Friday, May 29, 2009

WHAT? HUH? WHAT DID YOU SAY?

This morning I was watching GMA while having my 1st cup of coffee.
I thought I heard them say that JOHN LENNON would be playing at this event....to which I immediatly said to my hubby– WHAT? JOHN LENNON? HOW THE HELL IS THAT GOING TO HAPPEN?

He couldn’t answer me because he was laughing so hard.
Apparently it was JOHN LEGEND who would be performing at said event.

Oh well now that makes more sense.

I feel like Emily Latella on Saturday Night Live.
Do you remember that old lady character that Gilda Radner played?
“What is all this excitement about for saving the feces? Why must we save the feces?”

"No Emily, it’s save the species.”
“ Oh. Never mind.”

Oh God, my life has come to this.
I guess my father was right - all that damn loud rock 'n roll music I listen to has made me lose my hearing.
 

Thursday, May 28, 2009

I got to hug a dolphin!


Vacation was great. Let's start with that.
Vacation weather sucked. It rained every damn day.

I would normaly insert picture here but realize that all photo's are of people who don't want to be on the blog. Even hubby so no video or photo's folks. How boring....
BUT I did find a way to get hubby on here - back of head on top of blog.
(Always a way around this people)

I got to play with a dolphin. His name was Andy. Andy was born in captivity.
On one hand that saddens me. But now he couldn't go out in the wild because he doesn't know how to hunt for food. On the other hand I am glad he was there so I could do all I got to do with him.

They wouldn't let me bring my camera down to the place where we got to touch him, hold him, play with him etc. I was pissed about that. Of course they took pictures and videos of you so that you would spend the big bucks to get these pictures. I refused.
$58 for a picture when I had my own damn camera really ticked me off. So I refused their tactics. I will remember this day for the rest of my life. And if I get dementia I wouldn't remember it from the photo's either so what the hell.
It was so damn cool though. My husband has told me for years they would feel like an olive. They do not feel like an olive! The dolphin felt more like my rubber mat I floated on in the pool.
I wasn't expecting the dolphin to be so squishy feeling. It was just so damn cool I can't even articulate this all.
I rubbed his pink and grey belly, his head, his back, his dorcel fin. I "danced" with him while I held his "hands" (pectoral fins) His teeth were incredibly sharp but so straight. That is what fascinated me the most. He opened his mouth and allowed me to rub my fingers across his teeth.
Honestly this was the best part of my trip!

The 2nd best part was the island massage. They took us by boat to this private island. There were cabana's that were very private and we had massages there. It was a large Zen garden feel. Gorgeous really! The water lapping on the shore was the only sound you heard. It was heavenly. I highly recommend everyone getting to do that at least once. The whole Sandals Cay (island) was glorious....rain and all.

I was nicknamed "Casper" by a few couples at the resort because of my bright white skin. I was so hoping to get some sun. But mother nature had other ideas. I came home with the same white legs. I did get some color in my upper body because on the day it was actually nice for 4 hours I was sitting in the pool bar so my legs were in the water and my upper body got a nice sun burn. Oh well. Fun was had by all.

Now it's back to work and guess what - it's raining here too!
I can't catch a break can I?



Friday, May 15, 2009

Random Friday Musings

Let's start with the light stuff......American Idol.

My gal Allison is gone but hopefully someone will get her a record deal and I'll get to hear her rockin'. I still can't believe she is only 17. Man I was so NOT that cool or poised at 17!

Thrilled to see Danny Gokey go. Something about him was swarmy to me. He never seemed sincere and I always felt there was something creepy behind that smirk. Ooooh. He gave me the creeps.

So that leaves me with Kris and Adam. I have loved Adam since day 1. He was always my pick with Allison and Kris in that order. I think who ever doesn't win is probably better off - not having to do the sappy crap they make them sing. But one never knows. Kelly Clarkson's first CD was pretty damn good. Either way I still want Adam's hair. Yea I said it, I want a dude's haircut.
I know he plays for the other team but he is just so damn yummy. A Big Tall good looking strapping dude. Unlike the host who is such a girly man. A tiny little man. No, a girl needs a MAN. Big shoulders to hug you with. Who wants someone as tiny as they are? Not me. Oh well, like they always say the good ones are either gay or married! Too bad I didn't have a son to fix him up with!

Grey's Anatomy.....WTF? Last night's finale drove me crazy. There were a ton more commercials than there was show time. Thank God for a DVR and fast forward. And that damn music on the show is louder than the dialog and it drives us crazy. I so wish I could mute the music and just listen to the characters speak without having to rewind all the time. It was all predictable except GEORGE. OMG!!! That blew me away. I will be so sorry to see my lovable George go away.

My husband and I have applied for new insurance because we are being raped by Blue Cross Anthem. Currently they have raised our monthly premiums to $903 a month. It is killing us.
So we went out to bid and applied for insurance with a few other companies. We got a rejection notice from one company and they listed the reason as my husband having ongoing lung cancer.

WHAT? So after the initial shock wore off we called them. I mean seriously if he had lung cancer for the past 10 yrs as it states he would be a walking miracle and should be on TV! 2nd of all IT IS NOT TRUE!!!!!!!!!!

We are currently in doctor and insurance nightmare hell. Now I realize the real hell would be if he had ever had or currently has lung cancer. That point is not lost on us. But in the mean time we can't get insurance. We are going round and round with everyone and no one wants to take responsiblity and step up to the plate. We need one of these damn doctors to write a letter and say this isn't so. I won't bore you with all the work we have done and continue to do to fight this but it is pure hell. I wouldn't wish this on Dick Cheney.....and I dispise that son of a bitch.

We leave for the Bahama's in less than a week and I am so ready. Sitting close to the water with my toes in the sand, sun on my face and water lapping onto my legs. A cold beverage in one hand and my sweetie holding the other - God I can't wait!












Friday, May 8, 2009

Beach Wear

My husband made a loud, serious and determined proclamation this morning over coffee that he will no longer be consuming any bread products, pizza or pasta until our vacation in 13 days.

He stated he has to look good in his bathing suit.

I spit out my coffee across the room in a fit of laughter.

Like 13 days of that will eliminate my little ole pot bellied stallion.

God love him.

Wednesday, May 6, 2009

Kindle Shmindel

I have a love for books.
I love the smell of books, the feel of books, the experience of books.


I have vivid memories of my collection of Nancy Drew's. I was so proud that I had read all of those beautiful books on my book shelf in my room. I couldn't wait to add the next one.


I also have very fond memories of my mom taking me to the library in the summer. It was our afternoon together. My younger sister thought that reading in the summer was crazy. No school, no reading for her! That was utter nonsense in her world.
So my mom normally left her with the neighbor to play with their daughter and we would head off into "town" to go to the library.


I liked everything about the library.....okay except I had to be quiet.
I even enjoyed the Dewey Decimal System. Oh God I am showing my age.
Flicking the cards in those old oak drawers looking for the names of my favorite authors and then the hunt on the shelves for the book. It was a mystery to me and I loved the whole damn ritual of it all. Then coming home to read my books. That was pure bliss.


On a warm summer day I would put some cherries or strawberries in a bowl and go outside in the yard with my bowl of cherries and a blanket. I would lay on the blanket delving into other worlds that were so much better than the one I lived in and without little sisters.


Now there are Kindles. I curse Kindles. Oh goodie you don't have to lug books around.
Oprah was actually whining about how her books were so heavy to drag to the beach.
Gee, lifting something other than a fork may do a body good. (meow...bad margaret)


Honestly so you put them in a canvas bag like the rest of us trotting off to the beach with a few good reads. I don't want to hold a plastic thingy to read. There is no great book smell except the smell of plastic. They claim you can highlight. I don't often have a need but I can see how kids in school/college would - but gee aren't there yellow highlighters out there for just this purpose? You know how heavy those damn yellow highlighter pens are to lug around. Can't be putting that in my canvas bag with my books it may just be the extra ounce that will pull my arm! Tear a rotator cuff or God forbid burn a calorie or two.
Oprah wants strong Michelle Obama arms? Trying carrying your own books then woman!


Apparently it was announced this week that it is now necessary for a bigger Kindle .
Oh goodie a bigger plastic gizmo that one must haul around. (bigger memory)
Oh I hope it's not too heavy Oprah to take to her Hawaiian beach.


It's brighter so you don't have to turn on the lights. Going Green - saving electricity!
It comes with a great new keyboard. Yipee. I love to type while reading.
It stated in the article that you can also get new big earphones so you can read in private .
Gee I have never needed earphones to read privately but hey that's just little old fashioned me. I guess I really needed those earphones but it appears that I was just too damn stupid to know I needed them.
I do think if you are blind this may be a very handy dandy piece of plastic. It can read to you....in a very robotic voice it states but no pesky need to read. So who needs to learn braille or the written word?


I am guessing that like my last post everyone is so weak from hunger that they can no longer hold up a book so having a robotic voice read to them is comforting. Seriously it's so much better to hold a cold piece of lightweight plastic of 10+ ounces than hold a book . C'mon they say the average book weighs 12 ounces. I could pull a muscle or strain something!


And all that page turning. Let me tell you -picking up your arm and making that sweeping gesture can be so difficult after 4 hours at the gym. There is only so much one can do - first you want me to hold a book, then turn the friggin page - and then read it with my own eyes. what the hell do you think I am?


So tuck your kids in bed and use the glow of the Kindle as a night light.
Turn on your Kindle to your favorite story for the kiddies and let some robot read them to sleep. It's so incredibly comforting!

Signed,
Snarky Margaret

I scream, We all scream for Ice Cream!!

We need more Rhoda Morgenstern’s in life.

Have you notice how everyone is blonde and skinny these days? Even Asian girls are dying their hair blonde? Holy shit that must be high maintenance! I just don’t have the stamina for all that up keep. I am lucky that I can wash away my gray’s every once in awhile.

Growing up there was Mary Richards and Rhoda Morgenstern. (MTM and Valerie Harper) There was Bette Midler and there was Diana Ross.
There was Goldie Hawn and there was Jane Fonda.
All of these women were different from one another big time even though in the same given field. Yet all wildly successful. Each brought their own unique talent to their chosen career.

Some of these women were “broads” in the true and most positive sense of the word.
I like being a broad. I like that distinction. There are no more broads these days.

There are air heads and fame whores to be sure.
All dressed alike and all dying for a piece of bread or a delicious carb.
Everyone is working desperately to look like everyone else…..a stick with a big head.
It’s like they are screaming…..”Look at Me! Look at Me!” I’m starving over here so damn it “Give Me All Your Attention!” “I need attention!!”

I am glad that I got to hear and see Rosemary Clooney. Today she wouldn’t get a record contract because she did not fit the new mold. She wasn’t dumb, she wasn’t a fame whore and she liked a potato every now and then.

We have fat men singer and actors, but we forgive them. They still are hireable.
But for some reason women do this to ourselves.
We need to make the change….the men will follow.
So stop screaming at me that men don’t like women with curves.

I don’t recall Marilyn Monroe or Cindy Crawford for that matter having a problem in that area. Marilyn today would be a plus size model. Cindy wasn’t skinny either. In Cindy’s hayday she never looked like she missed a meal. She was healthy. Same goes for Christie Brinkley.

My husband saw a picture of Kelly Ripa recently in a bikini. He pointed out to me how dreadful she looked. Now you are thinking to yourself, dreadful? My God she is gorgeous. But here we have yet another woman who is truly a stick, not naturally blonde by any means and has the arms of someone in a concentration camp and the tummy of a young high school boy who is starving to make weight on the wrestling team.
When did this become attractive my husband asked me? I, of course, laughed it off.
But it did get me to start thinking about this…..when did having having arms that show all your veins, bones and muscle groups become attractive?

I recently saw some pictures in a new book of men, women and children in a concentration camp and I was startled at the bodies. It filled me with pain. The look in their eyes, the suffering and the hunger were so hard to bear for me. Then I say Madonna’s arms in a paparazzi shot the same day. No difference. Except she chooses to look like that. What is wrong with us that we have now chosen that look as a look of success?

And honestly if she wants to look like that fine….but don’t do it because you have a fear of being 50 + or because society says you are invisible if you have an extra 15lbs of flesh or because you fear your career if you don’t look like all the other emaciated 12 year old blonde bodies vying for the same position.

Don’t get me wrong I am not looking to go back to the ages or cultures that believed that being overweight is considered powerful and wealthy. It was used at that time to show you have money and were successful. I don’t want to see fat or obese come into fashion. But I don’t understand how we got here. It’s sick, it really is sick.

A few weeks ago there was a model who was 6’ tall and she was 117lbs. She was on Good Morning America and all the tv shows proclaiming she didn’t have an eating disorder. They showed her in a bikini. You could count her ribs, tap morse code on her hips bones and basically use her as a walking skeleton for biology classes.
If you take off the sash, the bikini and makeup and put her in a National Geographic Magazine back drop everyone would be sending her food and money to eat. But because she is in America we celebrate her starving herself to be the weight of a woman who is half her height.

It should be okay to have varying shapes, colors and sizes in America. It really should be what we strive for. We do not need to be identical unless of course you are a twin. I liked that my grandmother was soft in the middle….all the better to hug her. I loved that my Dad had big forearms like Popeye and it didn’t matter to me that he was short. I loved that my Mom had a great set of legs….I didn’t care that she was considered too thin back in her day….I cared that she died too early.

Some are born just naturally blonde and thin. They too shouldn’t be punished.
But neither should the brunette who has a bigger bottom like most of the women in her family. It’s really okay to be different….now let’s go celebrate our differences and have some ice cream!