Friday, September 30, 2011

Friday Flashback.

I haven't done this in awhile so I thought I'd go back into the archives and pick a post for today's Friday's Flashback. I posted this back in April 2008. 
I was reminded of this "event" as I told the story of picking out Rick's mom's casket this week and how we got the giggles. We always seem to have inappropriate laughter.
I'm not talking just a snicker here or there but I am talking full blown you can't control yourself laughter and you can't seem to compose yourself either.

___________________________________________________

Inappropriate Laughter


You know how you get the giggles in places when you know you just shouldn’t be laughing? And somehow that makes everything even funnier?

Rick and I were talking recently to some family members about the time my husband, who was just my live in boyfriend at the time, first met the WHOLE FAMILY on my Dad’s side. My cousin-in-law Pat could so relate to Rick's experience that follows because as he explained he was in the same "shocked state" when he met the family....but he sure did enjoy hearing about my pain and Rick's realization.

Now to be fair to my family I have to say that all the idiosyncrasy’s of ones family sometimes don’t seem quite as LARGE as when you are seeing them through someone else’s eyes for the first time. I admit that it surprised me at how funny it all was to me when I heard myself explaining things to him the first time. I suddenly saw it all so differently. What I had taken for granted or was just so used to now seemed so big and colorful and yes embarrassing.

Rick being my boyfriend at the time had not been fully exposed to all my family at one time at that point. Oh he had met my immediate family. (I felt that punishment enough.)
But that whole lot of crazy loud Italian American's on my father’s side I thought was a bit much for him all at once. My father had 8 brothers and sisters and each with a slew of children of their own. (you know how those Italian Catholics feel about their birth control!)

I loved these people but there were days when all gathered together it was overwhelming for even me. How did I think he was going to deal with that?
On this particular day of telling this story there were other “in-laws” laughing about how hard it is for someone new to adjust to this motley crew and how overwhelming it can be for them.

My husband always compares it to the movies, My Big Fat Greek Wedding and Fools Rush In. The poor WASP tries to fit in and sees the family as so strange. Only difference from these movies is you need to change the food and liquor and sadly the rest is all the same!

I see how overwhelming it all is from the outsiders point of view from all those movies.
That is the exact reason I hadn't introduced him to all of them just yet.
So Rick shared with the other "in laws" at the table on this particular day this story and it had them all laughing and nodding their heads because they see things just as he does because it isn’t their family either....they also remembered this event.

We were attending a funeral for a very close cousin that had passed away in a tragic car accident. She was young, beautiful and about to be a mom for the 1st time.
It was tragic on so many levels. She was loved by all and lovely as well.
It hit me hard and when I got the news my hubby was there to pick me up.
I knew everyone would be there for support and comfort for my Aunt and Uncle as well as her siblings. It would be an event like a wedding with all the family in attendance only not for a happy occasion.

When it came time for the viewing one evening Rick asked if I wanted him to go.
I told him he really didn’t have to but secretly I really did want him there for support.
But I wasn't sure this was the time to expose him to "the family"
He came with me, perhaps a mistake looking back. When we arrived it was packed.

It was loud and there were so many people they were overflowing into the hallway.
There was a woman dancing with her hands above her head snapping her fingers.
She was smiling and laughing when we got up to her she said to me “Aren’t parties fun?”
I hugged her and said, “yes they are Aunt Mary” I smiled & walked into the viewing room.

Rick asks, “What the hell was that about? Why did you say nothing to her about this not being a party?”
I told him she was my Aunt Mary who has Alzheimer’s.
She is one of Dad’s sisters she probably thinks all these people gathering is a party and I’m sure her daughter is in here somewhere so she is not here alone.
He just went along with me.
Whew I thought the worse was over....what the hell was I thinking?

At one point in the evening I went to sit down. There was an L-shaped settee/sofa type piece of furniture in the corner. My sister Stephanie was sitting there and Rick and I joined her. (Stephanie became my sister at the tender age of 6 after Mom died & Dad remarried – I was 8 yrs older) Then my sister Pam came over and sat with us. (Pam is my full blood sister)

Honestly I was just exhausted emotionally as well as physically from the constant talking to so many people and standing around. It felt good to just sit.
Or at least that is what I thought I was going to be doing.

Then it happened....In rapid fire succession the following occurrences take place:

This man and woman walk in together and the man is wearing a baby blue polyester suit with white belt and white shoes. No shit - and this is the early 90’s not the early 70's.
Rick chuckles and asks sarcastically, “Who is that stylish man?”
To which Stephanie and Pam laugh and reply, “It’s Uncle Tony. He’s my Dad’s brother from Ohio”
My sisters say in unison, “he probably has his accordion in the car but don’t ask or he’ll play it” and we all laugh.
Rick hasn't a clue of what the hell that means and I don’t go any further into that hot topic since he didn't ask. 

Before he can digest that information Rick asks, “Who is that woman and what is on her head?”
I look to where he is pointing and tell him “It is my other Aunt from Ohio, my father’s sister, and that is her wig that is on crooked.”
We all laugh.
He says, “why doesn’t someone tell her to fix it or help her fix it?”
“Well, we’ve tried but it appears she likes it like that.”
"Like a damn beret?" Rick asks.
That was met with more giggles from my sisters and my boyfriend.
I wanted to melt into the sofa, this guy is never going to want to be with me again!

Then a nun walks up to the woman in the crooked wig and he asks me, “Is the nun in your family?”
Stephanie laughs and says to Rick with such conviction, “Please remember I am not blood related to any of these people”
To which my sister Pam and I laugh like crazy and right now we are wishing we weren’t either.

He asks again, “Well, who is the nun?”
I tell him, “She’s the daughter of the woman with the really crooked wig, but she’s not really a nun.”
At this point my sisters are now howling from the realization of how this must sound and appear to someone else. They are literally doubling over with laughter and neither can speak to assist me.

We notice my father giving us the evil eye from across the room so we try to regain composure. Even as adults that look from him gives us all fear.
It doesn’t work. Our father is mouthing something at us like we are all 12 yrs old instead of being grown ups.

Rick now asks, “ If she isn’t a nun then why does she wear a nuns habit, it’s not Halloween.”
My sisters at this point shriek loudly with laughter which makes my father look over at us again.
I have to continue on.....“She was kicked out of the nunnery awhile back and she refuses to take it off”
Even louder roars of laughter at this sentence from sisters who are not helping me here.
“Why was she kicked out?” Rick asks.
“ Hell, I don’t know. No one knows for sure, and no one will talk about it”

At this point my sisters can hardly contain themselves and now Rick joins them in laughter. Stephanie says to Rick empatically, “REMEMBER I am not blood related.”

This makes all 3 of them begin crying with laughter and now my father just shot us a look that could have made any one of us join our dearly departed cousin in a casket.

At that very moment in time I had gas escape.
Yes, that's right to put it crudelyI farted.
Mortified as could possibly be, it was silent but deadly.
To which my sister Pam who was sitting next me says loudly, “Oh my God Peggy” and walks away. How did she know it was me?
Then Stephanie gets up and walks away followed by Rick.

Okay now everyone knows. But I am defiant. I am not moving.
I sit there trying to look like I did not do this.....however from the look of everyone else on this settee who I do not know now get up and walk away.
I surely look like the guilty party now don’t I?

My sisters and Rick were being reprimanded by my father and they were all looking over at me as I sat there oh so innocently. Or at least tried.

Now Patrick, the cousin-in-law who was listening to this story that Rick was sharing had a real good laugh.
He asked, “And you still wanted to marry her?
At least I hadn't had the privilege of meeting all these crazies when I asked my wife to marry me. Maybe there’s something wrong with you.  Ever thought of that?”

Now that made me really laugh because he hadn’t even met the crazy Italians on my mothers side yet. I made him wait until the wedding for that.

Hey, I may be slow but I’m not stupid.

Thursday, September 29, 2011

Elvira

I was given a blog award by Diminishing Gene Pool.
Nice right?














Here is the bad thing, I have to write 7 things you may not know about me.
How can that be?
Don't I tell you everything? Don't I over share enough?
You all know about my crazy ass family, my dreams and how some were crushed, how I married two men named Rick and how I see the funny in everything in a twisted way.
Are there 7 things you don't know about me?
I have tried and tried to rack my brains and I think anything I would say would be a repeat to those reading me for awhile now.
But she asked politely so I am gonna try. I apologize for the repeats.
  1. I am a morning person
  2. I don't care for the south at all (yea I know I live there)
  3. I prefer sweet over salty
  4. I am short.
  5. I was a barber for a couple of years. (yes a licensed barber)
  6. I do not eat seafood of any kind...ever....ick.
  7. I miss cake! God how I miss cakes, cookies and all goodies with gluten!!
Still battling this allergy misery. I sound like Nasal Nellie and I can't stop coughing which makes for a fun night of sleep. We were invited to a chocolate party on Friday but I am just not up to attending. Between this cold and my "new" hair I am hibernating.
Yeah, it's that bad that I would not go to a chocolate party!

I thought I'd save a few bucks by coloring my own hair.
I know, I know what the hell was I thinking?
There is a reason people have to go to school for this.
My hair is normally a medium brown. I now look like Elvira. Ah shit!
Rick actually gasped. Oh that made me feel great.
The box said medium chocolate brown.
My head is black. I can't recolor it for at least another week.
And to be honest I fear what I may do so I may end up spending the money anyway.
I tried a new hair color instead of using my normal L'Oreal.
I tried the new foam by John Frieda.
Screw John Frieda!
The picture was the color of my hair - and yet I look like Elvira! WTF?!

Every time I look in the mirror it startles me. It's ugly. And no there will be no pictures.
This sucks.

I am going to go into my hibernating hole now and wait until I can breath through my nose and my hair color is back to brown - hell at this rate the gray would be welcomed.

Wednesday, September 28, 2011

Kind of Sort of Book Review

I don't normally do book reviews because I suck at them.
(unlike Tammie over at Irregular Tammie)

But I would love to know if anyone read these books.
I have been on an autobiography run of late.
Some good, some so light and fluffy that it took a few minutes basically to read (see betty white) and thankfully I didn't pay for them!

Steven Tyler from Aerosmith wrote a book called, “Does the Noise in My Head Bother You?”   Clever title, not so clever book to me.

I had read great reviews.
In fact I read no bad reviews.
I wonder now if the reviewers were blinded by the rock star and just didn’t bother to read the book.
I can’t seem to finish it to see if I will ever agree with them on their great reviews.
I hope it turns around soon.

I really enjoy his music.
While I am not as old as Steven I have loved Aerosmith since I was a kid.
I have also enjoyed him a great deal when I saw him in interviews.
Then I saw his big heart on Oprah. I see his heart on American Idol.
But this book is so different. If I had only read this I would not like this man.
At least that is how I feel with how far into the book I have gotten.

It has been a difficult read for me.
I found it read like he speaks and half the time I am trying to figure out what the hell he is saying? So to say there are a lot of “Tylerism’s”is an understatement.
A few “tylerism’s” here and there are fine and generally funny, but too many are too much – at least for me.

While an autobiography is about you the writer it should have heart.
I have not see heart in this book. Very self absorbed which is normal I guess but to the point that it is so distracting to me.
The stories around him that are swirling he is oblivious to as he recounts the story.
Then when the ending is what it is he is surprised to this day.
Yet as I read this I would think to myself that he did it all to himself.

You sure see his addictions that is for sure.
When he seriously states that acid should be used to come down from a heroin high you know the man has serious addiction issues.
He  appears to me to miss the drugs and drink and it is a constant struggle for him to be sober but he has been for several years. His struggle with this at times seems to be part done for family and part done for himself. Never 100% for himself - at least that is how I see it.
That may also be why he sometimes appears to resent it to me. (sobriety)
I found this sad.

The way he spoke about himself as this rock star was also a bit off putting to me.
At least he was honest and not faking humility I suppose.
What wasn’t a surprise to me was his love of family and his children.
Oh that didn’t make him faithful in any way and he justifies it every which way one can.
C'mon he's a rock star. He believes he had no other choice.
No one else with a brain reading this or the women he has hurt would agree.
He has strong family roots in an odd sort of way and he loves nothing more than being around lots of family eating, talking and drinking wine.
He says it's his Italian American upbringing.

I find the book so hard to read.
My mind would wander and that is a true testament that the book was not holding my interest.
I hope I can give this book thumbs up by the time I get through it.
I find that hard to believe.
So far I would tell you that if you want to read a really good rock star autobiography then I would grab Sammy Hagar’s book.
Fascinating read.
Who knew he was such an entrepreneur and smart business man with a big big heart?

I have a feeling that even after I finish (and hopefully I will before 2012) Steven’s book will not be a winner for me.

I was thinking of reading Keith Richards autobiography which got rave reviews but I fear it may be too much like Steven’s. 
I am going back to fiction now. I've had enough of the self absorbed bad boys for awhile.

Anyone read any of these books?

Tuesday, September 27, 2011

Boyfriend Sandwich

This past Friday night I was in heaven.....I had a boyfriend sandwich.
Craigy (or craig ferguson as you all know him) had as his guest Jerry (or Gerard Butler as you little people know him)
OMG this was a nice night!!

But I do have a bone to pick (pun intended) with Jerry.
Eat something!
I know you're making a surfer movie so the ugly blond long hair is understandable but the skinny you is so unattractive. I like my men with some meat.
Manly men. Not skinny girly men.
This Jerry......NOT SO GOOD.


The Jerry from PS I love you movie....Oooh very good.


So I want to extend an invitation.
I can chubb you up in no time. (hmm.....that sounds dirty)
I can make a pot of sauce, feed you some lasagna or if you prefer stuffed shells with some  crusty Italian bread and we can drink great red wine.  We'll have you back to your good weight in no time. But it may take a few weeks or months of you staying at my house.
Think of me as your personal trainer for gaining weight. Invitation is always open.

I also watched the Yankee / Red Sox games all weekend.
I really loved this commercial.
I want these 2 to have a show - I would watch it faithfully.
And seriously don't you all who watch your favorite sports team have your own superstitions? God knows I do.
Okay I will pause to pee and not pee myself like Alec but otherwise I do some pretty foolish shit like this too and I think that is why it made me laugh so.
That and the pained look on Alec's face. God he's a hoot.
Yes, Tammie this is for you too.
Enjoy!

Monday, September 26, 2011

Giving Good Phone.

We went to the lake house this weekend.
Cloudy, muggy and warm.
Rained a lot but when it wasn’t raining it was just too damn sticky and I’d rather just have the rain.

The house was shown recently.
We know this because we saw a different realtor business card on the countertop.
They always leave their cards when they show a house that isn't their listing.
We called our realtor about it because he didn’t tell us this.
Our realtor said he didn’t call to let us know because he was not getting any feed back.
So he had nothing to tell us. He said it just happened on Thursday.
He met the other realtor and her buyer at our home to let them in.
He walked around the property with the them.
The comments and questions were all positive and nothing negative was uttered while there. Now both realtors can’t reach this"buyer"for feed back.
They have spoken to one another to ask if the other heard anything. How odd.
If you're not interested just tell the realtor you aren't interested but to just avoid all emails and calls is childish.
I just don’t think it’s going to sell.
I want it to sell to get us out of this quagmire but I also don’t want to have to sell it.
It all sucks and causes stress. So that’s enough of my whining for the day.

We took a boat ride on Saturday morning while the rain had stopped.
We came across this sign in front of this house and on the side of their dock that we found very amusing. Slippery When Wet sign….
Clever don't you think?

I am fighting horrible allergy symptoms. Sore throat, cough, burning runny eyes, and post nasal drip. I look swell and feel about the same.
I would rather have a cold at least it will go away sooner than allergies.
My voice is about gone and I have to talk to customers all day.
Sucking on Halls drops as I type this and wish I could crawl onto the sofa with some warm Theraflu and a blanket.

In the mean time a contractor just told me that my new voice was sexy.
I am in pain and he thinks this sounds sexy. 
I laughed and said, Thanks... I think.
He's a funny guy he really is.
I have never met him but we do a lot of work for him so I have talked to him a great deal over the years. Remember the woman who was naked
He was so pissed that while he was doing work in her home she was always fully clothed and Rick goes for one day and BAM she's naked.
This guy over the years has been very flirtious and funny and always says something about my voice - every single time.
I told him "I give good phone" and that cracked him up.
I don't think my voice is anything special but whatever makes him call and keep giving us business is fine with me. Yes, I'm a whore...but apparently a whore with a great voice.

And speaking of odd things. My husband was walking the dog and they went into this wooded area. Rick had to pee so as silly boys do they just whip it out and pee any oh place. While doing that he must have stepped on a nest of these chiggers and his right foot was eaten alive. My God has he been in pain.
He had multiple bites between his toes, the top of his foot doesn’t have an area that isn’t bitten and his ankles are as well. They swelled up but he said the itching is like no other. Nothing we did helped him. He was scratching so much he tore the skin off some of his foot. He tried cortisone, rubbing alcohol, (which made him scream like a little girl) calamine, you name it, it was put on his foot. He couldn’t sleep and it was disgusting and gross. Driving to the lake he kept taking his one foot to itch the other until I made him pull over and let me drive. It said online this could last over a week of painful itching. Great!

We always joke about the healing powers of the lake.
It all started when a friend fell off our dock and cut her leg pretty badly. (Yes alcohol was involved!)
That night we patched her leg up but it was pretty nasty and thought she may need to see a doctor at urgent care.
The next day it was still bothering her but she wouldn’t go to urgent care.
Instead we went swimming.
Later in the day when she took off the bandages it was healing so nicely and no longer hurt her. It seriously looked like it was a week later.
We were all in shock. Hence why we always say, “put it in the lake or healing powers of the lake”  So fast forward to itchy Rick on Saturday and he ran down to the water and sat on the dock while his red swollen and bitten up right foot was in the lake.
He just kept it there while Izzy swam around.
It has not itched since. Weird isn’t it?
Could have just been ready to stop itching or it’s the magic healing powers of the lake. Whatever, I am just glad the poor man can stop being so itchy.
He was driving me crazy and it’s all about me right?

Friday, September 23, 2011

Barking Body Parts

The other day I was bemoaning the fact that my boobs aren’t as perky as they once were.

I made a comment about how “they seem to have fallen and they can’t get up” as I put the tired girls into their bra.
My oh so thoughtful husband told me that it was really okay.
Nice you say?
Well he continued and dug himself a hole, “You know I’m not getting any younger either, now I don’t have to lift my arms as high.”

Oh how he laughed. He thought his humor was brilliant.
Funny Boy then comes towards me and thinks he is going to fondle them after that comment. Funny, funny, boy.

I had a personal trainer years ago when I had disposable income.
(ahh the good ole days) 
He would have me do squats and pick up these playing cards he would lay out.
This was all great work for ones butt.
Easy enough you’d think if you can bend over a bit when squatting but he had me do this while keeping my back very straight.
Not as easy as one would think.
Well now that my ass is lying on the back of my thighs I am thinking I should be doing them again. (yes, i stopped because I am a lazy shit)
But now my right knee is acting up.
Why you ask?
Hell if I know!
Just another fun thing of being an old broad.
I just woke up with this knee thing a couple months ago and it’s driving me crazy.
I began doing squats the other day and by the 3rd day my knee was really barking.
Tried again this a.m. and I just couldn’t do it.
Is there another way to lift my ass?

I am thinking time travel may be the only way left for me and my body parts.
Any scientists out there?

Thursday, September 22, 2011

Do I Look Tired?

I became quite ill last night shortly after dinner.
It must have been something I ate.
But I ate the same thing that Rick ate only much less. So shouldn't he be ill?

I wanted to watch a baseball game and Rick wanted to watch Survivor, which I ABHOR!
So I headed off to another room with another TV.
But I spent a little too much time in shall we say, "another room"
Boy I was ill.
It was like food poisoning yet I only had coffee yesterday, some fruit and then dinner.
I made our dinner so I can't blame Rick for trying to poison me.
But it crossed my mind.

I did get to see my boys clinch the AL East title and see Boston collapse again.

You know I must be mellowing in my old age because I really feel about the Red Sox like I do the TV show Survivor. 
Yet I was feeling so badly for the Sox last night when they fell apart. 

Seriously I didn't get any pleasure out of watching them collapse.
What is wrong with me? Was it because I was sick?
Was it a fever  from an unquestionable disease?
Haven't we all had a team we love that collapsed at one time or another? 
It felt so wrong though for me to feel this way, to have such empathy for "them". 
I'll shake it off I'm sure. Especially when we play them on Friday.

In the meantime I have only slept for 1 hr.
Yep, 1 disruptive hour.
Not been a good night....which is going to make my day even more awful than normal.
I may be sleeping at my desk at lunchtime.
So don't call....shhhhh

Tuesday, September 20, 2011

Some Knuckleheads of the Week

Neal Schon of Journey - Seriously dude you are a twit.
Running off with the White House Gate Crasher and leaving your 5th wife, Playmate, Ava after only 2 months of marriage. Boy you're a keeper.  Without those tweens from Glee making your early 1980's song relevant again would this have even happened? She's always seeking attention so let's see how long this lasts.

White Trash Mamma across the Street - Dressing your 14 yr old daughter like a hooker off to school is so not appropriate. We actually thought it was halloween from her get up. Seriously you'll be that mom who is outraged when she comes home knocked up. The kid had on what looked like a sexy maid get up that was very very short and lacy and tight with thigh high fish nets only you could see where the fish nets stopped because the dress was so short.  The kid had on fuck me red heels and the front was low cut. I can't believe the school would let her walk around in this trashy outfit either. The kid is in 8th grade. I saw her at the bus stop while walking Izzy. She stood alone and no one talked to her. There were probably 12+ kids standing on that corner. She looked like she worked that corner.

Young Girl who stabbed her roommate -A 19 year old student at a University stabbed her roommate to death after they argued about music playing on an iPod.
Another witness said she was fighting and the got up and got a knife and came back and stabbed her to death. Now the 19 year old student is claiming self defense. 
How bad was this music that someone had to die?
The 19 yr old is being held without bond right now.
She just ruined her whole life because of some lousy music being played in their shared dorm style apartment. The young woman who is dead was on scholarship.  All so sad and so unnecessary. 2 Lives ruined for what? Some lousy music?

University of Pennsylvania - The smart folks at the U of Penn forgot to inform the students that their professor had died over the summer.
While the students were all waiting in the classroom for the arrival of their professor they all received the following email. Remember this is while they are sitting in the classroom waiting and thinking, why the hell did I get up early if the damn prof can't get here?

——Original Message——

From: Jennifer Bottomley
Subject: PSCI 291-301 Canceled
Sent: Sep 13, 2011 2:23 PM

PSCI 291-301 is canceled.
We are so sorry for this last minute cancellation.
With Dr. Henry Teune’s passing, this course should have been cancelled
over the summer and was an oversight.
_____________
Okay I have left out some stellar politicians who belong here but I did so on purpose.
They are always going to be the asshats of the week. Goes without saying. Besides still on my political boycott.

Money, Money, Money.

I was listening to a program on Sirius this morning about women who make more money than their husbands.
The man who was doing the talking was very condescending about these women.
He felt that these women do this to make their men feel inferior on purpose.
He actually thought it was calculated to emasculate them.
I found this odd thinking.

The women interviewing him were too easy on him.
I wanted to ask him what he was so insecure about?
Why did this make him feel so badly?
It was THEIR money so why did it matter who made more?
Why did he marry someone then who wasn't a stepford wife?
I know lots of those type of gals....had dinner with one on Saturday. (whole 'nother story for this week!)

So I am putting it out there.....If you are a man does it bother you if your wife/partner brings home a higher paycheck than you?
If you are a woman who makes more than her husband do you down play it so you don't bruise his ego?

Thankfully in my corporate career it was never an issue.
But then again we didn't sit around talking about it either.
We seemed to take turns in who brought home more.
After a great year for me my husband would be thrilled for me.
He was my biggest cheerleader.
Could be because I surprised him with a boat with a bonus check one year.....tee hee
But seriously each rung of a ladder he was cheering me on.
He encouraged me, helped me, listened to me moan about work.

When I closed the last deal of a stressful year I was so proud of that years accomplishments I was telling my step mom and dad who were visiting and my father looked at Rick and said, "Doesn't it bother you that she makes more money than you?"
First of all how did my father know that I did?
I never told him how much money I made. (he didn't know about the boat either)
But my wonderful hubby didn't miss a beat and he said to him, "George I don't care how the hell the money gets in the house just so it keeps coming into the house! I'm so proud of what she accomplished this year....this hasn't been an easy year for her."
Yep, I love that man.

The following year Rick became a VP.
He was now making 30k more than me.
We did the happy dance and celebrated.
He bought me a rock. I did a big girly happy dance!
I was not threatened. I was proud of him.
I was thrilled for him because he was so happy whether or not he got a raise.
He wanted this position and he worked hard for it.
I was so happy it made him happy. So how could I ever be jealous of him?

And on a side note......I wish these were our problems today!
Oh to have such problems!
Today we are both so broke...o.k.maybe not totally broke yet but badly badly bent!

So why does this still bother men and women in the 21st century?
Are you jealous of your spouses income?
Does it intimidate you? If so why?  What am I missing?

Friday, September 16, 2011

Friday Random Item Round Up

It's colder than a witch's tit.
Yes, that is my husbands saying and who the hell knows what it means but when he says it I know it's COLD.

I wore fleece at 6a to walk the dog.
November/December weather in September.
Yipee.
Seriously I don't mind cold as much as humid so if it stayed like this until spring I would be just fine.
What worries me is that I think this means early winter.

Yesterday while Izzy and I were sitting on the stoop these cute little girls came rolling down the sidewalk in their "hybrid" pink jeep.  (Yes it said it was Hybrid on the side I am not being a smart ass here.)
Their mom's were walking in the street a bit behind them because let's face it a car can go much faster than mommy's who walk.
I noticed that it looked like they were drinking and driving because they were completely unable to go in a straight line. They would swerve off the sidewalk onto the grass and then back. Seriously these 2 were so cute they looked like they were out of a magazine.

Being the inept old lady I am with my new cell phone I couldn't get the camera to do what it needed to do until they were very far away. This is all I got.....and it is lousy. But I think it's a cool car and I know I would have wanted one of those when I was a kid. I did have a red sports car that was a gift from my Aunt. But we didn't live where there were sidewalks or paved streets so I drove it around my basement. Not quite the same.


While I am discussing photo's from this week I thought I'd share this one I saw.
I love the optical illusion of this dress. Wowsa.
What a great way to work with those 3 colors and enhance your body shape.
I think it is an awesome dress and Kate looks fabulous in it.
But my guess is she's hungry.  When she gets home she'll stick out her gut, put on a pair of yoga pants or sweats and eat a sandwich.
Hey I need to believe that so leave me be in my little world.


Rick was rejected from QVC for his new product. They told him it doesn't fit their niche.  They gave him other places to try. We'll see. There is so much work with the launch of this. Overwhelming to say the least.

Keurig offers a Pumpkin Spice Coffee for a limited time during fall season.
If you have a Keurig - run and get this flavor. It's awesome.
Honestly this Keurig is like crack and I wish I had never gotten it because I now drink 3 large cups of coffee a day.

And my last topic is...Angry Birds.
Over labor day my friends 10 yr old son downloaded it onto my phone for me.
I always hear about people playing Angry Birds but never tried it.
I am not a big fan of video games and have played none since Pac-Man.
(now that is showing my age for sure)
Well let me tell you this game is habit forming.
I can't get passed level 19 so I may never play again.
It frustrates me so.
I need to adopt some small children to help me I'm afraid.

Thursday, September 15, 2011

Customers

This has been an odd week for me.
I have  been confused about what day it is each and every day.
I swore this morning when Rick said it was Thursday that it was Wednesday.

Thirty minutes ago I took a break, left my office and went downstairs for some fruit and to refill my glass of ice water.
I filled the glass with ice, even cut a lemon, and then grabbed some raspberries and strawberries and went back to my office carrying my glass of water.
I sit down at my desk and immediately the phone rings. Good I think, perfect timing.

After the call I grab a couple of raspberries and with my other hand grab my glass of what I think is water. Nope! I forgot to pour water into my glass of ice with a nice slice of lemon.
See what I mean?
Is this the beginning of dementia? Alzheimers?

I've also had some real pieces of work while at work.
Honestly I don't know how working with the public will allow me to like people ever again.
They don't make it easy let me tell you.

Then this morning we got an online review that I found pretty funny.
I find it funny not because he said nice things, no that was nice.
But the reasons he gave the amount of stars he did give us.

This man drove me crazy. Called 3 times a day for an education.
At one point I told him that we may not be a good fit for him because he was making decisions based on price instead of product and end result. Sometimes difficult people are better to walk away from.
The one company I knew he was referring to we have to fix their work on a daily basis and we also know about a law suit but of course I can not share that information with customers. If he was going to choose them because they were cheaper so be it.
They'll come back to us in the end sadly enough.  
Besides Rick says, he doesn't discount his quality of work nor his price.
We aren't the most expensive in town, there are a lot of those, we aren't the cheapest though either. We lie somewhere in the middle.

This man was tenancious as a pit bull, he kept calling with more questions and I kept answering him with my pleasant professional demeanor (that's Peg she's nice, Margaret and Peggy are bitches!) and then I'd hang up and swear like a sailor. (Yes, in a work environment I can be a bit Sybil like.)
He wrote emails on weekends asking me more questions.
I was on vacation and I got two voicemails from him.
More questions....It took him that long to decide. 
But he is now happy and that's all that matters I suppose.
Well that and his check cleared.

I wanted you to read his review but if I give you the link it will show you too much of my personal information as well as this man's. I know, I know, we're all friends here but I think it's best I just copy and post his review. For some reason the stars would not copy. He gave us 4 out of 5. I also want to point out that we tried to convince him to make this bathtub white and enter the 21st century but neither he nor his wife would hear of it.

Search Reviews Sort by: Yelp Sort
C. S.'s Review
City Name, VA

National Tub and Tile Inc
9/13/2011 Rick Hxxxxs is the Michelangelo of tub refinishing!
Here's the story. Old bathtub with a big chip out of it and a ruined finish. 1970s avocado color. I called three companies. Three different processes to re-do a tub and widely varying prices. In the end I chose NTT for the dumbest of reasons: they actually have an office manager (helpful Peggy) who answers the phone, shares info, and schedules the work. The other two companies appear to be one guy with a cell phone and intermittent coms. One guy was $65 less, but I couldn't get him to return my calls when I needed him.

Rick came out Saturday for a few minutes just to check out the tub and see if he could match the color. He was back this afternoon to do the work. (Peggy alerted us that he was running late.)

OK, so Rick prepares the tub, takes out the old caulking, recaulks, and then spends a huge amount of time matching the color exactly. What was good enough for my wife and me wasn't good enough for Rick. It had to be exact.

When he finally got the perfect match, he got to work. The job looks terrific. You can't tell where the gouge was. The color matches perfectly. The tub looks better than the rest of our house. We are inviting company over just to come see the refinished tub.

Why no fifth star? I'll add it in five years if the tub looks as good then as it does now.

Hey, other tub refinishers. Time to hire some office staff. It will help your business and it will help the economy.

Bad reason for not giving us the 5th star I think since this will look brand new for at least 18-20 years and probably many more than that. But hey since this past week has been mostly cranky ass hats this was a nice change of pace. 

Speaking of ass hats this one guy called us telling us he lost his sense of taste because of the smell of having his bathroom tiles and tub reglazed.
He asked if anyone ever told me that before.
No, I'd remember that one.
Seriously lost his sense of taste?
Now we have had people get hysterical about the fumes and smells and ask if they can leave while this is being done. Then when it's actually done they say, "Oh that wasn't so bad or I thought it would be worse"
The problem is they read outdated info on the web and are convinced they know everything about this topic. I explain how things are done today but you know how it is they believe what they want to believe or a friend who had it done 25 yrs ago when things were so different.

So no, never has anyone gotten upset about the smell after the work was completed nor has anyone lost any of their senses.
Possibly just their sense.

Wednesday, September 14, 2011

Aah, My Boyfriend (insert swoon)

This morning on The Howard Stern Show one of my boyfriends was on.

I was flipping channels and I thought I heard his voice.....I stopped right there.
Oooh!  I melt with that voice.
So I listened and thought it has to be him.
Then they began talking about his life before movies when he was an attorney.
And then I knew it was him even without hearing his name.

I text my husband and said, "Is that my boyfriend on Stern?" knowing he was listening in his car.
Before he responded I heard Gerard/Jerry say something else and I text Rick back and said, "Oh my God I am so in love"   (okay maybe it's just lust)

Is it wrong to tell your husband that?

Tuesday, September 13, 2011

Things that make me go Hmmm.....

A lot of things puzzle me.

• That Michael J. Fox is 50….how can that be?

• Why people wear socks with sandals. Ridiculous and ugly, ugly ugly! Have I mentioned it is hideously ugly? 

• Why men like stupid women even if they don't look like Sophia Vergara, Salma Hayek or Halle Berry(yep those are my hubby's top 3 on his list).

• Why can you gain 5lbs in a weekend but it takes 3 weeks to lose it?

• Why when a bully is insecure he/she wants all around him/her to feel insecure too.  Is that misery loving company?

• Colorblindness.

• Men’s inability to multi-task. (And they think we are the weaker sex.)

• American’s fear and inability to change anything even if broken

• Bigotry

• Why anyone willingly wears a thong all day long.

• Why men believe you when you tell them the thong gets comfortable over time. Men, it's never comfortable you may get used to it but it is never comfortable!

• Bravo TV

• MTV, Music Television? do they even play music anymore?

• Football

• Why people think Jay Leno is funny or that the stupid people in Jay Walking are funny. Jay or that schtick of stupid people on the street is not funny but sad, just very sad.

• Why I don’t win the lottery.

Friday, September 9, 2011

Aging with Humor

There is a comedian who I very much enjoy named Jim Breuer.
After reading his book and listening to his Friday afternoon show on Sirius I have grown to love him.
His big heart. His warmth as a human. He is genuinely a kind good man.
And he makes me laugh. I am a sucker for those traits in a man. Big heart and humor.

Below is a trailer for his documentary of his life with his father who he cares for full time.
I have heard all the stories on the radio and some are painful yet he makes them so damn funny. I love how he chooses to see the humor in it all. Because really in the end what else can you do?
He has a great way of sharing these stories.

What a Week!

The west is known for their earthquakes.
The south for their heat/droughts and hurricanes
The midwest for flooding and snow.
The mid atlantic where I live is known for no real weather except humidity.
Oh and our annoying blow hards in government.

So this year the mid-atlantic has hail in summer, hurricanes, earthquakes and flooding.
The south and midwest are dry.
The west is steady.
What the hell is happening?

Yesterday it took my husband from 4pm to 7pm to get home.
He was 17 miles away. Flooding of roads caused a lot of road closures.
The main thorough fare we live off of is Rt. 50 W and it was closed.
So he went past his exit and tried another way home.
While it was a great idea to take that route, that road too was closed because it was flooded.
He put down his window and asked the police who were there if Pleasant Valley Rd was closed and they said it too was closed. He said, any ideas how I can get to XYZ?
They said, "Good Luck... and don't drive through standing water."
Gee thanks!
He had a helluva time finding his way home yesterday but he finally did.
When it normally rains it makes for bad traffic on the beltway but yesterday was pretty bad.

Today schools in Southern Maryland and Northern VA are closed.
Some local gov't offices are closed.
Weird isn't to close for rain? It's been that kind of summer.
I fear what winter will bring. Seriously fear.
I may need to go put a snow plow on lay-a-way.

In the mean time I need to get my ass over to the Wine Store today after work to pick up my September wine club selections that are waiting for me and try to stay dry....on the outside that is.
Besides since I'm building an ark and I need 2 by 2, I will need 2 bottles of cabernet, 2 bottles of pinot noir, 2 bottles of syrah, 2 bottles of merlot........

Thursday, September 8, 2011

Rain Rain Go Away

I’ve built an ark.

I am moving to dry land that doesn’t have snow, the earth doesn’t shake and move unless I’m having sex, and there are no hail storms or oppressive humidity.

It’s been raining for days.
Look people I lived in Seattle I can handle a little bit of rain but we are talking epic rain here. This is crazy.

They say bad things happen in 3’s.
This is the last 30 days or so of my life of bad things and it's more than 3!

1. had to travel/visit/spend time with family.
2. hail storm and damage
3. earthquake and damage
4. hurricane and rain
5. (epic) 4 inches of rain per hour as I write this today….

C’mon!

Thursday Thoughts

I loved this skit on SNL.


However, I don't think the idea of eating a product, even my favorite thing in the world Ben and Jerry's ice cream, called Schweddy Balls is appealing.
Seriously this is the name of the new B & J ice cream.
Do you think you'll be running out to buy some?
I'm not sure I'm ready to put Schweddy Balls in my mouth......
yeah I said it.

In other tid bits --
  • It is still raining here.
    It's also very dark. 
    Very Seattle like only the rain is hard not misty. North of me they are flooding. My God we have had the weirdest damn summer of weather. I like rain but seriously this is a lot of rain...I think it was over 6.5 inches for us and something like 8-9 inches in Maryland and still comin'. Crazy stuff. Add the rain to the ragweed that is killing me right now and my allergies are in full bloom shall we say.
  • I read where Regis Philbin is thinking of doing a reality show. Oh boy! Do we really need another reality show?
  • Last night was the finale of Rescue Me. I so loved that show. Truly good TV. Funny, sad, poignant, sick, twisted, demented....it had it all. Another great show off the air. I won't talk about my opinion of the series ending in case there are any fans out there who didn't see it. If you have never watched this show I suggest starting with Season 1 and have yourself a marathon. But beware, it is adult television.
  • I read where it was Chrissie Hynde's birthday yesterday. She is 60! Can you believe it?


  • And my final thought for today ....well the final I will post. Why all the hoopla about Chaz Bono being on Dancing With The (so call) Stars? I keep reading and hearing where people are saying, their children will be confused. Confused by what? Looks like a man, acts like a man who wouldn't think he was a man unless you tell them? He is a man. Period. So don't put this on your kids- it's your own issues, you so called grown ups. Jeez people are narrow minded. People act like bullys anymore. Really no big deal. Let the guy dance.  Live, Love, Laugh, Dance!

Tuesday, September 6, 2011

What I did on my summer vacation.

It's a damn sad state of affairs when I long for my routine
That is either a sign of old age or doing too much to excess.
I think in my case it may be both of these things.
It's not lost on me how pathetic that sounds!

We got to the lake on Wednesday evening.
I worked all day Thursday and Thursday night the fun ensued.

I ate, I drank and I did it all over and over again....and again.
I came home 3.4lbs heavier than when I left.
Rick gained 6lbs.
So today it's all fruit, protein and salads and back to normal.
But damn it was fun!!

We had great hot weather which is what you want when boating and swimming.
Izzy is overseeing everyone having fun in the water.


After going through most of the vacation videos I deemed them all inapporpriate for public consumption.
However since this young lad wants this to be on America's Funniest Home Video's we know he won't mind you watching him fall. Of course you can hear me being a very bad influence on him while his mother yells at me. 

No one was harmed during this video so no nasty letters. Alright I may have harmed his ears because I did say hell but other than that he was fine. What you can't hear is when he says, "help" as he is going down. For some reason that was funny and cute to me because I knew he wasn't hurt and it was so faint. That's his mom who ran to him of course as the mean lady just video tapes the poor child. He was talking so we knew he was okay.

  video

Today it is cool, dark, dreary and has been raining all day so far.
I normally love days like today but prefer they be on Saturday or Sunday.
I wish I could go to bed with a good book and some wine.
Seriously I have to stop this.....I am no longer on vacation.
Damn it's gonna be a tough long week.