Hopefully they will shrink.
I like the losing weight part but the new clothes thing is expensive.
I can't go around naked - at least outside - so this is becoming a bit difficult.
I literally have nothing to wear. I have 5 winter coats and jackets and not a one that fits.
I think I need to start eating or I'll be very cold this winter.

**I went to Costco this weekend with Rick. Such a dangerous thing to do.
Rick wants to buy everything. 
"Oooh Alaskan King Crab....Oh look at these steaks M"
"Don't we need 400 AAA batteries Margaret?"
"Ooh look 150 pairs of socks for only $20.00 let's get some socks!"
He drives me nuts there. I really know better than to allow him into Costco.
You know how they ask for your Costco photo ID at the door?
They should see his and security should immediately lead him to his car and send him home.
I feel like I am with my child in this store.
He actually liked this tent thing for kids. We don't have kids. We don't have grand kids.
We no longer camp. So unless he wants to put this on our patio and sleep out there I don't see the point of it. I have to remind this nut job of these facts. He just laughs.
Seriously women do not bring your men folk to Costco!!

Costco had wellies up front as you walk in.
I've been looking for a pair that aren't super expensive. 
I rushed over to the display, but once again they have no size 7's.
I can never find size 7's.  So Rick suggested I wear hefty socks and get an 8. 
That made me laugh. It's like he has to buy something We.Are.At.Costco!
No I am not buying a size 8 you big goof ball.
They even had nice ones at Target and target.com but again no 7's.
I bet you all reading this wear 7's don't you? 
Anyone have a great pair of wellies and if so where did you find them?
But I will not be spending $100+ on rain boats. Or taking Rick shopping with me to find them.

**As I said earlier I am heading north to visit family. I will hear the following from my father.
I get to be told that I am so pretty but I could sure lose 15lbs or I am so pretty but I never had babies what a shame for a woman...oh yea he said that.

I am so pretty but.....
He starts everything that way as he cups my face and now Rick and I use it for everything.
I am so pretty but I am a misanthropic ugly person.
I am so pretty it's a shame I'm dumb as a rock.
I am so pretty but ......
you can add a whole bunch of fun things and get some good laughs.
Last week Rick said, You're so pretty but you can't parallell park for shit!
As he watched me from the front window attempt this 3 times and then drive away and park on the side of my house until these people left.
Sadly he's right....I sure as hell can't parallell park but I'm not so pretty either, trust me.
Oh how we laugh at these.
Try it you can use it for most anything. :-)
It's gonna be a fun 4 days, she said sarcastically.

Saturday, October 15, 2011

Friday's Dinner

In true 1950's form I try to make dinner for Rick when I know he has a helluva bad long day ahead of him.
That horrible day was Friday.
He came home after a 10 hr day added by a horrific beltway commute.
He had his truck go into a ditch to add to his pile of crap of a day.
So I thought I'd play housewife and make him a great dinner and have a few cold ones ready for him when he walked in the door. 
Yep it was a time warp for certain.

As you all have read here many times I love food shows.
As you read here, I am now the one who does the share of cooking unfortunately.
I guess this is my pay back for not lifting a pan for the 1st 20 yrs of our relationship.
Sadly, now that Mr. Husband is blue collar man and I work from home I do make dinners more than he does. Rachel Ray has assisted me many a night.

I did make a pretty good dinner Friday if I do say so myself.
Here was the conversation that took place before I laughed so hard I almost choked! 

Allow me to set the scene for you.....
Rick is enjoying his meal and moaning about how good this all is. 
He has said something complimentary several times now and I say thank you.

Then I say...."Aren't you glad I watch all these cooking shows?"

"Hell yeah I am!!  Now start watching porn and we'll be all set"

Friday, October 14, 2011

Weekly Friday Flashback

Another Friday Flashback for some needed laughter in all of our lives.
This video never gets old for me.
And yes it also means I am being a bit lazy.
I've had a very crazy busy week.
But I got this in my email and it made me giggle

Now back to my topic at hand..... Rick and I have traveled or been in traffic and used the phrase, "Ah, thanks Stadium Pal" Which makes the other laugh. Usually said while sitting in traffic or traveling and there is no where to go so that you can find a bathroom.  Of course we aren't wearing one nor do we pee our pants but that tells the other we really have to go. And it makes us both laugh.

Mamma said the other day she was reading his book of short stories called, Me Talk Pretty One Day, and it got me thinking about him. So here is my Flashback Friday from 2008.
_______________________________________________________________
I was first introduced to this great comedy writer while delayed at the Boston Airport.
I hate being delayed and I dislike Boston even more.
But something good happened that day....even in Boston.
I picked up his book, "Me Talk Pretty One Day" while waiting for my flight to leave.
Having spent 7 years in speech class I was intrigued by the title so I picked it up.

We finally got to board our plane.
Lucky for me I got upgraded since I was a premiere executive.
(translation - poor son of a bitch frequent flyer with a ton of miles who has to travel too many days of the week who is miserable so they put you up front to appease you)

There I sat sipping my Tanqueray and I was laughing non stop.
I closed the book because it was causing me great discomfort trying to suppress my laughter and I sounded like an idiot,  that much I knew.

The man next to me was reading a biography of our president Lincoln.
I glanced over at this good looking well dressed man and thought it said something about him that he would choose his biography book mine.
To me I had a vision of this man by the book he chose already played out in my mind.
I wondered what he thought of this lunatic woman next to him that couldn't stop laughing aloud?

After we took off I began to read again.
There were a few chapters that made me weep and I was trying desperately to stifle laughter. I finally closed my book and wiped my eyes. My seat partner leaned over and said to me, "What is the name of your book, it sounds so much better than mine."

I handed him the book so he could read some.
He began to laugh and even read some things aloud to me.
Okay that made me feel better - now I wasn’t the only lunatic laughing aloud.
By the time we were at our jet way in DC he said he really wanted to trade books with me but handed mine back to me anyway.

While this video isn't the reading of this particular book it sure as hell is a funny story of David's just the same. I defy you to listen to this reading and not crack up.
It doesn't hurt that he is reading it either. He's a funny quirky man.

Wednesday, October 12, 2011

Hey Hey Paula

Did you see Maxim's choice for the Top 5 television chefs/cooks on television?

When I heard this I immediately thought that damn Boobilicious Giada DeLaurentiis would be number 1.  Everytime a man talks about tv cooks they mention her.
Not one of them can tell you her eye color but they know her boob size.
When I read that Paula Deen was number one I actually thought there was hope for men. Yeah Paula!

I happen to love Paula Deen. Giada creeps me out. Her smile is oddly Chucky like.  
See?

My husband of course enjoys her but when asked about her smile he said he never noticed it. Of course not because he would have to look above her tits for heaven's sake.
Silly man keeps telling me boobs are eye magnets as though it just can't be helped....but I don't get the magnetic pull.  

But my dear husband loves Paula Deen as I have told you all before.
They share a love of Mayonnaise and Butter.
He is convinced since he is adopted that this is his birth mother.
Hell, I am not adopted and I want her to be my mother!
So Yea Maxim for getting it right.
A sex symbol who loves butter, has gray hair and a bawdy sense of humor.
What's not to love?
Rick always says that there has to be something after the O.
So how about some fried chicken big fella?

Tuesday, October 11, 2011

Technology

Some days I just hate technology.
I am blaming technology when all of this is really my own damn fault.
But in today's society no one takes responsibility for their actions so I think I'll just do the same and play victim.

On my android phone while texting it will change a word that it thinks you are trying to say. I don't want my technology to do that. I am looking for something on my phone to switch this feature off. I hate it.  Sure I could pay better attention but why should I have to take responsibility for that?

In my personal email I use MS Outlook. It does the same thing in the address field.
Yesterday it did that to me again.
I know what you're thinking, No Peg you did it to yourself don't blame your computer.
Shut up - it's my blog and Outlook did it to me!!

I typed in Lorrie and it went to Lori and those are 2 different people!
I was mortified when Lori from Cottage by the Sea wrote back to me.
Embarrassed, mortified, humiliated, all those adjectives.

You see I was asked to present a 700 word post that was funny for a national magazine.
I thought I was asking my friend Lorrie if she thought the one I sent was appropriate.
Instead Lori got it. She liked it and thought I should post it.
She thought I was asking if this should go on my blog. (it was on my blog a year or two ago)  So to recap here,  I'm an idiot, Lori is not reading me thoroughly and must have a life since she missed that previous post, and I am blaming technology for all my problems.
I think the only thing left for me to do is sue.  
Isn't that what one does when they don't want to take responsiblity? 
Yep, I'm lawyering up.

So there technology has bit me in the ass yet again.

Friday, October 7, 2011

Finally Friday is Here.

Seriously this has been one of the longest weeks of my life.
Not even a good week.
Why are these long ass weeks always a week that sucks?
A great week just flies by.
Who makes these rules?
Hit them for me will ya?

Have to go up north again for family issues.
I just keep repeating, Karma, doing good deeds will be good Karma.
Anyhoo, I lied when making my reservation for my hotel about my dog's weight.
Will they weigh her? 
They will only take dogs up to 50lbs. Oops, she's 73lbs.
I'm seriously bad at math, just like my spelling. Terrible.
That's my story and I'm sticking to it.
I worry we'll get kicked out.
But I had to try. We just didn't want to board her again.
The money issue is one thing but leaving her is the other.
The last time she actually whimpered/cried when we picked us up.
She wouldn't leave either one of our sides for a week. She was stuck to us like glue.
I don't want to do that again so she is going up north where it will be even colder and she will love that. Me and Rick, not so much.

C'mon how can you leave this face behind?
Have a great weekend everybody.

Thursday, October 6, 2011

Wednesday's Random Items on my Mind

**We all knew he was sick but it still was a bit of a shock to see that Steve Jobs had passed away from pancreatic cancer. I didn't know you could live as long as he did with pancreatic cancer so I am happy he got to say his good byes, however sad. He was only 56. Being 55 that scares me.I have heard over and over again that if you can get through your 50's without cancer you have a pretty good shot at not getting it. I wonder how true that is? So many in my family have died from cancer, including my mom who never even made age 45 let alone her 50's.  It's always in the back of my head and I wish it weren't. I don't own any of his inventions. No mac, no iphone, no ipad and I don't use itunes. But you can't deny his huge impact on our lives whether you use his inventions or curse them.

**The weather is perfect right now here in the mid Atlantic.I want it to stay just like this until summer. I don't think that is much to ask.It is in the high 70s all day and it is in the low 40's at night. Perfection!  I want to move where it is like this all the time except summer.Know of that place?As I type this my nose and fingers are cold. I just got in from a walk with Izzy and it is only 48 degrees. Brr....but it smells like fall and the sun is shining and sky is blue and I'm in nirvana right now.

**I am not a fan of cold weather fruit. Apples so not my thing. I like Granny Smith apples every once in a while but seriously apples to me are awful unless in a pie.  I miss my berries and cantaloupes and plums and all the good things of summer. The issue with this fruit thing is that I find when it's colder I want to eat more for some reason. So I try to lean towards fruit but I hate all the fruit this time of year and a piece of gluten free cheesecake is so much easier to grab instead of that lousy apple. Ah, what's a girl to do? There is always that dirty word, EXERCISE. Aargh.

**I just bought an enormous box of full size Reese's cups at ole Costco. I do not like Reese's peanut butter cups which is the kind of Halloween candy I must buy. Rick loves them. So I put the box in the fridge in the garage to hide them.He found them last night and he ate 2 of them. So two less trick or treaters I suppose.I put them low thinking the tall man wouldn't see them in the crisper out there.He told me while he was working in the garage he heard them call him, "Rick eat me, eat me"I told him that was me but he insisted it was the candy. So now I must find another hiding spot or buy more because those won't be the only 2 missing from that box!

**We lowered the price of our house at the lake to hopefully sell.I still don't think it will sell. Seriously are people buying 2nd homes in a recession? No.

**Where have all my bloggers gone? M.I.A. No updates on their blogs,  not stopping by mine, nada.Everyone is so very busy? Everyone quit? What is happening? All are twittering? If you are out there reading - what the hell are you doing and why aren't you writing anymore?

**This morning on The Broads on Sirius they had on a woman who owns a shop in NY where they cast ones penis. Yes, they make dildo's.  You can buy one, but why do that when you can just have one made...tee hee. A man goes there and has a cast made of his erect penis. I talk back to my radio and said out loud, "how the hell does she keep them erect the whole time she is making this? Is there a fluffer in her store or is she?"  Then the Broads asked her this exact question. She said there is a little room and they play video's/porn and have other magazines/visuals etc. They do not have a fluffer. (I wasn't convinced) She did say that a lot of partners come with the men. Women go there and ask that one be made of their husbands, boyfriend, partner. A woman asked if she could make one of her husbands penis because he was being deployed to Afghanistan again and this was her way of having a "piece" of him left behind. I don't know why but I think this is a hoot. Rick would do this over his dead body. He may buy me a vibrator but pose for one? I think not.  Would your partner do that?

**Okay an update here at 10:20am.
Rick called into the office for some customer information.
I told him that I said he would never pose for such a thing.
He laughed and said, "Where do you find these things Margaret?" 
Then he informed me that a woman rubbing stuff all over his thang to make this cast would be a non issue and he'd do it in a heart beat. No video's needed he tells me, "they are rubbing stuff on it Margaret.  He says this loudly like I'm deaf.  Well excuse me for thinking otherwise you big pig!  But what if it was a man doing this? Well then it was a loud hell no.
So the pig does draw a line in the proverbial sand.  Oh hell it's all TMI even for me.
What the hell is wrong with him/men?  Yeah, I know rhetorical question.

Tuesday, October 4, 2011

Did you know?

Last night I told Rick that I had to list 7 things the other day that readers did not know about me. I shared with him that there was nothing that I could write that I hadn’t written about before.

He began to fire off questions to me.
He asked me if I told you all about how I despise Christmas.
How I have thought of putting a menorah in my windows so people would leave me the hell alone about Christmas.
I said, “Yes of course it's my very essence– every damn holiday season I write about this.
Like right now, I hate that Coscto was all Christmas shit already.
I so hate this pressure holiday.”


He asked if I wrote about how cranky I am in the morning and told you that I am a completely different human standing before him in the a.m. who is scary,
“I am not scary Mr. Smart Ass and yes I have shared that I don’t like mornings.
Besides normal people don’t wake up singing like the damn annoying fool you are!”
At least they don't and live to speak about it. People would hurt them"
He laughs and says, "See there's that scary person again."

He asked if I told you all about my OCD tendencies.
"Why of course," I said as I aligned the pattern on my napkins in their holder sitting in front of me.

Okay then do they know that you are a bad driver?
“What? Hell NO because I am not a bad driver?”

"Your driving record tells everyone that, who the hell you kidding?”
“No it doesn’t!” I say laughing.
“There is nothing wrong with my driving Richard!”

“Oh Margaret there is so a big a problem with your driving, your parking and obviously your clarity on this topic.  You shouldn't even get in a car.
You can’t even parallel park! You have tickets, accidents and near death experiences.”

Laughing I state, “I have never had a near death experience while driving you numbnut.”

“No, but I have! Should I call our insurance company to prove my point?”
He’s full of shit just so you know.

“And while my driving skills may not be as good as you think they should be mister I can at least get myself out of the parking lot without a GPS! You know you can’t do that.”

He laughed so hard he began to choke. He knows that I am speaking the truth.
I continue, “I know you want to walk away right now but fear you won’t find your way back to this room right?”
He just shook his head and laughed his way out of the room.

I get the last word too. Did I ever tell you that?