The girl next door just found out she was pregnant.
There are so many things wrong with this statement but I will tell you about them all another day.
She and her husband were trying to get pregnant so it was of no surprise to anyone.
She called and said let’s get together for dinner.
I hung up and told Rick, “Hey M’s pregnant.”
He asked., “Is that what she called for, to tell us she was preggers?”
“No. She called to ask us to dinner.”
“How do you get pregnant from that?”
“When has she asked us to dinner? It's usually hey, let’s get together for drinks?”
“Good point – she’s knocked up.”
When they arrived I asked everyone what I could get them to drink she responded with “Water.”
Yep I’m psychic huh?
Instead of waiting until they told us my hubby blurts, “Are you pregnant?”
Her face turned beet red and she said “YES we are.”
I could have killed him right there on the spot– ruining her surprise like that.
He’s such a dufus at times honestly. Yea, I could kill him but I would miss the nut.
Now these kids drive us crazy when it comes to food. We try to NEVER EVER eat with them.
We are foodies and we admit it. A new Thai restaurant opens we want to check it out.
A new Italian place in town – fire up that stone oven and crack open a bottle of Chianti we’re on our way. But these two….Oh .MY. GOD. They will tell you the calorie content in everything and make you feel like shit.
I went out to dinner with them once for her birthday and vowed I would never do that again.
It went like this….
“Did you really want blue cheese dressing that is not low fat Peggy?”
“Why yes indeedy I sure did!”
“Do you know that there are over a days worth of calories in that steak?”
“Can you take your blonde skinny ass home or shut the fuck up?”
Okay I didn’t really say that I was just dreaming I did.
So hubby and I will no longer go out to dinner with them – it’s a pain in the ass big time.
They came home from a weekend away for their anniversary.
We asked how the hotel was and how was the show etc. They told us that on the night of their anniversary they ate at Ruth Chris Steak House and had steaks with a blue cheese compound butter topping. They said it was really good. I couldn’t believe my ears. I swear they just said steak, cheese and butter and they ate it.
I really wanted to ask if they threw up afterwards but thought that might be a bit snarky so I refrained.
But then they went on to explain how they had to go to the gym afterwards before they headed back to the hotel. WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU PEOPLE TALKING ABOUT?
They went on about how many calories they consumed and how they needed to work it off for an hour. Now is it just me or would you work it off by rip roaring hanging from the chandelier sex on your anniversary? Aah shucks everyone I know would rather get on the stairmaster. Yea, I can just hear my husband now…..no dear not tonight I have to go work out and burn those calores from that butter and lobster. I swear if he told me that I would think he was cheating on me for sure! Exercise over sex? It's amazing that she is even pregnant!
So this week at dinner while she moved her food around her plate she said that the doctor told her she has to eat so much more now that she is pregnant. She said the following statement in complete and utter exasperation, “I have to eat 100 more calories right now – 100 more a day!” (even typing that makes me laugh my fat ass off)
Rick being ever the smart ass said, “My, oh my, how ever will you be able to do that?”
I laughed and said, “eat a couple oreo’s for God’s sake and it’s over.”
But she was not happy about this. "I don’t want to be fat" is all she kept whining. I bit my tongue most of the evening but then finally I had had it and said, “This is not about you being fat, this isn't even about you anymore this is about feeding and nourishing a baby for God’s sake!”
This shall be an interesting 9 months.
I guess that is why God didn’t give me kids – he/she knew I’d eat for 2 or 3 and enjoy the living hell out of it and then bitch that I couldn’t lose the weight. But my God Ben and Jerry are the only men I’d leave my husband for and damn it there is nothing that comes between me and my boys - certainly not pregnancy!
Wednesday, July 15, 2009
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4 comments:
ha. i hope she doesnt pass her food issues on to her children. because thats exactly what she has--issues. most normal women view pregnancy as a time to eat healthy but also give into temptation a bit.
when i was 9 mos pregnant with my youngest, i wanted ben and jerrys in the worst way and there was none in the house. so i mixed vanilla ice cream, ovaltine powder, and peanut butter. it was delicious. shameful but delicious.
Hmmmm.....ovaltine, peanut butter and vanilla ice cream. Now that sounds like a normal woman who has cravings!! You know Ben & Jerry could have a new flavor there called Cravings. I bet it'd be a hit.
I was one of those skinny bitches when I got pregnant and I couldn't wait to pork out on all the foods I loved!
Unfortunately, I had sever naseua the 1st four months and the last five I had PICA. That's where you crave weird shit to eat like dirt, bleach and ice. Fun pregnancy. I think that's why god had me adopt 4 other kids 1st.
I always feel like I missed out. I always wanted to be pregnant....I just didn't want the buggers coming out. I wanted to experience pregnancy but not as anxious for motherhood really. PICA is one strange thing I just recently learned about. That would be my luck for sure. God love you Tallulah! I guess craving chocolate is a God send at that point!
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