Monday, June 30, 2008

The Handy Man

Here is what I have learned since my husband moved from the white collar world to blue collar.

• He is much happier.
• He doesn’t lift a finger anymore at home.

When he was the VP of HR he would come home and be a flurry of activity. He would plant, build, remodel, create, even cook dinner. Now, well, not so much.

I would say to him – I think I would like to have a built in book case over there with this type of molding. Next thing I know he is out at the lumber store and building a book case. I say in passing, a cedar bench with some cedar planter boxes would look great in that corner of our patio and voila they are built, look fabulous, and plants are in them all in the same weekend.

I have always called him the MacGyver of home improvement because if I said I want this.....he would built it. He may only have a Q-tip, swiss army knife and twine but by God it would get built and be beautiful and make the neighbor women swoon. (yea it was funny)

Ah, but those days are gone. Now I am lucky that he takes out the trash.
No more having dinner made for me. No more chores being done around the house. No more of my cute version of Bob Vila. I’m on my own now. I guess I will have to cheat on him and get my own new handy man.

I am assuming this change is because he was cerebral all day and sitting behind a desk that made him be a flurry of activity when he came home. Now he is a flurry of activity and physical labor all day and now comes home and is anything but cerebral or physical.

I threatened to hire someone to put in my new light fixture that has been sitting here for 4 months! He finally did it yesterday after that threat. 4 months!!! Now to my friends who do not have handy husbands they laugh at only 4 months or that a husband would even do such a thing as install a new light fixture. But in the old days we would have brought it home and up it would go. Now I have to nag, bribe, beg and threaten to hire someone before he begrudgingly puts it up. It’s done in 5 minutes with 10 minutes of bitching but it’s the 4 months prior that are so painful.

So while he is happier with his new work I am not so sure I am.
I may have to hire myself a new “handyman.”
Just wait until my husband gets a load of my requirements for that position ladies.

Tuesday, June 24, 2008

Guests

Last week I mentioned that my husband invited a couple to our lake home that neither had met in person. Now you ask how do you invite someone you’ve never met?

Well, he knows the man through a business networking organization and they have talked a great deal and became friendly in that email / phone kind of way pertaining to work.
To correct the statement that "my husband invited them"  let me clear that up - the man of the couple invited himself to our lake home and my husband didn't know how to say no.
He asked if he could come and of course this man I am married to being so much nicer than me said, "YES of course....and of course you can bring your dog."
Apparently it is easier for him to say No to me than to a total stranger.
None the less they arrived.

They don't drink
We DO!
They don't like the outdoors.
We do!
They don't want to be on the water in a boat.
We do!
They don't want to be IN the water or floating on chairs in the water while having a cocktail.
We do!
We like to be on the go.
They like to sit.
We like to have coffee in the morning on the deck overlooking the water.
They want to be indoors only.
We like to BBQ outside and have dinner on the deck.
They want to eat inside only.
They like Johnny Mathis.
We like Rock 'N Roll.
They need naps through out the day after doing anything.
We don't....yet.

They have a nice old dog that is dying that is 98 in people years.
We felt so badly for the dog and his suffering. 
If it were our dog we would have cried but made peace with euthanizing him.
They just hold him and carry him everywhere because he is almost completely blind, can't walk and must take medicine constantly through out the day.
He must be carried because of his arthritis.
It was all so sad to me that they were making this poor thing suffer like this because they couldn't let go.

We were very different.

I did not know what to do with them.
Why does one invite themselves to someones lake home and not like the outdoors and water? It's all about the water and outdoors.
I suggested to the woman that perhaps we could go into town and do some shopping and maybe stop at the coffee shop for lunch. Nope. Didn't want to.
Said just like that too.
It was so difficult.

But here is the funny thing.  The things they did want to do were so strange?
We were in the game room and they were teaching us a card game.
They asked, "Wanna smoke some pot?"
You could have knocked us over with a feather.
So this Johnny Mathis listening, nap taking old timer has pot?
Could explain all the napping.

But NO he didn't have pot he asked us if we did and we laughed like crazy.
He said he was hoping we could supply him with some pot.
What the hell did he think we were drug dealers?
He asked this several times during his visit. 
I don't know if he thought we were lying or he forgot that he had already asked.

Every night when getting into bed my husband would say, "I'm so sorry Margaret I'm going to owe you big time."
No he doesn’t owe me, he puts up with my family all year and that's just as bad only on a constant basis so I can't be mad at him.
I can give Rick a hard time though because, well, it's sport for me.

I did come to a very big realization this weekend.
Rick and I are immature.
We have more in common with our friends who are 20-22 yrs younger than us than we did with these folks who were only 12 yrs older than us. They were like my grandparents.....well except for the pot.  My grandparents don't like to smoke their reefer in front of the kids. (just kidding)

So the moral of the story is....
Learn to say NO if you want to. Just because someone asks to come to your home doesn't mean you have to say it's okay if its not.

It's okay to like to imbibe at the tiki bar, to sit in your floating chairs on the water, or play in or on the boat and act younger than you are.

That's my story and I'm sticking to it!

Tuesday, June 17, 2008

My whereabouts

Okay to all of you who have emailed me wondering where I've been....I'm here just very busy with life and stupid people. They all seem to be calling me lately.

I read this woman's blog...hell for that matter I read a few women's blogs but this one has me totally and utterly enthralled in the story of her life. I must stop whining about mine because my God she has been through hell. Now granted as all of us do as young folks, she caused some of her own grief while learning life's lessons and made some colossal mistakes but how she came out of this so well is a testament to the human spirit.

She writes about her everyday life as well. And thankfully it's not a mommy blog. But the stories that tug at my heart are called the Crazy Chronicles. I personally believe this is a book and she should publish them! These are how she came to be where she is today.
Check them out. http://boobsinjuriesanddrpepper.blogspot.com/
She has a link to them on the left side of the blog and you can start at the beginning of it all.


My husband has a "friend" from work. Now when I say from work I mean that he talks to him a great deal because they are in the same industry. This man lives in NC and we live in our nations capital. He has never actually met him. But they both belong to the same organization of people who do what they do. They share ideas, tips, opinions on marketing, technique etc. Well my nice hubby invited he and his wife to the lake house this weekend.

Now imagine that will you for a moment. I have to feed, house and entertain total strangers for 3 days? Me, the person who is misanthropic. I about killed him. Then he tells me that the wife does not drink. Okay now this is not starting out so well for me. Rick keeps saying, "it'll be fine. We'll boat. we'll float on our floating chairs and have cocktails." I say, "but I don't want to drink if this is something she can't do or frowns upon"
A few days later he tells me that the man said his wife neither swims or likes the outdoors. Oh God there is nothing else but that lifestyle at the lake house. I am screwed!.....or better yet Rick is screwed and I don't mean that in the way he would like to be screwed either!

So I called her to introduce myself and I think this may be A-okay after all. She seems delightful so maybe my hubby was right for a change. As he tells it, if he isn't right he will never live it down. Now that I know for sure to be true!!

Thursday, June 12, 2008

The Amazing Race Gift

Are you a good gift giver? I am not. My husband always thinks of great gifts for me and I am always struggling for gift idea's. I bought a great gift once for a girlfriend and she never got it. I was broke at the time and I spent like $100 bucks on this gift, which at the time was a big deal for me. And she never friggin' got it!! You had to fill out this whole questionaire about the person's likes and dislikes and a mystery novel was written with their name as the main character and the main character then would have a quirk like the real life friend, or listened to a band that was the friends favorite band etc. I thought that was cool. I saw this book that another friend had received and she loved it so much and even thought the story was well written and a good novel on it's own. I first saw this idea on a tv talk show and then again read about it in a magazine so I thought it was a great idea. I did the leg work sent it in with my check. Oh my check was cashed but a book never appeared. I made calls that were never returned. I went the legal route, I called BBB, but bottom line was I got screwed!
That was many years ago and sadly my last good idea....although not original.

My neighbor's wife is having a big birthday today. He has this great evening planned for her and she has already IM'd me this morning saying, "what a great morning this has been so far." And she doesn't even know that I know what is going on.

Her hubby called me yesterday to tell Rick and I to meet them at a restaurant at 6pm tonight. He has her on the Amazing Race. Her own little scavenger hunt you could call it. She got her first one in a card this morning. She has to go to these places and get clues to where to go next. Some stops will have gifts waiting for her. But all have clues - for example a shakespeare quote and then hint that if she can remember Romeo's last name will give her the clue of where to go next etc.
I think this is so thoughtful, fun, and cool.

The stop tonight at the restaurant is her 2nd to last stop. She doesn't know we are going to be there and that we'll all have dinner together. Then after dinner the next stop is at home and the BIG gift. And no I don't mean THAT big gift because Rick and I have been invited and I don't think they would do THAT while we are there.

After my neighbor's call it just got me to thinking about my lame ass gifts. I may have to copy this idea. I love the Amazing Race. I have always had fun as an adult when I have done scavenger hunts. So why not try this? Well, honestly the reason is I am not creative enough to think of the things to do after the idea I just stole from him. Damn it I think I'm back to shitty gift giving.

Tuesday, June 10, 2008

Memories of Uncle Joe

First I must share this....I got the funniest email yesterday about my entry on using the men's room at Wal-Mart. This woman wrote and told me how she did the same thing but when she ran out and she entered what she thought was then the ladies room it was just another entrance to the men's room. Imagine her surprise when the men said, "Oh you're back" and laughed at her. She was at a conference in a hotel and had to speak in front of these people later that day no less! That not only made me feel much better but cracked me up!

Uncle Joe...One of my favorite uncles just passed away. He was married to my mom's sister. My mom was closer to him than her own sister....but then who didn't love this man who knew him. I have such great memories of this man. I can't say his name without smiling. I am fortunate to have had 2 Uncles like that in my life.
Sadly now both are gone.

My Uncle Joe was a jovial round man who in all my years I never saw without a smile on his face. When my mom was sick (cancer) he would come out to this dairy farm to buy his milk and we lived 2 blocks away so he would always stop in. (okay it was the country and we didn't have blocks but roughly that far)
His visits would cheer my mom up and sometimes just be what the doctor ordered for her. It would make her get up and make a pot of coffee and put out some of her great homemade baked goods. He would sit and chat with her and I'd hear them laughing from the other room and it was so comforting to know that he could make her feel better. I used to like to hang around them in the kitchen because they were always laughing like crazy.

He worked at a bakery for 51 yrs. Can you even imagine doing anything for 51 yrs? Let alone never complaining? Every other week when he came out to our town to buy his milk he would bring us all kinds of bread and rolls. He knew I liked the big crusty rolls and he would tell me they were warm so I would come running. Of course he wanted a hug and a kiss first and I glady obliged.

There was a place where he took us called either Punxtawny Dam or else Kinzua Dam. I believe one of those. There were these huge carp there and people would go and feed the fish and it was a real sight if you were a kid. He piled 4 of his 5 kids in his station wagon and brought along my sister and I and we all took the drive to feed the fish. He brought bags of stale bread I imagine from the bakery and we got such a kick out of those big ugly fat fish. We stopped at a picnic area in the woods and I remember having lunch and of course Uncle Joe had a couple of beers with him. We kids ended up playing baseball that day. I don't recall what kind of nut it was but there was something we found that was the ball and the empty beer bottle was the bat. This just cracks me up. Today he would be turned in to social services. But we kids were having the time of our lives. He made the bases for us and had another beer while he cheered us on and laughing. I also remember stopping on the way home at a bar. I was so thrilled to sit at the bar next to him and get a Shirley Temple. We kids played a shuffle board game while he had a beer. Then off we go, all piled into that station wagon. I know, I know, it was wrong of him to have 2 or 3 beers throughout the day with all those kids and driving. But I still look at all of that so fondly. We laughed all day long and it was such fun.

After my mom died he would still stop by in the summer when he got milk to visit my sister and I who were home alone. He'd bring me those warm rolls and play jacks or cards with us for just a short time and then he headed home to his familiy. It meant the world to me. Those were difficult days for my sister and I and he knew it. He always talked about my mom yet never made us feel sad, just happy. He just had a way about him....and he always made us feel secure and happy.

When I was in high school he used to tell me I looked like this girl named Chrissy on The Young and The Restless. I did not watch this so I had no idea if that was true or not. One time I got my hair cut and he said it looked just like hers. I imagine that was just the style that all girls had in the 70's because I never saw "Chrissy or the soap opera. But every time he saw me he'd say, "hey Chrissy" and just laugh. From then on I was Chrissy to him.

Last year when I went home for his sister in law's funeral I saw him. It had been a few years since I last saw him. There he was at 93 having survived colon cancer, unable to hear much at all even with hearing aids and legally blind. When he spoke to you he got real close to see your face. And God love him if he still didn't think I looked like "Chrissy" and then laugh.

We chatted about his life. He said he was tired and had had enough. I realized that saying, "oh don't say that" was inappropriate because really if that is how he feels then it doesn't matter how I feel about it...it's his life. He said he would be next and that he was ready. He would miss everyone but it sucked to get old and he laughed. Again always laughing even when he wasn't feeling so great. He talked about my mom and asked a lot about me and my life. I was taken aback. I realized that so few so called friends or close acquaintances do ask about your life that it was refreshing not to give a stock answer but to really have a conversation back and forth about our lives and our memories and our hopes for the future. Even though his were bleak to me he didn't think his were. To him they were the next step and he was ready.

I am glad I spent that time with him on the last visit or I would be a helluva lot worse than I am today. It was his time and I am so damn thankful I had him in my life....now he can make my mom laugh again!

Monday, June 9, 2008

Pee-in’ in the Boy’s Room

Are you old enough to remember the song, “Smokin’ in the boys room?”
I keep hearing it in my head only using my header above instead of “smokin’”

We were driving down to the lake on Friday and we were planning on stopping at this super Wal-Mart. Which for the record I hate. Oh it’s a nice enough superstore but I hate Wal-Mart. Ever notice how really ugly these people are in that store? And I don’t only mean those that work there. I normally don’t go there for political reasons but have been known to succumb under the pressure of my hubby who thinks I am foolish. Each time I have gone in I think, “Where are these people in every day life? I never see people like this anywhere but Wal-Mart Do they breed in the back and live there?” These are very large ugly people who look like they have a digit or two missing from their IQ. It’s a very odd place to me.

Back to the story of my horrific trip to Wal-Mart....
As we are driving to the lake I realized I had to go to the bathroom but I can sometimes be like a camel and wait it out since we weren’t that far. But now as we are approaching the Wal-Mart I announce to my hubby that I REALLY have to go now so I am walking as fast as one can walk in flip flops. I literally RUN to the bathroom – I look up at the 2 signs and walk in on the left and realize that someone is in the stall so I RUN into the end handicap stall.
I do my business and notice the person next to me and their feet in sneakers and think she’s on her tiptoes and it’s odd but oh well. I walk out and head for what I thought was the sink when I RAN in there and there is a guy pee’ing in the urinal! Now I realize when I RAN in it was all a blur so what I thought was a bay of sinks was one long urinal. I say outloud when I see the man peeing, “well then” and realize at the same time I am the one in the WRONG room. I RUN OUT OF THERE MORTIFIED. I ran to my hubby who is waiting by the cash register and say to him as I put my sunglasses back on and put my head down – we must leave NOW. I didn’t even wash my hands which freaked me out but thankfully I had wipes in my purse. As we are walking to the car I am relaying this info to him and he is hysterical with laughter.
I do not find this funny!

There was a man on a bench when I went in and when I ran out. He saw the whole thing and never said a word to me. What an ass. Oh I know I am the blind old woman who went in there to begin with but he could have said something since he was sitting right outside the door for heaven’s sake.

Can you imagine what the man with the little white sneakers was thinking when he looked over at my stall with my red painted toes in flip flops? When I told that to my husband that made him laugh all the harder. He thought if it had been him in the stall next to me he might have said something to the woman in next stall over with the painted toes. But then again he thought maybe the old man figured he was in the wrong bathroom and was afraid to say anything or come out.

Oh my God is all I can say.
What the hell is with the 2 of us for having 2 weekends in a row with bathroom issues? Is this a sign of old age? First him on a walking trail and me in the boys room. And of all places – Wal-Mart where you couldn’t find a good looking guy unless he is standing by the cash register waiting for his blind wife to leave the boys room!!!!

Thursday, June 5, 2008

Random items thrown together

It's been an odd week for me. Can't really put my finger on the exact "why" but it has been. Been out of sorts so no blogging in the last week either. But I am coming out of my fog and thought I'd drop some random thoughts.

* I am thrilled that my man Obama has gotten the nomination for the democratic party!

* I read where my new boyfriend Gerard Butler is making a movie with Katherine Heigel. I suspect another romantic comedy and I am happy about that.(insert swooning here)

* We have been having some really bizarre weather for the mid Atlantic region. Yesterday tornado's and tree's falling on people while driving and killing them. We don't normally get tornado's so this was very odd....and sad.

* My Yankees are in the cellar and there doesn't seem to be a way out for them this year. (insert heavy sigh here) I'm sad but in my lifetime there haven't been a lot of these so I guess I shouldn't whine....but I will at times I'm sure - be warned.

*Speaking of baseball my FAVORITE show in the summer is "MY BOYS" if you haven't seen this show - what the hell have you been watching in the summer?"
This show is so damn good. It's quick, it's witty,and it's just plain fun. I love the whole concept. This pretty young thing named PJ is the lead. She is a sports writer for a chicago newspaper. Her friends are all men with the exception of one very pretty foo-foo girl named Stephanie. It's a great balance for her because she can sometimes be too much of a tom-boy and Stephanie will reel her in, in a cute way but she will never be like Steph. Which is a good thing. PJ reminds me of my friend Kathy. Cute as hell, the boys loved her and she was most comfortable in their world and she never really knew how damn pretty she was.
I like all the characters because to me they are so real. I have to say that while I have so many favorites it truly makes me laugh when one of the guys, Brendan, is on this list that is published as one of the years Sexy Bachelors in Chicago and he really changes. They all decide to have an intervention - a "Douchebag Intervention." It's hysterical to me. Check it out on TBS.com or TBS this Thursday on the 12th. Hey I don't even get paid for this. I would so do advertising for this show - for free - I love it that much!!

* It's hot as all get out here. In the 90's and the same with the humidity. Going to the lake tomorrow and hopefully now the lake is warmer than 63 degrees so I can jump in with my floating chair and have my favorite beverage.

* I watch the CBS evening news, yes I am the one. I saw Katie interview 8 women who were Hillary supporters. She was asking them who they thought they would vote for. I found it interesting that they weren't sure. They really think Hillary was robbed because she was female. They think it was all a sexist plot? Really? Not because she was abrasive, a bully, had PAC or Lobbyist money, or that you had to take Bubba too, or that they have entitlement issues because the Clinton's think they just should ALWAYS WIN or that she is polarizing? So now they think they are confused? WTF?
You can't vote by gender ONLY you dip shits. DUH!

* David Sedaris has a new book out. Check him out from this week's The Daily Show.
http://www.thedailyshow.com/video/index.jhtml?videoId=171033&title=david-sedaris
I defy anyone to read his books and not laugh out loud.

* As ya'll know I am a TV fan. This week on WGN there has been a 70's sitcom extravaganza. Each day is a different 70's show. The first episode is the premiere episode. Then the other 3 are favorites with 1 of them being the absolute fan favorite. Monday was Mary Tyler Moore night. The favorite was the clown funeral and I still think that is funny. Tuesday was Barney Miller. I remember when the show about them eating hashish brownies first aired. It was so forward thinking for the times. Funny as hell too. Last night was Taxi. I love Louie DiPalma - 'nuff said. Tonight I don't care about - it's Welcome Back Kotter. Didn't even like it in the 1970's But after MTM, Friday's is what I can't wait for. WKRP in Cinncinati. I used to absolutely love this show. I had read somewhere that the reason you don't see this show on Nick-at-Nite or TVLAND is because of the licensesing rights to the music. It is not cost effective. So I guess they paid a boat load of money to show these 4 episodes. Do you remember when they dropped turkeys from the plane for a thanksgiving promotion? And as the poor turkeys were plummeting to the ground they were in horror because the numbnuts thought turkeys could fly? The head of the radio stations says, "As God is my witness I thought Turkeys could fly." Trust me it was funny. It was a very much not a politically correct society then. Now PETA would be in an uproar even though it was fiction. I wish we could go back to being less politically correct dont' you? You can have humor without hurting anyone really you can. Humor people is good for the soul.