Thursday, September 27, 2007

Tom Selleck

A little back story here......
Since being downsized I now work for my husband as his office manager answering his company phones, dealing with customers, scheduling appointments, etc. I use my maiden name and never say I am his wife. Makes life easier that way for a number of reasons that I will elaborate on another time.
And yes back in the day of Magnum P.I. I too saw the resemblance but now.........not so much.

A customer called about 3 weeks ago and she had 2 bathrooms that needed done.
She asked about prices for the bathroom walls that were tiled, the tub and the tile walls surrounding the tub in both bathrooms but different sizes.
I suggested that she have an in home estimate first due to the varying size and height of the tiles in both bathrooms etc.

So Rick goes out to her home and when he left she called me immediately and said......."OMG he was early and I didn’t even get my makeup on and he is soooo cute. You didn’t tell me your boss was so cute. He looks like Tom Selleck. My husband even thought he looked like Tom Selleck. Ooooh he is so cute... and he was so friendly and warm”......yada yada yada."

Okay here is where I burst out laughing.
I was laughing so much that she asked me, “Well don’t you think he is gorgeous?”
I went along and said, “Um, gorgeous? Well he’s my boss I don’t think of him like that.”
She said when he comes back to do the job she was going to be sure to be dressed better and have on my makeup so he doesn’t see her like this again.  Then she asked, "How soon can we schedule this job?”

OMG this woman cracked me up so when Rick got home I asked him about her...of course without telling him about this conversation at first.
He said that she was in her mid to late 60’s and frumpy,why?
That cracked me up to find out her age because I knew that would bother him so I told him what she said.
He too laughed his ass off at this one.

Here's the thing I find about men. No matter their age they always look and drool over yound women. They may not doing overtly but they do it. They still think they can get that young lady even though the young lady doesn't notice this old man. That is where I find it funny.

So this particular morning as he was leaving to go take care of her bathrooms I reminded “Tom” that he better not be early so she can have time to put on her face.
He is not dressed on this day in his estimate nice clothes but in his white painter paints and his logo T-shirt with his logo baseball cap. I don’t think she will see the Tom Selleck resemblance today.

We had a good laugh – I told Rick that if she begs for IT baby make sure she at least pays very well for it!
He wants to know why this doesn’t happen with 30 year olds? (see what I mean?)
I don’t much care why- just happy and thankful it doesn't mister!

One of his recent young customers was playing what he calls really good music as he reglazed her bathtub and Rick said to her, “This music is great thanks.”
She smiled at him and said, “I thought you’d like it my dad made me this mixed CD of rock ‘n roll from back in his day”   That made his ego deflate very quickly. He laughs but as most men it bugs him.  I get it women of a certain age become invisible.

Back in the day, 20+ years ago, when he was  helping our delivery people at the Cookie Mug he had a woman come to the door without a shirt on.  That made him happy. He couldn't wait to tell me and some of the other male drivers. Today as a tub and tile reglazer he has witnessed a man who thought nothing of just bending over naked to put on his tiddy whities in front of him and now this from a 60 something woman.

He says to me that his life has taken a very very bad ugly turn. .....and being the bad wife I am I giggle through all of this.

Monday, September 24, 2007

Babies Laughing

Ever watch Bravo's Inside the Actor's Studio? At the end where James Lipton asks them questions like what is your favorite sound? swear word? etc.

This is my favorite sound.
I know you didn't ask me but this would be my answer to Mr. Lipton when he asked.
I defy anyone to watch this and not at the very least smile. That laugh is sheer joy! How often do we have that in our lives?

Next time you feel like shit or someone makes you so mad you could scream - watch this kid. At the very least it will lighten the mood but I bet it will make you smile or laugh yourself.

Now if only I could rent a kid when they are like this and then give 'em back......

Friday, September 21, 2007


I am blocked......I'm stealing from myself as I have done in the past on things I wrote before there were followers. I haven't done that in awhile and Raquel gave me the idea. thanks Roc.
This below is from 2007...

I read a few blogs and I have to say I really enjoy a lot of funny men and women bloggers. There are several that never fail to make me laugh.

One such blog taught me a new word.  That is always fun even if you aren't playing scrabble. But here is what I want to know. How in the hell could I have never known this word? I am the mere definition of this word. How could I not have seen it or read it in all of my years when it defines me. Was my picture not in Webster’s next to this definition?
How could I have done so well on the ole verbal part of the SAT's if I didn't know this word?

I read her profile and I said to myself she must be my long lost younger sister. My parents had a child that got away....or perhaps I’m adopted. Who knows but could there really be two identical people out there that are open minded, kind, do-gooders by nature that yet have such a disdain for most people? Two adult females who feel the way they do about people and yet work in a people person and customer service oriented industry? Hmmm.....

My new word is misanthropic. An entry I found for this word was as follows.
Function: adjective
1: of, relating to, or characteristic of a misanthrope. (really does Webster think this helps if you don’t know what the hell the word means. Honestly)
2: marked by a hatred or contempt for humankind. (Bingo- see previous blogs below)
Synonym see CYNCIAL

I said to a good friend over labor day how I hate people. She laughed and said, "Oh you do not you are always smiling and laughing." Okay true for the most part but does that mean I have to like everyone because I am generally happy? Can’t I be a curmudgeon with a smile? Another friend said that she knew I felt that way but it was the exact opposite of how I live my life so it wasn’t making sense to her. Oh c'mon let me have this one thing, why the hell can’t I be both? No one is 100% anything are they?

Okay maybe W is just stupid and only stupid -he may be the exception here.
My husband says it’s really stupid people that I dislike.
I am not so sure that’s the only ones but they are sure as hell right up there. Here are a few of those Mensa’s that I have run into this week – tell me what you think.
  • A vegetarian who smokes cigarettes like crazy and then tells me that if I eat that steak how bad it is for my body –Vegan’s who smoke giving me a lecture about health!
  • How about the nut jobs who think that I should not be allowed to do what I want with my own body. People who call themselves pro-life but believe in capital punishment? Oh so it’s okay to kill once they are out of the womb but not before they are actually formed into a human.
  • How about that dumb grocery store clerk who couldn’t give me change because the cash register was broken.  The drawer is open so she can give me change if she knew how to count it back to me. She just stared at the machine hoping the numbers would pop up there until I finally told her what amount to give me back. I could have told her anything and the bubble head would have given it to me.
Those are a few examples of my week. Sadly there are more of those morons by the minute. Who is to blame for this?  Or are these stupid people breeding more than others? 
We need to get them birth control - stat.

Now none of this can be confused with having blonde moments. Blonde moments are funny. Blonde moments don’t hurt anyone. Blonde moments if only moments are not a bad thing.
If you're blonde and Paris Hilton – then it’s not a moment it’s just Stupid.

I am not embarrassed to tell you that I have a ton of those Blonde moments myself.
Two I will repeat here –

It was October a few years back. I was living at a home at the time with a staircase up to our front door. There was an olive bush at the end of the staircase right by the driveway & garage door.
We had friends that had just arrived from LA. They were getting out of their car and my husband and I walked out the front door to say hello. As they were removing their luggage from the trunk my husband and I were waiting for them at the top of the stairs. I got a heavy whiff of the very fragrant aroma coming from that olive bush. It was such a sweet beautiful smell, almost like perfume. My friends down below had just reached the bottom of the staircase by the olive bush when I said, “Rusty can you smell my bush from there?”
At which time he and his wife began to howl and he replied, “Oh Margaret not now, I am standing here with my lovely wife.” And everyone began to laugh. I didn’t even realize at first what I had said but it still cracks me up.

I was driving down the street in my little convertible that I had at the time.  It was a gorgeous sunny day.  The day before my husband said he was going to clean the car and do the windows for me. I struggle with the windows for some reason and he does such a great job of getting them streak free.
As I am driving down the street I look in my rear view mirror and think to myself, "wow he really must teach me how he gets these windows so streak free" 
I go a bit further and I look in my rear view mirror again because seriously I can't get over what a clear window I now have.  I get to a stop sign and can't stop looking in my rear view mirror at my back windsheild. When suddenly I realize the top is down and there is no friggin' window/windsheild right now.  I laughed out loud and the woman crossing the street with her dog heard me and looked at me like I was crazy.  Hell I was! (am)
Now the fact that I went home and told my husband may make me lose a few IQ points I'm afraid.

See not stupid, just a blonde moment.

Monday, September 17, 2007

The New York Yankees Win

You either love them or you hate them.
I happen to LOVE THEM!!
My Boys of Summer....My hunks in pinstripes.....The New York Yankees.
(add sigh here)

When we play Boston my stomach is doing flip flops. The games are long and I am so exhausted when these games are over that you would think I was playing short stop instead of Jeter for heaven’s sake.

I sit on the edge of my sofa or chair and when it’s intense....and it always is when we are playing those dreaded Red Sox .... I pace and rock and scream at the TV at the lousy ump who said Damon was out when he was clearly safe. You know stuff like that.

I am exhausted today. But we won 2 of the 3 games of that series and we swept them last time. So I am tired but sure as hell happy about the outcome. I honestly feel sometimes that as long as we sweep, kick ass, pummel in scoring and humiliate the red sox all is right in the world. They have become too good a team over the last few years so it’s become harder and harder. But can I tell you how much I dislike Curt Shilling? Didn’t like him when he was a Diamondback either. A diva for sure and a big mouth one at that. Although I must admit he said something a while back in an interview that actually gave me a bit of respect for the man. When asked by a reporter if he would go play for the Yanks if Boston didn’t renew his contract he said No (and I’m paraphrasing here folks) because doing so would make his years in Boston mean nothing. I really thought that was classy especially classy coming from a man who I don’t think is classy in any form of the word. So bravo to him for that....but it ends there.

I drive my husband crazy. When I met him he told he wasn’t into sports except boxing. He loved the fights. Great I thought I hate watching people get hit or worse yet the horrible sound of getting hit. Oh jeez.

But he nows is a lover of all things Yankee. When we lived in Seattle during the playoffs with the Mariners he thought he would cheer on the home team since he didn't much care for baseball at that point in time. (not married long at that point)
Oooh that was ugly. He learned a valuable lesson....married to me you can not be a Red Sox fan or cheer the opposing team if you don't care either way. Whew.
He is now bleeding blue and white. :-)

I don’t care for all sports. Football makes me cringe....Neanderthal.
Golf is good for a nap and basketball and hockey are something that I can only enjoy if I am there in person and honestly I don’t much care to go because I’ve done it once that is enough.. Nascar – well that isn’t even a sport to me. For God’s sake you are driving around in a circle. It’s like the dumbing down of a real sport!

For me it’s baseball. A great double play is like ballet to me. To me that is pure beauty. The sound of the bat hitting the ball....aaah nothing better.

Between the NYY game stress and the stress of life right now it was an exhausting weekend. It’s only Monday so I have to recuperate.....But tomorrow is another day of physical therapy and boy that woman kills me. Torn rotator cuff – so you see my days of pitching for the Yankee’s are over now for sure ! They will have to win that pennant without me.

Friday, September 14, 2007

O.J. Simpson & Other Assorted Cranky Rants

I watched Oprah yesterday talking to the Goldman’s. It was painful to me. I am not sure I understand completely their thinking but its how they need to work through the pain so as long as OJ is not benefiting any more than he already has from this book I guess it’s okay to them to publish this book. But on the other side why the hell would anyone want to read this trash? Why would you want to allow it to be put out there for the world to see? I know if it had been my loved one I couldn’t bear the thought of everyone reading what the killer of my loved one did to them or to give the killer an audience.

Denise Brown was on Oprah as well and I completely understood where Denise Brown was coming from. (the Goldman's did make me see their point I just instinctively felt the same as Denise) In the end I would never ever buy this book nor would I ever read this book even if given to me for free. I would just burn that sucker.

The questions that no one asked yesterday that I kept thinking was how do Nicole’s children read this book and justify it with who their father is to them? I wonder if they too believe he didn’t do it? And putting aside if he did it or not - why in the hell would you put your children through something like this and say these horrific things about their mother as he did?

And then in today’s paper I read that O.J. is again in trouble. Big surprise huh?
I read that it was a break in at the Palace Station Casino in Vegas. Apparently the break-in involved sport collectibles that O.J. believed to be “his”. It said in the article that the police said they were getting 2 sides to this story. Hmmm....another big surprise there.

The only thing that surprises me when it comes to this person is that he is allowed to walk the streets as a free man! I can't wait for Karma for this guy.

A few more rants from Me, The Big Ole Curmudgeon........

  • Can this election be over so I no longer have to see these TV ads telling me the war is wonderful? I know, I know, all this shit is going to get worse the closer we get to Election Day. I may seriously have to move to Canada until it’s over I swear.
  • Why must people talk on the phone everywhere they go? Why? Why? Why? What the hell did these people do before cell phones? Did they just never leave their house so as to not miss a call? I was in the bathroom at Lowes last night for God’s sake and this woman was chatting up a storm while peeing – my God! You can let it ring and do your business and then call them back honestly you won’t die if you miss a call – honestly!!!!
  • And while I’m ranting about phones – people can hear you if you talk in a normal tone – no need to scream people. I don't need to hear you - only those you are speaking with on the phone need to hear you.
  • Why is the writing getting so small on all labels? Oh wait...that could be only me that notices that one.....oops sorry....”My Bad”
  • Yeah C'mon - What is with this whole “my bad” shit. Hate it – stop saying it and for God’s sake if you are over 30 stop it now - it’s stupid, juvenile and you probably are more articulate than using that phrase would lead us to believe. Remember that thesaurus your Aunt gave you when you were going off to college? Open it up, find a new word or phrase for heaven’s sake. Be an original.
  • Why do people let their small children leave the outgoing message on their voicemails? It’s not cute. You love your little Johnny and Mary but no one else understands them or finds their cutesy talk adorable. You’re the grown up and the phone is for grown ups. Leave your own damn message.

Have a good weekend everybody!

Thursday, September 13, 2007

Take a Little Time to Enjoy the View....From My View

We “girls” were talking about The View and it got me to thinking.

It had such promise to me didn’t it to you?
5 women talking about topical news items and cultural events.
5 Smart Women discussing topics in the news sounded great to me. You don’t get to see smart women let alone talk about something other than folding my fitted sheets properly or making the perfect pie crust.

It was a Tivo staple for me for many years. I watched every show from the beginning. I never understood why the “young one” (Debbie) was fired because I used to watch and think Star was the annoying one. No I couldn’t relate to Debbie but I wasn’t suppose to I was not that young. Aside from Star's diva attitude each time she attempted to talk I couldn’t hear what she was saying I only heard her breathing – I was too focused on her loud labored breathing....and her “divadom

Then Lisa Ling arrived. No real change and while I could never relate to her because of her youth and outlook I admired her. She was smart, attractive and very informed. (when she left to pursue her journalistic adventures I admired her immensely). To me Star was still the annoying one. Such a diva.

With every change I still enjoyed the show that described itself as a drinking show and not a cooking show. So I toasted that with my glass of Tanqueray and sat back and enjoyed the women on the View even though I never could relate to the “young one”.
It didn’t matter I wasn’t suppose to.

I watched as they had on air auditions for the new young one. I remember this woman/girl who was on MTV’s The Real World in I believe San Francisco. She was narrow minded, bigoted and looked like she was being goosed all the time with bulging eyes. She was mean to the young man who had AIDS and I disliked this girl with every fiber in me. She was so inflexible in spirit and mind that it was actually heartbreaking at times. When they had her on The View several times I would scream at the TV, vowing never to watch again if they picked her. They didn’t choose her thank God. Instead they picked someone I had never heard of because I didn’t watch Survivor at the time. She looked nice enough and was quiet most of the times when she was on so you didn’t know what you were getting.

OH BOY did we find out. I dislike Elizabeth Hasselbeck with every fiber in me.
I have never felt so strongly about someone I haven’t met. (Ok maybe I lied on that one , I felt this way about bulging eyes MTV girl and Bush, Cheney, Karl Rove, Trump, OJ Simpson to name a few) She is so sanctimonious, narrow minded, inflexible in spirit and mind as well as she appears mean and she just seems to me to be manipulative and backstabbing.
Hey I could be’s just my opinion...on my blog.
I only know that when I see her I want to hurl things at my TV. When she speaks I want to cry and hurl things at my TV. It scares me that people actually think like her. My God that alone makes me want to cry.

She has no gray area and to me that is so sad and scary. That is the only thing that makes me feel badly for her. Because one day something can and probably will happen to her that will rock her world. And to get through it you need to learn to forgive, make amends and move on and see a gray area. Nothing is black and white. It reminds me of how the public liked to see Kathie Lee Gifford fall when her husband cheated on her. It was horrible and repulsive that people loved her misery. People would say to me that she was always going on about her perfect marriage and how she wouldn’t tolerate that etc and this was her just desserts. WTF? I don’t think that is a reason at all to feel happy about someone else’s pain but I did understand it...sadly enough.

Well guess what, you don’t know what you would do until it happens to you. You don’t know how you will feel until it happens to you. You can’t say a blanket statement on that. So when EH is on her high horse and being all sanctimonious as I call it, then when God forbid something happens to her she will be wondering why every one in the public is loving her bad fortune. Do I think that is nice or the right thing to do? ABSOULTELY NOT. I hate that about human kind. I will get no happiness for it. I just know that you can’t go through life throwing stones and not having a few thrown back at ya. I believe it’s called Karma.

But I digress....
I watched as Star was given the door. I felt uncomfortable like the rest of the world who watched. Why couldn’t she have had the dignity to walk away quietly and say her piece after the show? Why embarrass Barbara who gave you the job and the opportunity in the first place? Just another reason I don’t care for Star. It’s always about Star and don’t you get in her way. She was hell bent on upstaging and one upping BW. It was sad and pitiful to watch.

I was excited about the possibilities. I watched all the auditions and was THRILLED when I heard it would be Rosie.

I thought Rosie brought out the best in Joy too. I think Joy is very smart, quick and funny in a curmudgeon sort of way. (curmudgeon like me). I thought the show became more topical and I really enjoyed that.

I don’t always agree with Rosie but I love her passion. Sometimes I would think, “you know I agree with her but I sure wish she could have softened it or toned it down so she would be really heard.”
God knows why people, especially hetero men, can’t hear a woman let alone a woman who is loud and sometimes rough around the edges. But I realize that wouldn’t be Rosie if she toned it down.

The day of the split screen had nothing to do with the political topics. It was about a friend who was betrayed and the hurt I saw in Rosie’s eyes broke my heart. How didn’t the world see that? Was I the only one watching the show? Why was the focus on everything but that. You can be a very strong woman and still be sensitive and hurt by actions and words. Why wasn’t anyone seeing this?
I also thought – why are they doing a Jerry Springer type TV now with this split screen? And how much I really believe that EH is a manipulative bitch and why is she so protected there?
Or are the powers that be the type that are that manipulative or enjoy that type of work? Hmm......

Now the era of Whoopi. I love Whoopi. I love everything about her. Do I agree with her? Hell no I don’t agree 100% with anyone but me. But that doesn’t mean you can’t like them. She is warm, articulate, funny and cute as hell. I think it’s a bit more beige like the set. Vanilla shall we say. I haven’t watched them all because..well....EH makes me sick. But I will tune in from time to time I am sure. I am also sure that when EH goes on maternity leave I will watch it regularly again to get my dose of The View and see how Sherri is doing. (on first impression she is a bit like EH in view points only funny and she doesn't appear to have an EH.....yet.)

I did watch the other day to see how Sherri was doing. I saw an interview where Barbara once again interrupted the celebrity who was talking and who was answering another host’s question to ask the celebrity an insipid question like only she would do and I thought...okay Ms. Walters it’s time to think about retiring. (are you dating anyone?)
I have seen her do this several times. I do admire Ms. Walters and all of her hard work, her achievements, and her difficulties as a woman coming up in the era she did. Please understand how much I admire her for all the trails she blazed. But sometimes you need to look over your life and realize it’s time for you to stop and just enjoy the View from your perch and relax. I think it’s time now Barbara.

You’re probably wondering how the hell do I see so much tv? Tivo mainly, as well as I work from a home office so I do get to see some TV during my lunch etc.
There isn’t a lot of television during the day that doesn’t pertain to domestic chores for women other than soaps and trash TV like Springer and his like. I don't care for either thank you.

I had such hope for The View. Barbara had a great idea. It did a lot to make us think and laugh.
Did it turn into a bit of a cliché?.....I'm not sure....maybe but once again it was trailblazing.

So take some time and enjoy Your View in your world!
Keep an open mind – there is a lot of gray out there – you’d be surprised what you’ll learn in that gray area! Now go talk amongst yourselves!

And as Rosie would say....
Peace - Out

Tuesday, September 4, 2007

Back to the Ole Grind

Just back from a weeks vacation – oh God is it tough to get in the swing of things today.

Still a bit groggy.

Some pop culture musings.....
I heard that Caroline Rhea is no longer the host of The Biggest Loser because she was chubby. Wonder if that is true.

Why is Sen. Craig more interested in screaming he’s not gay than saying he didn’t do this? I find that interesting!

The View is starting it’s 11th season. I think it’s time to go off the air. Barbara is 80 and by God she just doesn’t “get it” and get rid of Elizabeth for God’s sake! I want to punch Elizabeth in the face and normally I don’t believe in violence... until I see her face that is. Hmmm....

Today is called Black Tuesday here in the DC Metro area. August traffic is down 10 – 15% “they” say with congress on vacation as well as we mere mortels. What takes you 25 minutes in August takes you over an hour in September. Today everyone is back to work and school and traffic is back to being the nightmare that we all learn to deal with. Aah life in the city as my mom would say. The price you pay to live in a great area.

You know what? I can’t do much today. My mind is still in vacation mode or perhaps I killed a few too many brain cells while on vacation. I am thinking about being back on the water today with a gin and tonic but instead I am in my office looking out the window- the blue sky and the sun shining trying to get moving to do the things that need to be done. I bet this is a very unproductive day for everyone just returning to school, work etc.

Oh the grind of it all.