Friday Ramblings

TGIF everybody!

I started today with a great hair day going this morning. I just got a haircut and it was looking damn fine this morning and that always puts a kick in your step. I thought to myself it's a damn shame I work from home and no one can see this great cut. HA! That lasted about 20 minutes after I opened my front door. I walked the dog and there it fell. It is hotter than hell out there and muggy and all things it is here in August. (okay it's technically still July but c'mon!) I only walked her for 40 mintues this morning because I couldn't stand it and frankly neither could my little diva dog. Not only was my hair wet and dripping down my neck but I could feel the sweat building under my boobs. That's a fun one. I always long for small titties but nothing is worse than summer with big boobs. ICK. This is the only place I have lived where you can have 100% humidity and 100 degrees and not have rain! This is the time of year I long for fall.

My hair was dripping wet and I could feel my hair just falling and sticking to my head. Yes, I was blessed with thin hair and on most days I can fool people but not on humid days. When other people's hair gets big from humidity my falls flat and looks like shit. No more spikey do for me - I now look like I just dunked my head in water. My moisturizer just sliding down my face. I came home from our walk and felt like I had never showered. Scratch that thought about not working from home because I was now thankful I worked alone and no one could see me!

Because I have been going to the lake for the last 6 weekends my house here has suffered immensley. Now when I was a career woman I had a cleaning lady. Oh the luxury of that was so wonderful. I would come home Mrs. Cranky pants from a hellish travel week of airports, delays, long meeting of negotiations and then walk into my home all clean and shiney and it made me so friggin happy it was silly. I would confess to war crimes I didn't commit before I would work 60+ hours and travel and have to ome home to a dirty house again.

Now some people may laugh at that but honestly it was worth every cent I paid this woman. Never in a million years would I have ever thought I could let someone clean my home. Then after my 4th back surgery I had to let that thought go. My doctor didn't want me doing that vacuum motion. Hell you didn't have to tell me twice. My husband, God love him, can build a house but clean it seems to be out of his realm of talents. So he convinced me that it wasn't worth being down for 2 days in pain after I would insist on vacuuming and mopping etc. So we hired Olga. My angel with a mop. She was so good, she was thorough as hell, which for an anal retentive type like me was good and she was very trust worthy which I admit was a concern of mine. But then.....I lost my job and my husband lost his so we had to let Olga go as well as eating.

Then he started his own business and really wanted me to come along. I went kicking and screaming and leaving a trail that only Olga could clean up. So we hired her back for every other week. I was thrilled. It was perfect for us really. I no longer traveled but even though I work from home after 9+ hour days getting a business off the ground I didn't always feel like doing things at night. I was now spoiled. I cleaned but the heavy stuff was hers every other week. I mean at that time there were only 2 of us. We are not that messy......without a dog it wasn't so bad. who knew a little puppy could be so messy? Oh - you did. Well I was delusional.

But lately Olga has taken a turn and it's ugly. She is never on time. She always makes these bad excuses. She hates animals. She doesn't even show up at times. She will give you lip until the cows come home. She must be right. There have been times I just let things go because I don't wish to fight with her and I don't want to have to find someone else. But last week was the last straw for me.

Let me back track. 4 weeks ago she showed up 3 hours late. Now that doesn't sound like a big deal but here is why it pissed me off. I know she doesn't like dogs. So I worked Izzy's walks and naps around the time she would be here and did the same for my work schedule. I made appointments to speak with vendors around this schedule. When she didn't show up at her scheduled time I had to go on with my day and Izzy's. So then when she gets here she tells me there was traffic and other assorted bullshit. Yea, there is always traffic and I know you're lying because you aren't looking at me.

She comes upstairs to my office where I am having Izzy stay with me and she says, This dog isn't going to be in the house the whole time is she? I stated probably not because she will need a bathroom walk shortly. She asked me to put her in her crate or outside and tie her up. I explained why I wouldn't do either and that I will keep Izzy out of her hair. She insisted that Izzy will jump all over the vacuum. I tell her again that Izzy is afraid of the sweeper so there is no way she will be anywhere near her or bother her. She was livid and rattled off God knows what in Mexican as she walked away. Izzy was out of her hair the whole time. When she was on the 1st floor Izzy was with me in the office on the 2nd floor. When she wanted to clean my office we went for a walk. She was leaving and told me that Izzy was a good girl and she wished all her clients dogs were like that. I asked if she would be coming at this time on our next appointment and she said, "oh no I'll be here at my regular time in the morning"

She didn't come at her regular time in the morning the next time . She came so late that she was here past our dinner time. It was uncomfortable to be here when she was cleaning and not sequestered in my office. Also very difficult to make dinner when she was in the kitchen for just over an hour.

The following visit she just never showed up. We came home from the lake and she had not been here at all. Her check was still on the kitchen island. I called her on Sunday night and left her a message to call me. I called her on Monday. I called her on Tuesday. Wednesday at 5:30p she called me in the office and I asked if she was okay I was worried because she never just not shows up or return voicemails. She asked me in a very snotty tone, "what are you talking about?" So I told her I was concerned when she didn't show up this past week. She really flipped out on me at this point and told me that she went away for a couple of days and she called and spoke to Rick last week and told him that and he said it was okay. Now Rick was standing here in the office and as I repeat this he looks at me and shakes his head NO.

I asked her what day she called. She told me Tuesday and it was between 10am - 11am. Now my husband is not home during the day. He would never have been here let alone taken that call and not come upstairs to tell me. So I said, "Gee Olga we never got that call." She said, "well Rick was even in a bad mood and I remember because he is never in a bad mood and talks like that to me" I said, "do you think you could have possibly called the wrong number and that wasn't Rick? Rick was not home that day Olga in the morning he was in Arlington working." Well that set her off. "He was home & he talked to me." She began to yell at me and said and I quote, "You better just listen to me...." as she repeated her story. I told her it didn't matter. I said the reason for my call is that business is slow and I would like my key back because I will have to clean my own home right now. She was really pissed at this point. I assured her this situation had nothing to do with it but that was one of the reasons I was calling. (okay I lied - sue me) She said something in Mexican which makes me angry but I didn't let on. After I hung up I told Rick I should have said something to her in Italian. I know some good choice phrases and words in Italian.That would have fried her ass. That made us at least laugh.

Seriously bitching about ones cleaning lady is hardly going to get me pity. I can hear everyone saying, "oh you poor lazy bitch" I know people would wish to have such problems. I get that but it pissed me off. So tomorrow since I have a ton of cleaning and dog hair to sweep and floors to mop and furniture to move I will probably end up needing to lay perfectly flat for 2 days. My hubby will be helping me for sure but sometimes I would prefer he just leave for awhile or go clean the garage, or wash the car. He loves to clean bathrooms and hell I love that he loves it and he is good at it - they are all his to do tomorrow. I will lie to him and promise I won't move this or that etc.

So my weekend is cleaning and probably needing to then ingest percocet or two.

I hope ya'll have more fun than that planned.

Mommies and Me

I have come to realize there are really only 2 kinds of women.

Those that are mommies .......

and those that are not.....like me.

After my mom died I had to do all the motherly things for my sister.
My father is old school Italian American. That meant I am the oldest female in the house therefore it was now my job to do everything that my mother did for everyone. Didn’t matter that I was 13. It didn’t kill me but I didn’t love it either. But it made me independent rather early and it made me strong. And that ain’t a bad thing sister.

So I cleaned, did laundry, cooked and ironed and screwed things up and made my father crazy mad some days because things weren’t done “right” or dinner was late.

I had to help my sister with her homework, fix her hair and be sure I kept my grades up while doing it all.

So when my friends were dreaming of getting married and having babies I used to tell them this shit wasn’t fun. They longed for it. I wanted to run from it.

When my father remarried I was thrilled. I no longer had to do housework and care for everyone else’s needs. I wanted to be a selfish teenager. And man I got to. I loved my new step mom for taking all of that off my hands. I could do after school activities again and that was so wonderful to me. Cheerleading became my sanctuary. I didn’t have to rush home to cook, care for my sister etc. Whoopee, I get to be a kid again! My biggest worries now were making the squad, worrying about if Gary noticed me and straightening my already straight hair. Pure dribble and it was fantastic.

Then my step mom and dad had more kids. So I, being the oldest had to help with diapers etc.

I was the cheap babysitter as well. While I loved these new sisters I was not so thrilled with all this baby stuff like my friends were. The last one was born when I was 17 years old.

I wanted to go hang with my friends on a Saturday night but if my parents had plans there went mine out the window. I was the live in babysitter. Making faces at her and making her giggle, feeding her and bathing her and rocking her to sleep. While those memories now mean a lot to me I so wanted to run from that life.

So I used to dream of a career of travel in far away places and no kids. Well I soon got my wish. I worked in the travel industry. As I climbed the corporate ladder I traveled a great deal for work. I traveled even more for pleasure because I could travel for free or pretty damn cheaply.

While my friends were having children 1 of 2 things happened.
They either dropped me from their radar or they included me.
All but 2 of them stopped calling me or worse for me, never calling me back.
These 2 good friends included me in their lives no matter how different our lives were becoming. We always remained friends.

When included I loved being the great “aunt” who brought them fun things from different places. Who sent them postcards from places that they had never heard of or seen. I was the person who added spoons from around the world for her daughter’s collection. I could play for hours with play dough and make it into jewelry that tickled her daughters. I could make my friend’s son go into fits of giggles at how scared I got of his pig as it got bigger and bigger. I was the best with lego’s with another friend’s son. He would call me just to tell me what he built. We were city planning for heaven’s sake. It was fabulous and I loved every one of them and spoiled them with love, imagination and of course things mom and dad wouldn’t let them have like ice cream one time for breakfast or cake late at night when they all should have been in bed. (hey that’s what an “aunt” is for!)

Some now are in their 20’s and we still email and keep in touch. They all know I am a soft place to fall. I am a refuge when needed and when sometimes family just won’t do. We share secrets and unless necessary never tell mom and dad. Sometimes mom and dad must know so I tell the kids that I have to tell but for some reason hearing it from me is easier than their parents.

I get that. And I love that role. I have the easy job, their parents have the tough job.

I have listened to a friend’s daughter and allowed her to run here. All the while keeping mom informed and that her daughter was safe and would see herself home that I’d be sure of it. It worked like a charm.

But most friends dropped me like a hot potato and I never understood why.
As I got older I noticed this ugly pattern continue to thrive.
I’d go to a party and begin chatting with the women and they would ask me if I had children. I would say no I don’t. Most would just turn their backs to me right immediately. Others would say, “oh I’m so sorry” like I wasn’t able to bear children and I would get a look of sympathy and before I could correct the assumption they had either walked away or turned their backs to me.
But all would never ever think to include me in their conversations or life.

I know the ages and what goes on and what to expect at each one. Remember I raised some sisters. I can talk about it and understand it and be sympathetic as well. I was there in the trenches for colic, feedings in the middle of the night, potty training, 1st days of school, homework, dance classes, cuts, bruises, and kisses to make it all better etc. I taught one to ride a bike and another to enjoy nature. I am the oldest of 5. I did it all. I can relate. Just because I choose not to have any of my own doesn’t mean I’m a virus.

It happened just the other day at a neighborhood (subdivisions) summer party. I was standing with all the mommy’s and they asked if Rick and I had children. I said that Rick has a daughter but she is 29 now so she doesn’t live with us. This woman turned her back to me and continued her conversation like I was no longer there. I felt silly just standing there while they circled the estrogen field. So I said, “Well, it was nice to meet you too” and walked over to the men. Don't think they even heard me or saw me leave.

The men let me jump right in. They were talking baseball and football. I know nothing of football and really don’t care to but I can hang with the boys when it comes to baseball. I felt more comfortable there. Then they went on to business. Again they didn’t poo-poo me but allowed me to be a part of their club and conversations. They even acted like they wanted to hear my answers when they asked me questions! Wow. Real conversation. Why can't my own gender do that with me?

Later I saw a few more mommy’s and tried again. I asked the ages of their kids & what schools they attended. They told me and I probed some more with activities etc. I asked if they were using the pool and going to family dive in movie night. Some didn’t know about dive in movie night. (Yea, and I’m the idiot with no kids) I explained the family dive in movie night and this woman listens to me tell her about how fun it is. (I took a visiting niece last year) And she immediately turned to her friends and began to tell them about this function with all this excitement and walked away from me. They did not ask me anything about me. It was all them all the time. I heard it all. I continued to ask and listen and tried to fit in. It didn’t work. The more women that arrived the more they all circled each other and left me out.

I don’t for the life of me get this. It really angers me. In the early 70’s didn’t we fight so we could have choices? Then why are some choices treated as though you are less of a woman? Yes, I am a feminist! OH NO....The horror!

I believe we are damn lucky there were radicals to fight for your right to have choices. My poor mother had no such opportunity. She would have loved a career but instead was told she was a woman and her choice was to be a wife and mother or an old maid. Nice choices there huh? If your choice is to be a mommy that doesn't make you better or worse. That was just YOUR CHOICE.

So to all you mommy’s who read me, THANK YOU !

To all the mommy’s out there who ignore we women who don’t have children – SNAP OUT OF IT.

We with no children are not contagious! We have a lot to offer in friendship and babysitting services. Ah ha! You never thought of that now did you?

Who better to babysit while you're out for an evening with your hubby?....or a weekend away?

A 16 yr old kid that you have to pay or a friend who would love every waking minute of it because she knows eventually they go home?

Your thoughts?

I'm sure you've seen this video. I think I was the last person left on the planet who hadn't seen this video. I would like to know what you think.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4-94JhLEiN0

Any Psychologists out there? For some reason this bothers me a bit.
I realize it was fun and cute and all that but something bugs me and it really bothers me that it bugs me!

Old Fuddy Duddy perhaps?
Not sure I can put my finger on it....

It's the time of the week

It's official I am OLD.

Oh, you'd think I would have figured that out when the boobs went south, or when I realized the eye makeup went on better if I held up my eyelid now or when my i needed the dreaded "reading" glasses. But apparently that wasn't enough to throw me into the reality of old age. Nope technology is doing that for me. (twitter makes my head explode)

Ya’ll know I am a curmudgeon….oh I don’t yell at the kids to get off my damn lawn but it’s getting close to that these days.

Yesterday just was a day that everything was frying my arse. But my cell phone pet peeve reared it’s ugly head a couple of times yesterday. I almost had a Linda Blair moment where my head spun and I spit pea soup.

I went to the grocery store after work for just a couple of non perishables.
I was standing in line and unfortunately it was a slow long line. The woman behind me was 40-41 yrs old at the oldest. Old enough to know better. She apparently needs constant stimulation and standing in this line was more than she could bear and I assume she is deaf because she sure screamed into her phone. If she wanted stimulating conversation I could have assisted. She could have even responded when I said hello but that would have taken social skills which became apparent to me that she didn’t have.

She picked up her phone and proceeded to talk on the phone. LOUDLY.
Why do people do this? This call was not important. This call was not to say she was running late. This was not about picking up her children or even inquiring about them. This was not about anything important in any earthly way. She was gossiping, she was chatting about her daughter’s horse riding lessons; she was taking about going shopping etc. I heard more than I wanted to know about her entitled children and lazy husband. Yes, she mentioned to the person on the phone that she couldn’t get him to do anything when he got home except sex. I so wanted to tell her to shut the fuck up. I wanted to rip that phone off her ear and say - really this dribble couldn’t have waited until you got home? You have to talk so loudly that everyone must hear about your car, vacations, horses and sex life? But I just sat in line and waited and day dreamed about taking her phone and smashing it and then smile at her and turn around.

The 2 young men in front of me bought party food, well boy party food. Beer, chips, salsa, pretzels, frozen pizzas, etc. When the cashier asked them for ID only 1 kid had it. She would not let them have the beer until both could show proof of ID. So the 1 with the ID paid for all the food and they put the beer aside and we had to wait until the other kid went to the car and got his ID. More time to listen to the woman behind me on the phone!

This now gave Blondie something else to talk about on the phone. She had to describe each guy and what they were buying as well as wearing. It took everything I had not to ask her to hang up. I just don’t for the life of me get that. How did you ever survive before cell phones? My God you had to buy your groceries and go home without talking to anyone about your every waking move. Why not call a girlfriend for idle chatter when putting the groceries away? Gee that could be convenient for you and all of us who have to listen to your shit!

The check out girl at this point had heard enough of this woman on the phone and said to me, “These people who are on their cells constantly drive me crazy.” And then she was off on a tangent…..”They actually will continue talking nonsense while I am asking them questions and I think that is rude”….and on and on she went.
I was smiling and nodding my head in agreement because here was this young woman saying what I was standing there fuming about. Okay maybe it’s not an old lady thing….but I think it is truth be told.

Finally I was out of there. I ran to Target to get a shower curtain liner quickly before we head to the lake house tonight. I went down the aisle I thought it would be on but this late 20 something girl was sitting on the bottom shelve with her long legs outstretched into the aisle while discussing her date. No shopping cart. Just she and her cell phone. Apparently it was her 2nd date and he was so awesome she went home with him. No, she’s no longer on the pill but she thinks it’ll be okay because she used a condom.
Now am I nuts to think this was more than I needed to know? A woman with 3 kids came down the aisle….1 in the cart, two old enough to hear but probably not understand what this crazy chick was saying. As I went to the end of the aisle I heard her say he was a great lay. Okay if I had been the mom with the kids I would have gone ballistic at this point. Here is where I am old…..I can sure see me talking like this to a girlfriend or a blog where children can’t hear or read me. But honestly to just sit on a shelf in an aisle in the store for a full length account of your date to a girlfriend is just bad social skills and manners at best. When did this become acceptable? And if she had to take this call or make this call – why not go out to the car since she wasn’t even shopping. Just sitting there blocking traffic!

Aside from 911, calling to find your kids, pickup your kids, call AAA, and things along those lines I don’t get the need to chat on my cell for ever in a public place. I don’t have kids so that doesn’t leave me a whole lot of reasons to use my cell. Emergencies, tell Rick I’m running late, or someone I’m running late, lost, etc.

But the best thing I’ve seen for cell phone use was a few weeks ago while I was in the grocery store again. I had just turned the corner to go down a new aisle and I see this man reading things to the person on the other end and it went like this. ....

“Honey I don’t see one with a blue label are you sure maybe they changed the label?”

“No I swear I have looked everywhere can’t I just buy XYZ?”

as he moves down the aisle I hear...

“Oh yeah, yeah here it is, it’s here on the bottom shelf – how many do you want?”

“Okay I’m on my way home. I love you.”

Now that is a good use of your cell phone. And that made me smile.

Oh what a beautiful morning.....

I couldn't stay awake last evening to watch my boyfriend's show while he interviewed my other boyfriend. I had to tivo it to watch this morning with my morning coffee, over and over again.

My boyfriend...

Interviewed my other boyfriend.....

I had a damp morning.

Eat a Potato Bitch

The girl next door just found out she was pregnant.
There are so many things wrong with this statement but I will tell you about them all another day.

She and her husband were trying to get pregnant so it was of no surprise to anyone.
She called and said let’s get together for dinner.
I hung up and told Rick, “Hey M’s pregnant.”
He asked., “Is that what she called for, to tell us she was preggers?”

“No. She called to ask us to dinner.”

“How do you get pregnant from that?”

“When has she asked us to dinner? It's usually hey, let’s get together for drinks?”

“Good point – she’s knocked up.”

When they arrived I asked everyone what I could get them to drink she responded with “Water.”
Yep I’m psychic huh?

Instead of waiting until they told us my hubby blurts, “Are you pregnant?”
Her face turned beet red and she said “YES we are.”
I could have killed him right there on the spot– ruining her surprise like that.
He’s such a dufus at times honestly. Yea, I could kill him but I would miss the nut.

Now these kids drive us crazy when it comes to food. We try to NEVER EVER eat with them.
We are foodies and we admit it. A new Thai restaurant opens we want to check it out.
A new Italian place in town – fire up that stone oven and crack open a bottle of Chianti we’re on our way. But these two….Oh .MY. GOD. They will tell you the calorie content in everything and make you feel like shit.

I went out to dinner with them once for her birthday and vowed I would never do that again.
It went like this….
“Did you really want blue cheese dressing that is not low fat Peggy?”

“Why yes indeedy I sure did!”

“Do you know that there are over a days worth of calories in that steak?”

“Can you take your blonde skinny ass home or shut the fuck up?”
Okay I didn’t really say that I was just dreaming I did.

So hubby and I will no longer go out to dinner with them – it’s a pain in the ass big time.
They came home from a weekend away for their anniversary.
We asked how the hotel was and how was the show etc. They told us that on the night of their anniversary they ate at Ruth Chris Steak House and had steaks with a blue cheese compound butter topping. They said it was really good. I couldn’t believe my ears. I swear they just said steak, cheese and butter and they ate it.
I really wanted to ask if they threw up afterwards but thought that might be a bit snarky so I refrained.

But then they went on to explain how they had to go to the gym afterwards before they headed back to the hotel. WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU PEOPLE TALKING ABOUT?
They went on about how many calories they consumed and how they needed to work it off for an hour. Now is it just me or would you work it off by rip roaring hanging from the chandelier sex on your anniversary? Aah shucks everyone I know would rather get on the stairmaster. Yea, I can just hear my husband now…..no dear not tonight I have to go work out and burn those calores from that butter and lobster. I swear if he told me that I would think he was cheating on me for sure! Exercise over sex? It's amazing that she is even pregnant!

So this week at dinner while she moved her food around her plate she said that the doctor told her she has to eat so much more now that she is pregnant. She said the following statement in complete and utter exasperation, “I have to eat 100 more calories right now – 100 more a day!” (even typing that makes me laugh my fat ass off)
Rick being ever the smart ass said, “My, oh my, how ever will you be able to do that?”
I laughed and said, “eat a couple oreo’s for God’s sake and it’s over.”

But she was not happy about this. "I don’t want to be fat" is all she kept whining. I bit my tongue most of the evening but then finally I had had it and said, “This is not about you being fat, this isn't even about you anymore this is about feeding and nourishing a baby for God’s sake!”

This shall be an interesting 9 months.

I guess that is why God didn’t give me kids – he/she knew I’d eat for 2 or 3 and enjoy the living hell out of it and then bitch that I couldn’t lose the weight. But my God Ben and Jerry are the only men I’d leave my husband for and damn it there is nothing that comes between me and my boys - certainly not pregnancy!

Drop Dead Diva

I really thought that the new show Drop Dead Diva would be a bit hokie and sappy.
First of all it was on Lifetime television.
Generally I find the movies and shows on that channel to be women as victims movies.
They make me roll my eyes and scream - "Get a spine woman!"

But it was getting good reviews and while summer is endless in it's drivel on TV I tivo'd this so I could catch it later when nothing was on TV.

I watched it last night. I was blown away by how good it was. The young woman playing the lead was fantastic. (Brooke Elliott) And it was not an easy role. It was much deeper than I thought it would be. I liked it. I liked it a lot. I also thought she was cute. See for yourself....

It sounds like a typical chick Lifetime show that would be light and fluffy but it wasn't as light and sappy as it could have been. Here is what I read and thought, Oh Jeez not another one.

"Vapid blond model Deb (Brooke D'Orsay) is killed in a car accident but returns to life in the body of smart, plus-size attorney Jane Bingum"(Brooke Elliott) Initially horrified at her new body, Deb finds the meaning of inner beauty as she summons the smarts to juggle legal cases, aided by her assistant (Margaret Cho), and reconnects incognito with her still-grieving boyfriend.

So you can see why I was surprised to see such depth and humor in this show. It's more of a dramady. I'm not sure I would say it is as good as Rescue Me but I really liked the characters and I wanted to see it again to see what happens to them and how they grow. If she had turned into a bimbo or they used the weight issue constantly it would have bored the hell out of me.

If you get to see the premiere episode where the back story is all laid out - check it out. I think you'll be pleasantly surprised too. Is it great? Not at all. But what are your choices this summer? Wipeout? Another bimbo looking for a husband...err the Bachelorette?

And now that I have said all this about the show and put it out there I imagine episode 2 will suck and I will have egg on my face - which will make me want to brownies and it will be Lifetime's fault!

I think my Dog and Husband are cahoots!

Okay my dog has learned how to fuck with me.
This my husband finds funny as hell….me not so much.

Our dog was housebroken rather quickly. At least I think it was quick. I never had a dog before. She had it down in a week. Truth be told she rather taught us more than the other way around.

Oh at first being the anal retentive person I am I wanted no accidents on white carpet or accidents anywhere actually. I don’t like things out of place or messy. Oh boy has that changed quickly. I read how to take her out to walk as soon as she is up for a nap and after she eats etc. so that she can pee/poo and not have an accident. The book said that the owner had to watch her and do all the guessing about her bowels. Great, this is what my life has become.….sounds like a rip roaring good time to me.

I believe that logic only sounds reasonable in the book. But I have found my diva dog has a routine all her own…..she must yawn and stretch and scratch before she goes out. She has to take a few laps around the kitchen island and sniff at her food bowl before she is ready for any such walk. Take her out immediately upon waking from a nap and she will just go outside and lay down and not walk no matter what you do, say or how hard you pull. I have looked like an idiot out there squatting in front of my house pulling, talking, coaxing, begging, etc.

Within the next week or so she took to sitting by the front door every time she had to go out.
Now this is well and good if I am downstairs. However I live in a 3 floor townhome. My office is on the 2nd floor. I work from home; therefore, I am always on the 2nd floor. My office is a loft so I can hear what is going on downstairs. But I can’t tell if she is sitting by the door or not. If I am on the phone with a customer I don’t notice it is quiet down there until it is too late. So there were 2 accidents. So we got bells for the front door. Everyone swore by these damn bells. I figured what the hell have I got to lose besides my sanity….I would give ‘em a try.

We trained Izzy to hit the bells with her nose if she needed to go out. You were to say 3 times, “Izzy do you have to go potty, ring the bells.” For some reason I feel like an ass saying this 3 times but okay I’ll try it. These bells hang from a ribbon and are attached to the front door handle. We got them on a Monday afternoon and by Tuesday morning she had the hang of it. By Wednesday I realized I had a hustler on my hands.

I was on the phone with a customer and I heard the bells. I couldn’t get this customer off the phone fast enough. I run downstairs and sure enough she had to go. YIPEE.
We had a very quick walk and came back to the house. I went upstairs after a few minutes of playing with her and some squeaky toys. As I was at my desk I could hear her squeaky toys and knew she was playing. Next thing I know she is ringing the bells again.
Really you have to go only 15 minutes later?
I run downstairs and she is by the door sitting there so regal straight and tall like she is damn proud of herself. Actually I was too.

Off we go to have her do her business but she grabs a stick and begins to frolic on the grass. I realized she did not have to go but that she has figured out that these bells will get me to go outside with her. I bring her back in and play with her for a bit and let calls go to voicemail. She tires out and takes a nap. Whew.

Back to work I go. I have so many calls to return and I am almost caught up when I hear the bells again. Now I am figuring she couldn’t possibly have to go again for God’s sake but she did just have a nap and the book says…...
So I yelled to her to come. She comes barreling up the steps and she is in her frantic pee-pee dance mode. Okay you really have to go. So outside we go again. And she did have to go. Now I am feeling badly that I doubted her. This dog is going to drive me crazy.

Seriously only 5 minutes later she rings the bells again. I am about ready to rip those bells off the door. I am not going down there she is just fucking with me and she wants to play. I continue to work. Another 5 minutes go by. This time she REALLY rings them – like a huge bang, bang, bang against the door. It startled me. I imagine it was her way of yelling, “open this damn door woman and get off your fat ass.”

I’m thinking if I go down there and she doesn’t have to go then I’ll be pissed. If I don’t go down there and assume she doesn’t have to go and she poo’s in the foyer then I’ll be pissed. I don’t know what to do. So I bite and go downstairs.

Once I get to the front door she again is sitting there all pretty and regal waiting on me to put on her leash. I say, “do you have to go potty, ring the bells” And she does. Off we go. And making me feel like the worst dog owner ever she poo’s. Now I am thinking, “you couldn’t do that a bit ago when you peed Izzy, we walked for a long time and you never had to go?” Aargh. I am getting no work done today at all.

This went on all day – the bells, me running, sometimes for a real reason, sometimes she just wanted to get a stick. I went up and down these stairs all day long and I never knew if I could trust the bells or she was just playing me like a fiddle.

This went on for 3 days. FINALLY now we have that behavior squashed. She stopped doing it unless she has to go out. I guess as she gets older she is getting it.

In the mean time my legs are getting a damn great work out.

Me and My Lousy Service

I swear there is a neon sign over my head that says, "Give me poor customer service"

The thing is I am more than polite and courteous when dealing with people because I have had to deal with people my whole career and well, I hate them. So I am pleasant and patient and kind - you know all the things I am not generally in my personal life.....ask my husband....tee hee

My husband and I wanted this 14' x 50' area outside the lower level (daylight basement) area of our lake home to be rid of all the grass. We dug it up....."we" meaning my big strong strapping hubby dug it up. It became way too much for him. Our idea was to make this a fire pit area.
An area to put our colorful adirondak chairs and the fire pit. The deeper he dug the more he realized he was taking on more than he could do alone. I was useless because he wouldn't let me dig. I had a few back surgeries and sometime he treats me like a piece of china....but I digress.

Then the old man next door came over with his back hoe and finished digging down far enough and got it all out. So we had a big ole mud pit. He then put on that black landscaping paper to prevent weeds etc. We went to the stone "store" and picked out the crush and run and the other stuff for the top. When we got there I swear to you that Larry, Darryl and Darryl (remember them from Newhart?) were the derelicts waiting on us. They informed us that the 30 + tons that we were purchasing they would not deliver. Gee, ya think that might fit in our Toyota Highlander? Damn.

So we ask if they know anyone who would pick this up and deliver. The 3 looked at each other and nodding like they just read each others simple minds say, "yep"
Gee could you give us their name and number? Again, the 3 of them looked at one another and then nodded and said, "yep"

I began to laugh and had to put my head down because they didn't even move to get us this name and number they just said YEP and stood there and stared at us. My husband then asked if they could, "please write it down on a piece of paper and give it me right now if you wouldn't mind." THEN they did as they were told. I think there may have been inbreeding here. Honestly!

I love going to the lake house but I could NEVER live down there with all those damn hillbilly's. They are frustrating as well as funny as hell. Okay we call this guy to go pick this stuff up and deliver to us he says he will and gives us a date. Never happened. We call again....he says he will do it on this date.....NEVER showed up. Then he stops taking our calls. So there we are with a hole in the back yard and company coming. Oh goodie.

We then call a landscaper and bite the bullet because we know this is going to cost us money we don't have. The landscaper gives us a bid and we cringe but how the hell else are we going to get this done? Move forward a week now and he calls us to tell us that he just went over and checked the job and he doesn't think this is what we wanted. He asked that when we get there over the 4th to check it out and call him with our thoughts. OMG! Now remember we wanted something to put our chairs on and sit around the firepit and make some s'mores etc. THEY WERE FUCKING BOULDERS PEOPLE! NO SHIT - @#$#% BOULDERS. My dog wouldn't walk across this and I couldn't walk across this without twisting an ankle. We were livid. So here we go again.

I called them back and told Kent, lead Hillbilly Landscaper, that this was completely unacceptable. He explains what happened. I said, "It's done now so let's move on. How soon can it be fixed because we have a month of guests." "Well I imagine in a week or two, maybe 3." I do not blow my top but inside I am seething.
I ask that if you can't do this soon I think it is fair to ask for a discount for this inconvenience. There was silence. I have learned that the one who talks first loses so I am saying nothing, nada. I imagine he is looking at 2 other local yocals and they are all nodding and will say, "of course" But nothing but silence for a very long time. Kent then says, "I can try to consider it."

TRY? I said, "Kent, this was to be done a month ago and the you promised me that we would love it and have it for the 4th. We let that slide without every complaining. We have been patient. Now you tell me because you did not see what your men loaded on the truck they made a mistake. This mistake is inconvenient for me and causing me grief. I have people coming with children. I do not want them to get hurt. It's hard to walk around this when you have to go over it to head to the lake. And now you're asking me to wait for another 3 weeks or more. I don't think asking for some type of compensation for this is out of line."

Kent repeats."I can consider it."

"No, I'm sorry I don't think that is good enough Kent. How would it fly if when you asked for the deposit I told you I'd consider it? Or better yet how would it fly if on the day of final payment I told you I would have to consider it?"

He laughed and said, "What if I get it done by end of next week?"

" I can live with that Kent. Thank you very much!"

He called me this morning to let me know that they are putting 2 kinds of surface river rock on my porch so when we arrive Thursday night we can choose what one we prefer. Then we are to call them and by then he'll have an exact date.

Something tells me this is going to be an ongoing issue.
Stay tuned.

Happy Birthday America

I'm heading to the lake

I thought I would end with a picture of my newest baby sleeping on Rick's stinky work sneakers.

I took this last weekend at the lake house.

Have a safe and Happy 4th of July!

..... if you need a giggle and want to know what my weekend will be like you can refer to May 27 2008 - I'm sure it will be similiar....different story but my hubby will do something crazy.

Numbnuts...err Mr. Numbnuts to you.

Gov. Mark Sanford is an idiot.
Not because he had an affair.
Not because he lied to his family, his constituents, his office staff, but because he won’t shut the fuck up!
Good Grief did he get fucked senseless while in Argentina?

How dumb can you be? Oh, I’m hiking the Appalachian Trail.
Doesn’t matter that I am not on vacation and due at work but I’ll tell my staff that just the same. Dumb ass lie number 1.
Then he gets caught and he says this woman in Argentina is his soul mate, he loves her.
BUT he will try to fall back in love with his wife now that he has been caught.
Oh what a keeper this guy is.
Mrs. Sanford – RUN FOR YOU LIFE IF YOU HAVE AN OUNCE OF SELF ESTEEM!!

Listen, I don’t know what goes on in other peoples homes. I do not know what deals they make. but how in God’s name can you stand by this idiot when he has proclaimed that this other woman is his soul mate but he will try to fall back in love with you. WTF is that about?

Now he is rambling on about how many times he has crossed the line. Okay maybe his wife has a different line that is her limit vs. my line in the sand but still should he not just shut up and stop humiliating his wife, family and himself any further? This is what I would refer to as Exhibit A – “Numbnuts.”

I will say it was nice to see that Mrs. Sanford didn’t “stand by her man” when Numbnuts was on the podium confessing he wasn’t really hiking in the Appalachian Trail, but instead doing the dance of love in Argentina. I can not for the life of me understand that behavior of a wife who has been wronged. (as I have stated in the former blog on 3/12/08 with Mrs Spitzer)

If you wish to move forward and forgive him that is okay by me and your prerogative but why the hell would you stand there like an adoring wife who has had a lobotomy while he tells the world he has a soul mate that is not you or he has been humping a young girl 25 yrs your junior. I may forgive him (well not this nut job) but you'd never find me on that podium!
No siree – no way no how.