Thursday, June 30, 2011

Rick Requested Post.

I shared with Rick last evening that I wrote about some of the experiences he has had now that he goes to peoples homes. He asked me if I told you about the naked woman who knew he was coming to her home. I told him I had not.  He said I really should because he would like your opinions because he thinks....well I'll just tell you and see what you think.

Rick finished his first job about an hour earlier than expected.
He called his 2nd appointment. We had done another of her bathrooms a few months prior so this was someone we all were familiar with and her home.
He called her at 10:00a.m. to tell her that he was running very early and he would be at her home at 10:30a.m. Would that be okay with her?
She said, "That is great. If I am not in the house I'll be out back with the dogs. You can just let yourself in and you know where to go."

So Rick arrived exactly at 10:30a.m.  He rang the doorbell twice. He then knocked on the door. He opened the door slowly and yelled inside - twice. Okay, he figured she was out back with the dogs as she told him she would be.  He went upstairs to the bathroom as she walked out of the shower and she was bending over naked petting her dog. She and Rick locked eyes and she didn't move. She just said, "I wasn't expecting you at this time" and then reached for a towel.
HUH???

Now he is talking to her from out in the hall at a semi-closed door. He yelled he would go downstairs and she kept saying it's okay. She came out in a towel. Rick said, "I'll be downstairs" He ran down the stairs. She came down a few minutes later dressed and laughing. She said, "you can go up there now"  He didn't mention another thing.

Of course, as he does he calls me whispering, "Who the hell does this? I told her 10:30a, who takes a shower then at 10:30?"  He finished the job and ran out of there.

Later that evening I asked if he "saw" anything. Rick laughed and said, "Hell Yeah!  She is at the least a 63 year old woman who is in great shape and she had a Brazilian."  Okay mister, I think you saw it all then. Again he says, "But Margaret who does this?  I have replayed this over and over in my mind. (oh I bet you have buddy!) and I really think she did this on purpose because she knew I was coming at that time.  At first, I was worried that she would be screaming at me or worse but she acted like it was alright with her. So honestly I didn't see a downside to this one. Well except being sued for sexual harassment" as he laughs.  Hey, at least it's not a guy this time so this was certainly an improvement. But it still could get me in all kinds of trouble and that is what scares me. That's why I ran so quickly. But I really think she did this on purpose. And once again it's not a young woman it's either a guy or now an old lady"

Now I find it hard to believe but if that is what he needs for his fantasy so be it.  I do not think she did this on purpose but I do have a slight doubt. I mean he called her at 10:00 and said he'd be there at 10:30. She had to take a shower at 10:30a?  But I find it so hard to believe that someone would do that.

So he wants to know what my blogger buddies think?
Did Ms. Fairfax do this on purpose or did she just lose track of time?
Did she move ever so slowly behind the door because she is older and can't move fast?
What are your thoughts?

Wednesday, June 29, 2011

A Day in the Life.....

My husband goes into peoples homes that need work done in their bathrooms or kitchens.
He has had some real interesting experiences because of this.

Example #1 – One man asked Rick 2 times while in the foyer to remove his shoes.
Rick always removes his shoes but the man didn’t give Rick a second to get fully in the door when he began yelling, “Must take off shoes, must take off shoes.”
After Rick followed him to the master bath Rick said he saw complete filth and disgusting scenes one after another. When he entered the bathroom there was days of poop in the toilet un-flushed. There was hair all over the floor along with clothes, used Kleenex and a used tampon on the FLOOR. The tampon was near the waste can but NOT IN IT. Rick called to tell me this after the job and said, “This guy has more issues than my damn shoes!”

We have found that certain cultures don’t particularly see a need for cleanliness as we do but they still ask for our service and pay us so we do our job.

#2 -He has walked into homes where he swears a murder has taken place from blood splatters on the wall etc. This one was for an estimate. Rick priced it over the top – he never wanted to go back and he knew that over pricing this would mean they would never call him back. Damn if they didn’t call. Thankfully they didn’t want to wait the 2 weeks for an appointment. Whew.

#3 -There was a man once who let Rick in and brought him into his master bathroom to get started. The man went down stairs and Rick began his job. At some point while Rick was kneeling in front of the bathtub he reached around to get a tool out of his tool box and the man had come into the bedroom and was naked. He was bending over putting on his pants. That was the view Rick got when he turned to get his tools and he immediately slammed the bathroom door. Seriously who does that? Or as Rick likes to ask me all the time, “Why do only men do this to me? Why don’t nice looking women do this? Seriously Margaret I think I burned my retinas. I did not need to see this guys scrotum!”


Of course I laugh my ass off! He is and was disgusted. That man said it was no big deal we're both guys. Oooh ick.

#4 - This week he was doing a bathroom for a very nice older couple. Their young daughter made all the arrangements and she was the one who I have been dealing with. Rick spent most of his time talking to her. The older woman was in a wheelchair. The older man’s English wasn’t so great and he appeared very feeble. Rick uses this brown paper with blue painters tape when he covers their wall tiles to protect them. When he removed the painters tape it removed some of the paint. He felt badly about that.
When he got the young girl to show her what happened he of course apologized.
He asked if it had just been painted. She said, “Yes.” He asked, “ you didn’t use primer did you?” She nodded and said, “No I did not.” So again he apologized and explained that without primer this does sometimes happen. He told her that he would take off some of the money as well as re-caulk the other bathroom she had requested when he arrived all at no charge.

She told him where this bathroom was and she went back downstairs. Rick went into this bathroom and there was the old woman sitting on the toilet with the door wide open.
She never said a word to him. He said, “Oh I am so sorry!” as he ran out of there.
He stood in the hall for a second and then went and got the daughter. He told her what had happened and they acted like it was no big deal. The daughter went to assist the mom back into her chair. When Rick got back into that room he again apologized to the old woman as he passed her in the hall. She so cavalierly said, “I was just peeing it’s okay”
He ended up knocking $50.00 off the bill. He was mortified.

Moral of the story - Pee in front of your contractor and you may get a discount!
Show him your scrotum and he will charge you extra for pain and suffering.

Tuesday, June 28, 2011

Falling Apart

I have been talking about aches and pains so much more this year.
The warranty on my parts seems to have run it's course don'tcha think?

On a perfectly normal week day I was flossing my teeth when I let out a yelp that I have never even heard before.
It hurt so much between this one tooth on the top left.
I finished and it was now throbbing.
I took a few ibuproben and figured that I had touched something and it would go away - no big deal. But as each day passed it was worse. Drinking anything at all, cold, hot or tepid makes me go through the roof. Obviously I can't eat on this side either.

Moral of story - don't floss!  I think I would have been fine if I hadn't flossed.

Today I went to the dentist. It was not a cavity.
She is sending me to an Endodontic DDS.
You know what that means - root canal. Oh jeez.

Look I would rather go to the gynocologist over the dentist but I don't want to see either.

I also don't have dental insurance anymore so this will be thousands I just know it.
I asked the woman on the phone if I could get the preferred rate. Meaning the rate I would pay if I had insurance. She told me I could discuss that with the doctor and not here.
Great. I no longer have any shame about this. I need help so I have to ask.

If I could go on with this mind numbing pain I would just not get this done.
I would just put it off until another time.
However I can't eat, drink or breathe in air.
That causes a slight problem since I want to continue to live.

This shit has got to stop happening.
And since drinking anything makes it worse there is no wine in my life either.
Honestly, if my body were a car I'd trade it in!

Monday, June 27, 2011

Psst....It's me, Izzy.

Hi! I have taken over my human mom’s blog today.
She’s tired. She had a hard working weekend or so she claims.
I am doubting these humans a bit.

She and my human dad went to the lake.
They said they were working. Mulching, trimming weeding.
They told me they had to finish painting,removing all their clothes and emptying out the house to get ready for these damn summer tourist renters.
I don’t like this idea of people using our house. Where am I suppose to swim every weekend? How will I get to swim for fish? Or chase footballs in the water?

They went there without me. Can you believe it?
They sent me to play with dogs at doggie day care. I love it there but truth be told I’d rather be swimming. I played hard all day with other big dogs. We wrestled and ran and played with balls and they even tried to get me in a swimming pool. I would have none of it.
It doesn’t have fish to chase. It doesn’t even have a football in it to fetch!
There’s no diving in a pool. I’m a dock dog damn it!

You know I can be a pensive dog too. I love to sit on my doggie dock and watch the fish go by.
I need some quiet time too you know.  It's also great to be at one with nature.
C'mon, it's beautiful there.
I still just can't believe they went without me. Life rotates around me not them!
They said it was overcast and my mom's term was icky but it doesn't matter you can swim anytime. That was her lame statement to try to make me feel better. I bet they never even got down to the water!

I was so happy to see them when they came to pick me up. I actually hugged them and whimpered. But then I remembered – Hey I’m mad at you guys.
See this is me ignoring them and being mad.  I hear them telling me stuff but I'm playing cool dog and not looking at them.  But I was sure glad to see them....please don't blow my cover and tell them that 'cause I missed them terribly.  But they need to punished.


When we got home they were all lovely dovey with me and acting like they really missed me. I was having none of it. They went to the lake without me. I’ll show them – I’ll just get caught up on my sleep because I’ve been playing hard for 2 days! So I slept from 3pm to 9pm. Then I got a good long walk with both of ‘em. Then I went to bed and I made sure I woke them up at 5a.m. sharp! …tee hee that’ll teach ‘em.

This morning my mom and I walked twice and I had to admit it was great to be back home.
I lost my tough exterior and I was all over her getting love and affection.
Ah, I won’t be mad anymore but they better take me the rest of the summer or else I may have to do something dog like and get on the furniture or something other dogs do.
No more Miss Nice Gal if they don’t take me swimming.
You have all been warned.

Friday, June 24, 2011

Women Who Grunt and other Random Items

I am sure by now you have all heard that the tennis officials plan to cut down on the noise level of the "grunting" that takes place during a tennis match.
They went on to say that these women who grunt are unlady like.

I agree that the grunting is annoying as hell.
Hell, I mute my TV when watching tennis just I like mute my TV when Joe Buck is announcing any sports game, especially baseball.
However the fact that they feel this is unlady like to grunt rubbed me the wrong way.
So it's okay to grunt if you are a male tennis player?
Just so you know Mr. Tennis Official, it's annoying as hell if it is man or woman.

Apparently, one of the loudest offenders is Maria Sharapova, who at 101 decibels is almost as loud as a lion's 110 decibel roar.  Monica Seles back in the day, the nut who started this horrific trend, was only at 93.2 decibels.  A mere whisper I suppose.
I don't get it. Would the equivalent be when a baseball players hits the bat against the ball to grunt? When the QB throws a football he too would grunt? It's all so damn silly.
So just stop it already!  If as an athlete you have not learned the proper breathing techniques to assist you in playing your game you may want to rethink your job.

And while we're talking about things that annoy the hell out of me here are a few more.
I tell you all because I know you all want to know! (full disclosure I wrote this a few days ago when I was Ms. Cranky Pants)

1. The friggin' heart sign made with your hands - c'mon people do we really need to do this all the time? It's so damn juvenile. Now I am seeing celebrities coming on stage of talk shows doing this to the audience. Grown ass women doing this to one another. Oh please - spare me.

2. Putting your hands in prayer form and bowing to people - What the hell is up with that? Do you think you are Ghandi? This is everywhere now.  Celebrities, regular people.
It's obnoxious. If you don't know it is and you do it, just stop it before someone bitch slaps you! Because they will eventually - so you've been warned.

3. People who drive slow in the left hand lane.  That lane is for passing people.
Park if you don't want to drive that fast.
In my neck of the words it is usually some dumb ass texting or on the phone.
Please pull over and do what ever it is you are doing and then when you are ready to drive c'mon back on the road. Otherwise - PARK.

4.  I want to scream when after someone gives their opinion someone will say, "Oh tell us how you really feel" That is how they really feel idiot. If you don't like it don't ask. They told you now shut the hell up. 

5. Those folks that say the NYY's win all the time. Don't open your mouth if you are that unknowledgable.  Unfortunately for me they don't. (see 1980's)  If you don't know the real facts don't repeat what some dumbell has said that you picked up on. Have they won more than others. Sure. Do they win all the time. Sadly, NO.


6.  Automated phone menus drive me insane. Please press 1 for English. "1"
Please tell us what you are trying  to do. Press 1 for customer service, 2 for billing and payment 3 for technical support. "1" is pressed. Do you want customer service? YES
Did you say you want billing? NO. Did you say you wanted a representative? YES. (thinking a human would come on the phone) Did you say you wanted a representative? YES!
What is your phone number? (press in numbers) We don't have anyone with that number, let's try again....AARGH!!! ...and on and on it goes.  It doesn't really cost all that much to pay someone to answer the phone does it? Seriously flawed way of doing business.

Gee that was fun....and I only got started.
But that's enough bitchiness in one day I think.


Thursday, June 23, 2011

What I have learned in 56 days

A few things I've learned from a 50lb weight loss.

1. I miss alcohol much more than food. (hey- don't judge me)

2. I cook a lot and I tend to taste the food to see what it needs etc. more often than I realized.  One can't do that when dieting.

3. I am so shallow that it bothers me when someone hasn't noticed I lost weight.  I mean C'mon people I'm hungry as hell here - throw me a bone you can at least notice I have only 1 chin now and an icky neck!!

4. I have no clothes to wear. Tailor said some are just too big to be taken in. This is expensive. I don't think I thought this through well enough.


5. All the muscles and cuts in my legs have been hidden, who knew those were under there?

6. Losing weight has not made me rich, tall, young or blonde.
Damn it!!

Wednesday, June 22, 2011

A Couple of Items on Hump Day.

I wish the economy was as easy to calm down.



_______________________________________________
*When I was a kid sunscreen was not really discussed.
Oh sure there was the Coppertone baby.
But seriously more often than not it was an oil for the purpose of frying your skin.
I was the gal that lathered myself in baby oil with idodine. Anyone do that?
I put Sun-In in my hair (a beautiful orangy tint) and I would go out in the back yard or to the beach and bake for hours. 

But as I got older I was able to fly for free because the computer company I worked for was owned by an airline.
I spent my free time flying to areas where I could work on my tan. 
An ass you say?  Why yes, I agree I was an ass. 
Why not Rome or England or anywhere with culture and was more than sand and surf? 
I used to say it was because I lived in the cold dark tundra and I wanted sun.
I have been to almost all of the Caribbean Islands.
Best tan? Netherland Antillies/ABC Islands/Aruba, Bonaire and  Curacao   - hands down for me. 
But today you can't even buy a sunscreen under 50.
There is no more tanning in my life. So I remain Casper.

To say I am thankful that all that sun didn't age me is an understatment.
I see women my age with tan wrinkled knees.  Have you see this phenon?  Ooh my.
(Maybe I got the icky neck instead of the icky knees)

I am sure I'll get there but thankfully in my 50's it has not arrived.
I have a friend that is wrinkled beyond belief from years of sun abuse.
I used to envy her tan but now not so much. I wonder how I faired so well? 
Some times I think it's my greasy Italian skin and all that olive oil I ingest....just slides right off.
In fact without any tanning oil I don't even get tan .
I am very pale and I can be outside with no sunscreen for hours on a boat no less and I may get a tiny bit pink if I'm lucky.
Weird huh? 

But now I don't care if I am tan.
I am not embarressed to say that I have become that woman who now wears a hat, sunscreen, and tries to keep the aging at bay.
Now I wish I had gone to Europe instead of St. Barts.

Someone said to me yesterday, 'I wish my old self could talk to my young self.'
I nodded in agreement but as I thought about it I realized something....My young self would have told my old self that I was an old broad and didn't understand anything and  I wouldn't have listened anyway. 

Tuesday, June 21, 2011

Drivers License Photo

Somehow or another I let my license expire.
Thanks to a very nice police officer this was brought to my attention.
He told me he wouldn't confiscate it and as he handed it back to me I got a warning to head home and have someone drive me to the DMV.
I didn't listen.

I went home and got online to renew.
They would not allow me to renew online since it had expired. Shit!
I prayed that didn't mean another drivers test.
I was worried this was going to be like Seattle all over again. (more on that later)

I went to the DMV very early one day two weeks ago.
Apparently no one likes to be at the DMV at 8a so I didn't have to wait long.
Just as I settled into my seat and got my book open, they called my number. A first!

Because I let my license lapse, they had to take another photo.
Well since the last photo was the year 2000 I was hoping we could keep it.
It wasn't that bad really. I take horrible pictures and besides I look 11 years older now.

Now this could be karma because I laughed like hell when Rick had his new license photo taken or this just shows how un-photogenic I am. Perhaps both.
The VA DMV will no longer allow you to smile.
This "happy" DMV woman kept saying open your eyes, open your eyes.
They also make you look down into the camera so of course my eyes aren't wide open looking, but they are open lady!
I was done and they tell me they will mail me my new license.
They give you a paper license in the interim.

The new license is no longer in color either.
They are something between sepia and black and white - it's hideous.
My new license arrives and Rick opens it first.
Rick being the ever loving husband he laughed his ass off as he handed it to me.
I swear to God this is the damn ugliest photo I have ever taken.
Trust me when I tell you that takes a lot because most of my pictures are truly dreadful.
I look like a prisoner or worse a  terrorist.
Because Ms. DMV made me look down I seem to be growing another chin. Lovely.
And I see what she meant, my eyes look squinty.

This all started with these new photo's after 9/11. Apparently a couple of those lovely terrorist got their license in VA. So new rules, new photo's, new look. I do not like this.
Another damn reason to hate Al Qaeda
Rick said that between my ugly passport picture and my license I look like completely different people. Well now that doesn't help the gov't identify me now does it?

When I moved to Seattle I was just lazy and let my PA license expire figuring I'd just get a new one.
Come to find out that it does not work that way.
They would have just given me a license had I not let mine expire.
But since it was expired I had to take both the written and the driving test all over again.
Oh dear, I knew this wasn't going to be good.

I went to the nearest DMV and got a book to read and then I was to come back and take my written exam via computer. I brought the book home and honestly never looked at it.
I was cocky. I've been driving since age 16 I know the rules. HAH!
I flunked my test.
Rick of course suggested I read the book. This time I glanced at it.
I looked up from my book and said, "You know how we complain because every one drives so friggin' slowly here?"

Rick asks my point.
"My point mister is they drive 15 miles an hour faster in a school zone than PA yet they drive like snails on the freeway. That to me is a head scratcher. Mow down the kids and drive 45 in the left hand lane on the freeway. I think this is crazy but I should be able to pass this easily, no worries."

I go back to the DMV and take the test again - different test of course, the tricky bastards.
I miss 1 again that makes me fail. I don't recall the number but let’s say you can miss 3 - I kept missing 4. Dear Lord I am not this dumb what the hell is wrong with me?

The 3rd time I go in to attempt this the woman behind the counter asks me for the 3rd time what language I would like this test in and I said, "oh hell you pick, English doesn't seem to be working for me."
Well, like the toll booth operators, the DMV also has no humor.
She said again, "Pick a language"
I went with English - and thankfully I passed.

Now to the drivers test.
Rick drove me out to the drivers test area.
I used my car which at the time was a 5 speed.
At that point in my life I had never had a car that was an automatic so I knew how to drive a standard.
The driving inspector and I get into my car.
I put on my seat belt, turned on the car and she said to move forward to the stop sign and we would be taking a right.
I put the car in gear and stalled the car.
Stalled and jerked it -like only a person who is just learning to drive a standard can do.
Great I am going to give this woman whiplash and never pass this damn thing.
I burst out laughing. I saw Rick in the rearview mirror shaking his head.
That made me laugh all the more.
The woman sitting next to me says, "Is this your car? Do you normally drive an automatic?"

Sadly I had to tell her this was indeed my car and I only drive standards.
She makes a note on her tablet.
I thought, oh my, please don’t flunk me for this I will never live this down!
I can't stop laughing because seriously this is nuts.
I started the car again and made it through the exam.
I finally passed!!!! Yipee.

My Seattle Washington photo was actually not so bad.
Especially in comparison
Maybe I ought to move back there.

Wednesday, June 15, 2011

Funny Parents.

This so reminds me of my parents.
Only thing is my folks are not advanced enough for the computer.
They still struggle with the answering machine from the 1980's.
As I have told you before, voicemail is incomprehensible to my mother.
Oh they can be funny as hell. They just don't know it.

This just reminded me of them. Rita and Frank are trying to take a still photo to email to friends for Frank's 84th Birthday on their new Mac. Hey at least they have a computer.
My parents refuse to try to learn anything new. They are so frustrating.

Tuesday, June 14, 2011

Starbucks and Annoying People.....but not at the same place.

Remember when I told you all that we would be renting our lake house?
Well all that means is more annoying people in my life. Like work isn't bad enough right?

It clearly states that this home sleeps 6. Can you get more? Sure. But legally the county doesn't permit it so I have to abide. Would I let 1 more kid in ? Sure if my neighbors weren't counting and running to tell on us. So I follow the rules.

There is a calendar on the link at http://www.homeaway.com/.
The calendar is full. Yet I have people who call and ask if this week or that week is open.
I kind of get that, they may think I don't update the calendar. So I will give them a break there. But then they tell me they have 15 people - 7 of which are children.
I asked this man if he actually viewed the photo's and read the discriptions.
He said he had. (No, you didn't buddy or else you are just dumb.)
But of course I did not say that.  I repeated that the house only sleeps 6.
He told me, "But we do not care if some are on the floor."  
(what kind of vacation is that - sleeping on the floor?)

"You see Mr. X the county does and I could get fined $500 and up. My neighbors watch over this intently because we are the only rental. I can not get away with anything. May I suggest you try the hotel if you can't find a house big enough."

"Oh I can find a house big enough but it's too expensive."

So if 8 adults can't afford to pay for this perhaps they need to look at camping or another vacation option. Seriously. He was very rude but I think it may have been a cultural thing more than anything.  People are just idiots.

Did I tell you all that I got a job at Starbucks? Has senility set in?
This winter I applied when business was slow for some extra income. Nada.
Then I get called in last month for interviews.
Oh they did personality tests, and all kinds of weird ass testing.
It was all so odd. 
The manager was only 27.
She had no clue how to interview and it was so damn uncomfortable.
She kept saying, "well"....and then dead air.
She'd look at notes and she was all over the place.
I actually felt badly for her.
So I asked questions and got things rolling for her.
I even asked things I knew the answer to just to get her going.
She'd say, "Oh I'm glad you brought that up I have to ask you......."
That kind of thing.

Then I had a 2nd interview.
That was with the shift manager to see if I would "fit in" their culture.
All the while I was telling them that I would be going to my hometown and that there were a couple of weekends I couldn't work this summer. They kept telling me I could start in September then. So I continued the process.

I got called to say I got the job. They wanted me to start in a couple of days.
HUH? What happened to September?

I said I would be happy to but I wanted to repeat that I can't work a few weekends and told them why. I am okay with it if you are. I don't want to start and then ask for the time off and have any issues or to leave anyone high and dry.

The manager says, "Oh I forgot"
She said she would get back to me.
I thought I blew it but she did call back and said that I was probably right, it would be difficult for others if I was taking 3 weekends off. Would I like to start after labor day.
(duh! that is what you originally told me)
So of course I said, "I would love to!"

Hopefully there will be an opening in September like she thinks there will be.
This manager was a twit. The shift manager was awesome and normal and she made a remark that made me laugh when she and I were talking and it was about the manager.
I wish I could remember how she said it because it was so diplomatic yet biting and I sure as hell understood what she was talking about even with my short time dealing with the manager.  Seriously I could do a better job and I have never worked there. Hell anyone could do a better job. But she's young and it's great to see that you can learn on the job.

I do want to share with you my favorite question that she asked me.
"At Starbucks we do not allow facial piercings to show. Will that be a problem for you?"

She was reading off her list of questions from a book. I had to do everything I could not to laugh out loud. I just said, "No, that will not be an issue for me."

Yep a 50 something with a nose ring, lip ring and an eye brow piercing.
Yeah, that's a good look for me.

I'm Not Hungry....I just want a piece of Cheese!

I read a lot of blogs that are elusive with what is happening in their life.
I get that. To remain private and not put your family out there.
This is their thing and not their children's or families thing.

But that isn't me as you can tell by the name of this blog.
I have always been a straight shooter.
If I don't say anything it's usually for a couple of reasons, I don't want to hurt you or I can't add anything to what has been said, or I'm too angry to respond in a civil manner and I must calm down.

Being straight doesn't mean being a bully, or being bitchy, or being aggressive.
It just means I don't play games as well as being an open book.

Why am I tell you all this? 
Because I was asked once again about the name of my blog by several bloggers of late.
If you haven't been reading for awhile I will tell you how I got this title here

In the mean time I know I have touched on this a  bit but let me refresh you.
I was very very sick. No doctor knew why. I was barely able to function.
I would work and then lie on the sofa. I didn't want to do anything. Rick and I didn't go anywhere, do anything it was all about me 24/7. And God was that awful.

Finally found a doctor who did her due diligence with her examination of me.
I was a mess. I had hypothyroidism, adrenal fatigue, hormones were a mess, and I had 2 parasites. Lovely.  Ridding the parasites were difficult and the worse pain of all. Who knew?
They assume from my corporate days of traveling all the time is how I got these suckers.
It seems I have had them for a very very long time.  When you are getting rid of them the damn suckers fight back and all your symptoms are magnified. It is called die off.  Die off makes you wish you would just die. So to say this was difficult would be an understatement.  These suckers were producing symptoms that mirrored some of the other issues I had so to get those things stable we had to rid me of the parasites.

I saw a show on television called Mystery Diagnosis about a woman like me who saw so many doctors in the course of 10 years and no one knew what her problems was. Finally they were telling her it was in her head. Wanted to give her Paxel, Xanax and the like. (same thing happened to me)
You know the hysterical woman syndrome.
She too had a parasite. Once rid of it she was fine within a year. I lived that....twice.

Let me tell you, this year after they were gone I was feeling so great. In the mean time I had gained weight not in proportion to how I eat or exercise over the last few years while ill.
This bothered me more than being sick most days. I learned a valuable lesson with this weight gain. People don't treat you the same if you are over weight. It opened my eyes on a lot of things. When I wore what I call big girl sizes, I found them in the upper level of the store in the back in the corner with no lighting. Guess they didn't want to see anyone who had to wear a 14-16W. I hated it too. Not only did I feel terrible but I was made to feel less than and I had no control over it. I think that was the biggest issue for me.
I am a control freak. I know that. This took over me. I was not in control of this. 
I wonder if I wouldn't have minded being overweight if I had eaten to get there? Would it have been easier if I was just an over eater? I wondered about that a lot.

In the beginning I wouldn't go anywhere. I didn't look like myself and I had edema in my limbs that felt like I was carrying weights around my body. I hated this. You could stick your index finger in my calf and it would bury itself up to your first knuckle like you were poking the Pillsbury dough boy. I was so damn swollen.

I had a nutritionist. I had a trainer. Nothing was working. For 18 months my doctor had me on a diet to rid me of a parasite that had no dairy, no wheat, no sugar, limited fruit, limited calories etc. I was hungry all the time. I kept track of food intake and my exercise. I lost 1lb in 18 months. 1 friggin' pound.
I cried.

Rick was supportive and I can't thank him enough. He kept telling me it wasn't like I was sitting around and eating loads of fat and food. But I still became a hermit.
I hated this new body and I was so pissed that it was betraying me. I hated the clothes I hated mirrors. I was miserable.

My thyroid medication helped the edema a great deal. I was beginning to feel better but seriously nothing was helping with the weight. I would watch Rick eat 5 pieces of pizza while I had a salad with EVOO and lemon. I gave up drinking. I gave up my boys Ben & Jerry. I gave up everything but brown rice, veggies and protein. I counted calories and yet no weight loss.

So one day in my doctors office I had a melt down of shallow proportions.
I told her I was feeling so damn good except for this weight.
I wanted my old body back.  Before all this sickness started - that body.
Hell I would be happy with 1/2 of my old body back.
I realized I wasn't 23 anymore but I didn't need to be this either.
I wanted the body I deserved not the one I had.

She told me about a new diet that was 500 calories along with this prescription medication.
My response was, "500 CALORIES?"
 She said, "Yes but because I have not had enough hours with this I will refer you to a doctor I have worked with on this."
I asked, "wouldn't I just lose weight with the 500 calories?"
She said, "normal people would but it should never ever be done without the medication."

She gave me some literature and told me to think about it.
It was expensive and that made me think even longer.
I had to go back to see my dr. in 3 weeks to go over blood work so I had time to think it over.

I had seen the diet and thought I would try it and not tell her I was doing this since she was so opposed to ingesting so little of the calories with out the Rx.  Oh my goodness was it difficult to do. I did it for a week. I lost nothing!!!  NOTHING.  There was my answer.

When I went back to see my Dr. I told her I'd like to give it a go.
(not telling her what I had tried)
But since I can't lose weight I don't want to spend all this money and it not work too.
She told me it will work. She went into detail as to why.  I won't bore you with that here.
She said try it for one month and by the way you won't be hungry. 
She smiled. I thought she was nuts. 500 calories and I won't be hungry?

The first month I lost 25lbs. 
There were days I could eat my arm off.
But those were also the regular days of the month when I am like that.
Normally if I was hungry, then I'd eat my teeny bit of food and I was full.
I found there were days like watching a movie that I may want something but I was certainly not hungry.
I am on the 2nd month now. So far the total is 39.2lbs.
I have the rest of the month to go.  
The weight has slowed down which I guess is normal.

But let me tell you how much I miss food.
I am not a person who eats like the folks on Biggest Loser.
But just miss food.  I miss salads like you have no idea!! I miss eggs.
I used to have a hard boiled egg for breakfast alot.
I miss cream /milk in my coffee. I miss wine.

I watched Rick grill corn on the cob and I was truly drooling.
My food items that are permitted are small like the portions. It's boring as all hell.
I can have lettuce but no dressing of any kind except vinegar. No tomatoes with that.
I can have either 3.5 oz of tomato or the 3.5 oz of lettuce. Can't mix 'em.
So why have the lettuce is my theory. I am not a rabbit.
I am bored with the food but I keep trying different spices and things to kick it up.

But it has taught me a lot about me.
I have the will power and am as tenacious as a pit bull.
I have no trouble doing this. I always thought I had will power but this cemented it for me.
For Rick's birthday he asked for Beer Cake. I love it and I survived by just smelling it.
He also asked for Lasagna.  Making sauce was the hardest part for me. I don't measure, I do a little this and a little of that. I taste and then add what is needed. I couldn't taste it.
So I had to make it when he was around to do the tasting. It made me realize how many times I put my fingers in something to taste as I am making food.
This weekend he wanted potato salad. I made him taste and say, does it need anything?
I also noticed that the other night while watching a movie. Rick poured himself some wine and I wanted one too. I asked if he wanted popcorn and he said no. I paused the TV and said, "Are you doing that for me but you really want popcorn?" 
He was honest and said," Yes."
I hate when people do that. I can stand it so don't make me feel badly about dieting.
Eat if you want. So I made some of my super duper spicy popcorn for him. I survived. 
I just drink my water with lemon....and smell. Oh how smelling food has replaced eating for me. It's weird but it's helpful.

Speaking of water. I drink 3 litres a day. This also makes being social difficult.
I am either drinking or peeing. Car ride?  Ha!

So I have lost some weight and am feeling better except for the discovery of my old neck.
The chiropractor feels that my rapid weight loss contributed to the hip thing.
Change in gait and a plethora of other things. Who knows. But it's working.
I will only do 2 months right now. Then I go on maintenance. Maintenance is exactly how I always ate so it won't be difficult. I don't eat wheat or sugar normally so it's not a stretch for me. Yipee. I can have real cheese!! I can have gin with diet mixers but I don't want no stinkin' mixers - Straight up No Chaser for my cocktails too. And a couple glasses of wine are okay. I can do that.

Maintenance is 3 weeks and can then slowly add in the dreaded bad carbs. But I can't eat them anyway because I am gluten intolerant so no issues there.

But here is my concern. I am so fearful of weight gain that I can't stop thinking about it.
They say it won't happen because of how this medication got my hypothalamus working or some such shit. I don't know but I worry. REALLY worry.

I am stopping at 2 months because we have so much company coming and I want to be social. I have found that while I really don't care that everyone around me is eating and drinking it really seems to bother other people. And I am going to visit my family in early August and God knows I can't survive without some wine or a morphine drip!

Then I think I'll begin again in September for the last few pounds.

So that is what I have been doing. Or as Rick calls it, "Watching people eat."
Last night I had 3.5 ounces of zucchini on the grill.
There was an extra piece and Rick goes nuts that I won't eat it. "it's only another 1/2 oz. for heaven's sake"  
Yes but that is not what I can eat.  They tell you 3.5 oz for a reason!!
He does this daily about everything!  
I am allowed to have 6 large strawberries and when they are on the small side he'll tell me to eat 8 or 7.  I laugh and say, "You really don't understand the concept of 'diet' do you?" 
He laughs and pats his belly and says,"No I guess I don't. "

Monday, June 13, 2011

Drinking

I haven't been drinking while dieting.
I miss drinking more than ice cream and anything chocolate.
Some people would call that a problem.
I call it old age.

You see as I have suddenly been writing a lot about lately is my damn aging.
Since my last birthday I have had the following things happen to me.
  • My hip went out.
  • My neck is now all old and I must wear a hat like the elephant man.
  • I hurt my knee and I have no idea how and it won't go away.
The knee thing is difficult because I live in a 3 level townhouse.
If any of you watched Seinfeld there was an episode where George faked an injury because he was lazy and he got to use an electric chair that took him up and down the stairs at work.
I don't need to fake it but I sure could have used that electric chair yesterday. 
My knee was killing me and I was up and down stairs all damn day.
The last time I went up and down looking for something I was yelling, "RANCH!  WE ARE GOING TO BUY A DAMN RANCH!!

So you can see why drinking helps me.
I was told there wasn't a lot to do about the strained ligaments around my knee.
Ibuprophen is doing nothing but when I could drink, a few martini's were a wonder drug!

Now I know what you're all thinking.... Hey Peg they have 12 step programs for everything these days. You may want to consider AA.
But you see drinking isn't the issue here, it's the pain and injuries that are the problems.
If they would just go visit some older person and leave me the hell alone I wouldn't need that bottle of red wine or gin. (may want but not need)
I think they need an AARP 12 step program.

So if I wasn't old I wouldn't need to drink. (as much)

That's my story and I'm stickin' to it.

Friday, June 10, 2011

Wobbly Bits

I remember back in the day....before most of you were born.
There was a commercial with Madge the manicurist who had the women soak their hands in Palmolive dish soap. Apparently back in the 60's - 70's when this commercial ran, a sure sign of a woman's age were her hands.  I have not found that to be true.

I am talking about the same thing Nora Ephron wrote a book on....My neck.
Okay she didn't write a book about my neck per se, it was her neck that she hated.

I now know that I didn't even fully understand it when I read this book.
But damn it, it has caught up to me....I too, hate my neck!

Oh my neck was just fine before I lost weight.
Apparently the fat was good for something.
It ironed out the wrinkles and wobbly bits.
But I didn't want the weight so off it goes and viola a new (to me) old neck.
Looking back I now realize why Diane Keaton always wears turtlenecks.
I get it now.

I showed my new neck to my husband, who you would think would've noticed this if he looks at me at all. But he says he doesn't see the big deal.
This proves it once and for all -  love is blind.
I can't STOP seeing it every time I look in the mirror.
Another reason to avoid mirrors, windows and any reflective surface...like the toaster.

First my hip goes out and now this revelation.
Old age is exhausting man.

Wednesday, June 8, 2011

Inventions by Accident

My husband is an entrepreneur in every way.
I am not.
He has always tinkered with ideas and developed them into companies or products.
I admire that about him as well as hate it.  I hate it when I am dragged into it.
Oh he doesn't literally drag me but somehow or another I get roped into doing something or working on something....you get the idea.

This past year he was in the garage developing this product to work on bathtubs.
It did not do what he wanted it to do. Before he tossed it he put it on another
 substrate....okay that was his geek word that I now use. I apologize about that.
He put it on another product and it blew him away. It worked like a charm.
He played with this and tweeked it and tweeked it over the weeks.
When he had it where he thought it needed to be he began trying it on a lot of objects that had sun damage or were oxidized.
 We had an old green adirondack chair that was faded from the sun.
It was not wood, but the vinyl resin type model.
He put it on 1/2 of the chair and then put it outside for the fall, winter, and spring.
He wanted to see if this coating which dried quickly and removed the oxidation immediately would damage if left through the seasons.  It indeed held up to the weather.
Then he tried scratching it and cutting it. It held up again! 

So my Geek boy came running from the garage and told me he really has something here.
He said, "You must come out to the garage to see what I've done."

I'm telling you those words don't thrill me. I really want to roll my eyes and sigh and say, "Oh God now what." But being the ever supportive wife I said, "OK I'll be right there"

I went out to the garage and saw the chair and how it weathered being outside all fall, winter and spring.
I was shocked that it worked. Now I wanted it all over the chair. This below is what it looked like after sitting outside during rain, wind, hail, snow and now heat. It still looks new ...on one side that is.

Rick did our neighbors shutters that were horribly faded from the sun and it brought them back to life.
It appears this will last a very very long time due to it having a UV coating.

He was chomping at the bit to see how this would work on boat graphics. He really thought this would work on the vinyl graphics on cars, boats, RV's and jet skis.  So while at the lake a few weeks ago he did his boat.










Our boat looked like this 11 years ago when it was brand new. We were amazed.

There is a huge market for this we have found.
His website is not live just yet.
The trademarks are pending. All that fun paper work is rolling in.
Yesterday we received our approval being a Certified Green Product.
This helps us a great deal to be certified as green.  This goes a long way with contractors who can use this as an added surface for doing peoples shutters, doors, etc.
And of course for our retail outlets such as Home Depot and Lowes and the like.

Our next step is distribution.
We have some things lined up and my goodness it is a lot of work.
Holding down a full time job and getting this off the ground is amazingly grueling.

We have been approached to be in some marine catalogs and a well known company to sell this for us for the marine end. We also got a call from the people who certified us green. He was so excited about this product he gave us some people to contact for distribution. So much more work has to be done though. We got the packaging completed and the 2 different logos'.
The website is taking longer than we thought but in the mean time you can see some of this on facebook

For the home owner end we are looking at ways to get into the retail outlets.
QVC would be great. I think the Shark Tank would be another.  We could use the influx of money from Shark Tank to make this giant leap into distribution and marketing.
So that is what we have been doing behind the scenes other than working 50 hr weeks and throwing out old lady hips.

Now if only Geek Boy could go out to the garage and develop something to make me tall, forever thin and wealthy I would never make fun of him again.

Tuesday, June 7, 2011

Random Tuesday Tid Bits

**I saw a show with Pat Monahan from Train and Martina McBride.
Not a big fan of country music but I love this woman's voice.
The two played together for an hour and there were snippets of them talking and discussing their lives.   It was on HDNet or something like that. It was a repeat from CMT.  
If you like Train I think you would like it. So look for Crossover on your guide and check it out - it is worth it.  And my goodness is Pat a teeny tiny skinny little man. Who knew?

**This Wiener gate is getting ridiculous don't you think?
He's been sending these photo's and sexting to 6 different women.
Apparently one just came forward.  oh my goodness.
He's been married a year.
Karen said she didn't think this was infidelity.
I guess everyone looks at this differently and that's fine as long as it's not my hubby.
If it were my husband I would think it was infidelity.
Cheating isn't just sex. If my husband wouldn't do this in front of me then it's wrong.
And trust me if he didn't want me going all Lorana Bobbit on his ass he wouldn't be doing it in front of me or behind my back.  He knew the rules going into this relationship.
But if it's okay with his wife then so be it. If she isn't upset then we shouldn't care. 
Not my business.
I don't care what others do in their sex life. As long as it's not w/children I don't give a hoot what one does. But my goodness can't these guys in the public think with the head on their shoulders for a change and realize it's called social networking because it's SOCIAL and everyone will eventually see it. It's all so funny, sad and pathetic all in one.

**Had a hillbilly call me this morning to tell me that the repair we did on his bathtub in 2009 was deteriorating. I remember this man from 2 years ago. A bullet put a hole in his bathtub. Why one has a gun in the bathroom is anyone's guess. 
Why one shots in the house is an even better question.
We told him it could be repaired but that he may see a "halo" around the area until he cleans it over time. Because the tub was so old and faded the repaired area would look very new.
He said that would be fine. He was cheap and didn't want the whole tub fixed and reglazed just this area. Then he rents this house and the renters don't care for it the way it should be cared for and it is deteriorating now. I asked him about the care and maintenance instruction sheet and he told me that he never gave it to his tenants because he thought that was complete bullshit. (yep this is how this "man" spoke to me - very professional) I told him that repairs do not get warranty's as we explained 2 yrs ago and that if not taken care of properly and not using things like comet, soft scrub, ajax etc it would last you 15-20 yrs. If you ignore these things then it will deteriorate quickly. So that is what happened - he admitted it. He wanted us to come out and fix it for free. We will not. He started rattling off all this hillbilly speak and swearing up a storm. I only understood the swear words and the poor grammar.
I told him my boss will call him when he returns to the office. :-)
I am not dealing with this ass. I will allow Rick to handle him. He's got guns, he's a redneck and he's nuts. I want no part of dealing with him. I'd give him his money back and be done with him if it were my call just so I would never have to hear from him again. I don't know where the hell he is from but I wish he'd go back there. Quickly.

**I put my hip out. Ever do that? Me neither.  Wow its a weird feeling. It made my one leg shorter than the other. It hurt like a bear but I keep thinking it would go away or go back "in" like it went out. But it was hurting to bend, sleep, walk, sit and since I do these all day long I decided I should go to the chiropractor and get adjusted. Whew! I then felt like I had been hit by a truck and it was difficult to sleep last night. Still sore but oh so much better. Don't know how I did this but I did and it was weird and I hope I never do this again.

**I listen to the court trial of Casey Anthony online while working. If she gets off I will be shocked.   Seriously shocked. Her attorney seems to be a bit slow to me. One day he drops the bomb that the grandfather did this. Then you never hear about it again. you have to keep that info in the jurys mind so it is not overshadowed by the foresenic evidence which so far is not in her favor.  All the pundits say she will testify. That will be fascinating and I would want to see that not just listen.  Her denial and pathelogical lying is amazing. She still says she is the victim here. They played a jail visit as she spoke to her parents and she kept saying that she was the victim. It was amazing. Hmm....if my daughter was missing I don't think I would be out clubbing that night she goes missing. But that's just me. Everyone parents differently.

Monday, June 6, 2011

New Era Commerical w/Alec and John

Alec Baldwin and John Krasinski have made a commerical with New Era each and every time the New York Yankees and the Boston Red Sox are playing. 
If you don't know this is the biggest rivarly in sports.

I really love these two together.(of course I love the Yanks but I meant Alec & John)
I have posted in the past the 1st two, which I found humorous.
Not as funny but still cute.  Here is the latest one for this weeks 3 games.



These are both actors I enjoy and these just tickles me.

Here are the 1st ones in case you missed 'em.

 



This one really makes me laugh.
Alec RAN to his house just to punch him in the face.

Sunday, June 5, 2011

Going to my Hometown.

I don't like saying, "I'm going home" when in fact I am going to where my parents live and where I grew up. Home, to me is where my life with Rick is.
This is going back to my hometown.

I have made most of the plans for this trip.
We will be doing the driving and it's 6 1/2 - 7 hrs depending on traffic on the Pennsylvania turnpike. And in summer that means most lanes will be closed because it makes no sense to not have the turnpike torn up and down to one lane during the heavy travel season. 
Why do this in fall or early spring you know?

I usually dread these trips.
The family issues, the grief, the money put out to go somewhere I don't normally want to be.
However my father is is 83 and never wants to eat or do anything more than go to church and work. He is getting quite thin I hear.
Yes, he still works as a greeter at Wal-mart. Silly man.
I think the day he quits Wal-Mart will be the day he will just stop living.
He tells me on every weekly call that he is tired and he is ready to go.
I hate hearing that but I also understand it.
So I thought I better get my ass up north to spend some time with dear old Dad.
C'mon what daughter doesn't want to go home for some guilt, grief about how she lives her life, how she looks or religious rhetoric?  Fun to be had for sure for me!

It's tourist season in my hometown and trying to find a hotel that is reasonable is impossible.
I wanted to go in July but there were no hotels under $299 a night and there was no way in hell I was paying that going to Erie Pennsylvania for Pete's sake.
So we are now going in August.
On top of the huge expense of a hotel there is the boarding of Izzy.

The hotel we are staying at (homewood suites) will take dogs but only under 50lbs.
Every hotel that would take dogs said no dogs over 40 - 50 lbs depending on the hotel.
What difference does the size make? A dog will pee and shit on the carpet if they are little or big - that is if your dog is inclined to do such a thing.
Izzy has never done that in our house so I can't see her doing it in another home/hotel.
From my experience smaller dogs do more damage than big dogs but I guess there is a reason that I am unaware of.
C'mon does this sweet mellow dog look like she'd tear up a hotel room.
We're not talking a rock star here.

Oh well it is a mute point - she is being boarded where she goes to doggie day care and she loves it there. The bad thing is the cost.
I'm telling you Rick and I could have gone on a very nice vacation for the money we are forking out instead of here.

We have a breakfast on the beach planned the 2nd day with some friends.
Rick and I both are so looking forward to this. While the city of my hometown is a depressed city overall, tourism keeps it alive.
There is a peninsula that jets out into Lake Erie that is a state park. 
It is called Presque Isle.
It has 11 miles of sandy beaches alone. It has great walking, running, and biking trails. 
It has historical monuments (battle of Lake Erie etc)
It has beauty that is hard to find in the great lake region.
In the winter they make the best of the 150 inches of snow by having a winter carnival.
Rick and I loved that weekend. Snow sculptures, just like the ones made of sand. 
Check this out for yourself  -each beach has it's own personality per se and it describes them quite well here. When I was a teenager this was the place to be!!!
Before I could drive I rode my bike there. This truly has a special place in my heart.
If you closed your eyes you forget the city this is located in and think you are in Florida or somewhere other than the rust belt. 

Then of course there is Sara's. It's at the entrance to the Isle and it serves beach fare.
Hot dogs, burgers, onion rings you know the type of things.
But the ice cream is the reason I go....it's not summer without an orange sherbet vanilla twist cone! 

When Rick and I met I mentioned that I used the walking trails that were marked in miles after my first back surgery for rehab. I was then walking 6 miles a day. Rick not being from Erie was always at the peninsula and said, "I've never met anyone from here who loves it like I do. Most people here don't take advantage of what is in their back yard."
He was right. I lived there as much as I could. I would bring dinner down after works and watch a sunset and the kite fliers.
Or just a book and read. It didn't matter the season it is so pretty.
I used to crossed country ski in the winter on the trails through the woods and it was always spectacularly beautiful. I really liked it down by the house boats. The water would be frozen with a touch of snow and it would glisten in the sun.  
 Ah, can you tell I love it there?

Rick loved fishing in the lagoons. But in the lagoons you can't have a motor boat.
You can have a trolling motor but that is it.
Rick had what I called his "banana" a very large bright yellow canoe.  (thought I was going somewhere else there didn't you?)
He took out the canoe seats and put in swivel boat seats. But these too were removable, which proved to come in handy for me later.

He always wanted me to go with him but honestly he did this so damn early in the morning.
Don't fisherman ever start fishing at say 10?  
He would bribe me with breakfast and Bloody Mary's or some such thing and we would be there by 5am.  He would take out my front seat of the canoe and I would put a lounge chair up front. So while he fished I normally dozed off. Or depending on how many Bloody Mary's it may more appropriately be called a vodka nap.
Once I got there I was in heaven but I am not a morning person so getting up at dark to go fishing is just crazy behavior to me....and I could possibly be a bit cranky. Possibly.
One morning I decided to let the "girls" out to get some sun.
I turned around and told Rick what I was doing.
I asked him to wake me should I fall asleep when people come around.
Seriously at 5a there were no people. Not even other stupid fisherman type people. 
We didn't normally see people until around 8a.  I had plent of time....or so I thought.

I fell asleep and I hear all this clicking and I admit I was somewhat disoriented because I had a few bloody Mary's and I had a good buzz on shall we say. 
I  sat up and there is a friggin' pontoon boat that is part of a tour of all Japanese people taking my pictures. I screamed and pulled up my top.
What does my wonderful husband do?
He yells at me for yelling. Apparently my yelling bothers the damn fish.
I then yelled at him for forgetting to wake me up!
He laughed and said, "Just think you'll boobs will be all over the world."
The ass.